'Need to chat'. *DDT* *Dead as a dodo*

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'Need to chat'. It's a loaded phrase. But is it worse when it's uttered by:

Your boss

Your doctor

Your girlfriend / boyfriend

A friend you've asked out

What say you?

1Dgaf wrote:

A friend you've asked out

I'm picturing a, "So, I went to the clinic and you really should go get checked yourself" after school special sort of moment.

I'll put it into context.

Invited a female friend to dinner, by email. I had to cancel. Been stuck in the house for two weeks, so decided to invite myself to her house for dinner instead.

Get I missed call on my phone. Reply by text message asking what's up. She wants to come to dinner, but she needs to have a chat first. Wants me to call her tomorrow.

Which is fine - I'll call tomorrow. But if she wanted to give me the 'Friend' speech, she could have done it over email and saved me the cost of a call.

Doesn't bother me a great deal; you can't miss what you don't have. I just find it peculiarly amusing.

1Dgaf, we need to chat. I don't think this thread meets the definition of a DDT.

edit: as of your second post, it now meets the definition of a DDT.

Who knows what she is going to say. Perhaps she will just want to verify that you have condoms or something. Then again, maybe not ...

If it is the "friends" chat, at least she's doing it before the end of the evening. My personal favorites involved 2 or 3 hang out/date type things before getting the speech. Getting to know them, seeing what their vibe is and totally misreading it. That's my specialty.

You can't learn that skill, by the way. You're either born with it or you're not.

Sorry.

I met this girl and shaved my pubs for her, but she still doesn't dig me. So I bought her a bunch of flowers and told her I'm really sensitivie and loving and that we should get married and that I know we've not been out yet but I can see a beautiful future for us.

Maybe she just doesn't want to do dinner at her house. You know, because her husband and his large dogs are there. Or maybe she's homeless; that could be it, too.

Slightly serious edit: Maybe she has food allergies/bizarre-ities and wants to verify the menu? Sometimes a chat is just a chat.

Slightly less serious edit: Maybe she wants proof of your clean genitals before she shows you the tattoo she got of your name on her labia.

I've met this woman several times, mostly with other people around. I used to think she liked me, but she was still with someone (albeit tentatively).

We've known each other for a year or so. I suspect that the intitial interest has worn off through familiarity.

Also, she came to my last stand up gig (which was a f*cking disaster by the way) and the compere asked if we were together. She replied firmly 'no'. He asked 'Not even a bit' and she stressed that we weren't, although he's 'very funny and I love him'.

Odds-on she's not interested. And that's fine, because that's the expected outcome. However if I ask someone out and they turn me down, I try not to hang around with them anymore. Well, I break all contact. And I want to be able to do that without seeming like a prick.

1Dgaf wrote:

the compere asked if we were together. She replied firmly 'no'. He asked 'Not even a bit' and she stressed that we weren't, although he's 'very funny and I love him'.

Odds-on she's not interested.

Really, Sherlock? I don't know how you can make those wild logical leaps, it's as if you have a gift

However if I ask someone out and they turn me down, I try not to hang around with them anymore. Well, I break all contact. And I want to be able to do that without seeming like a prick.

Well, that's going to be hard, because it's pretty much being a "prick". There's nothing wrong with making friends of the female persuasion, if you actually enjoy their company.

edit: Unless you only want to get in their pants

Mex wrote:

edit: Unless you only want to get in their pants

Sex...to avoid looking like a prick. Genius!

However if I ask someone out and they turn me down, I try not to hang around with them anymore. Well, I break all contact. And I want to be able to do that without seeming like a prick.

I totally understand your mindset here. I have no problem being friends with women, but once you make that leap to try to cross over into the realm of physical possibilities, it is hard to go back.
I have lost touch with a couple of people that way in the past.

Mex,

Once you ask someone out, your relationship to them changes. The balance of power in the friendship is different.

There are plenty of stories of men who stay as friends 'just in case something changes'. I'm not interested in being that kind of guy.

1Dgaf wrote:

There are plenty of stories of men who stay as friends 'just in case something changes'. I'm not interested in being that kind of guy.

We used to call it, "c*ck in a box." In case of emergency, break glass.

1Dgaf wrote:

However if I ask someone out and they turn me down, I try not to hang around with them anymore. Well, I break all contact. And I want to be able to do that without seeming like a prick.

Why don't you keep them as friends? First off, it widens your circle of friends. Secondly, you have a better shot at hooking up with her friends.

I am correct in assuming that you've told this girl that both:

A) You've shaved your pubes... specifically for HER benefit... as a friend. (as in "It's not just a personal comfort thing... I did it for YOU, pal!") Honestly.. .that's a little creepy.

and

B) You want to marry her.. before you've even had a first date. Not what most women want to hear... it's a little fast for lifetime commitment, even if you've been friends a while. it also goes without saying that you shouldn't have to TELL her you're sensitive and loving. If she's a good friend, she would already know if this is true and made up her mind on the subject.

Sorry dude, but this sound like you're steadfastly in the friend zone, and will probably remain there.

personally, I'd hate the call from my doctor. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

Mex wrote:
1Dgaf wrote:

the compere asked if we were together. She replied firmly 'no'. He asked 'Not even a bit' and she stressed that we weren't, although he's 'very funny and I love him'.

Odds-on she's not interested.

Really, Sherlock? I don't know how you can make those wild logical leaps, it's as if you have a gift

However if I ask someone out and they turn me down, I try not to hang around with them anymore. Well, I break all contact. And I want to be able to do that without seeming like a prick.

Well, that's going to be hard, because it's pretty much being a "prick". There's nothing wrong with making friends of the female persuasion, if you actually enjoy their company.

edit: Unless you only want to get in their pants

You appear to need a lesson in ladder theorem.

Here you go

Megalibra wrote:

I am correct in assuming that you've told this girl that both:

A) You've shaved your pubes... specifically for HER benefit... as a friend. (as in "It's not just a personal comfort thing... I did it for YOU, pal!") Honestly.. .that's a little creepy.

and

B) You want to marry her.. before you've even had a first date. Not what most women want to hear... it's a little fast for lifetime commitment, even if you've been friends a while. it also goes without saying that you shouldn't have to TELL her you're sensitive and loving. If she's a good friend, she would already know if this is true and made up her mind on the subject.

Sorry dude, but this sound like you're steadfastly in the friend zone, and will probably remain there.

personally, I'd hate the call from my doctor. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

...
I can't tell if this is finely honed satire or a gentle whooshing sound as the joke sailing by overhead...

Just to clarify, the bit about marriage and flowers was a satire on on GWJ member that started this type of dating thread.

I've not said anything like that to this woman. If anything, I've been somewhat standoffish.

It's almost certain that I'm in the Friend Zone. I just want a really classy way to handle the situation. Something elegant and eloquent.

I think what I'll say is that if she's not sure, then perhaps we should give dinner a miss. But we'll bump into each other at parties and so on and she can give me a ring if she ever wants to.

Oh and I've not got my health, either. Which makes it all the more rare for me to ask people out.

CannibalCrowley wrote:
1Dgaf wrote:

However if I ask someone out and they turn me down, I try not to hang around with them anymore. Well, I break all contact. And I want to be able to do that without seeming like a prick.

Why don't you keep them as friends? First off, it widens your circle of friends. Secondly, you have a better shot at hooking up with her friends.

You have to be careful how that susses out. I had a female friend that started as someone I wanted to knock boots with, but when I started up with her roommate, she just about blew a head gasket. Apparently, it was okay for the three of us to hang out, but our disappearing for a snog and leaving her was downright unacceptable.

sorry. most of what I say sounds kind of satirical. I don't even know when I'm being sarcastic anymore.

I'm new here so any parodies of past threads may be a little lost on me.

How about

"I have to trravel to Ecudor... the orphans need me.. P.S. I am Gay"

or maybe not.

Some knowledge of the ladder theory is obviously needed here.

Paleocon wrote:
CannibalCrowley wrote:
1Dgaf wrote:

However if I ask someone out and they turn me down, I try not to hang around with them anymore. Well, I break all contact. And I want to be able to do that without seeming like a prick.

Why don't you keep them as friends? First off, it widens your circle of friends. Secondly, you have a better shot at hooking up with her friends.

You have to be careful how that susses out. I had a female friend that started as someone I wanted to knock boots with, but when I started up with her roommate, she just about blew a head gasket. Apparently, it was okay for the three of us to hang out, but our disappearing for a snog and leaving her was downright unacceptable.

That is nothing against you that is if she is not getting any, then her friend can't either.

I'm tempted to *not* call tomorrow. Just send a text message saying I'm interested, but if she's unsure we should forget about dinner and she can get in touch when she wants.

I'd rather do that than have the awkwardness of a speech.

Hemidal wrote:
1Dgaf wrote:

A friend you've asked out

I'm picturing a, "So, I went to the clinic and you really should go get checked yourself" after school special sort of moment.

IMAGE(http://blogsap.files.wordpress.com/2006/10/nbc_the_more_you_know.jpg)

1Dgaf wrote:

I'm tempted to *not* call tomorrow. Just send a text message saying I'm interested, but if she's unsure we should forget about dinner and she can get in touch when she wants.

I'd rather do that than have the awkwardness of a speech.

My advice: call her. If you spend your life trying to avoid the "awkwardness of speech", you might as well just give up on dating altogether.

I think we all know there's only one solution . . .

finger->butt

1Dgaf wrote:

It's almost certain that I'm in the Friend Zone. I just want a really classy way to handle the situation. Something elegant and eloquent.

I got you covered. This is easy.

Drop your tackle on the table in the middle of dinner and then say, "Now that you've eaten the soup, it's time for the main course." Chicks dig that.

H.P. Lovesauce wrote:

Some knowledge of the ladder theory is obviously needed here.

Exactly why I included a handy link.

Wow, I've never read the Ladder Theory in its entirety before. That is the answer to every DDT ever.

Applying that to 1D's case, it would appear that he may have been placed on the friend ladder, and so he may as well test this/attempt to jump to the good ladder (because not being on either ladder is arguably better than being on the friend ladder).

Therefore, go ahead and call.

AnimeJ wrote:

You appear to need a lesson in ladder theorem.

Here you go

Meh, sounds pretty emo. I'm friends with a few women who I have no interest in f*cking.

Stuff like "The Ladder Theory" just makes it worse for everyone involved. Sure, some girls are never going to have sex with you, but there's no need to feel like they slighted you or offended your honor.

I'm tempted to *not* call tomorrow. Just send a text message saying I'm interested, but if she's unsure we should forget about dinner and she can get in touch when she wants.

Huh, are you afraid? Why don't you just go? No offense but it sounds like you are uncomfortable around women. Maybe it will serve as "practice".

Seriously, if you're stuck up all the time, girls will have a difficult time being relaxed around you.

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