Post a news story, entertain me!

Rat Boy wrote:

Metallica's James Hetfield causes row over a fence. It's his property, for crying out loud. How'd you like it if people hiked through your backyard every day?

There's probably going to be a battle over whether he actually can keep them off the property, since folks have been using that trail "for decades." I'll let one of the law schoolers or lawyers explain that if need be.

Grammar Nazi's attack our parks!!!

I wasn't sure which was more sensationalist, the above or "grammar nazi's attack our national heritage!".

absurddoctor wrote:

Grammar Nazi's attack our parks!!!

I wasn't sure which was more sensationalist, the above or "grammar nazi's attack our national heritage!".

I know you're being ironic with that apostrophe, right?

RIGHT?

I know it's defacing part of a landmark and all, but I'm still leaning toward supporting TEAL in this.

Russia hates Mr. Hankey. I wonder what's Russian for "Hoooooooooooooooooowdy ho!"

From the Fresno Bee:
Burglar victims wake to spice rub, sausage attack

The article wrote:

A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed food seasoning over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house, Fresno County sheriff's deputies said Saturday.

Didn't know where else to put it, but apparently you can date an ESPN personality if you write for a sports blog. I'm in the wrong line of work.

Rat Boy wrote:

Didn't know where else to put it, but apparently you can date an ESPN personality if you write for a sports blog. I'm in the wrong line of work.

And the follow-up. That's what every woman wants to hear; you're first reaction after the date was to sh*t your pants.

13 killed in soccer riot sparked by witchcraft rumors

KINSHASA, Congo (AP) -- Accusations that a soccer player was using witchcraft during a match in eastern Congo sparked a riot that killed 13 people, a U.N.-funded radio station reported Monday.
Quintin_Stone wrote:

13 killed in soccer riot sparked by witchcraft rumors

KINSHASA, Congo (AP) -- Accusations that a soccer player was using witchcraft during a match in eastern Congo sparked a riot that killed 13 people, a U.N.-funded radio station reported Monday.

Looks like Viktor tried the Wronski Defensive Feint...(Nerd Points+1)

This story about the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons condemning digitally enhanced photos of bikini models creating unrealistic expectations about breast augmentation isn't really all that entertaining...

but it does say that the BAAPS annual conference is held in Chester.

Man killed by his own chilli.

Note to NASCAR drivers... Reality does not work like a video game.

Carl Edwards wrote:

I planned on hitting the wall, but I didn't plan on the wall slowing me down that much. In video games, you can just run into the wall and run it wide open. That's what I did, but it didn't quite work out the same as the video game.

The real reason for Germany not having kicked off another war since WW2: We've been too busy trying to manage our bureaucracy.

Spunior wrote:

The real reason for Germany not having kicked off another war since WW2: We've been too busy trying to manage our bureaucracy.

Man, what a deadbeat.

So the guy whose girlfriend sat on his toilet for two years and ended up fused to it (back on page 6 of the thread) - he just won the lottary...twice... (Warning - bad pun in title)

This may be my favorite news story of the year.

10-Year Old Boy Crashes Van, Injures 5

A 10-year-old boy reportedly driving almost 90 mph crashed a van Sunday and sent five people to the hospital. A Bristol man and woman who were in the van are facing numerous criminal charges.

Randy Lewis, 43, 245 Honaker Drive, Bristol, was charged with DUI third offense, felony reckless endangerment, aggravated child abuse/neglect, driving on a suspended license, no proof of insurance, violation of implied consent, and a seat belt violation for his alleged role in the crash.

Lewis is being held in the Sullivan County Jail. His bond is set at $10,000.

Paula Elaine Evans, 38, 1000 Hill St., Bristol, faces charges of felony reckless endangerment, aggravated child abuse/neglect and a seat belt violation.

That is fine, in and of itself. But it's the picture of the arrested offender that makes it absolutely perfect.

IMAGE(http://www.johnsoncitypress.com/images/Pics/Articles/RandyLewis1.jpg)

I can't imagine that being topped this year.

Not that big of a deal. But I thought this one worthy of posting because it includes the euphemism "Meat Marathon"

Link

Not strictly a "news" story, but...

Weekend America did a funny piece this weekend about the plight of the supervillain in today's economy:

http://weekendamerica.publicradio.or...

Strange brew kill whats inside of you.

Prison Break's got nothing on this.

A team of Mexican scientists turns tequila into diamonds.

Katy wrote:

A team of Mexican scientists turns tequila into diamonds.

If only they'd do that with Tila Tequila.

Drop your pants, score a goal! This actually happened in a league game.

Katy wrote:

A team of Mexican scientists turns tequila into diamonds.

I'm totally getting E Hunnie a bottle of tequila. IT'S JUST AS GOOD.

Police think they've nabbed 'butt bandit'

Beginning in spring of 2007, a mystery vandal visited businesses at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly, and while police had earlier worried copycat criminals were getting involved, Scott said they now believe it's "the act of a lone deviant."

It's always the quiet ones.

Mother gives her life to save children during a robbery turned police shootout in her home.