This is Not the Boogle Memorial Dating Advice/Tips Thread, No

Sonicator wrote:

Hmm, good points!

Falchion wrote:

Malay Chinese - sounds either Malaysian, Singaporean or Indonesian.

I believe born in Malaysia, ethnically Chinese in this case.

Chinese Malay, in that case. Or so my Chinese Malay and not treacherous at all wife tells me.

Best bet is to forget utensils at all--go Indian and eat with your bare hands. Any man that is able to eat a full Indian meal and keep his hands so clean he doesn't even need to lick them is bound to impress. But if he fails, and his fingers are covered in curry, you've got a perfectly legitimate reason for her to put them in her mouth.

Amateurs. Everyone knows Italian is the most romantic food.

IMAGE(http://www.freewebs.com/thedisneyclassics/lady3.jpg)

dejanzie wrote:

Amateurs. Everyone knows Italian is the most fattening food.

Corrected!

dejanzie wrote:

Amateurs. Everyone knows Italian is the most romantic food.

IMAGE(http://www.freewebs.com/thedisneyclassics/lady3.jpg)

My Italian self fully agrees.

DanB wrote:
dejanzie wrote:

Amateurs. Everyone knows Italian is the most fattening food.

Corrected!

I wasn't aware McDonald's was Italian. The name should've been a dead giveaway, I guess.

(Not that I'm disagreeing with you that plenty of it is fattening, but come now, when you have an abundance of ingredients as opposed to the starved need for like five kinds of food, you tend to become fat, food loving people).

Chairman_Mao wrote:
Sonicator wrote:
Falchion wrote:

Malay Chinese - sounds either Malaysian, Singaporean or Indonesian.

I believe born in Malaysia, ethnically Chinese in this case.

Chinese Malay, in that case. Or so my Chinese Malay and not treacherous at all wife tells me.

Ah, I was thinking of Chinese Malay when I listed those. Either way, I approve gentlemen! For I find the combination of the two to be quite aesthetically pleasing in most cases.

I knew my girlfriend was perfect when she suggested we go to a BBQ place for one of our first dates.

Grubber788 wrote:

I knew my girlfriend was perfect when she suggested we go to a BBQ place for one of our first dates.

Korean BBQ?

Merely re-subscribing, I've missed these discussions.

SuperDave wrote:
Grubber788 wrote:

I knew my girlfriend was perfect when she suggested we go to a BBQ place for one of our first dates.

Korean BBQ?

Mr'rican of course.

Although we've done Korean BBQ too and that was a fun date.

I dunno....my BF won me over with Taco Bell and a Bruce Campbell movie. When the connection is right, the details don't matter as much. We wound up spending the entire week together after that. Didn't leave the house much, but I'd never felt so connected to another person my entire life.

LouZiffer wrote:

(Hrm. Maybe chopsticks are a way to eat with your fingers without getting your hands dirty.)

That's the reason my brother gives when he uses chopsticks to eat popcorn.

I definitely judge people based on chopsticks skills.
Unfortunate amount of time spent in math related events means I prefer chopsticks over knife and fork for most things, especially noodles.

I like to use chopsticks to eat things like popcorn and peanuts at the movies because it forces me to slow down and eat only one piece at a time, meaning a regular-sized thing of popcorn might actually last me the whole movie.

peacensunshine wrote:

I dunno....my BF won me over with Taco Bell and a Bruce Campbell movie. When the connection is right, the details don't matter as much. We wound up spending the entire week together after that. Didn't leave the house much, but I'd never felt so connected to another person my entire life.

I don't mean to be intrusive, but I'm curious to know how old were you when this happened?

Amoebic wrote:

Hey, it can be a breath of fresh air to be on a date with a guy who isn't afraid to ask how to do something. Sometimes a lady likes to be in the driver's seat, so it can be a bit of a turn on if the man you're with sheepishly turns to you with a grin and asks you how it's done.

Also, if she's teaching you how to use chopsticks, then her hands be all over your hands. You may look a little silly dropping your food, but hey, you're showing her that you're open to trying new things.

This.

I'd much rather get a sheepish grin and help him learn something, than have him cover it up by acting like a jerk because he's afraid I might find out he doesn't know how to do absolutely everything perfectly.

boogle wrote:

I definitely judge people based on chopsticks skills.
Unfortunate amount of time spent in math related events means I prefer chopsticks over knife and fork for most things, especially noodles.

Noodles are way easier to eat with chopsticks, plus, I like that it's not impolite to eat noodles a little noisily, whereas in your finer knife-and-fork establishments, you're expected to eat silently like some sort of food ninja.

Mimble wrote:
boogle wrote:

I definitely judge people based on chopsticks skills.
Unfortunate amount of time spent in math related events means I prefer chopsticks over knife and fork for most things, especially noodles.

Noodles are way easier to eat with chopsticks, plus, I like that it's not impolite to eat noodles a little noisily, whereas in your finer knife-and-fork establishments, you're expected to eat silently like some sort of food ninja.

QFT. You haven't lived until you've almost come to blows with a 90 pound asian man over the last piece of sweet basil frog leg hot pot.

Mimble wrote:

Noodles are way easier to eat with chopsticks

I dunno. I just do my Italian twirly-fork thing and WHOO! noodles.

Though ever since I discovered Lo Mein, I've forgotten that spaghetti typically isn't supposed to be slurped at some places (though usually I find the noodles aren't as long anyway, so no worry).

ccesarano wrote:
Mimble wrote:

Noodles are way easier to eat with chopsticks

I dunno. I just do my Italian twirly-fork thing and WHOO! noodles.

Though ever since I discovered Lo Mein, I've forgotten that spaghetti typically isn't supposed to be slurped at some places (though usually I find the noodles aren't as long anyway, so no worry).

I missed the whole Italian thing, but yeah, chopsticks at an Italian restaurant might be a little odd. Though, I fully intend to try it at home. Melty cheese, tomato sauce and pasta - meet wooden sticks. I'll finally get to test out just how well scotch-guarded the new couch is when I drop noodles and cheese all over it.

SuperDave wrote:
peacensunshine wrote:

I dunno....my BF won me over with Taco Bell and a Bruce Campbell movie. When the connection is right, the details don't matter as much. We wound up spending the entire week together after that. Didn't leave the house much, but I'd never felt so connected to another person my entire life.

I don't mean to be intrusive, but I'm curious to know how old were you when this happened?

33...old enough to not be easily impressed and young enough to not be desperate.

Sunday Bible Study night. Hyper-scrawny-gamer chick wasn't there, but less sociable gamer chick of a thicker persuasion was, and I got-a-talking. She seems interesting, but throughout conversation she uttered the dreaded "my boyfriend blah blah blah" words. At this stage of my life I'm getting sick of that. I haven't even had the chance to face potential rejection in years because every interesting feminine I run into is taken.

Looks like my chances for communicating with hyper-scrawny-gamer chick has slimmed considerably as well. I'm having trouble telling which ladies in the group are taken and which are not, too, though I did get to talk with another one as well that's closer to my age.

Didn't go to Pizza Uno's this Sunday again since I just got a car and having to pay for some upkeep has gotten me low on funds.

Everything's pushing forward (got a job, got a car, friend moving down to Philly, meeting new people to make new friends), EXCEPT for meeting a definitively interesting and single woman. Bah!

That is a problem....not like someone with a boyfriend wears a ring.

Also, a lot of women will flirt with a guy until they get confirmation that he is interested in her before dropping the Boyfriend Bomb, just to boost her own self esteem. Not all women are like this, but it is something to be aware of.

boogle wrote:

Unfortunate amount of time spent in math related events means I prefer chopsticks over knife and fork for most things, especially noodles.

Ah, the dining philosopher's problem.

[size=8]Yeah, yeah, more of a computer science related thing than a math thing.[/size]

peacensunshine wrote:

That is a problem....not like someone with a boyfriend wears a ring.

Also, a lot of women will flirt with a guy until they get confirmation that he is interested in her before dropping the Boyfriend Bomb, just to boost her own self esteem. Not all women are like this, but it is something to be aware of.

It's not just women who do this. Shortly after getting to the "we haven't actually discussed exclusivity yet but we're getting pretty serious" portion of the relationship with my current lady friend, I found myself being flirted with by a very nice young lady who I would've been quite interested in were I not already involved. It took me a lot longer than it should have to realize that it would be polite to start dropping the word "girlfriend" into the conversation at regular intervals to keep her from getting the wrong idea, and only in retrospect did I realize, "Oh, crap! I've been doing that thing that I hate!"

I've had a lot more sympathy for women who do that ever since. It doesn't make it any less obnoxious to the recipient, but I think it's a lot less intentional most of the time than you'd tend to think.

ccesarano wrote:

Sunday Bible Study night. Hyper-scrawny-gamer chick wasn't there, but less sociable gamer chick of a thicker persuasion was, and I got-a-talking. She seems interesting, but throughout conversation she uttered the dreaded "my boyfriend blah blah blah" words. At this stage of my life I'm getting sick of that. I haven't even had the chance to face potential rejection in years because every interesting feminine I run into is taken.

This also has to do with where you're trying to meet women, and whether or not it's the focus of why you're participating in an activity. If you're only ever seeing them in one context, important details like if they're in a serious relationship won't be readily apparent.

I've found myself talking to a girl who I realized was dropping the boyfriend word a lot because she thought I was hitting on her, and been midway through what I thought was a date before the girl realized she probably should have mentioned she's taken earlier.

Timing is everything. I try not to take it personally because I think it would suck if I had to constantly be evaluating whether or not someone was talking to me purely from a standpoint of whether or not I was a sexual prospect, so it seems unfair for me to expect every woman I meet to live by that standard.

It's been a few (has it been four already?) months since I stopped seeing the girl I was dating over the summer, and I think that officially constitutes a dry spell (not for dating, the other kind that involves a little too much self-service.) A few dates, but no one I was really interested in, and a single drunken hookup I barely remember. I'm not interested in dating seriously, so I've been trying to be stand-up and tread carefully around girls that obviously are, and with the few I've met who would be exceptions to that rule, the timing just hasn't been right.

That's one of the hazards of living in smaller cities: you can easily burn through a list of prospects over a very short period of time. And the interlocking social circles make traversing the dating spheres a bit hazardous.

hbi2k wrote:
peacensunshine wrote:

That is a problem....not like someone with a boyfriend wears a ring.

Also, a lot of women will flirt with a guy until they get confirmation that he is interested in her before dropping the Boyfriend Bomb, just to boost her own self esteem. Not all women are like this, but it is something to be aware of.

It's not just women who do this. Shortly after getting to the "we haven't actually discussed exclusivity yet but we're getting pretty serious" portion of the relationship with my current lady friend, I found myself being flirted with by a very nice young lady who I would've been quite interested in were I not already involved. It took me a lot longer than it should have to realize that it would be polite to start dropping the word "girlfriend" into the conversation at regular intervals to keep her from getting the wrong idea, and only in retrospect did I realize, "Oh, crap! I've been doing that thing that I hate!"

I've had a lot more sympathy for women who do that ever since. It doesn't make it any less obnoxious to the recipient, but I think it's a lot less intentional most of the time than you'd tend to think.

Another reason to stick to my "wait for him to make the first move" philosophy.

peacensunshine wrote:

Another reason to stick to my "wait for him to make the first move" philosophy.

Of course, from another point of view you could say that if more women were willing to make the first move, it might've sunk into my dense man-brain more quickly that I was being hit on. One of the reasons it came as such a surprise was that it happens so seldom.

unntrlaffinity wrote:

This also has to do with where you're trying to meet women, and whether or not it's the focus of why you're participating in an activity. If you're only ever seeing them in one context, important details like if they're in a serious relationship won't be readily apparent.

Yeah, Bible Study isn't a place to pick up tricks so I try not to make it a primary purpose of going. To reinforce this I went to the Men's Bible Study to make sure I'm trying to make friends with the guys as well and being a balanced fellow. Also, while the setting at the time was basically me kind of surrounded by girls (everyone else was playing soccer, and while I'm not one to avoid sports I prefer to avoid ones where I have to run and carry my weighty belly around). So I tried to make sure my attention was on everyone, including the girl that I had known was taken already.

My best success has come from when I'm just trying to be social and friendly rather than targetting a specific girl to try and hit on, so I try to make sure that's what I'm really doing. I don't want to use it as a strategy or anything like stuff in The Game, but want to genuinely meet people so that I can have a wider pool of folks to hang out with on Saturday. I want the possibility of finding a lady to be a benefit of this goal, not be the goal itself.

Timing is everything. I try not to take it personally because I think it would suck if I had to constantly be evaluating whether or not someone was talking to me purely from a standpoint of whether or not I was a sexual prospect, so it seems unfair for me to expect every woman I meet to live by that standard.

Yeah, when I was at College and a girlfriend dropped the "boyfriend" word, the typical reaction guys had was very visible. They'd be less assertive, they'd be less talkative, and they'd start looking for ways to pull out of the conversation. I don't want to do that because 1) dick move, and 2) that devalues the girl herself.

Now, thanks to the powers of Facebook, a discovery has been made. The girl has the same last name as my mother's maiden name. Since it's an uncommon enough last name, I can assume that she is, in fact, a long lost cousin and therefore the "boyfriend" word was a SAVE. Now I need to give my brain a thorough scrubbing to make sure I see her in nothing but a platonic manner (which is weird, because this would be the first attractive cousin I'll have met without having known her as a child/baby, and to boot she's the first female cousin I've had that's into vidija games. But, at the same time, having a cousin that's into anime and vidija games is pretty awesome).

That's one of the hazards of living in smaller cities: you can easily burn through a list of prospects over a very short period of time. And the interlocking social circles make traversing the dating spheres a bit hazardous.

Yeah, this is actually something I've thought about. What happens if I date one person from within the Bible Study group, it doesn't work out and then later find myself dating another? Stuff like that can usually be considered pretty awkward.

But looking that far ahead is also silly and over-thinking, so I just ignore it.

ccesarano wrote:

Yeah, this is actually something I've thought about. What happens if I date one person from within the Bible Study group, it doesn't work out and then later find myself dating another? Stuff like that can usually be considered pretty awkward.

But looking that far ahead is also silly and over-thinking, so I just ignore it.

I means you dated one person, it wasn't a good fit, and now you're dating someone else. I think it's only awkward if handled poorly. Just don't be a jerk, and hope she isn't one either, and you'll be fine.

ccesarano wrote:
LouZiffer wrote:

The only reason is to feel authentic? Hrm. I guess I'll need to stop, since my reasons are invalid.

Invalid reason #1: It's fun.
Invalid reason #2: Sushi falls apart when I eat it with a fork.
Invalid reason #3: It forces me to slow down and enjoy my meal.

Looking cultured doesn't factor into it at all.

Reason #3 is actually very valid, and something I keep forgetting. If I'm in a group of people, I manage having to eat slowly simply because I'm talking so much.

Hrm.

As for reason #2, I keep forgetting about Sushi. I tried it once and, egh. Cold, raw fish is not my bag. Neither is seaweed. However, if you're not looking to eat with your fingers, then chopsticks are a very valid tool.

I tip my hat to you sir. Chopsticks/forks are, then, a preference thing.

But there are still dicks that make it seem as if they're fancy just because they know how to use chopsticks.

I bet you wouldn't mind as much if you knew how to use chopsticks. Sort of like how boogle might be more able to get some loving if he had some real experience in the area already.

I went on a pretty fun date Saturday. Another girl I met through OK Cupid. We had tentative plans to attend a pub crawl on Friday, but we never nailed down the specifics and I ended up just going out with friends. Which might have been a good idea, because it turns out she had arranged to meet another guy at the same crawl (she was in a big group.) By the end of the night, she was texting me asking where I was, because the guy that showed up was short and awkward. Way to set the bar low for me, random guy.

We ended up going to a ladies' arm wrestling event, had a good time, and got a little drunk. Going out to dinner at an African place later in the week. She is intelligent, funny, and pretty.

But what occurred to me today was that I go through phases where I barely go on any dates, and when there just doesn't seem to be anyone I'm attracted to. But recently I've gone out with 4 or 5 girls who were all pretty great, even if it didn't go anywhere for one reason or another.

The thing is, I don't really think the dating pool has significantly changed in six months. I just think my mindset has changed.

So if you're in a place emotionally where you really aren't or can't be into anyone, don't force it. You should still be open-minded, but just stop treating every girl you meet as some sort of test of your virility, since you can easily come across as callous, desperate, or both. That makes it all about you (and objectifies your companion), and I think people can sense that, and it makes them uncomfortable.

Online dating specific tips: I use accurate pictures of myself. It's weird how often a girl will say, "You actually look like your pictures." Although since in a few pictures I'm wearing a dress that might not be much of a compliment. If it even really is a compliment (maybe they were hoping I'd be MORE attractive than my pictures.)

I try and answer questions and create a profile that's simultaneously accurate and reflects my kind of humor. Which is, to put it politely, odd.

Girls tend to get more messages than guys, so don't take a non-response/brief response personally.

Just for kicks I browsed profiles of other guys in my area, and a lot of them are pretty unhelpful, boring, or stupid. I can't tell you how many people are both laid-back, and easygoing. Or claim they have a great sense of humor. You know how you prove you have a great sense of humor? Write something funny. Also, does anyone actually hate laughing? It seems like you'd be better off saying something else obvious like, "I often consume food products to avoid starvation", or "I regularly engage in the intake of oxygen and the expulsion of carbon dioxide."

At one point my profile was nothing but the Major General song from Pirates of Penzance.

I don't know if it's common for anyone else, but the majority of girls I end up dating through a service like OK Cupid (or Match, which I tried last year) message me first. I'd like to think it's because I made them laugh, or my profile is a bit different from most.