I think we can all agree that IÂ'm both uncreative and lazy. That being the case, IÂ'm stealing ElysiumÂ's E3 awards article format and in a couple weeks IÂ'll talk about it like it was all my idea. Hopefully Elysium takes this credit theft like a man, I donÂ't want him crying about it like Pyro always does when I claim his notions for my own. LetÂ's get on with the article, I have a lot of verbal abuse to vent before my wedding hits on Saturday and I have to be Â"niceÂ" to my new in-laws. WhatÂ's up with that??
Best Booth of the Show – Infinium Labs (The Phantom)
The perfect place to get away from it all was definitely the Phantom booth. It was mostly empty, quiet and packed with big leather couches and bean bag chairs! Sure you had to deflect some questions from the PR people like Â"Why wonÂ't you talk to me?? Please! Oh god, why doesnÂ't anyone care??Â" while you tried to nap but for the most part it was the best place to get away from it all. My favorite part about the Phantom booth was the one girl who was showing off the machine and answering questions asked by one of the Infinium executives because no one else cared enough to show any curiosity about the device.
She pretended he wasnÂ't her boss and everything, it was cute.
Worst Musical Decision of the Trip – Not bringing my own damn CDs
The only thing worse than LA rush hour is listening to ElysiumÂ's musical collection of The Counting Crows, Matchbox 20 and any other schlock released before 1998 in LA rush hour. The man has the musical taste of a limp noodle.
Worst Game of the Show – Rumble Roses
ThereÂ's nothing quite as sad as watching desperate-to-escape booth babes making awkward poses with sweaty nerds in a makeshift wrestling ring while in the background video screens flash images of women wrestling in the mud and performing the special Â"my crotch twirling around your faceÂ" move.
I was too ashamed of the game industry to try it myself but it looked like most of the action was framed to focus on butt-shots rather than show any gameplay. I took a photo of the Rumble Roses girls asÂ"… evidence.
Worst Abuse of the Word Â"c*ckÂ" - PyroÂÂ
PyroÂ's constant and random use of the word Â"c*ckÂ" (take that, Google searchers!) was truly legendary. Everything from calling us c*cks to demanding we rename the clubs suit in a deck of cards to Â"c*cksÂ" instead. IÂ'll admit, Â"the queen of c*cksÂ" is a funny phrase but only the first time you hear it. DonÂ't even ask about PyroÂ's idea for an E3 feature. LetÂ's just say it involved developers, bathrooms and a camera. Yikes.
Biggest Surprise of the Show – Everquest 2
I was truly expecting to be underwhelmed by Everquest 2 but after watching their canned presentation and playing with the tutorial I couldnÂ't help but be impressed. The graphics are incredibly good, the animations and voice acting I saw were top notch and the interface was very workable while leaving most of the screen open to show the environment. Whether or not the final product will bear fruit is still up in the air but IÂ'm way more interested in trying the beta than I was before.
Best Moment of the Show – Meeting my new best friend Warren Spector
We were heading out of the show for the day when we stumbled across Warren watching some poor sap playing Thief 3. The area was mostly clear and I leaned over to Elysium and pointed out that Warren Spector was standing right behind us and I was totally going to get a picture with him. I got my photo and proceeded to talk to him for a good ten minutes while Elysium played Thief wrong and incurred some Warren-style wrath for his trouble. He was nice, well-spoken and incredibly slippery when talking about Deus Ex 2. He also smelled like coffee, probably because thatÂ's what he was drinking. Awesome.
Oh, and because weÂ're so close he told me they were working on Deus Ex 3 next and he was going to be WAY more hands-on with this one than the last few games.
Best Hangover – Sway
During the GWJ Meet & Geek SwayÂ's lovely wife would order a drink and if SwayÂ's was still half full she would pour some of hers in there to top it off. This combined with SwayÂ's usual binge drinking made for a great morning after when Sway and I sat on the shuttle bus and I made silent bets with myself on how long it would take before he ralphed. A true professional, Sway managed to make it all the way to E3 and even held it together when we stood up, thinking the bus was stopped, and suddenly got thrown forward as what must have been one of the idiots from G4 TV slamming into the front of the parked bus because he was too busy trying to look cool while talking into his headset to notice it.
Way to hold it in Sway, my shoes thank you.
Best Loser at Football – Elysium
First I beat him at Madden 2005 after a masterful two point conversion at the last second. Even better, Sway and Pyro were there to witness my awesome play as an EA rep snickered at ElysiumÂ's inept defense. The next day we moved to SEGAÂ's booth where I whooped Elysium 14 – 0 at ESPN Football 2005. I was hoping to see some tears but he kept it together pretty well.
Saddest Showing – SEGA
Oh SEGA, itÂ's a sad day indeed when your BIG ANNOUNCEMENT is publishing The Matrix Online and the only interesting games in your area are sports titles. What happened to my Dreamcast-making SEGA? Why are they producing lame 3D beat-em-ups instead of Money Ball 3? Argh!
Biggest Jerks – Electronic Arts PR Desk Female Doggoes
Certis: Hi there, I know the guy demoing the new Golden Eye game and IÂ'd like to see it.
EA PR Harridan: Hisss! IÂ'll club your bearded friend and eat his bones human!Â"
Certis: ThatÂ's fine, can I see the game after youÂ're done?
EA PR Banchee: NOOO! YOUÂ'RE NOT EARMARKED AS IMPORTANT PRESS!
Certis: IÂ'll earmark you!
And then I ripped her ear off and wore it on a string around my neck. True story.
Best Game You Can Play Soon – Full Spectrum Warrior
Full Spectrum Warrior is hitting shelves June 1st for the Xbox and itÂ's really, really great. Coop over Xbox live, an incredibly tactical experience and excellent controls. Way more fun than I was expecting.
Best Display of Inappropriate Touching by a Developer – Richard Â"Lord BritishÂ" Garriot
Pyro enjoyed the full NCSoft treatment when Lord British made his move and went for some inappropriate touching. What you see in this image is only a chilling prelude to what came after.
Best Game of the Show – Rome: Total War
Like Elysium said even though it was totally my idea first, Halo 2 was great but it wasnÂ't anything incredibly new. Same goes for Half-Life 2, I wish we could have played the game instead of just watching a recording of someone else having fun. That being the case, Rome: Total War looks like an awesome, almost-complete re-imagining of the Total War series. It was fully playable, every element from the original games looked vastly improved and thereÂ's some solid design built in that knocked my socks off. I canÂ't wait for this fall!
- Certis
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Yuck- well, that'll teach you.
That's gotta be the first time Canada has ever beaten the U.S. in football- thanks Elysium.
I noticed Pyro seemed... different since his return from E3. That is a truly horrifying image.
The world must know the awesome power of our gainfully employed fist! - Lord Xan
The unattainable is unknown at zombo.com!
Wow. That guy on the left looks like he wants to touch Pyro in inexplicable places. Also, why does Pyro (guy on right) look like a British Unmitigated Noodle? Or Bun for short.
"Thanks, KrazyTaco, thanks. I'd put it in your pooper too." -Mex
"Oh, KrazyTaco, you fulfill all my wishes." -pneuman
"I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being called a dumbass by KrazyTaco." -Gravey
How dare you insult Rob Thomas! You shall pay dearly for this, Canadian Fool!
YOU'VE SIGNED YOUR OWN DEATH WARRANT, CERTIS!
Edit:
Oh... uh... I really liked the E3 round up. Having perused pretty much the entire internet during and post-E3, GWJ's stuff feels like it was actually written by human beings as opposed to being assembled from press release generating machines.
The only other place where I feel one could get honest reactions is from Penny Arcade.
Anyone who posted in this thread is a racist.*
*Except me. - Certis
Hey if you have to be gropped at a trade show at least it was by a king Hell of all the developers out there I think I'd be happy it was Richard Garriot and not say John Romaro You just know he'd want to spoon afterwords while wimpering about diakata (sp?).
Pyro wore that BSOD shirt to get geek respect; little did he know it would garner *way* more attention than he had intended. Bonus!
I would be glad it wasn't Derek Smart.
**Edit** I just looked at that picture real close. The one posted on the front page. I swear it is Derek Smart playing Pac-Man.
"Thanks, KrazyTaco, thanks. I'd put it in your pooper too." -Mex
"Oh, KrazyTaco, you fulfill all my wishes." -pneuman
"I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being called a dumbass by KrazyTaco." -Gravey
ok, just so i can put faces to the names...
please, who's who?
I see Ely, Certis and now i can spot Pyro. but who's the rest?
in order please...
UUnngghh... | Member #666 | UEE Citizen Record #9172 | Origin: groaner | Uplay: TheGroan| BNet: groan#1508
You just couldn't go a weekend without Jennifer Lopez or Justin Timberlake, could you? Or better yet, D-12? Wait, is that the name of their band?
EDIT: groan, it's in the pictures section, but I think the guy in the back right is Stric9 and in the right fore is fangblackbone
[size=10]Psychotic Foreign Teenage Chicks are so hot. - Legion
Everything in moderation. Unless you're a furry. Then you can just f*ck off and get help - Coldforged[/size]
It goes Elysium,girlie beer, Pyro, Certis, Stric9, Sway, Fang.
PSN ID: Haul_N_Oats
While the whole NCSoft presentation was really very enjoyable, meeting Richard Garriot was another highlight of the show for me. He may have had a few stinkers lately, but those can be chalked up to EA interference and Tabula Rasa looks like a truly different MMORPG. He's a great speaker and he really seems like he's trying to make his own game instead of an EQ clone, which is rare for an MMO. In fact NCSoft seemed to be the only company trying to make a different kind of MMO game, with the possible exception of Jump to Lightspeed though that's even debateable (after all, it's just Galaxies in space). Guild Wars, Auto Assault and Tabula Rasa all looked very different from EQ.
Plus the man owns a castle. It's not every day I get to stand next to a man that owns his own castle.
Whaat? Do mine eyes deceive me? Netdevil had a booth? Hey, Veloxi, NetDevil had a booth!
[size=10]Psychotic Foreign Teenage Chicks are so hot. - Legion
Everything in moderation. Unless you're a furry. Then you can just f*ck off and get help - Coldforged[/size]
They had a pretty big booth, Auto Assault was playable. The media demo showed some promise, I am a little more intrigued to learn that the guys who did Jumpgate are doing Auto Assault.
I also had Coldplay. It was awesome.
Man, I wish I'd thought of doing a best-of roundup.
The thing about smart people is they seem like crazy people to dumb people -- Thing I saw on the Internet
Good to see LB dig up those old poofy shirts from the 80's...
seriously though..
We really need another old school Ultima 7 type RPG game from him...
DO IT MAN! with updated graphics..
Aint nothing new about the world order..it's been playing since the day they put George Washington on a quarter
Delivering Truth while the 10% deliver lies.
"Worst Game of the Show – Rumble Roses
There's nothing quite as sad as watching desperate-to-escape booth babes making awkward poses with sweaty nerds in a makeshift wrestling ring while in the background video screens flash images of women wrestling in the mud and performing the special "my crotch twirling around your face" move."
Man, now what am I going to do when they have not seperated my "games" from my "porn". No seriously this will still sell a million copies to 12 yr olds and writers for gaming sites.
"Nation, I've always said that rainbows are just God's way of frowning at gay people." Stephen Colbert
Bring an i-Pod. Less crap to bring in your carry-on bags, and it saves room for the portable DVD player.
Wait...I think I'm missing something...oh, yes, my sense of surprise. This is Pyro we're talking about, remember:
*glances side to side, starts to back away*
Look, sonny boy, three Coronas don't constitute drinking. Out here, we drink that for soda pop.
Let's see, Certis gets chummy with Warren Spector, Pyro gets his avatar touched by Lord British. What else happened? Sway does tequila shots with Derek Smart and Elysium sings karoke with Will Wright?
Admit it, it was the chicks handing out the grapes and the flaming pigs that sold you.
I wish you guys would stop encouraging him.
EvilHomer3k wrote:You are an evil, evil person.
Baron Of Hell wrote:YOU VILLAIN!
He was too scared to talk to Will Wright. He just stood there and quietly wet his pants.
Let's just say flaming pigs and free grapes is a one way ticket to stellar review town!
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman
Good stuff. We need more E3's! Now what do we have to look forward to? I wouldn't mind getting into the EQ2 beta. Is it still only open to those who purchased champions of norrath, or whatever game it was?
Beta signups for EQ2 are over Propa. Did you miss it?
PSN ID: Haul_N_Oats
Things was, in the next ten minutes or so she'd already grown a new one
"Ah, good taste! What a dreadful thing! Taste is the enemy of creativeness" -- Pablo Picasso
When you goto bars do you say "What does a puss rocker have to do to get a brew around here?!?"
Your music tastes fit you so well.
3DS Friend Code: 2509-2418-9951
Let me know if you add me and I'll add you back!
Yeah, I guess I did. I thought they were only for people who bought champions of norrath, or one of the expansions. I signed up for the eq2 beta giveaway at mmorpg.com, though. Ah well. I'd love to either get into GW, WoW, and now the EQ2, beta.
Btw, where's that WoW beta preview Certis?!?!
I think we will see the preview after the honeymoon.
PSN ID: Haul_N_Oats
I think Flux is about right!
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman
Oh yeah, you're getting married. Can I have your beta while you're busy?
Actually that redeems you a bit- they're pretty good.
The world must know the awesome power of our gainfully employed fist! - Lord Xan
The unattainable is unknown at zombo.com!
Coldplay is damn good. You are now ok with me Elysium.
PSN ID: Haul_N_Oats
Coldplay? I seem to remember a certain Elysium referring to them as "crap" the first time he heard them...which would have been 3 years ago when I introduced him to Coldplay. Credit where it is due, dear brother.
"Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Unknown
What you've never understood is that everything begins at the crap end of the spectrum for me, and must earn a place higher. Your post, for example, is crap, partly because it's the first time I've read it and that's where everything starts, but more because you're a big jerk.
The thing about smart people is they seem like crazy people to dumb people -- Thing I saw on the Internet
As far as Ely and Corona, he just got confused as to what a beer from "south of the border" meant. Yes, Ely, we know Minnesota is in fact south of the Canadian border.
Being fangoriously devoured by a gelatinous monster.
redfang#1780
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