Wannabe Writers Writing: Revisions, Feedback, Evil Chickens

Clemenstation wrote:

And to up the ante, I think I'm going to do it in HTML and try to make it a choose your own adventure thing.

I'm looking forward to that. I've been tinkering with an adult CYOA novel for awhile, and I'd love to see someone else take a swing at that format. It's surprisingly hard.

ClockworkHouse wrote:

Challenge: Writing with taboos

Write a story about Superman that: a.) is not set in the DC universe*, and b.) does not directly reference the character. Your entry should be posted as a Google doc in this thread by 5:00 PM EST Friday, August 13th and should be between 500 and 750 words in length.

*If this were a published piece, would legal need to check with DC Comics? This means that the story cannot explicitly star Superman, Batman, Lois Lane, or any other DC Comics character.

Oh snap! This sounds really difficult. I'm on board. And to up the ante, and because I've always wanted to try this, I think I'm going to do it in HTML and try to make it a choose your own adventure thing. It will be called "The Man Who Is Super."

ClockworkHouse wrote:
Clemenstation wrote:

And to up the ante, I think I'm going to do it in HTML and try to make it a choose your own adventure thing.

I'm looking forward to that. I've been tinkering with an adult CYOA novel for awhile, and I'd love to see someone else take a swing at that format. It's surprisingly hard.

Ah yes, but I'm going to stick to the 750 word limit (thanks for that) over the entire thing, which should make it a pretty manageable project.

ClockworkHouse wrote:

Challenge: Writing with taboos

Write a story about Superman that: a.) is not set in the DC universe*, and b.) does not directly reference the character. Your entry should be posted as a Google doc in this thread by 5:00 PM EST Friday, August 13th and should be between 500 and 750 words in length.

*If this were a published piece, would legal need to check with DC Comics? This means that the story cannot explicitly star Superman, Batman, Lois Lane, or any other DC Comics character.

In.

Jesus, okay, the choose your own adventure thing is indeed hella difficult. Didn't leave myself enough time. I think I'll have to leave this approach for another day.

I did, however, write this:

Not So Super Anymore

Clemenstation wrote:

Jesus, okay, the choose your own adventure thing is indeed hella difficult. Didn't leave myself enough time. I think I'll have to leave this approach for another day.

I did, however, write this:

Not So Super Anymore

I'll wait to read this until tomorrow when I've posted my own. I don't want your writing to taint corrupt defile molest drizzle lightly with cheese sauce affect my own.

I started a new position at work and it's exhausting me. I'll have to jump in on the next one. Can't wait to read what everyone else writes, though.

Update:
I'm a liar. I went ahead and wrote something because the challenge seemed fun. Keep in mind that I really could care less about proper punctuation and grammar. Don't hate.

The Haunting of a Superior Man

skeletonframes wrote:

I started a new position at work and it's exhausting me. I'll have to jump in on the next one. Can't wait to read what everyone else writes, though.

Update:
I'm a liar. I went ahead and wrote something because the challenge seemed fun. Keep in mind that I really could care less about proper punctuation and grammar. Don't hate.

The Haunting of a Superior Man

Sweet action. Looking forward to reading this and the other submissions on the weekend!

I've got one coming down the pipe. I don't know what that means exactly, but I'll be writing something. Don't know when that'll be, though. I have an idea, I'm just waiting for motivation and free time to coincide. So, mine will be late, but I don't care because you're not my real mom!

Tried to post this last night, but it wouldn't let me. It's here now. Orbizz.

If our stories were all secret doors into our subconscious'....fellas, we would be f*cked.

I liked this. We should do it again, sometime.

I had some big surprises at the end of last week and haven't had a chance to finish my Superman piece. I'll try to have it up later today. I'm also up for posting another challenge tomorrow or Wednesday, if there's interest.

skeletonframes wrote:

I started a new position at work and it's exhausting me. I'll have to jump in on the next one. Can't wait to read what everyone else writes, though.

Update:
I'm a liar. I went ahead and wrote something because the challenge seemed fun. Keep in mind that I really could care less about proper punctuation and grammar. Don't hate.

The Haunting of a Superior Man

I'm not able to access this. Need permission?

MechaSlinky wrote:

Tried to post this last night, but it wouldn't let me. It's here now. Orbizz.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

Good piece though! Somewhere in the middle I forgot that this was somehow supposed to be related to Superman, so the last line actually managed to surprise me. Might wanna tighten it up though, for maximum impact reveal:

A law is quickly passed that from now on our hero is only allowed to masturbate, and only onto this wall.
A law is quickly passed. From now on, our hero is only allowed to ejaculate onto this wall.

I feel that the way it was originally written loses a bit of punch because of the sentence's complexity. But maybe that's subjective.

oops. Is it fixed now? I could always see it, so I can't tell.

Clemenstation wrote:

I feel that the way it was originally written loses a bit of punch because of the sentence's complexity. But maybe that's subjective.

Yes! A thousand times yes! I rewrote that line a thousand times and couldn't get it to sound right. Finally, I just gave up.

skeletonframes wrote:

oops. Is it fixed now? I could always see it, so I can't tell.

Yup! Unlockered.

I like it! The bartender dialog in particular is well written.

It's a very morose story, and I agree that between you, me, and Slinky we have painted a rather dark picture of the Supe (me = evil hyperviolence, Slinky = hyperviolent superjizz, you = drunk and doubting superiordude).

I bet if we had a challenge on writing about flowers and butterflies we would still find a way to make it messed up.

I noticed the deadline was last week, but I'd like to share what I wrote. It's not prose... I'm not sure what it is. It's a chat log. A quick read.

Talkitout.com

I hope I set the Google doc security correctly.

Forte wrote:

I noticed the deadline was last week, but I'd like to share what I wrote. It's not prose... I'm not sure what it is. It's a chat log. A quick read.

Talkitout.com

I hope I set the Google doc security correctly.

I dig the format!

And finally a version of Superman that isn't a complete asshole.

I also liked how Lex Luthor (?) does the stereotypical villain thing where he straight-up tells the hero about his evil plan. Not exactly Smartr.

I still haven't finished my Superman story (shut up), but here's a new challenge: the Field.

Set your story in a field: green grass, flowers, butterflies; it's lush and alive. However, something has happened or is happening in the field and your character is about to find it. What is that something and how does it make your character feel?

As before, please make your stories at least 500 words but no longer than 750. The deadline is Monday afternoon, 5 PM EST; that'll give people the weekend to work and revise, if they so desire.

Revise? What's that?

ClockworkHouse wrote:

I still haven't finished my Superman story (shut up), but here's a new challenge: the Field.

Set your story in a field: green grass, flowers, butterflies; it's lush and alive. However, something has happened or is happening in the field and your character is about to find it. What is that something and how does it make your character feel?

As before, please make your stories at least 500 words but no longer than 750. The deadline is Monday afternoon, 5 PM EST; that'll give people the weekend to work and revise, if they so desire.

You mean Flower, the short story?

Sounds like a good topic though, maybe I pull out my trusty typewriter and join in on one of these weekend writing expeditions.

I figured I'd give the latest challenge a shot. Color me nervous.

Warmth.

ColdForged wrote:

I figured I'd give the latest challenge a shot. Color me nervous.

Warmth.

What're you nervous about? This is good writing.

It's pretty tough to carry a story forward when there's no action and all description, but I think this is short enough that it works nicely, especially with the reveal about what's actually happening at the end being the salient bit.

I read it a second time and it was quite different once I applied that old movie 'lens' of aftershock to the scene (you know the technique I'm talking about... someone gets blasted by a grenade, everything is blurry and then comes into focus, sound is muffled or mixed down to represent the character coming back to consciousness).

Agreed. Excellent story. Made me nostalgic for the days of just

Spoiler:

lying in the grass on a warm summer day as explosions ripped through everything around me.

ColdForged wrote:

I figured I'd give the latest challenge a shot. Color me nervous.

Warmth.

Excellent. Loved the ending line.

I've got something I've been thinking about. Probably put it in words tomorrow.

Well done ColdForged.

Alright, here it is.

Shallow Grave

I'm a little bit embarrassed by this one. I'm trying to slowly make my way out of my comfort zone, and this is something I've never really tried before. No idea if it works or not.

MechaSlinky wrote:

Alright, here it is.

Shallow Grave

I'm a little bit embarrassed by this one. I'm trying to slowly make my way out of my comfort zone, and this is something I've never really tried before. No idea if it works or not.

I'm sad to admit it that I'm not following where you went at the end. I thought I had it a couple of times but I guess I'm old and slow.

Thanks for the feedback on my "story", everyone. I was nervous because I don't write, really. I've wanted to but that's the first I've put down since college.

Sh*t. Forgot to add a line I had meant to in order to, hopefully, clear things up a bit. It's there now.

MechaSlinky wrote:

Sh*t. Forgot to add a line I had meant to in order to, hopefully, clear things up a bit. It's there now.

Good story Mecha. I are dense, could someone spoiler this for me?