Post a news story, entertain me!

"Embracing while driving?" Is that what they're calling it now?

Rat Boy wrote:

"Embracing while driving?" Is that what they're calling it now?

Road head is illegal? Damn.

On the testicle chick.. that's just.. damn. 'Yes, I ripped off one of his testicles. I didn't mean to hurt him.'

Oh, and a news story:

Teen stabs PS3 burglar in the CHEST. Dare I say 'OWNED!'?

Graying Duo Keep Passenger In Check

"The woman sitting in front of us was very upset and asked me how I could just sit there reading," Katie Hayden said. "Bob's been shot at. He's been stabbed. He's taken knives away. He knows how to handle those situations. I figured he would go up there and step on somebody's neck, and that would be the end of it. I knew how that situation would end. I didn't know how the book would end."
shihonage wrote:

Graying Duo Keep Passenger In Check

"The woman sitting in front of us was very upset and asked me how I could just sit there reading," Katie Hayden said. "Bob's been shot at. He's been stabbed. He's taken knives away. He knows how to handle those situations. I figured he would go up there and step on somebody's neck, and that would be the end of it. I knew how that situation would end. I didn't know how the book would end."

Well done. This is how we defeat "terror" (though I know this was a mental condition and not a terrorist): Calmly deal with the situation, or calmly keep reading your book.

Man attacked by bobcat, chokes it to death.

dhelor wrote:

Man attacked by bobcat, chokes it to death.

Sometimes you gotta choke a b*tch.

Let's do it on the roof, Under the stars...

Huge Lake in Chile just disappears

This is pretty crazy. Not everyday that you see a lake and then a couple of months later it's just gone.
All I have to say is maybe the earth was thirsty?

Baby names. "4real"

Surgie wrote:

Baby names. "4real"

What's that I see? Four horsemen in the sky?

As long as it's not Lake Titicaca, I'm okay with it. I don't think I could live knowing that Lake Titicaca was no more.

The headline says it all: Girl's feet severed on ride.

Pernicious Punks Pelt Prole, Purloin Prophylactics.

Man beats peacock to death because he thought it was a vampire.

Seriously. What the f*ck?

Jack Thompson forced to submit to psychological testing? Seems possible. Plus, it's damn funny.

Also, Parents Groups Says Transformers Ads Target Kids to Buy Toys. Ya don't say?

This just in: Parents Groups are full of morons.

Bill Gates came out!

[color=white]of first place of the richest people in the world, that is[/color]

Man disguised as tree robs bank.

LeapingGnome wrote:

The headline says it all: Girl's feet severed on ride.

I was in the West Wing building at the fair grounds for Million Man Lan 6 when this happened. When you walk out the front of that building you can look to the right and see the park entrance, and the rid itself is pretty much right there behind the entrance.

Some people from at the Lan had ventured out to Six Flags and been on that ride earlier on that day.

Scary stuff.

Bookworm's buggy beaten by ball.
Battered Bobby Boring's brick barrage busted.

The article wrote:

Police said crane operator Robby L. Boring, 28, of Meadville, was injured when he tried to stop the wrecking ball by throwing bricks in front of it.

dhelor wrote:

Also, Parents Groups Says Transformers Ads Target Kids to Buy Toys. Ya don't say?

Well old Ronny got rid of the regulations forbidding TV advertising to market to kids, so I hope those "Parents Groups" members didn't vote for him!

Yoooo Joe!

Suspected Beer Tampering!

The story itself? Not that exciting. What makes it a winner is the second to last paragraph:

Vomiting has been linked in some cases to the consumption of the beer, the CFIA said.

Breaking news, indeed.

Robber points a gun at a 14 year old girl's head. He's then offered wine and cheese. After a group hug he's off.

Funeral director's first client? Dad.

You may now kiss and throw each other..

This is pretty much my idea of an ideal wedding.

Hilarious Onion-like article:
Illegal Immigrants Seek Scooter's Deal

According to reports, immigration officials across the country have been deluged in recent days by illegal aliens willing to plead guilty to perjury in exchange for a deal similar to Mr. Libby's.