You Can Never Go Home Again

I've come solidly to the conclusion that the memories of my childhood are best left in a box at the back of my brain, sealed in some kind of titanium container, with a big yellow sign on the front that says "˜do not inspect too closely'. I say this because every time I revisit anything particularly heartwarming, or nostalgic, I invariably discover it painfully flawed and often full of disturbing subtext that I simply didn't recognize upon first viewing. I offer the following advice: don't read the books you loved as a kid, don't watch the shows you watched as a child, don't revisit the movies, the games, and in many cases the friends you held dear as a young, small, impressionable, and most importantly, naïve person. It is entirely likely that disappointment and heartache will be your only companions if you do.

I propose this because I made the tragic mistake of watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with my 2-year-old last night. And for a brief and happy time I found my own lost toddlerhood in his eyes as he lounged along the floor, his head propped up on the plastic ball that he uses to strike fear in the heart of our cat. His is the world of ice-cream, and snowmen, and defecating in your own pants without having to clean it up yourself. He's still cute enough that it's very hard not to laugh when we're told that the chicken we've offered for dinner is bad while throwing it defiantly to the floor. And even now he's forming those poorly informed memories of pure childhood that I hope he never revisits with an adult eye.

As he lay before the television, while stop motion reindeer scampered about comically, I was for that brief moment satisfied. And then, the following burst forth from the speakers: Rudolph's mother wanted to help search for him, but Donner said, "No, this is man's work!"

There was a stunned silence before Elysia issued forth a challenging, "excuse me?" Daniel watched on, unaware that anything unusual had transpired, oblivious both to the oddity of such a statement and to his mother's wrathful gaze, which really should have made the television cringe in a kind of fear I've only experienced a very few times – most notably being the time that, by not paying attention, I inadvertently agreed she had put on weight. I was, at that moment, very glad that watching Rudolph had not been my idea. I was incredulous, partly because of the statement, and partly because without a good showing of incredulity some kind of tacit approval would be inferred, and my usually loving and even-tempered wife would pose a significant threat to my safety. But, I was genuinely shocked, reminded of the difference between the time I live in, and the time Rudolph was produced.

Suddenly, Rudolph had been ejected into a kind of anachronistic no man's land along with Star Wars, Tom Baker episodes of Doctor Who, old Disney films, and virtually every book I read before age 10. Now, everything was open to scrutiny and interpretation. I saw casual segregationism with comments like "No daughter of mine will be seen with a red-nosed reindeer!" that smacked too closely of a kind of racism, and sexism in the scene following what appears to be the death of Yukon Cornelius, where the group gets to the more important business of "˜getting the women to safety'.

I realize the problem is largely mine, and perhaps many of you see it as the kind of PC-programmed nonsense that has driven our culture to the hyper-sensitive, overly litigious brink of ruin, but I couldn't escape the context of things and just be a kid again. It has to do with innocence, and naiveté, and a distance from every form of political engagement that only a child and people raised by wolves can achieve. It's the reason that I don't let my son watch the news, and turn off commercials for shows like CSI, and only play games even as benign as Ratchet and Clank after he's gone to bed, because I want him to have that kind of childhood that colors everything in my titanium box rose petal red as long as possible. I want his childhood, which seems to be shorter with each generation, to be even longer than mine.

Of course, that's just setting him up for disappointment in the long run. Because someday as an adult he's going to catch an old episode of a favorite show, or read a once loved book, or watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and know that it wasn't all exactly as he remembers.

- Elysium

Comments

Elysium wrote:

"unless it's sperm donation, there's no such thing as men's work."

This brings to mind visions of those women "firefighters" who were hired over men for "gender equality" but lacked the physical strength to hoist and push the damn ladder up against a burning building (read: could not perform the damn job).

You know what movie has just gotten better over time, though? A Christmas Story. It's always been the signal of the beginning of The Holidays (TM) for me, but I never really appreciated just how funny it was until I got older. I had the joy of introducing Drunkensleipnir to it on Thanksgiving, and I think I might have snorted water up my nose at the introduction of the Leg Lamp.

My extended family already had that DVD on a loop the day after Thanksgiving. Ugh. It's funny but any charm the show had has been worn down by the TNT 24 hour marathons and month of "as close to marathon as we can get away with".

I'm with ducki on the second part, I always find it strange when people consider protection to be some form of labeling of others as weak. You don't protect things because they're weak, you protect them because they're valuable. You care about them and want to do everything you can to make sure they're okay. It has nothing to do with weakness.

Ever seen someone protect a car? A car isn't weak, a car doesn't need anything. It can be rebuilt easily, and withstand forces far more powerful than we could survive. Yet people will do crazy stuff to protect their cars, because they care about them.

How about children? Children can bounce back from the most cringe-worthy of accidents. Sure, they have their weaknesses, but by and large parents will throw themselves to the ground to prevent even the tiniest scrape on the knee. It's about emotional attachment and empathy, not percieved weakness.

Again, I think we're beyond the tribalism mentality. Also, I don't think the suggestion has been issued that men are irrelevant, just that the necessities change between bushmen in the Congo and a couple living in the burbs.

You might think we are, but your reptile brainstem and DNA would probably beg to differ.

You know, I hear that a lot, but it's never happened to me and I hold doors open all the time. Has that ever actually happened to you? I don't ask to suggest you're not telling the truth, but out of genuine curiosity. I keep waiting for someone to be insulted when I hold the door open.

Yep. Pretty regularly. Then again, there's a lot of ... out-of-towners, if you will, in Dallas. Maybe it's an issue with non-southern/non-Texan professional women in Dallas, I dunno, but I get this several times a year. I can sometimes tell ahead of time if I'm opening the door for an unappreciative "lady" or not, but yes, this does happen. Rather more often than I'd expect, and I'm a cynic.

In general I wasn't offended by the broadcast. I know it's a product of its time. It was, however, interesting looking at it through the lens of an adult, and that's the point. I couldn't look at it as a child anymore.

And a sad point, indeed. 9 times out of 10, I can sit down the the little dude and watch something and be just as engrossed, enthralled, and enamored of it as he is. Sure, I get more of the jokes than he does, but most of the time, I don't even get the little "they sure wouldn't do that these days" voice. I did hear a whisper of it during Rudolph last night but it vanished as quickly as it came. What worried me more about Rudolph was the Bumble. I'm pretty sure it wasn't that scary looking when I was a kid, and my little dude was a bit worried about the deer and puppies being hurt, but instead of hopping in the bathtub right then, we waited until the Bumble had been stymied by the water so he knew they were alright.

Anyway, point taken, sometimes you can't go back, but I do a pretty good job of it, so maybe you just have to analyze less and experience more?

I will avoid the whole gender issue because I think what needed to be said about it was said.

I did want to say something about childhood though. I firmly believe that parents should allow thier kids to kids for as long as they can. It usually doesn't last much longer than early teens anyway because those are the years of rebellion where kids start to create thier own identities and that usually means pulling away from thier parents. So there is no need to decide how long you should shield your child from what life is truly like because kids will find that out on thier own when they are good and ready. Up until those rebelious years where hormones go crazy and peer pressure takes on a whole knew meaning, a kids life should be about being brought up right and having fun.

Nosferatu wrote:
KaterinLHC wrote:

And I think it's quaint (that was the most pleasant adjective I could muster) that a man would believe its his job to die before allowing me to be harmed. I can take care of myself, thank you very much, I don't need or want anyone to do it for me. Honestly, I'd prefer your job to be taking out the trash, helping me cook dinner, and changing some diapers instead.

*edit: Also, Elysia's got it right. But we all knew that already. :)

*pfft* I do, I can probably do it better than you, and I have. See you are the one casting men into a certain sexist mold. I don't enjoy cleaning (few people do), but I most definitely can cook, and I am not afraid of a soiled diaper, nor a crying child (I happen to like children).
I do find it amusing that many women often label men with just as many stereotypes as they complain about being labeled by men.

My comment was meant more tongue-in-cheek than anything else. I wasn't saying you personally should take out my trash more, or wash my dishes more (simply because I don't like strangers doing my day-to-day chores). I don't know why you took it so personally, since I wouldn't know you from Count Dracula. It wasn't meant as a personal barb, but reading my post again, I guess it's hard to tell. Anyway, sorry for raising your hackles. (And you are so wrong, because my cooking is the best in the universe ;)).

Anyway, I don't see how anything I said was sexist. All I called for, if anything, was that men and women should take care of the same tasks. It's true: men should be able to do domestic chores, like take out trash and cook dinner and wash dishes. As well, if it had been relevant, I would have mentioned that women should be able to fix a clogged toilet and wire a TV set and do an oil change. But, it wasn't. I think you read something differently into what I wrote, but then again, perhaps it wasn't very clear, either.

Anyway, that's all I'm going to say on that here. A discussion of the roles of men and women would probably be better suited for another forum.

Also, Pyro, I can see where you're coming from with a Christmas Story being overplayed, but I rarely watch those TNT marathons anyway, so it doesn't really bother me, I guess. You can't deny that a tiny part of you smiles whenever you see the Leg Lamp, no matter how many times you've seen the movie.

Elysium wrote:

Would you not throw yourself in front of a speeding car to protect Elysia and Elysium 2.0? Would not Elysia expect you to do so?

She can speak on this point if she wants, but I think there'd be a race between us to see who could get in front of the car first. If you're asking, does she expect me to sacrifice my life before sacrificing hers, the answer is no. I would, but she doesn't expect it. The reverse is also true for her.

Ditto.

Sheesh. I think everyone is taking Elysium's article a bit more seriously than he intended. Before he wrote it, we were talking about how the treasured memories of movies watched as children are almost always better than the same movies as an adult. That was all it was about, folks - not an effort to stir up a gender debate. Just bemoaning the loss of his childhood a little bit. That's all.

Yup, that's a big one. Elysia is on record as having said, "unless it's sperm donation, there's no such thing as men's work."

I fear the day I see the woman capable of playing along the offensive or defensive lines of the NFL! (not that that's really "work" per se...)

I fear the day I see the woman capable of playing along the offensive or defensive lines of the NFL! (not that that's really "work" per se...)

I am right there with you. That would be one scary ass woman!

Rat Boy wrote:

Uh, is everyone forgetting that these are reindeer we're talking about? With them big-ass antlers, there is such a thing as a man's work in reindeer world.

that's what crossed my mind. not exactily sexism in a Rankin Bass stop motion. how is a deer a man?

the part I remember is on the Island of Misfit Toys, when Yukon, Hermie, and Rudolph are discussing leaving the next day, and Rudolph's little lightbulb is practically falling of of his face. screw that light bulb in, damnit!

On gender: I wouldn't presume to asume that a woman would be incapable of doing anything that I can do. I've worked with female carpenters who could kick my ass without trying and not a one has ever refused to do something challenging/dangerous on the grounds of "being a woman." I would not, however, hesitate to offer to walk these same carpenters to their vehicles or offer them a ride home in the city after dark. It's just one of those things.

On childhood: It was a sad day indeed when I realized that Episodes One through Three were not actually any worse than Episodes Four through Six.

On childhood: It was a sad day indeed when I realized that Episodes One through Three were not actually any worse than Episodes Four through Six.

... but then you turned 5 and learned to tell the difference between pain and joy.

I have nothing to say about Sexism in children's stories, or the roles of men vs. women, or the concept of tribal mentality applied to modern middle class western society, but, I do have something to say about something I loved as a child, that I still love as an adult. Something that, with my Dad not around a whole lot, probably even shaped my personality as a child in ways that have translated into my adulthood for the positive. I will watch him till the day I die.

Indiana Jones. Raiders of the Lost Ark came out in '81. By the time I got to watch it it was on video tape and I wore the tape out, and Temple of Doom, and Last Crusade. I now own the DVD box set and have probably watched them more than all my other DVDs combined.

I agree that there are many things a child experiences that cannot be experienced again as an adult, but, Dr. Jones is one of the few constants in entertainment that allows me to sit down and be 3 years old again.

Oh, and Tailspin. Tailspin totally kicks ass.

Does anyone remember the old Mickey Mouse 'A Christmas Carol'? 'Cause that was awesome, at least when I was seven. I fear to view it again, lest I discover that Scrooge beat Mickey with a lead pipe or something.

KaterinLHC wrote:

Does anyone remember the old Mickey Mouse 'A Christmas Carol'? 'Cause that was awesome, at least when I was seven. I fear to view it again, lest I discover that Scrooge beat Mickey with a lead pipe or something.

Great Christmas movie. I like the Muppet version too.

The best movie however is "The Otter's Family Christmas". Something about a washtub band makes me smile. But I am an old fashioned romantic.

Transformers. Couldn't get enough as a kid in the 80s. My friend bought Season 1 on DVD and I couldn't even watch the whole thing. Nostalgia wore-off really, really fast. No way I am even going to attempt anything else now.

Everyone wrote:

A Charlie Brown Christmas still rocks

Except now it's forever tainted.

As long as we are reminising about favorite childhood films, I want suggest the best Christmas movie EV4R, The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. There was an animated version made in the late 90's, but it sucked - only watch the original claymation one.

For those of you who need a reminder about this particular Christmas film, it was originally a story written by L. Frank Baum around the turn of the century. In it, our young Santa Claus is raised by wood elves, who teach him magic and tricks. Eventually, the King/God of the forest shows him the effects of the industrial revolution, and Santa decides to make toys for kids. Unfortunately, this escalates into a war of Good vs. Evil and Ak the Forest God smites evil dragons with his Laser Axe. Also, there are demons. And a cloak of immortality.

Best movie ever.

While we're talking about great Christmas films from the past, how about the Pia Zadora film called Santa Claus Conquers the Martians?

Haven't posted in awhile but I had to share on this topic ... Although I agree that most of what I held dear as a child doesn't hold up today, there are rare moments when my children and I discover something together that I missed when I grew up. The most recent occurence of this for me was the movie Jack Frost ... I have come to love the villian of this claymation film. There is just something about a Crazy ass cossack riding a steam powered mechanical mule accompanied only by his metal ego-boosting hand puppet and leading an army of mechanical knights that makes me happy as a child. I love Kubla Kraus ... there, I said it.

Everyone wrote:
A Charlie Brown Christmas still rocks
Except now it's forever tainted.

I don't know I enjoyed that. This however is fantastic Lego Spiderman

Who said you could never go home again?

Chiggie Von Richthofen wrote:

I agree that there are many things a child experiences that cannot be experienced again as an adult, but, Dr. Jones is one of the few constants in entertainment that allows me to sit down and be 3 years old again.

Oh, and Tailspin. Tailspin totally kicks ass.

/high fives Chiggie

Agreed on both counts, my good man.

Podunk wrote:

Agreed on both counts, my good man. :D

I challenge a person to disagree, sir.

IMAGE(http://www.willowtreeaudio.com/id/Tspinpwned.gif)

Elysium wrote:
a snicker at my wife's expense for exactly the same reasons you did with Elysia, Lobo.

Hi. I'm Elysium! I help run the site. Nice to meet you.

But in my head I was thinking Elysium, I swear!!!

It's no use, Jeb. Thanks for trying to cover up on my behalf. Umm, Elysium... Elysia and I have something to tell you. And yeah, Jeb was involved, too.

On never being able to go home again:
In a way, Elysium is right. Once sufficient time passes between experiences of something from The Distant Pasts, idealized memory takes over and subsequent experiences ruin the magic of the memories.

However, this can be avoided, and still enjoy content from the far-distant past.

Take, for instance, my long-past first reading of the Belgariad series by Eddings. I was, perhaps 10, at the time, and everything was still young and wonderful and these were magical books for my still growing mind.
Now, had I read those once at 10, and again about now at 24, I would be as disappointed as Elysium was at watching Rudolph for the first time in however long.

Instead, I re-read those books every few years as I was growing up. Seeing it with a new eye at every stage of my development, as it were. Rather than destroying the youthful magic in that story, it amplified it, strengthened it, rejuvenated it. The time between experiences was short enough that judging it against newer material never really happened, it was held to the standard of the previous reading.

Once sufficient time passes, though.. it's impossible to compare it to the previous experience. You compare it to the magic, but also compare it to everything experienced in the interim that raised your standards. This is why I both look forward to, and fear, watching the Star Trek: TNG DVD releases.

Azure,
skip the first season for the love of all that is unholy! LOL after watching those again (and again and again on Spike) I am surprised it made it out of the first season, but it did develop fairly well eventually. It's still no DS9 though

Azure Chicken wrote:

On never being able to go home again:
In a way, Elysium is right. Once sufficient time passes between experiences of something from The Distant Pasts, idealized memory takes over and subsequent experiences ruin the magic of the memories.

However, this can be avoided, and still enjoy content from the far-distant past.

Take, for instance, my long-past first reading of the Belgariad series by Eddings. I was, perhaps 10, at the time, and everything was still young and wonderful and these were magical books for my still growing mind.
Now, had I read those once at 10, and again about now at 24, I would be as disappointed as Elysium was at watching Rudolph for the first time in however long.

Instead, I re-read those books every few years as I was growing up. Seeing it with a new eye at every stage of my development, as it were. Rather than destroying the youthful magic in that story, it amplified it, strengthened it, rejuvenated it. The time between experiences was short enough that judging it against newer material never really happened, it was held to the standard of the previous reading.

Once sufficient time passes, though.. it's impossible to compare it to the previous experience. You compare it to the magic, but also compare it to everything experienced in the interim that raised your standards. This is why I both look forward to, and fear, watching the Star Trek: TNG DVD releases.

I agree with you entirely, AC. To carry the "going home" metaphor a bit further: The secret to being able to go home whenever you want to, is never to leave home. I, too, make a point of rereading my favorite books, rewatching my favorite movies or TV shows, and replaying my favorite games, no matter how old they are. As a result, they never disappoint me.

And here's the fun story of Little Black Sambo, by Helen Bannerman