Obsession ... for Gamers

I have, on occasion, been known to become singularly obsessed with a game. I think most of us have been there, fully engaged by one single experience that becomes the focal point of our gaming time. It can feel like a wonderful love affair, and it can feel like a prison.

I have been obsessed with a couple of games for a few months now. If you’ve encountered any of my writings or comments over the past six months, then you might know which games I’m talking about. In fact, I’m quite intentionally avoiding using their name, because the moment I do this article will become about those games. I won’t want it to be. I’m as sick of hearing myself talk about it as you are, and yet it is this inescapable presence in my gaming life, a dark tower at the center, to which ley lines draw me across a field of roses day after day, drawing me to certain doom.

I put it that way, because even in the throes of it, an obsession feels damaged, tainted and like a corrupting force. There are all these other experiences out there waiting for me that I’m locking myself away from because of my obsession. It’s a broken record of my favorite line from my favorite song, a constant shot of distilled joy injected into the same swollen spot over and over again.

I want to escape. I never want to escape. I’ll be happy missing it when it’s gone. I’ll miss it making me happy when it’s gone.

Game obsession carries an extra layer of complexity for me, because usually I get the opportunity to try all kinds of new gaming experiences and comment on those experiences. Variation in gaming is sort of central to who I’ve been and what I’ve done for a few years now, so there’s this layer of guilt having gone through another week only to have to grudgingly admit “I’ve been too busy still playing that thing to get to those other new things.”

There’s been this moment over several of the past few weeks, where on Wednesday or Thursday as I start having to really think, “Ok, what am I going to write about this week?” or, “What am I going to talk about on the show this week?” where I have a mini panic attack as I realize that, over the course of the past year, all I’ve done is play the two same damn games.

This week, for example, I’m sort of cheating with this article because while I’m at least not talking directly about those games, this is all obviously coming from a place that exists because of those games. And even as I’m writing, I feel the tickle, the itch, the slow loss of focus as my attention tries to drift back to those games. It’s like trying to walk up a down escalator that’s moving way too fast. I’m trying to pull back up above the fray, but the mechanical inevitability of obsession is going to win.

I was like this about World of Warcraft once, and I was only too glad to finally come out of it. You know, after something like 5 years.

Still, there’s something comforting about being abandoned in the moment of the obsession. I can often go weeks at a time just looking at my list of games on Steam and feeling notably blasé about the idea of firing something up and diving into a digital world. Being able to sit down and know exactly what I want to play is a freeing sensation for me, a state where the world of gaming is comfortably black and white.

Certainly there are times where what I want is an entirely fresh experience — where I want to explore some unknown realm of narrative and mechanics. I know that it probably won’t be all that long until I’m back in that place, but it’s almost like getting a temporary reprieve to not have to worry about that stuff. It’s a nice break to just be able to say that I’m going to do that thing I know I like again today.

But, it’s also a dulling state of mind.

I know gamers who rarely find themselves in this state of mind. They’re like sharks, always on the move, always keeping water flowing over their gills so they don’t drown. Once a game is done, that meal eaten, they are back on the move.

Usually I’m like that too, but on these very rare occasions, I'll finish the game, find myself back at the main menu, and almost throw a kind of mental glitch: Instead of clicking the Exit button, my cursor hovers almost tentatively over Start New Game, and then I’m lost. Sometimes this is only for a week, and sometimes it’s off and on over the course of years.

I could probably set my mind on the task of breaking free from the obsession — I’ve done it before with success — but if I’m really honest with myself, I know I don’t want to. I know that I like the obsession slightly more than the alternative. So, when you see me on Steam tonight or tomorrow, you might not be surprised to see what it says I’m playing. In those moments, I am one with my obsession.

Comments

The commitment of having to write or talk about games must bring terrible pressure to seek out novel experiences rather than your "obsessions." I definitely relate as this has happened in other areas of my life... luckily I've avoided making such commitments with games, at least. I feel for you.

(For those interested, for me it's been an issue as (1) a long-time DJ who found himself listening to a lot of music he didn't like to keep on top of things, and as (2) an amateur magician who feels pressured to practice when I sometimes don't want to if I make performance commitments.)

We'll start a 5 step program for obsession with a particular game:
1) Week one you get a maximum of 15 hours in that game.
2) Week two, we cut it down to 10...
3) Then 5...
4) Now we're down to just two hours...
5) And finally, no hours. Just Nirvana.

Edit: Am I going to be banned if I say the name? The-Game-That-Must-Not-Be-Mentioned?

Sean, you can write about EU4 every day and you will have at least one reader.

I like being obsessed. I love being so in love with a game that I cannot get enough of it, think about it when I am not playing, truly sad when I am done. It does not happen often but when it does it is wonderful.

I guess if you have a game podcast or write about games something where you need to talk about new shinies all the time, being obsessed can be bad. But I think it is one of the best things.

I am feeling the same with Expedition Conquistadors. I cant stop, basically because it wont let me win. I havnt reached that 6 month plunge but its had its hooks in me now for a few hours every day for a month now. And i was contemplating just a few minutes before reading this post if its time to move on...but i wont, because i cant. My obsession or more likely my obsessive compulsive nature of finishing any game i start blocks that option.
On another note isnt that the whole basis for a great game, to bring you back wanting more? I mean look around, everyone talking about the next big thing but we HAVE it already. Too much depth in a lot of games today that cant be accounted for in a couple days or hours. The way i look at it, sort of the COD syndrome, players are just jealous they dont have that title that is drawing them in like we have found. Dayz, Rust, Terraria, DOTA what do you think is the avg hrs those players have logged? Obsession, not so much. A ton of fun, totally.

I used to play EU3 4 to 8 ours every day for a couple of years straight. As a history nut I just loved to see how each playthrough played out, because there was always something new to see. Just in how the randomness of events helped one nation or another. I even got into helping nations like Ireland expand and conquer big swaths of land in the new world. Even if you are just doing a hands off game where you let the game run and see how it turns out is interesting.

Having someone talking about a game I like to play all the time is nice......usually I get the strange looks.

I very rarely get obsessed nowadays. I used to. All the time.

It's not that I don't have the time. I think my attention span may have reduced; or maybe I get distracted by the new shiny; or maybe I'm just not tolerant of bad game play any more.

Whatever the reason, it's a pretty rare event to be obsessed. Batman:Arkham Origins was my last obsession. AC4 before that. EUIV and R:TW2 also have their weeks.

One thing I know. When a game sets the hook I love it. Not only do I get some great escapism, but I also have fond memories of times gone by when the feeling was not so rare.

This is me in the last few months.

I do like being obsessed with games. For instance, it's the only reason I ever completed Dark Souls. However, I crave the new experience as well. In the end, I only have so many hours, and they easily can be sucked away.

I thought I was done with World of Warcraft. I've played it off and on for nearly 10 years (!). I am not hardcore. The only raids I ever did back in the day were very casual. I never earned any DKP. I just like the world, and I like improving my character. I like checking things off of lists, and there are so many lists. In March, my boys wanted to try WoW. We set up a free-to-play account, but things very quickly escalated. My wife and I have been raiding most nights in LFR after the kids have gone to bed, and my mount collection continues to grow.

I pre-ordered Elder Scrolls Online, and I've only gotten to level 15. I was looking forward to Child of Light, but based on mixed reviews, lack of a sale, and lack of time, I'm putting it off until later. Infamous sits in my PS4 waiting for me to get out of North Seattle and I can easily task-switch to read a huge list of Steam games partially completed.

But tonight I'm logging into WoW, and it's going to be fun because honestly, it brings me comfort. Sean, you mentioned a tower, so I'll end with another one:

"There must be some way out of here" said the joker to the thief
"There's too much confusion", I can't get no relief

My current obsession is Hearthstone. I just cannot get enough of it. I have Dark Souls 2 waiting for me (Dark Souls 1 was a previous obsession), but i just cannot tear myself away from Hearthstone long enough to make any progress.

Now with the release of Hearthstone on the ipad it's become even worse.... HELP!!!

Edit: whoops...

beeporama wrote:

The commitment of having to write or talk about games must bring terrible pressure to seek out novel experiences rather than your "obsessions." I definitely relate as this has happened in other areas of my life... luckily I've avoided making such commitments with games, at least. I feel for you.

tboon wrote:

I guess if you have a game podcast or write about games something where you need to talk about new shinies all the time, being obsessed can be bad. But I think it is one of the best things.

I tend to be more on the move, but from my perspective as a writer and content provider, there are times I wish I could be obsessed with a game but feel the need to move on in order to create new content.

Unfortunately for me right now, I've hit an overall slump. Not just creatively, but my desire to even play games has died a bit. I hope it is nearing its end, though, as last night I had myself deeply involved in Fire Emblem: Awakening.

The thing is, without that obligation, I feel like obsession with one game is a great feeling. I mean, you paid for a game, and you're getting all these hours out of it because it appeals to so much of what you love and want in a game. I feel that's a much nicer alternative than being the ever-moving shark.

There are all these other experiences out there waiting for me that I’m locking myself away from because of my obsession.

Well, for gamers, being game-locked is just about the ideal state. There is no better game in the world than the one you want to play right now.

At least for singleplayer games, the other titles aren't going anywhere. They'll still be there when you get there. The only thing you're maybe missing out on is talking about whatever's out right now. But with so-so games, which most are, that's not that big a loss, and you don't actually talk all that much on the forum anyway.

With the great games, people will be happy to talk about them for years, maybe decades, and they'll get the vicarious sense of enjoyment when you discover just how wonderful they are.

So there's no rush.

Now, you're in the weird position of being semi-pro, in the sense of making actual money, even if it's not all that much, from writing about games. As a gamer, you're in the perfect state. As a game writer, maybe not so much.

Honestly, I'd say, 'eh, screw it', and just keep playing what you like. You've got enough of a stable here to keep things going, even if you personally don't have all that much to say for awhile.

I've talked about this before (and annoyed you mightily, I believe), but there just isn't that much gaming journalism to be done.... there's some, but if your output goes to zero for six months or a year, it's not like anyone will lose anything critical. In terms of actual, honest-to-goodness journalism, I suspect there's room for maybe a couple great articles a month, across the entire hobby. There just isn't that much to it yet. It's mostly unimportant detail, and the great majority of the week-by-week stuff is review work. In most cases, I think of that as news, not really journalism.

There are exceptions, the occasional brilliant review, but there just aren't very many "Best Buy Bodhisattvas" to be written each year. And there will be plenty of time to catch up when the game lock eases.

tl;dr: eh, don't sweat it.

I'm actually envious whenever I see someone with 300+ hours in a game on their Steam profile. I wish I had the attention span to become one with a game like that. There's a particular but limited enjoyment when you spend 10 hours in each game. When you play a game until you see the matrix behind the screen, there's a deeper pleasure that can be associated with that- you become part of something by accident, a special community of those with Deep Knowledge of a game, a place where you can, actually, go home.

On the other hand I dont have the pressure of the community for my opinion on what's new, so, that's a different thing.

ccesarano wrote:

Unfortunately for me right now, I've hit an overall slump. Not just creatively, but my desire to even play games has died a bit. I hope it is nearing its end, though, as last night I had myself deeply involved in Fire Emblem: Awakening.

Sounds to me like it's time to switch to reading, watching or creating for a while.

Malor wrote:
There are all these other experiences out there waiting for me that I’m locking myself away from because of my obsession.

Well, for gamers, being game-locked is just about the ideal state. There is no better game in the world than the one you want to play right now.

At least for singleplayer games, the other titles aren't going anywhere. They'll still be there when you get there. The only thing you're maybe missing out on is talking about whatever's out right now. But with so-so games, which most are, that's not that big a loss, and you don't actually talk all that much on the forum anyway.

With the great games, people will be happy to talk about them for years, maybe decades, and they'll get the vicarious sense of enjoyment when you discover just how wonderful they are.

So there's no rush.

Now, you're in the weird position of being semi-pro, in the sense of making actual money, even if it's not all that much, from writing about games. As a gamer, you're in the perfect state. As a game writer, maybe not so much.

Honestly, I'd say, 'eh, screw it', and just keep playing what you like. You've got enough of a stable here to keep things going, even if you personally don't have all that much to say for awhile.

I've talked about this before (and annoyed you mightily, I believe), but there just isn't that much gaming journalism to be done.... there's some, but if your output goes to zero for six months or a year, it's not like anyone will lose anything critical. In terms of actual, honest-to-goodness journalism, I suspect there's room for maybe a couple great articles a month, across the entire hobby. There just isn't that much to it yet. It's mostly unimportant detail, and the great majority of the week-by-week stuff is review work. In most cases, I think of that as news, not really journalism.

There are exceptions, the occasional brilliant review, but there just aren't very many "Best Buy Bodhisattvas" to be written each year. And there will be plenty of time to catch up when the game lock eases.

tl;dr: eh, don't sweat it.

I might have to write something about this, letting you folks see what the perspective is from behind the editor's desk here at GWJ. I started to write it up as a comment here, but my personal rule is that when one of my comments starts getting 300+ words long, it's time for me to consider turning it into an article.

For me that game is League of Legends, Over 1300 matches played with an average game length of 30-45 mins, and no sign of slowing down. I love this game. I hate this game. Oh wait im Alt-Tabbed from League right now...

It hasn't happened to me much in the past couple of years, but I love becoming obsessed with a game. I feel that I have some kind of gamers ADD these days, with so many great games coming out, not to mention the sales, podcast talk, etc. I always want to see what cool new game is out there.

There are some games I've really fallen for though, and played them for months, sometimes years. Oblivion is the best example. I'm sure I played it for well over 300 hours, and I didn't even make it through all the DLC and extra add-on pack. I'm pretty sure Fallout 3 sucked about 200 hours of my life away too.

There are also smaller games that I might not play for hours per day, but feel I have to play every day once I'm hooked. I used to do this with the DS Tetris and WarioWare games. I just had to play a few rounds each day. Tetris was especially addictive because I used to play my friend online several times per week. And yes, the Tetris dreams are real, and are very hard to get out of your head.

Now I find it harder to get that hooked into a game. I just don't play as much any more due to work and other obligations. These days I find myself wanting to just kick back with a good book after work.

I've also started a YouTube channel a couple of years ago, and now understand the need to try playing new things even more than usual. I want to have a consistant update at least once per week.

I want to find a game to get obsessed about. Much too often I find myself looking at my Steam catalog or 360 and being unable to decide what to play. So rather than playing anything, I come back here and read the forums or find some shiny distraction on TV/ the internet until my gaming time is gone for the day.