The Outsider

Even as a person who majored in the English language through my post-secondary education, I’m still a little fuzzy on the term “ironic,” so I’m not sure if it’s ironic or not that, as a co-creator of a website known for having developed a strong, tight-knit and supportive community, I myself feel that I’m generally terrible at being part of a community. Ironic or not, it does entertain me in a somewhat depressing, emotionally self-flagellating kind of way. [Ed. note: This is, of course, the True Way of the English major.]

We get questions sent to the podcast all the time from people who don’t know how to insert themselves into our GWJ community. From the outside looking in, this group of online strangers seems so comfortably close that it can seem impenetrable. While we say, “Just dive in and you’ll find a place,” which is very often true, I’ve also seen people who I know are trying to take that advice and yet seem to at the same time immediately either come off as trying too hard, or too aggressively, or too meek and self-deprecating, or who just don’t come in with the right tone. When that happens, I think a lot of people immediately feel, “Oh no. That didn’t work at all.” And more often than not, we never hear from those people again.

I sympathize with those folks, because in an odd way I know what they feel like. I look at the community for this site that I’ve put so much passion, energy and effort into over the years, and realize from time to time that while I was focused on all that stuff, what I forgot to keep doing was being part of the community. And now, in a very weird but tangible way, I look at the GWJ community and think to myself, “Man, looks like they’re having fun. I wish I was part of that community!”

I think of myself as really good at being an acquaintance, and pretty bad at being a friend. There are things about being a friend that just don’t come naturally to me, and while I do have friends (and I think they would largely say good things about me), I think every single one of the them has probably at some time thought to him or herself, “I wonder if Sean has forgotten I exist?”

This is, I think we can all agree, a pretty bad thing for your friends to think.

It’s not for lack of valuing friends, colleagues or communities. Part of the problem is that I spend a lot of time thinking that no one wants to hear from me unless I have specific value to offer. It is virtually impossible for me to say to someone, “Hey, let’s just chat because we haven’t done it in a while.” I need to go into that conversation with specific meaning and context. I need to be able to complete the sentence: “I want you to pay attention to what I am saying, because … .”

If I can’t get to that place, I operate from the assumption that my friends, despite the fact that I know they are my friends and therefore have provided evidence that suggests they just enjoy my company, only want to hear from me if there is important or specifically entertaining information to be conveyed. For example, I might say to my good friend Julian Murdoch, “I couldn’t help but notice your house is on fire and I thought you’d like to know.” That feels like an acceptable reason to trouble Julian with my presence.

This may seem oddly incongruous from someone who writes weekly missives for a publicly visible site. Here I am offering, unbidden in most cases, an array of barely credible thoughts on topics too many to name. The difference is — and I don’t entirely know how to break it to you — for most people reading this, we’re probably not friends. Doesn’t mean we couldn’t be if we knew each other (again, for most of you, we don’t). Which brings us full circle, because I feel like it’s that kind of perspective on the situation that is part of why I feel disconnected from the community.

In some ways, the only way I can share this kind of somewhat personal information with you, particularly since you haven’t asked me, is by having you be anonymous or at least detached. Wrap your brain around this conundrum: There are all kinds of things I would and have said in an article — things that are deeply personal and mean so much to me — which I wouldn’t trouble my friends with. In some bizarre and deeply troubled way, because we are not explicit friends, you have the opportunity to know me better than my own friends.

Lucky you.

All that takes me to an even weirder place, where I know in some ways the best, perhaps only way, I can successfully participate in the community of GWJ, is by convincing myself that I’m not actually part of that community.

I don’t like this thing about myself, mind you. And before you assume this is all related to some lack of self-confidence or undervaluing my worth, I wouldn’t recommend wasting a ton of time going down that road — There’s not a lot of meat on that bone. I just have a kind of eff’d up way of thinking about how human relationships work. I always figure people have a certain well of interest in being part of my life, and every interaction is either an opportunity to fill the well more full, or take something out. I’m well aware that just staying in touch and involved with people is part of filling the well, but in my backwards mind I always think of that kind of interaction as me hauling up a big, overflowing bucketful of water from an ever dwindling supply.

Disengagement reproduces parthenogenetically (Writers Note: the ed. is responsible for this word, I had to look it up). The more you disengage from people, the more likely you will keep disengaging from those people. Eventually the choice to not reach out to friends, colleagues or communities doesn’t feel like a choice. It feels like the thing everyone has agreed to do, and suddenly I feel not just that I shouldn’t reach out to these people — who still by the way mean a lot to me — but that I can’t.

It’s a messed up way of thinking about interaction, and I work to get past it where I can, but it does provide me room for sympathy and understanding when people talk about feeling like they can’t join in with a group. I have this group, right here, where arguably you could say I had a key role in helping the community to exist in the first place, and I don’t really know how to be a part of it. Which is funny because I respect it so much, appreciate its existence so much, and marvel so often at how generous and kind its members are.

It’s just that when I say that, there’s a part of me that feels like I am speaking as an outsider.

Comments

McIrishJihad wrote:

But as for Sean, you're certainly a special case in this community. I've got a feeling that just about anyone will openly accept you, certis, Demiurge, and the rest of the semi-regular GWJCC participants with open arms into any conversation.

Not Rabbit, though. f*ck that guy.

In all seriousness and on topic, I've played online games with GWJers, had Twitter conversations with GWJers, recorded Podcasts with GWJers, have Slapped and Tickled various GWJers at PAX and Escapist Expo (including that chivalrous charlatan Quentin Stone), participated in the Secret Stanta, have spilled more of my personal feels in a select couple of threads here than I really should have, and have even had my works slapped onto the front-page here by a delusional fellow that fancies himself and "editor".

Yet I STILL feel like I'm on the fringes of this community.

I think the big reason is that GamersWithJobs is a lot bigger than we imagine it to be, and is also structured differently than many other forums. I think the first thread where I felt like a real part of the group was the 3DS Catch-All, which in some ways is its own subcommunity. I know some folks already mentioned subgroups, but I think what it means to a part of GWJ is to basically be some sort of weird impossible Venn Diagram of different aspects of the community. If you think of GamersWithJobs as a town, some of us go to the gym on the Eastern end of town while others attend the gym in the center. Some of us eat at Olive Garden, some at Macaroni Grill, and some say "Screw that, I'm going to Applebee's". We all cross each other's paths at the supermarket, some times with little more than a nod and a hello, and sometimes stopping and having an in-depth discussion.

Every other forum I've been a member in has been much more like being part of a club in College. You basically know everyone after being there for a while, and at some point get to be a part of the inner circle. GamersWithJobs is bigger than that, though.

Which is also part of what makes it wonderful and challenging. It operates on a different level than other forums do. But on the whole, even if you feel like you're forever on the fringes, it pays off.

I would definitely echo the advice of finding a game that appeals to you and starting there, then branching out. I may have joined the community in 2007, but I didn't really feel a part of it until I started playing Sins of a Solar Empire and Minecraft multiplayer with Goodjers in 2009 and 2010, respectively. Just take your time and don't worry about how others perceive you - most of us are pretty nice.

Coldstream wrote:

More seriously, introversion (or high-functioning schizoid personality, not to be confused with Schizoid Personality Disorder) is an endless conflict between the desire for meaningful intimacy (emotional, mental, and/or physical) and an instinctive mental defensive mechanism of withdrawal to avoid becoming subsumed (which may or may not be subconscious) by a larger whole. I imagine that most introverts have felt (as I so often have) an almost physical sense of need to withdraw from a loud party or supremely extroverted person, whereas an extrovert wants nothing more than to dive into the mix and become lost in it. The heightened anxiety felt by an introvert at the prospect of being consumed into a larger community is exhausting, hence our need to withdraw and be alone to "recharge".

And thus we come to our little community. One can, realistically, contribute as much or as little as one wishes. Some reading these words are frequent posters. Other never do more than 'lurk' (how's that for a pejorative term?) and thus never make their presence known. To the sensitive individual, entering a community is like having the Eye of Sauron turn upon him/her, with judgement following thereafter. That our particular community-comprised eye is far more benevolent than others can only mitigate some of the inevitable anxiety that arises.

Well said. Did the military give you more psychological training than civilian doctors?

It has already been said, jump in with both feet. Throw caution to the wind and post something.

Hell, i was nervous at my first S&T, Qstone, Yellek, Kurrelgyre, Badmojo, , Louziffer, probably forgetting a few, but they knew each other IRL before i moved to NC years ago, but i still was able to become friends with them. (disclaimer, Stone is ok is small doses )

You just have to willing to let your guard down just a little bit.

TO be perfectly clear -- I appreciate the call when the house is burning down, but you can also call just to talk about guitar tuning or anything else!

I don't know about anyone else, but I do wish our overlords would get more involved in game threads.

The Euro Truck Simulator thread is actually one of the coolest threads for just talking about stuff. We've shared experiences about traffic and our most fun and expensive crashes. It's fun to talk about videogames without it all being min-maxing and rage as games discussions often are. And knowing that Sean is playing it I would like to hear his experiences with the game.

Amoebic wrote:

I think we can sometimes be a little bit of the mindset that, if they wanted to see more of us, they'd reach out. But if everyone's doing that, then no one's doing it, and everybody loses. Does that make sense?

In my opinion, a simple truth of life is that the meaning to life is to love, and it manifests in very small and significant ways. Engaging in the act of shared experiences, ideas, and interests with the rest of humanity is one way to achieve that.

This is a very astute summary. We can all spend a little too much time pondering on situations and how to best approach them, or even how to best circumvent them. The finite nature of life can then change the game entirely before we have played the hand we would have desired. It is frightening how pivotal the adage "Don't put off until tomorrow, what you can do today" can be. Tomorrow is uncertain. Today is so very tangible. Yet circumstance or social protocol can prohibit our willingness to take action.

I find myself to be a mix of introvert and extrovert. I think we all are. It is simply a difference of ratio. I would be predominantly of an extroverted nature. I am very out going. I can strike up conversation. I can carry a conversation. I am not intimidated by groups. Yet at the same time I like having some time to myself. There can be days where I shall opt to alter my approach so not to prolong a conversation. I simply found myself to be wired this way. However, confidence is an issue. It can either bolster ones approach or hinder it. I work at a hotel where I deal with the public for 9 to 11 hours a day. I tend the bar, to a different clientele in the morning and afternoon than from the evening onward. The experience this job has granted me has built on an already confident and out going persona. The key contribution is repetition. Although, repetition without the necessary personality is not enough to remedy anxiety or awkward behavior. I have learned this by watching the more anxious staff and the more awkward staff continue to struggle - albeit to a lesser extent - in social situations, even after years in a role that grants them daily practice. What does impress me is their courage to continue in spite of their apprehension. Many quit as a result of it.

I see things from a different perspective. They see a situation that is going to put them in a vulnerable role - some customers like to attempt asserting themselves so they can then dictate and talk down to staff - where all eyes are on them. I see a situation that needs addressed - the customer desires one thing or another - and it is my job to be concise about what and efficient about how, lacing the interaction with charm (small talk) and authority (speaking clearly and answering with certainty).

I wouldn't described myself as an integral or a favorable part of any community. I neither see myself as an individual others may view with dislike or scorn. I've never thought about it. I'm a screen name much like anyone else. I sign up and I start posting. Whatever happens, happens. And it just so happens that this community has a unique atmosphere about it, one that is welcoming and big-hearted. It's a fantastic community to be a part of, whether you feel as if you're part of it our not. I'm relatively new and largely unknown, so I cannot speak on behalf of anyone, nevermind the community as a whole. Nevertheless, I see Coffee Grinders greeted warmly and observe as their opinions are taken on board.

And with this you see my conundrum. I perhaps speak too much and too often!

RnRClown wrote:

I find myself to be a mix of introvert and extrovert. I think we all are. It is simply a difference of ratio. I would be predominantly of an extroverted nature. I am very out going. I can strike up conversation. I can carry a conversation. I am not intimidated by groups. Yet at the same time I like having some time to myself. There can be days where I shall opt to alter my approach so not to prolong a conversation. I simply found myself to be wired this way. However, confidence is an issue. It can either bolster ones approach or hinder it. I work at a hotel where I deal with the public for 9 to 11 hours a day. I tend the bar, to a different clientele in the morning and afternoon than from the evening onward. The experience this job has granted me has built on an already confident and out going persona. The key contribution is repetition. Although, repetition without the necessary personality is not enough to remedy anxiety or awkward behavior. I have learned this by watching the more anxious staff and the more awkward staff continue to struggle - albeit to a lesser extent - in social situations, even after years in a role that grants them daily practice. What does impress me is their courage to continue in spite of their apprehension. Many quit as a result of it.

The difference between an introvert and an extrovert isn't that introverts don't like to be social or aren't good at it, it's how it affect them. An extrovert is energized by being social, while an introvert finds it draining.

Stengah wrote:

The difference between an introvert and an extrovert isn't that introverts don't like to be social or aren't good at it, it's how it affect them. An extrovert is energized by being social, while an introvert finds it draining.

I realize that, but I don't draw as much of a distinction between the two.

By definition, if someone finds a task draining, debilitating, tiresome - whichever term we use to describe how it affects an introvert - they are less likely to enjoy that task. As a result they look to minimize said situations and keep them brief when avoidance is not an option. They may not even realize they are doing it. That, to me, is falling short.

In tourism, travel, and catering you don't get to choose when, or where, or for how long, nor with whom, to be good at it. Those who tend to enjoy human interaction - probably because they do not struggle with it (be that understanding it or partaking in it) - are better suited because they don't have to make as much of an effort, as it comes naturally.

There are those who are introverts yet do very well in such jobs, because they realize it is a duty they are being paid to fulfill as part of the job. They are the exception. I cannot think of more than two examples in my work place. The staff who receive the most praise from customer feedback are the staff who are out-going, bubbly, enthusiastic, talkative. The staff who receive criticism and garner complaints are those who are short with their customer interactions, who do not engage in conversation when prompted, who come across as being unsure on simple queries because they hesitate. Introverts dominate the latter, while extroverts take precedent in the former. There is a connection. It is not a constant, but it is frequent.

It is different with friends, family, and even acquaintances. I do not know if I would class it as better or worse. I have witnessed the same introverts handle social situations in such company more akin to a silver-tongued devil, comparatively anyway. I have also witnessed my sister-in-law struggle more so in such company than that of strangers.

I went a little outside the topic at hand by bringing up the work place where certain standards are expected, regardless of personality, but I find it to be a good barometer of extroversion and introversion. It shall differ between each place of employment. I once work at a Royal Mail sorting centre where there was no dealing with clientele, and minimal interaction between the workers for long durations. In that environment it was difficult to tell. If anything it was the extroverts who were less efficient because they looked for social interaction more often.

You should probably read this. You seem to be confusing outgoing with extroversion and awkward with introversion.

I find the distinction personally rather arbitrary and somewhat destructive, as descriptors and labels of that sort can be self-fulfilling or limiting to personal growth. I used to be classed "introvert" on tests. Now I class "ambivert."

I find personal and social interaction varying in terms of what I get out of them personally. Granted, I don't normally think of social interaction in terms of personal gain, but from a narcissistic perspective, it's variable. There are some people who are draining to be with, or situations that are draining. That doesn't make these people or situations bad, only that they're tiring and cost mental energy.

On the flipside there are people who energize others by their demeanor and personal aura. These are not necessarily the "cheerful" or "bubbly" types, as the forced cheerfulness around some such folk can be tiresome or annoying to experience. Instead, I find that they energize others by catering to each person's needs while filling their own energies from the interaction.

Such a person will leave an introvert to their devices so as not to cause energy drain, while supplying points or materials of interest to spur solo activity. They'll supply non-dominating supportive conversation to extroverts to give them the interaction they need to recharge. So it seems that the defining trait of the "recharger" is empathy.

RnRClown wrote:

I find myself to be a mix of introvert and extrovert. I think we all are. It is simply a difference of ratio.

Your intuition matches the theories. Many of the most popular theories of personality posit traits on axes of opposing traits in this way. An axis is not a binary switch. There are some individuals who will score far to one side on such an axis, but it is often as common to score in an intermediate, balanced position for any of the axes. On those axes, an individual may simply not systematically exhibit the most extreme traits associated with those traits, and/or may be capable to shift between the traits.

From Wikipedia (for my convenience):

According to Jung, people use all four cognitive functions. However, one function is generally used in a more conscious and confident way.
...
According to Jung's typology model, each person uses one of these four functions more dominantly and proficiently than the other three; however, all four functions are used at different times depending on the circumstances.

Example: applying the Myers-Briggs personality types (typically the most common personality diagnostic tool), whereas I am strongly INTROVERTED, I am only slightly INTUITIVE and can be almost as likely to display behavior consistent with SENSING. I have become an experienced socializer mostly through my career but still disdain small talk and am infinitely more comfortable self-entertaining. Contrast that with whereas I prefer understanding the world through education and introspective analysis, I am just as likely to base my conceptions on my own experience and observations.

GWJers, which I are you? (This free online short crappy site is a knockoff of the Myers-Briggs questionnaire, which is copy written and normally only conducted by psychologists, psychiatrists, guidance counsellors, etc. Your mileage may vary. Test results on such website should not be interpreted as authentic psychiatric assessments. Yadda, yadda, yadda.)

edit: Stengahed! But ignore the section in that link where the blogger discusses dopamine and Broca's Area. He's got the overall concept close, but the details muddled. (In psychology, often the overall concept is important but the details are trivial. Such is true for that blog post.)

Edit 2--I'm sorry: fixed an iOS forced spelling that made one point harder to comprehend.

This was an easy community to get involved in. Show up, post some stupid pictures, run Darksiders jokes into the ground, profit.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

This was an easy community to get involved in. Show up, post some stupid pictures, run Darksiders jokes into the ground, profit.

Is that game any good?

Stele wrote:
MilkmanDanimal wrote:

This was an easy community to get involved in. Show up, post some stupid pictures, run Darksiders jokes into the ground, profit.

Is that game any good? :D

It's alright, but the best part is knowing that people groan out loud when you say it's like Zelda for grown ups.

MrDeVil909 wrote:
Stele wrote:
MilkmanDanimal wrote:

This was an easy community to get involved in. Show up, post some stupid pictures, run Darksiders jokes into the ground, profit.

Is that game any good? :D

It's alright, but the best part is knowing that people groan out loud when you say it's like Zelda for grown ups.

It might be worth picking up if it goes on sale for $4, but definitely not $5, that's too expensive a price to pay for any game.

Nice article! My first go to forums was Gone Gold years ago. I then found a few other sites, one of them being GWJ. Though I am a member for over 8 years and still don't have my own tag yet, I find myself visiting multiple times a day to see what is going on. Great community and people here!

Johnvanjim wrote:
Itsatrap wrote:

I have a weird relationship with GWJ. I'm both a member of the community, and yet I also feel like I'm doomed to forever remain on the fringes of it. I mean, it took me 7 years to get my tag, and I never really got to the point where I felt like I was on the cool kids talking about the latest games or the jokiest of in-jokes. And yet, here I am, bogged down with my own set of quirky constraints, both a contributing member of the community and *still* an outsider. Stranger in a strange land indeed.

I wrote a big empathetic agreement to this in detail.. Then I deleted it, I know how ya feel!

Maybe the next generation will be better about better connecting through the virtual pathways that we now live our lives.

I started writing this yesterday, but deleted it, but oddly enough, I've found that the virtual connections have strengthened my ability to forge and maintain real life ones. I've got a moderate case of social anxiety, and the 'socialization' experience that GWJ's given me has given me the anxiety equivalent of interval training. I've built up my 'meet new people' muscles to the point where I'm, if not comfortable, than at least coping in most situations I come across these days.

Itsatrap wrote:

I have a weird relationship with GWJ. I'm both a member of the community, and yet I also feel like I'm doomed to forever remain on the fringes of it. I mean, it took me 7 years to get my tag, and I never really got to the point where I felt like I was on the cool kids talking about the latest games or the jokiest of in-jokes. And yet, here I am, bogged down with my own set of quirky constraints, both a contributing member of the community and *still* an outsider. Stranger in a strange land indeed.

I wrote a big empathetic agreement to this in detail.. Then I deleted it, I know how ya feel!

Maybe the next generation will be better about better connecting through the virtual pathways that we now live our lives.

Disengagement reproduces parthenogenetically (Writers Note: the ed. is responsible for this word, I had to look it up).

Look, you wrote "asexually," which includes a lot of things you probably didn't want to imply.

Amoebic wrote:

Not to be a downer again, and not looking (or wanting) sympathy, but I had a lot of people very close to me die within a really short span of a few years not too long ago, and it made me realize that there is such a thing as spending too much time keeping a respectful distance. I think we're can sometimes be a little bit of the mindset that, if they wanted to see more of us, they'd reach out. But if everyone's doing that, then no one's doing it, and everybody loses. Does that make sense?

I don't know if it was seriously overplayed or if I just happened to be in the car at the wrong time as a kid, but Mike & The Mechanics' "The Living Years" has always stuck with me.

had my works slapped onto the front-page here by a delusional fellow that fancies himself and "editor".

I'm pretty sure I have to kill you now.

MrDeVil909 wrote:

I don't know about anyone else, but I do wish our overlords would get more involved in game threads.

I'm sure we'd all like to spend more time in the forums, just as we'd like to have more time to write for the front page. Unfortunately, it seems that the sort of folks who take up unpaid obligations like running GWJ seem to also gain obligations outside GWJ. This is part of why we need to regularly bring in fresh bloodnew writers.

I consider myself a friendly, outgoing person, but the one barrier I have when it comes to socializing is breaking the ice. If I already know you, I won't hesitate to come over and chat, but if you're a complete stranger, it'll take some doing to pry my mouth open. If I make an effort to introduce myself and get the cold shoulder (I don't know if this has ever happened), I'll feel like I made a terrible social faux-pas and withdraw from the group, avoiding it until the end of time. The easiest way to befriend someone like me is to reach out and get that person involved in the conversation.

Sean wrote:

While we say, “Just dive in and you’ll find a place,” which is very often true, I’ve also seen people who I know are trying to take that advice and yet seem to at the same time immediately either come off as trying too hard, or too aggressively, or too meek and self-deprecating, or who just don’t come in with the right tone. When that happens, I think a lot of people immediately feel, “Oh no. That didn’t work at all.” And more often than not, we never hear from those people again.

This is the most terrifying and depressing thing I've read in quite some time. Fortunately, my anxiety only applies in meatspace. Unfortunately, as evidenced by this article, it applies everywhere for some people, and you can't always get someone else to introduce you on an internet message board.

LarryC wrote:

On the flipside there are people who energize others by their demeanor and personal aura. These are not necessarily the "cheerful" or "bubbly" types, as the forced cheerfulness around some such folk can be tiresome or annoying to experience. Instead, I find that they energize others by catering to each person's needs while filling their own energies from the interaction.

This kind of person is a godsend. You can always count on them to make you feel welcome.

What Elysium wrote.

About 90 percent of it applies to me as well.

P.S. Where's the introverts meeting? I want to know it's happening but I don't really plan on going because, you know, introverts.

Part of the problem is that I spend a lot of time thinking that no one wants to hear from me unless I have specific value to offer. It is virtually impossible for me to say to someone, “Hey, let’s just chat because we haven’t done it in a while.” I need to go into that conversation with specific meaning and context. I need to be able to complete the sentence: “I want you to pay attention to what I am saying, because … .”

Yep. Random chitchat is tremendously difficult for me because I'm basically unable to think of something to say if the topic of conversation isn't one that I feel I can contribute something of value to. At the same time, I'm sufficiently aware of social dynamics that I don't want to change the subject just so I can participate, so I do a whole lot of not talking as a rule. I've had friends ask me before why I don't call them to make plans, and my only response is that it simply didn't occur to me. It's not a lack of caring or interest but simply part of my psychology. Large crowds aren't a problem though because it's a lot like being alone, and I really like being alone. It's my preferred state. More difficult are smaller gatherings full of strangers, since there's that initial hurdle of trying to find common ground that almost always requires smalltalk to traverse.

What tends to work for me in a new social environment is just to look for an established conversation about something I feel like I can contribute to and then just jump into it. This works particularly well in web forums because in most cases no one knows that you're new to the community and weren't just talking in other threads they haven't been reading. So there's generally no need for introductions or feeling awkward for not participating because there's no actual sense of presence in online communication.

If it encourages anyone hesitant to participate, it may help to know that I re-read and edited this post multiple times and debated whether it was actually worth anyone's time to read before hitting the "post" button. In fact, I almost bailed on it since it seems redundant from what some other people here have said. I do this ALL THE TIME, and I suspect a lot of other GWJers do too. Web communities tend to attract people with introvert tendencies because it's a comfortable social environment for people who don't really like social situations, so this type of behavior is far from unusual here.

Also, Sean, you're always welcome at game nights in Eagan. Heck, this time I'll even promise to read the rules fully regarding whichever character you might be playing!

Coldstream wrote:

As I peek in through the windows of your house at night, I've often thought the same thing. I mean, if we were actually friends, I wouldn't have to sneak around at night looking in through open blinds. And hugging myself tightly. WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?

So you're the one standing next to me. Huh. Imagine that. *glances* Ooo. *eats popcorn*

Community? Hmm. I just walk in and sit down. If I'm not set on fire I assume they love me and I proceed to hug the nearest one. If that person rejects my hug, I hug another and another and another until I get hugged back.

The lesson here is to carry a can of mace.

EDIT: Seriously though. If I want to be included I just insert myself and start asking questions about the subject everyone is overreacting *cough* I mean reacting to. I used to be like Sean but 12 years of journalism burned it out of me.

wordsmythe wrote:
MrDeVil909 wrote:

I don't know about anyone else, but I do wish our overlords would get more involved in game threads.

I'm sure we'd all like to spend more time in the forums, just as we'd like to have more time to write for the front page. Unfortunately, it seems that the sort of folks who take up unpaid obligations like running GWJ seem to also gain obligations outside GWJ. This is part of why we need to regularly bring in fresh bloodnew writers.

Sure, but in the context of an article about wanting to take part in the community but not feeling part of it I think that is a separate issue.

If one can spare a few minutes to read through a thread one can probably spare a few minutes occasionally to make a post.

But that's not what the article is about.

MrDeVil909 wrote:

But that's not what the article is about.

Word.

Coldstream wrote:

I imagine that most introverts have felt (as I so often have) an almost physical sense of need to withdraw from a loud party or supremely extroverted person[...]

Oh... like that time...

He was a perfectly nice extrovert I'm sure. It's just that he wouldn't stop talking, wouldn't break eye-contact, and steadfastly refused to leave that extra foot of space between us that I so needed. He was completely unable to notice my discomfort until the wine glass in my hand spontaneously broke. I had been unconsciously gripping it progressively tighter until it could stand no more. A brittle metaphor for my mind-state, right in the palm of my hand.