From Destructoid. This was too precious not to post. Here's the first 5:
1: EA was founded by the descendants of Elizabeth Bathory and Genghis Kahn, whose previously unrecorded (and unbelievable, but just go with it) tryst ended with the spawning of a race of nocturnal bat-like creatures with hairy scales and leathery eyes. They now live underground where their legs have atrophied into useless stubs and they now use mechanical shells to move around. A bit like Daleks, but they're not Daleks.2: Electronic Arts was originally believed to be founded by Trip Hawkins, but this is a lie. Hawkins' real identity is used car salesman Manny Maplins, who was kidnapped by the true creators of EA, who had his brain removed and replaced with a sparrow which flies around inside his skull, directing his actions. This explains why Hawkins now makes mobile phone games.
3: Contrary to popular belief, it was not Judas that betrayed Jesus to the Romans for thirty pieces of silver. It was actually EA that betrayed him for the NFL license.
4: To inspire developer Criterion's Burnout series of games, EA hired forty five cars and filled them with live ducks. There were so many ducks inside that you could not see anything but feathers and beaks in the windows. EA executives then put bricks on the accelerators and made Criterion watch as the cars smashed into each other and there was nothing but twisted steel, bloody feathers and squawking giblets. Despite what you may think, this wasn't to inspire the crashes in Burnout -- the devs were just told that they'd be next if the games sold poorly.
5: You know when you've just finished using the toilet and you're sat on the bowl and you reach for toilet paper only to realize, all too late, that only a bare cardboard tube is left? EA is responsible for that, somehow.
Pure Destructoid gold.
Geek Bravado | Twitter | YouTube | Twitch
More like purely pointless.
"And now I'm off home to my castle for tea, biscuits and wenches. Tally ho!" - Jonman
"Dhelor + intarwebs = Great ideas." - wordsmythe
Aren't they one and the same?
I would think the first rule of PR is to ignore forum people, because they vacillate between crazy and liar. - Elysium
Doesn't it feel a few years too late to be bashing EA?
And considering how well they managed the Fox News/Mass Effect insanity, even more poorly timed.
(Mostly human.)
I was going to point that out earlier. I really have nothing against EA and the way the handled the Fox situation was very appropriate.
Precisely.
Geek Bravado | Twitter | YouTube | Twitch
Quick! Someone form a search party! If we hurry, we could rescue them before the Madden '09 release and destroy the franchise forever!
I didn't get that vibe from the article at all - if anything, it was a parody of those who have knee-jerk EA bashing reactions.
Steam: Dysplastic / Battle.net Dysplastic#1920
Exactly. If anything, it's pointing out how silly it is to call EA evil.
Certis: Quintin is both smart and attractive.
Fedaykin98: Good lord, I wouldn't have expected brilliance like that from that nemeslut Quintin Stone!
Yonder: It's weird to say this, but Quintin Stone may be the wisest person here.
After buying more creative developers, defending them in public in an industry where most publishers cower in a corner when the mass media misrepresents them, apparently being the most reasonable publisher for the enthusiast press to deal with, and hiring Peter Moore to clean up the image of their Sports department, I'm not exactly in love with them but they don't represent the evil monolithic soul-sucking game publisher right now.
Ubisoft is the new EA for me. Blacklisting publications that don't kiss their ass, generic regurgitations of previously original franchises, cheap Wii-cash-in's, horribly optimized, buggy console-to-PC ports, and hyping up a slightly-better-than-average game with a ridiculous amount of hype that didn't really provide info on the actual game at all.
I would think the first rule of PR is to ignore forum people, because they vacillate between crazy and liar. - Elysium
Very funny. Good find soul.
oh my god boooooog
*Legion* wrote:boogle was raised in one, he knows a barn when he sees one.
Which would have been funnier a few years ago when people actually were calling them evil.
Some of those were pretty hilarious.
You live a sheltered life on these properly moderated forums. Trust me, people are still calling them evil, mostly for insane reasons.
I would think the first rule of PR is to ignore forum people, because they vacillate between crazy and liar. - Elysium
There are forums outside of GWJ!?
Final Warrior Quest - Play it for free!
Agent of Fate - Play it for free!
Nobody's commented on Elizabeth Bathory yet?
"Once you can accept the universe is matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." -- Albert Einstein
I'd hit it?
I love America more than any other country in the world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
Watch me learn to draw.
That's dangerous territory, my friend.
Backloggery | Origin: VrikkGWJ
"There's no constitutional amendment that says a golden retreiver CAN'T be Speaker of the House! 'AIR BUD 6: HOUSE BROKEN'" - TheHarpoMarxist
Yeah. I hate EA for what they did to 2k football. I hate EA for how soulless much of what they create is. However, this is the company that has sold me 3 different copies of Burnout (Takedown, Revenge and Paradise). This is the company that published Rock Band, which gets played every other week by anyone who comes to our house. This is the company that published The Orange Box. And, yes, it's the company that is now defending Bioware and Mass Effect.
I think for this case, "I'd hit it" should be taken literally I mean she certainly isn't very "humanly" thus making her a "it" and I'd definite hit her upside the head! (with a bat )
Decisions are just decisions, there are neither "good" or "bad"
[quote=LobsterMobster] *In response to being rewarded with a in-game shack for NOT nuking FO3 city Megaton*
Yeah, but if you set off the bomb in Megaton you are rewarded with a parking lot!
I'll second this.
"What exactly is a squirrel licking beta grabbing frump digger?" ~trichy
"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines and brudda.... I hurt people"
What game are you referring to?
Good find Soul!
Torq - I can certainly see myself whipping it out for a quick solo on commutes though.
Steam
Aries#1590
You honestly don't know? Many of us are still bitter about how hollow and pointless this game turned out.
Halo 3? Assassin's Creed? Wait, those aren't EA games. Oh well, the charges still stand.
"What exactly is a squirrel licking beta grabbing frump digger?" ~trichy
"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines and brudda.... I hurt people"
Neither are Rock Band and Orange Box. EA put them on shelves, they had zero to do with the creative elements of those games. A lot of people give EA credit for those games being made when in fact they had nothing to do with it.
Geek Bravado | Twitter | YouTube | Twitch
Wow. See, someone was bashing EA. Kuddles took Ubisoft to task and danced around the name of a overyped and slightly better than average game. Now this?
Come on. Seriously? The game is Assassin's Creed. Lots of Phail for not getting that.