Bacon

Phishposer wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:

Someone sent me a picture of bacon. It's nice to know some people truly care.

And now she doesn't and now seeing bacon makes me sad.

See Hot Bacon Slaw above. We love you, even if she doesn't. We love Hot Bacon Slaw more. It's because of the bacon you see.

Eating bacon now feels like masturbating to a photograph of an old girlfriend. Sure, it's a nice little pick-me-up, but it reminds you of what you lost.

Rat Boy wrote:
Phishposer wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:

Someone sent me a picture of bacon. It's nice to know some people truly care.

And now she doesn't and now seeing bacon makes me sad.

See Hot Bacon Slaw above. We love you, even if she doesn't. We love Hot Bacon Slaw more. It's because of the bacon you see.

Eating bacon now feels like masturbating to a photograph of an old girlfriend. Sure, it's a nice little pick-me-up, but it reminds you of what you lost.

I think I misunderstood how serious this is. I'm not sure what we can do for you if bacon can't fix what ails you. Have you tried more bacon?

Phishposer wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:
Phishposer wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:

Someone sent me a picture of bacon. It's nice to know some people truly care.

And now she doesn't and now seeing bacon makes me sad.

See Hot Bacon Slaw above. We love you, even if she doesn't. We love Hot Bacon Slaw more. It's because of the bacon you see.

Eating bacon now feels like masturbating to a photograph of an old girlfriend. Sure, it's a nice little pick-me-up, but it reminds you of what you lost.

I think I misunderstood how serious this is. I'm not sure what we can do for you if bacon can't fix what ails you. Have you tried more bacon?

Alternatively, he could switch it up and try masturbating to a photograph of bacon.

Or eat a photo of an old girlfriend.

muttonchop wrote:

Alternatively, he could switch it up and try masturbating to a photograph of bacon.

I'm not sure I want to link sexual gratification with bacon. I can only imagine how breakfast while visiting the folks would go...

Phishposer wrote:

Have you tried more bacon?

Doesn't help. Your tongue starts getting numb to the sensation after a while.

muttonchop wrote:

Alternatively, he could switch it up and try masturbating to a photograph of bacon.

Doesn't help. Your penis starts getting numb to the sensation after a while.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

Or eat a photo of an old girlfriend.

Doesn't help. Your tongue gets papercuts.

Just in case this hasn't been posted:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/wa...

Bacon and mastrubation? What's next, bacon flavored lube?

IMAGE(http://www.sogoodblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/baconlube.jpg)

*slaps forehead*

The quotes on this site for Bacon Lubeare awesome.

Snippets from some of the best emails we got:

· " I am a physician, and a board-certified gynecologist. Assuming this is not an April Fool's joke, I would love to be a tester. And I have patients that would sign up in a heartbeat.And if it is an April Fool's joke: guess what, the joke's on you. Because if you don't put it on the market soon, somebody else will."

· " I have all the equipment necessary (myself, partner, condom)."

· "oh please oh please oh please."

· " If you could add some cheese to this somehow...."

· " put me down for one case...it should last me a while..."

· " This could just be a giant april fools joke, but I still want in. I am a vegan who is oddly intrigued by bacon obsession. Seriously."

· “Has ‘squeal like a pig’ ever seemed more appropriate?”

· " I'd pay money to beta-test! Heck, I'd bring it to work and use it as salad dressing!"

· " Is there nothing that bacon won't make better? You know where I'm going with this. Sign me up for testing please."

· “My friends and I have always loved bacon and bacon products. We have been known to wrestle in Bacon Fat as we find it a preferable alternative to KY jelly.”

· “My boyfriend would die if I had this slathered all over myself!!!”

· "If this is a joke, please consider making it for real. I personally vow to purchase enough to make the development and production costs worthwhile."

· "Got to try it. Used real bacon grease as a nice massage oil but now with lube - wow."

wordsmythe wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:
Amoebic wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:

Bacon Beer.

Did you investigate further?!

There was no time, we had to get back to the whale watching boat.

McChuck and I have had so-called "bacon beers," which usually are smoked brown ales. Some have an intriguing aroma, but it's difficult to finish the pint without nausea.

Here's a bit of a background if you want to know how to get bacon into your beer.

Article wrote:

One of the creations is inspired by a technique used to make the bacon-infused bourbon at PDT, a bar in the East Village. Mr. Oliver mixed brown ale, which had been aged for nine months in bourbon barrels, with bacon fat. But then he froze the fat into a solid and filtered it out.

“In the end,” he said, “you don’t have any fat.”

Two things. Negative one: no fat. Positive one: there's bacon bourbon as well!

Bacon bourbon is much better, I think because there's less quantity. Bacon beer can be fine in small enough doses (McChuck may disagree here).

peacensunshine wrote:

Bacon flavored veggie ham??

IMAGE(http://imgur.com/YCM7dl.jpg)

NEVER buy that. It doesn't look like bacon. You can not wrap it around random edibles (or inedibles) like bacon, so that is NOT BACON. The fact remains that bacon flavoring only belongs on salads, when you don't have bacon bits, and still it is not bacon. If you were shopping at Trader Joe's when you found that weak piece of wannabe I would walk to the meat section and place at least a single packet of real bacon there, just to scare the poor ratbag bastards that think vegetables can overcome bacon.

Bacon curls, from Not Martha.
IMAGE(http://www.notmartha.org/images/other/2008feb/baconsinglecurl.jpg)

(More pictures and how-to if you follow the link.)

Also, Peanut Butter Bacon cookies from Joy the Baker.
IMAGE(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2446/3888690224_746042658e.jpg)

In British news: librarian finds bacon in a book used as a bookmark. Oh bacon, is there anything you cannot do?

Katy wrote:

Also, Peanut Butter Bacon cookies from Joy the Baker.
IMAGE(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2446/3888690224_746042658e.jpg)

Oh god, joygasmic. I will make these, and I will add chocolate morsels.

So um Secret Santa is coming up...I need some cookies

Psych wrote:

God Bless these people.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/eating...

I like how they mention bacon jumping the shark. I don't think that's possible, as the shark will most likely eat the bacon before it has a chance to jump. The shark will be so overjoyed that it will no longer eat seals and surfers and subsist on a diet consisting exclusively of bacon.

One of my buddies stuck in Afghanistan doing IT work lost his beloved Zippo and asked me to send him another one. In the process of sending him a care package to the AE (Armed Forces Middle East) address I looked up the restrictions of what I was not allowed to place in the box. No Anti-Islamic paraphernalia...check. No Firearms....check. No Pork products of any kind....Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot!?

This world is surely going to hell when you can't even send blessed bacon to a poor soul stuck amidst poppy fields and flying hot pieces of lead. Wonder if Bacon Lube constitutes a pork product...hrmm.

You could send Bacon Salt to him. It's kosher, no actual bacon in it. It looks like on their website they even have an "Operation Bacon Salt" thing going on for sending Bacon Salt to soldiers overseas.

Got a massive hangover Saturday morning, and Bacon (See how I capitalized it?) and egg sandwich was my savior. It was also delicious.

Thirteenth wrote:

Got a massive hangover Saturday morning, and Bacon (See how I capitalized it?) and egg sandwich was my savior. It was also delicious.

This, but it was a bacon, avacado and mustard sandwich.

I didn't see this one in a quick scan.
IMAGE(http://www.webzy.org/cnp/picdump135/21.jpg)

8. Heart Attack

Everything is better with Bacon. That's my motto. My wonderful nephew even bought me a package of bacon for my last birthday... it was my best gift.

Rat Boy wrote:

8. Heart Attack

That's actually a picture of your heart, afterwards.

However, picture the scene at the top of the celestial stairway ?

St Peter "Cause of death....bacon weave filled with cheese ?"

[opens gates to heaven, ushers you through without further question].

davet010 wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:

8. Heart Attack

That's actually a picture of your heart, afterwards.

However, picture the scene at the top of the celestial stairway ?

St Peter "Cause of death....bacon weave filled with cheese ?"

[opens gates to heaven, ushers you through without further question].

I'd imagine checking out due to eating that would earn you a free ticket in and a round of applause from all the angels

http://monkeygoggles.com/?p=912

If that has already been posted..sue me