The (Boogle Memorial) Dating Advice/Tips Thread

Holla wrote:

Any other suggestions on exiting the friend zone other than the oral sex?

I seem to find myself there with about every guy I meet. (unless they are the creepy kinds who want to take photos....or are already convicted of a crime/arrested.)

Men are often intimated by women who have more firepower than they do.

This thread is not complete without FINGER -> BUTT

Podunk wrote:

This thread is not complete without FINGER -> BUTT

Took til page 3? Something ain't right.

Podunk wrote:

This thread is not complete without FINGER -> BUTT

I was about to write that as the suggestion to Holla's dilemma. If you want you can go back and edit your post and i'll edit this one

Holla wrote:

Any other suggestions on exiting the friend zone other than the oral sex?

I seem to find myself there with about every guy I meet. (unless they are the creepy kinds who want to take photos....or are already convicted of a crime/arrested.)

Whatever happened to progressive flirting? I was in the Friend Zone with a girl in high school for 4 years. Senior beach week hit and the flirting back and forth ramped up at a party as we were playing some kind of card game. It was loud enough that to talk I had to talk close to her ear. I just began making it closer than absolutely necessary. That girl absolutely tackled me within the hour. Note that it was progressive. She was definitely warming up to it, so I kept going. Read the signals!

Then the Nixon administration came along and f*cked it all up for everybody.

Quintin_Stone wrote:
Podunk wrote:

This thread is not complete without FINGER -> BUTT

Took til page 3? Something ain't right.

Honestly, that was my first thought. As the creator of that particular maneuver, it seemed gauche to pull it out first. Thanks, Podunk!

I enjoy this thread.

Holla wrote:

Any other suggestions on exiting the friend zone other than the oral sex?

I seem to find myself there with about every guy I meet. (unless they are the creepy kinds who want to take photos....or are already convicted of a crime/arrested.)

We should work on this problem together, with or without the oral sex. I'm not intimidated by your firepower as I have my own arsenal; plus I don't have a criminal record or own a decent camera.
Edit: What's your stance on bacon?

Holla wrote:

Any other suggestions on exiting the friend zone other than the oral sex?

I seem to find myself there with about every guy I meet. (unless they are the creepy kinds who want to take photos....or are already convicted of a crime/arrested.)

Way out of Friend Zone for men: confess your attraction face-to-face, making it clear that you'll understand if it's non-reciprocated, firmly putting the ball in her court.

Way out of Friend Zone for women: remove items of clothing until desired result is achieved.

Holla wrote:

Any other suggestions on exiting the friend zone other than the oral sex?

I seem to find myself there with about every guy I meet. (unless they are the creepy kinds who want to take photos....or are already convicted of a crime/arrested.)

I think you just have to knuckle down and ask him out. The friend zone creates its own kind of inertia; neither party wants to be the one to ruin a friendship if a relationship doesn't start. Just be clear that you want to still be friends if the answer is no.

Tanglebones wrote:
Holla wrote:

Any other suggestions on exiting the friend zone other than the oral sex?

I seem to find myself there with about every guy I meet. (unless they are the creepy kinds who want to take photos....or are already convicted of a crime/arrested.)

I think you just have to knuckle down and ask him out. The friend zone creates its own kind of inertia; neither party wants to be the one to ruin a friendship if a relationship doesn't start. Just be clear that you want to still be friends if the answer is no.

And be sure to remind him that your easy access to guns, tasers, pepper spray, and big clubs shouldn't factor into his decision making process.

Holla wrote:

Any other suggestions on exiting the friend zone other than the oral sex?

I seem to find myself there with about every guy I meet. (unless they are the creepy kinds who want to take photos....or are already convicted of a crime/arrested.)

I'm a big fan of Dan Savage and the Savage Love podcast. His usual advice to the "Friend Zone" is simple. Politely, but firmly tell the person of interest that you have plenty of friends and if they don't want to date you, fine, but you're going to move on. In other words, make your interests clear. Otherwise (and I can attest to this when I was more innocent and nicer) you end up torturing yourself.

Edit: Damn, sorta Tannhausered by many.

Since I guess this thread is supposed to help people actually looking for a mid- to longterm partner or soulmate and not aspiring pickup artist , here are a few no-brainers:

1.) This one goes to the males: Forget about everything you "learned" from porn. Chances are high, your date will not be a nymphomaniac or willing to perform any erotic services during the first (few) date(s). If she does, chances are high that one won't be a keeper. The last part goes for both genders. Also, professional marathon intercourse is for people getting paid for it. Basically, you do not want a partner who'll get sexy with anyone able to sweep them off their tipsy feet the first time they meet.

2.) Mentioned before, but you should be well-groomed. This one is also more focused towards the males, since most females take care of themselves in that regard. Deodorant, regular showers, shave, shortened finger nails, cleaned glasses, dental hygiene (absolute must) and stainless clothes. Bonus hint: a lot of women in the upper twenties and beyond will be looking at your shoes, since they will tell them a lot about you. Don't wear that comfy old pair you've had since that freshmen year. Get a nice pair of semi-formal shoes and make sure they are clean before you leave the house.

3.) You are NOT on the prowl to capture a female and take her back to your cave. Your goal is not to score a phone number every time you meet a girl. You want to socialize. Never be a douche. That chunky boy with the crooked glasses may have the most amazing brother or sister. That girl with the annoying laugh may be friends with "the one". Furthermore, be yourself. Don't boost yourself up, but also don't be afraid of who you are. Finding a potential date is like the snowball effect. The more people you know and you made an impression on, the bigger your chances become that fate and a few acquaintances will lead you to a candidate you've been looking for. Friends go a long way. If her friend arranged the date and told her a couple of things about you, you'll have a much bigger amount of tolerance going for you in case you are nervous, clumsy or other adorable things during the first dates.

4.) Listen to your gut. A lot of people overcomplicate things by pondering every move and sentence of their date and contemplate every next action and sentence. Don't do that. Be yourself, be relaxed. I don't say show her how you can burp "Amazing Grace" or your birthmark shaped like ALF before dinner is served, but you may never get to know what guilty pleasures he or she has unless you drop a few bits about yourself. Attraction has a lot to do with being able to identify oneself with the other person. If you are being yourself and get the cold shoulder, you saved yourself a lot of hassle.

Will add more as soon as I am able to formulate them. *curses and pours himself another glass of red wine*

Luggage wrote:

Since I guess this thread is supposed to help people actually looking for a mid- to longterm partner or soulmate and not aspiring pickup artist

What? I started this thread under no such pretense!

Long-term relationship seekers and hook-up artists welcome.

After all, we have to let Mex in.

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

Me and my girlfriend were firmly in the friend zone when I decided I liked her. The next step was to make her like me. I had a bit of an advantage here since I am super awesome, but basically it was a strategy of progressive flirting like Coldforged said. I find that it is particularly easy to do that via IM online. Something about the internet helps you blur the line between your current relationship and where it may go.

It's sort of a double edged sword though. On one hand you can take the ambiguity of text only communication and use it to accelerate the flirting, but it can also make it a little harder to tell if they're reciprocating.

For the final step you should do something very very friendly, but that offers the possibility for physical contact. For example my gf and I often played pool with a third party, but one day that third party was unfortunately busy. Once again the name of the game is progressive flirting. With us it was accidental bumpings, then accidental bumpings that were just a little longer and rubbier than a bump should really be. Soon the time will be write for the leap.

She totally missed a shot (for some reason our game had been steadily declining). I grabbed the ball, put it back, and said
"Try it again with a kiss for luck." Put my hand on her chin, and leaned in for the 90% (ok, maybe closer to 95%) just like Hitch said. I think that last part is important. At that point you are totally putting yourself out there, have taken care of anything that requires any courage, but you are still letting the other person make a conscious choice to reciprocate.

After a second of hesitation (due, I am sure, to her surprise at how smooth and awesome I was) she completed the kiss.

And that's how you do it.

Luggage wrote:

Bonus hint: a lot of women in the upper twenties and beyond will be looking at your shoes, since they will tell them a lot about you. Don't wear that comfy old pair you've had since that freshmen year. Get a nice pair of semi-formal shoes and make sure they are clean before you leave the house.

I don't need your hints directed at me. I HAVE NICE SHOES!

Yonder wrote:

After a second of hesitation (due, I am sure, to her surprise at how smooth and awesome I was) she completed the kiss.

What did Prozac do to top that?

Bonus_Eruptus wrote:
Luggage wrote:

Bonus hint: a lot of women in the upper twenties and beyond will be looking at your shoes, since they will tell them a lot about you. Don't wear that comfy old pair you've had since that freshmen year. Get a nice pair of semi-formal shoes and make sure they are clean before you leave the house.

I don't need your hints directed at me. I HAVE NICE SHOES!

Yonder wrote:

After a second of hesitation (due, I am sure, to her surprise at how smooth and awesome I was) she completed the kiss.

What did Prozac do to top that?

He talked Australian to her.

If you're having trouble "reading" someone's thoughts, it often works to ask them.

The golden rule of dating is: Always hit on the waitresses when you're in a strip club, don't bother with the strippers they've heard it all before

Oh, another tip - when on a date, be sure to treat wait-staff, valets, etc. very well, even if you are normally a dick. People pick up on how you treat those serving you and apply that observation to themselves down the road.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

Yeah, I was gonna say. That's how I get out of the friend zone.

Nosferatu wrote:

So let's say I know this Dragon and he likes this "girl"... her name is "Mercedes", the problem is she's got this guy with her all the time, and he keeps her locked away inside when he's not with her.

And I, I mean he was wondering how he could hook up with her, any suggestions?

FINGER --> EXHAUST PIPE

As the progenitor of this thread, I am willing to take a bullet and settle any and all boob questions.

Nevin73 wrote:

Oh, another tip - when on a date, be sure to treat wait-staff, valets, etc. very well, even if you are normally a dick. People pick up on how you treat those serving you and apply that observation to themselves down the road.

Damnit, don't let the secret out!

I was actually going to say something very similar, in an opposite sort of way.

Watch how the person you are on a date with treats a bad server/waitress/waiter. This is how they will treat you, eventually.

And VDO,
I hate to play devil's advocate, here, but I used to feel really awkward talking about this type of stuff to a girl that I knew liked me, but I wasn't interested in. I didn't want to say anything to lead her on.

Of course, when I was a wee lad, I also got nervous around girls I was interested in. So, what I'm saying is....I have no f**king clue what this dude is thinking.

For those looking to meet someone:

It doesn't matter what you say to a girl/boy. It only matters that you're talking to them. If someone is interested in you, they are going to let a good amount of things go. And don't dwell on things. If you say something stupid, or cough and spit beer on someone, that could be a funny memory down the road. Trust me.

boogle wrote:

As the progenitor of this thread, I am willing to take a bullet and settle any and all boob questions.

When I read progenitor it made me immediately think of Homeworld. I think I even heard some narrative in my head from the game saying the word.

*Legion* wrote:

IMAGE(http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2009/01/Not%20That%20Into%20You.jpg)

Interesting thing about the title of that book: it was spoken by the author of the book at a roundtable discussion of writers for Sex and the City. He was the only guy, and it stopped all the women cold. One of the women said "I was out with this guy, and I invited him up to my place, and he said he had to work early and declined" and the author replied "he's just not that into you." The women were floored, and wanted to know more. His reply: "I don't care if I have to pilot the space shuttle tomorrow, if a woman I'm interested in invites me up to her place, I'm going to at least go up and see how it goes."

Haven't read the book, but have seen a lot of the guy's stand-up, and he really hit it out of the park on a lot of girl-boy issues.

wordsmythe wrote:

If you're having trouble "reading" someone's thoughts, it often works to ask them.

The problem is a woman's thoughts about a man are like wave functions: the act of asking what her thoughts on you are can collapse any thoughts of interest towards you.

Luggage wrote:

Bonus hint: a lot of women in the upper twenties and beyond will be looking at your shoes, since they will tell them a lot about you. Don't wear that comfy old pair you've had since that freshmen year. Get a nice pair of semi-formal shoes and make sure they are clean before you leave the house.

What's weird is I've heard the same thing about criminals: they check out your shoes as a way of finding worthwhile marks.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

Heh--back in the original thread I pointed to that guy as an example of why you don't have to be a jerk to still avoid being a 'nice guy': there's a third way, personified by that character.

Of course, while you can do a lot to improve you success with women like having an interesting life to share with them as others in this thread have pointed out and is represented by that Dos Equis dude, I still think a lot of it is just...it's like F. Scott Fitzgerald put it at the end of The Crack Up: "You have it or you haven’t it, like health or brown eyes or honor or a baritone voice."

CheezePavilion wrote:
*Legion* wrote:

IMAGE(http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2009/01/Not%20That%20Into%20You.jpg)

Interesting thing about the title of that book: it was spoken by the author of the book at a roundtable discussion of writers for Sex and the City. He was the only guy, and it stopped all the women cold. One of the women said "I was out with this guy, and I invited him up to my place, and he said he had to work early and declined" and the author replied "he's just not that into you." The women were floored, and wanted to know more. His reply: "I don't care if I have to drive the space shuttle tomorrow, if a woman invites me up to her place, I'm going to at least go up and see how it goes."

Haven't read the book, but have seen a lot of the guy's stand-up, and he really hit it out of the park on a lot of girl-boy issues.

Just caught the movie of the same name on HBO this weekend. Had some similar insights from Justin Long's character. Guy giving you his business card. Guy not calling for 3 days. Lots of stuff. If a guy is interested he will make a move. Sure there's some shy guys out there and exceptions to rules and all... but hell I remember some of my high school and college dates. I was scared sh*tless calling the girl I really liked... maybe I had to psyche myself up, maybe I had to dial her number, hang up, calm down, and hit redial, maybe I had to practice our conversation and/or a voicemail message to leave her over and over until I knew what I was going to say... but I always called! If a guy is interested, he will make the effort.

Now as there only seem to be a couple of ladies asking for advice her, the more general advice to the guys is... call! Don't be afraid to talk to a girl. What's the worst that could happen? She likes you or she doesn't. But at least try and find out.

Holla wrote:

Any other suggestions on exiting the friend zone other than the oral sex?

I seem to find myself there with about every guy I meet. (unless they are the creepy kinds who want to take photos....or are already convicted of a crime/arrested.)

It is easy, just ask them out if you find them attractive. If they are not interested you can be friends because you have gotten that part out of the way. Make sure to say "lets go on a date" so that things are not misconstrued as wanting to hang out.

wordsmythe wrote:

If you're having trouble "reading" someone's thoughts, it often works to ask them.

This was basically going to be my advice to VDO. I'm also on the idea that he could have just been uncomfortable discussing boobs with that person present. I mean, yes he points people out and might discuss a girl when she's not around, but that's because the person isn't there to hear it.

So honestly, I'd just ask him. If he has a cool and calm response then okay, but if he seems to have trouble explaining he is probably trying to bullsh*t.

Most girls that have been interested in me have been very successful showing it through the power of touch and "leaning against the shoulder" and crossing feet and such.

I've never even considered the possibility of a guy having a woman friend zoned. I've been repulsed by women or have had no interest in them mentally. But for the most part, even if I knew dating one of my chick friends was a bad idea I've always had a "what if..." in the back of my head. Hell, I was the least sexually attracted to my roommate's girlfriend-now-fiance, but every once in a while I wondered "if they ever broke up, would I...?", to which I came to the conclusion no because, well, he's my friend yo. Bros before hos and all that.

Lastly, ever since gradiating College I've been in a social nightmare of a life where I barely get to see my friends, but it turns out this girl on a website I frequent lives like 30 minutes from me. It's been five years since I had a girlfriend and four since I've flirted with a girl that was interested in me, so I've been unable to resist the concept of "hey, a gaming chick that is single? Hrm...". My biggest problem is figuring out if I really want to bother trying or not, since my actual relationship five years ago went to the sh*tter.

Of course, still haven't met her yet. Life sucks when you don't have a car.

ccesarano wrote:

Life sucks when you don't have a car.

Tag!
You're at consultant, so not too long, now. Someone remember this for us.

You're right, though. I've been in a good funk, lately, due to no car. It does indeed suck. Good thing I have websites to waste my time on.