First Look -- Ray Park as Snake Eyes

Jesus Christ. A G.I. Joe movie?

That dude is short.

I can totally see Ray Park as a great actor for Snake Eyes.

Besides his graceful stunt work, this movie will suck.

Darth Toad as Snake Eyes!

Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll bring some lights on to the set for the next shot.

Ray Park is an excellent casting choice, as is the chick they cast as Scarlett.

Unfortunately, they're going to tank this movie.

I always had such a crush on Scarlett....

Huh, the chick from The Inside and later seasons of Alias. She looks good as a redhead. I think my pants are getting tighter.

Wait a second - Joseph Gordon-Levitt is playing Cobra Commander? WTF? That's just not right.

Christopher Eccleston is a great choice for Destro. I wonder if they will make him silver.

Yo, Joe!

Botswana wrote:

Ray Park is an excellent casting choice, as is the chick they cast as Scarlett.

Unfortunately, they're going to tank this movie.

This. They've stripped everything out of GI Joe that the people who this movie should be targeted at will care about. Global Integrated what? F that.

PoderOmega wrote:

Christopher Eccleston is a great choice for Destro. I wonder if they will make him silver.

He is?

Yeah, having more or less lived and breathed GI Joe during my entire childhood I can't possibly see Eccleston as Destro either. Between that, the casting of Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander, and Marlon Wayans involvement (he's cast as Ripcord, which is so incredibly wrong I don't quite have the words for it...) this is going to be an almost horrifyingly bad movie. Possibly down there on the level of Ultraviolet.

Thin_J wrote:

the casting of Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander

This claims he's playing multiple roles, which makes me think he's just playing generic people wearing masks. Wouldn't surprise me if CC had his voice dubbed over and they alter Eccelston's voice for Destro. Besides, the focus of the movie is on Destro, allegedly, and Cobra Commander is just a shadowy figure in the background.

Considering how close Snake-Eyes' costume is to the original and how G.I. Joe creator Larry Hama is a creative consultant (even made them make changes to the script to make it closer to the comics), I'd say the only thing we have to worry about is if the director went to Michael Bay's school of cinematography.

Thin_J wrote:

Possibly down there on the level of Ultraviolet.

I was thinking Street Fighter The Movie, but I say tomato you say tomahto.

Rat Boy wrote:

Considering how close Snake-Eyes' costume is to the original and how G.I. Joe creator Larry Hama is a creative consultant (even made them make changes to the script to make it closer to the comics), I'd say the only thing we have to worry about is if the director went to Michael Bay's school of cinematography.

Some directors could pull this movie off, possibly even despite some of the casting. Stephen Sommers is not one of them.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

He is?

I can't pick up sarcasm well, but are you implying that he's not? What is it that you don't like about him? In my opinion he played a great bad guy in 28 Days Later. Check out this picture and tell me he wouldn't at least look like a decent Destro: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm870029568/nm0001172.

I loved Eccleston as the Doctor. He is simply not a good fit for the Destro I know.

OMG! Eccleston was a horrible Doctor! But I did like him 28 Days later.. as far as destro goes.. hmm wait and see.

But Global Initative... GI Joe is not.. he is GOVERNMENT ISSUE JOE YOU BASTARDS!!!!!

Plus I want to see every Cobra soldier jump free of their tanks JUST before it explodes, this was important training all Cobra soldiers went through.. this must be in the movie.

I suppose this as a good of place of any to bring this up. Years ago, a friend and I heard that Hasbro was trying to make a live-action Transformers movie and naturally we thought if it was a success, they'd be looking to make a GI Joe movie, so we came up with a concept for it. Unfortunately, I don't have what we wrote down on my computer anymore, so I've had to assemble the following from memory over the last few hours.

The principle Joes in the movie would have been General Hawk, Duke, Snake-Eyes, Scarlett, Flint, and Lady Jaye, with Roadblock along for comic relief due to his propensity for rhyming (Flint even asks him why he rhymes, to which Roadblock asks why he talks without rhyming). The main Cobra characters would be Cobra Commander, the Baroness, and Destro, with Storm Shadow serving as CC's personal bodyguard. Other Joes and Cobra characters would have been there, but they'd have few lines or be costumed extras to add some depth.

The film would have begun with a send-up of the opening scene from The Godfather, with a Latino peasant sitting in front of a desk. We don't see who's behind it just yet, as the camera serves as that person's perspective. The villager starts off by saying in Spanish, "I believe in you, El Commandante," like The Godfather, but goes on to outline all these problems they've been having "on the island;" pollution, harsh conditions, etc. After he's done his bit, a raspy voice from behind says that sacrifices have to be made in order to achieve the greater good. You hear the hammer of a gun click and the villager gets shot in the head. The camera pulls around to see a smoking gun and the man who fired it: Cobra Commander. The camera pulls out to reveal his office was inside Cobra's fortress and reveals an island with a massive army and oil refinery's.

Cut to a military transport plane and its interior. Flint and Lady Jaye (she goes by LJ at this point) are in there introducing themselves to each other but they have no idea where they're going. In the corner there's this guy dressed up as a ninja, but he obviously doesn't talk to anyone. Flint and LJ flirt a little, but the plane lands at a place called "Fort Flagg." They get off and are greeted by Gung-Ho (we were picturing R. Lee Ermey). He starts to berate the new recruits and gets them to drop and give him fifty, saying that they weren't in the "wussy Army" or "Pansy-ass Air Force" anymore; they were now a part of GI Joe: "The code-name for America's daring, highly-trained special mission force! Our mission is to defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world! In simple terms, you're here to help us kick some Cobra ass!" The ninja's obviously not going along with this and just as Gung-Ho gets in his face, Hawk and Duke intervene, saying that "Snake-Eyes" is on loan to them from the CIA.

During a briefing, Hawk outlines GI Joe's mission and what Cobra is, including showing a few intel shots of the Cobra leaders, including Destro, the head of a military conglomerate believed to be supplying Cobra weapons. Cobra has taken over a fictitious island in the Caribbean and is using its oil reserves to finance the creation of an army to plan to conquer the world. They also have a spy on the inside feeding them intel. Flint's a little skeptical, dubious over the fact that the greatest threat to the world is a guy who dresses up like he's a cross between Napolean and Darth Vader. Hawk says, "Now you know" to which Duke adds, "And knowing's half the battle."

One of the things we wanted to play up in this movie is a triangle between Duke, Scarlett, and Snake-Eyes. At first, Scarlett doesn't know who Snake-Eyes is but accidentally catches him with his mask off and realizes who he was. Through flashbacks and dialog, the audience learns that the three of them used to serve together years ago in some nameless Mideast war. Scarlett and Snake-Eyes were an item and Duke was attracted to Scarlett, but didn't dare act on it since Snake-Eyes was also his friend. The chopper they were on goes down and Duke is the only one who's conscious after the crash. He pulls out Scarlett first and later Snake-Eyes, but because he waited so long, Snake-Eyes is severely wounded, rendering him mute. Afterwards, Snake-Eyes starts to drift away from Scarlett and disappears, apparently to join the CIA. Scarlett eventually hooks up with Duke. Duke knew who Snake-Eyes was from the start and didn't say anything, which drives a wedge between him and Scarlett. Flint and LJ start to hook up, with him calling her "Lady Jaye" as an affectionate joke (especially since she's a tomboy).

Meanwhile, another triangle of sorts is going on among Cobra Commander, the Baroness, and Destro. You see, the Baroness is initially an item with the Commander but is cheating on him with Destro (must have a thing for guys in masks). Cobra Commander suspects something, but can't prove it, so he treats Destro like dirt even though he needs him for his plans. We actually had a part that recreated a scene from the animated series where Destro walks in while the Commander's eating (we can't see his face) and CC quips, "It takes a strong stomach to watch me eat, eh, Destro?" Storm Shadow's there the whole time, standing over his master's shoulder.

Cobra's plan is three-fold. First, they start to launch terrorist attacks, they strike oil producing nations to drive up the price of crude well past $200 (something that doesn't seem so weird these days). One such strike is almost foiled by GI Joe, but Flint screws up and catches hell from Hawk and Duke; there's a strong rivalry between the latter and Flint, since the former is such a straight-laced type while the latter is more rebellious. The second phase of Cobra's plan is to strike power plants across the world, creating a global energy crisis. The final phase, to be enacted directly from Cobra Island is something called Pandora's Box: a computer virus designed to cripple global communications. Phones, satellites, the Internet; turning them all off would plunge the world into darkness and chaos. After the dust settled, Destro's company would come in and rebuild the world's infrastructure while Cobra's army would move in ostensibly as a peacekeeping force, thus giving them de facto control of the world. Obviously GI Joe isn't going to let that happen and an assault on Cobra Island is launched.

As a carrier battle group and sea-based army moves towards the island, Cobra Commander, Storm Shadow, and some Cobra soldiers burst into Destro's room to find him in the arms of the Baroness. Storm Shadow's given evidence to Cobra Commander that Destro's betrayed Cobra to GI Joe. CC orders Destro and the Baroness to be taken away to be executed, but gets distracted when GI Joe's task force is spotted.

With Hawk coordinating from the CIC of the carrier USS Flagg, the attack commences "over land and sea and air." Joe fighters led by Ace would dog fight Cobra jets ala Top Gun. Meanwhile, Wild Bill in his Super Cobra (irony alert!) helo painted with a dragonfly on the side leads a chopper strike ala Apocalypse Now. Finally, Shipwreck pilots an amphibious landing craft in a beach landing akin to Saving Private Ryan; we see many other Joes mixed in with regular military guys.

Meanwhile, Duke, Scarlett, Snake-Eyes, Flint, Lady Jaye, and Roadblock parachute behind the lines to strike Cobra's fortress before Pandora's Box could be opened. They slip inside the base with the help of GI Joe's inside man, who turns out to be Storm Shadow. Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow clearly know each other, as they give each other some sort of secret ninja handshake. They battle their way through, stop Pandora's Box, and find Cobra Commander's body barricaded in his bunker, dead from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wounded. They take his mask off to find...a fairly average looking guy.

As the battle continues to rage outside, Storm Shadow tries to escape but Snake-Eyes tries to stop him. Storm Shadow warns that even though Cobra Commander's dead, Cobra was still a threat and since they probably now knew he was a traitor, he had to flee. Even though Snake-Eyes says that GI Joe could protect him, he still tries to leave. When he grabs him by the arm, Storm Shadow draws his sword and the two of them fight. Storm Shadow knocks Snake-Eyes unconscious and flees.

With the battle over, Snake-Eyes talks with Scarlett, apologizing for leaving but saying he had to leave now to find Storm Shadow before what's left of Cobra kills him. After being pressed as to why, he admits that Storm Shadow is his brother, so she painfully lets him go once more. The Joes and the rest of the army (we were thinking of using real army guys for better effect) gather around a tank that General Hawk is standing on. After giving a rousing victory speech, he leads them in a loud cheer of "Yoooooo Joe!" Cut to credits.

After the credits, we see a bus traveling through this Latin American town on a clearly hot day. On the bus are three passengers: a woman, her young son, and a man sitting alone in the back wearing a trench coat, a fedora, and a ski mask. The kid's clearly curious as to why this man's dressed so warmly on such a hot day and starts to pester him about it. When the man couldn't shoo the kid away, he starts to lift his mask. We see the kid's reaction of horror and after the stranger hisses at him loudly, he runs screaming back to his mother. The mother apologizes to the stranger (with his mask back on) and he says to think nothing of it in Cobra Commander's voice. Cobra Commander gets off the bus and walks up to a pay phone, dumping a lot of coins into it and dialing a very long sequence of numbers. The guy on the other end is rather gruff and angry over Cobra Commander's failure and asks why he should give him a second chance. Cobra Commander pleads like he used to on the cartoon show until the mystery voice relents, ordering him to regroup and rebuild. The last line of the movie is, "THIS I COMMAND!"

Well, like I said, we only did it on a lark. One of the things that we thought would work was that the movie not take itself seriously; it's a comic book movie, not a war picture. Flint's there to introduce the audience to the franchise while echoing some people's thoughts as to how ridiculous the idea of Cobra would sound in today's world. Hopefully, the people making this movie are thinking the same thing. I believe the reason that Transformers worked was that it conceded the concept sounded hokey to the average person so it didn't try to be high drama as this movie shouldn't be. Just wish we got to the studio before these guys did; we could've been rich!

Wait, how does Snake-Eyes talk with Scarlett when he's a mute?

Quintin_Stone wrote:

Wait, how does Snake-Eyes talk with Scarlett when he's a mute? :)

Sign language, duh! Either that or an Etch-a-Sketch.

Rat Boy wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:

Wait, how does Snake-Eyes talk with Scarlett when he's a mute? :)

Sign language, duh! Either that or an Etch-a-Sketch.

Or Snake-Eyes is a badass mime and Scarlett could interpret everything he mimed?

As an old GI Joe fan I rather enjoyed your write up Rat Boy, thanks for posting it!

NomadHeretic wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:

Wait, how does Snake-Eyes talk with Scarlett when he's a mute? :)

Sign language, duh! Either that or an Etch-a-Sketch.

Or Snake-Eyes is a badass mime and Scarlett could interpret everything he mimed?

As an old GI Joe fan I rather enjoyed your write up Rat Boy, thanks for posting it!

I think the interesting thing was that we came at it from two perspectives: he was a fan of the comics and I of the TV show. I think it was my idea to introduce the triangle between Duke, Scarlett, and Snake-Eyes, since in the comics she's with Snake-Eyes and in the show she's with Duke. And I always wondered if Cobra Commander was just a little jealous of Destro and the Baroness, since I seem to recall him interrupting a rather intimate moment between the two:

Destro: "Uh, she had something in her eye."

CC: "And I have something in my eye!"

"Her eye my eye!" That's what I remember. However, I've been drinking.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

"Her eye my eye!" That's what I remember. However, I've been drinking.

Close. And to think I watched through half of "The Pyramid of Darkness" only to notice that one simple clip sitting right there.

dhelor wrote:

Wait a second - Joseph Gordon-Levitt is playing Cobra Commander? WTF? That's just not right.

I like him as an actor alright, especially in Brick, but yeah I don't see him as Cobra Commander. Saw he is also rumored for the Akira movie too. I want to see the Baroness in costume, cause I wasn't thrilled with who they cast to play her. Blah It doesn't really matter I have no expectations that this will even be something I'd want to watch.

AnimeJ wrote:
Botswana wrote:

Ray Park is an excellent casting choice, as is the chick they cast as Scarlett.

Unfortunately, they're going to tank this movie.

This. They've stripped everything out of GI Joe that the people who this movie should be targeted at will care about. Global Integrated what? F that.

I agree completely.

Brizahd wrote:

I like him as an actor alright, especially in Brick, but yeah I don't see him as Cobra Commander.

We're talking about the limp-wristed fop who was NEVER seen without a full face helmet, right? Who COULDN'T play that role?

There is your Destro.

IMAGE(http://entimg.msn.com/i/gal/Daredevil_premiere/MichaelClarkeDuncan_350x435.jpg)

cartoonin99 wrote:

There is your Destro.

IMAGE(http://entimg.msn.com/i/gal/Daredevil_premiere/MichaelClarkeDuncan_350x435.jpg)

Aw, you suck. Just when I was about resigned to Eccelston in the role.

The one problem with casting a "known" in the role is this is Hollywood, and actor's egos means that he will have the mask off more than on throughout most of his scenes. I think Judge Dredd epitomizes this. We all know its Stallone under the helmet, but by golly they've got to contrive some stupid plotline so he'll be without it through most of the movie.

As much as I think Ray Park is perfect for Snake-Eyes, the flip-side is no one else WOULD play him because no one else would want to sacrifice having their face on-screen.

I'm also not getting the PC-vibe of the movie either. It's not like COBRA were Muslim terrorists. They're going to go with the old movie cliche of the evil capitalist instead? I always liked COBRA, even as I got older, as just your generic bad-guy organization. They don't have to be terrorists per se but just a James Bondsian "We're out to take over the world" type organization a la SPECTRE. In fact, COBRA's are one of the most iconic generic bad guys since Stormtroopers. Making Destro the central villian kind of screws the whole thing up.

Eh, who am I kidding, they're going to tank it.

A little disturbing is that by now I would have expected at least one goodjer to have come along and said "Come on guys, give it a chance. Surely it won't be that bad?" Is everyone so universally agreed this is going to suck? Do the people making it understand how many people out there are predicting this formula is a disaster?

EDIT -
All that said, I'll probably at least rent this just for the hell of it. I even rented Street Fighter. I'm a glutton for punishment that way.