The iPhone and a History of Poor Life Choices

I bought my iPhone in the early summer of 2009. It was a standard 3G machine that was already pseudo-obsolete before I walked out the door, thanks to the brand new 3GS model that I had left behind on the shelf, just outside my price range. Along with the costly additional AppleCare coverage that I would end up never using, I exited the AT&T store stage right, and decidedly poorer.

As I drove home, I imagined the myriad things I could do with my fancy new future-brick: the games I would play, the apps I would use to improve every facet of my life, the exponential increase of efficiency I would enjoy. Perhaps my iPhone would help me learn guitar. Perhaps it could help me solve all those differential calculus problems I’d been putting off. Perhaps it could raise my children. These were the things that the advertising and enthusiastic associate had promised to me, and by “promised” I mean “implied.”

Over the coming months I mostly enjoyed my iPhone, but with constantly diminishing returns on the investment. The little things bothered me more and more by the day. The limited space and unexpandable memory. The dropped calls. The diminishing battery life. The constant upgrade of iPhone products that made my machine more and more antiquated. The simple sense that the day before I bought my 3G, people had basically stopped making apps and games that worked well on it. By the beginning of this year, I could have been convinced that my phone had been nicked from a history museum as an emblem of antiquated technology. I was using a phone designed perhaps by da Vinci—artistically sound but wholly impractical. I imagined wall paintings of cavemen glaring sternly under protruding, Cro-Magnon brows at their 3G iPhone, trying to reconnect a dropped call.

So, when it came time to finally upgrade my phone, I have to be honest. I never for a second considered buying an iPhone again. In fact, I seriously considered abandoning the smartphone revolution altogether.

I dimly recall my very first cell phone. It was relatively small, a dense piece of technology with plastic, squishy number buttons and all the functionality of your basic, modern, cordless phone. It basically did two things: send and receive phone calls. This was the best cell phone I have ever owned.

I was a grudging adopter of cellular technology. I barely answer my home phone as it is, perennial call screener that I am, so why on Earth would I want to make myself more available? To this day I don’t believe I’ve ever used anywhere near the minutes allotted me on a cell plan. If there was some kind of buyback policy for a phone provider, where they would refund a certain part of your bill if you didn’t use up their precious network, I would immediately sign up with that carrier and save up my savings to buy a boat or a small moon.

My biggest issue though, is that these devices seem to consistently encourage their owners to make terrible decisions. Setting aside the fact that I could have financed a used car with the money I’ve spent on the phones and subscriptions over the years, the more sophisticated the devices become the more I am encouraged to inconvenience or even openly endanger others to attend to its needy alerts. Worse yet, in the dazzling light of technological advancement, I was tricked—tricked, I tell you!—into believing that these annoying little machines had suddenly become an absolute necessity.

This is a lie!

First of all, at this point I’d like to thank you for sticking with my anecdotes as I toured a leisurely Sunday drive to the point, but I’m happy to report that we’ve finally arrived. I realize that I am positing a theory that’s probably more appropriate in Grizzled Grandparents Weekly between a review of the lunch buffet at Kountry Kitchen and an expose on the 14 Things Kids Want To Do on Your Lawn, and if I’m alone on the point that’s fine, but overall I have to say that my cell phones have almost universally been a negative impact on my life, and the more they do the more I think we’ve taking a horrible left at Albuquerque when we clearly should have taken a right.

But, before I lose you entirely, let me go ahead and say that I think the coming tablet revolution is where we should have been going this whole time. For all the negatives I can think of to say about my iPhone and other smart phones, on the flip side I completely get the value of the iPad, because all of that media consumption, all of that game playing and all of that browsing makes so much more sense in the context of where those machines can be used and what they can actually do.

I had the first niggling hint of this theory on the night I first owned my iPhone, called up a YouTube video and wondered when the hell I would ever try to watch a YouTube video on my phone again. Hey, that’s great that I can watch Iron Man 2 in line at the bank, but why the hell would I want to? I can’t even see it.

When it comes right down to it, I don’t need to check my Twitter feed while waiting for the red light to change, and damn you Steve Jobs, et al. for giving me the opportunity to do so. My smart phones have consistently given me the horrible and tempting freedom to make terrible life decisions. I have, on numerous occasions and completely without irony, driven past roadside accidents likely caused in whole or in part by irresponsible phone use, while irresponsibly using a phone myself. And, I don’t just mean moments where I’m asking my wife what she wants from the store, but times where I am trying for what may be minutes at a time to find the podcast I want to listen to from a list of a billion.

The reality as far as I can tell, is that almost any time where it would have been appropriate for me to have the full benefit of my smart phone is a time I might have had a tablet with me anyway. An airplane, a trip, relaxing on the couch while my kids watch something offensively terrible on Nick Jr., these are all times I’d have been as likely to have a tablet as a phone. And, the fact is, the experience would probably be better as a whole.

All that said, I did still end up getting a new smart phone—a Motorolla Atrix—but that is because I am a weak minded consumerist. What I have tried to do, however, is change the way I am approaching the machine. It’s not a game machine, nor a visual media player, nor my alternative for getting online. It isn’t a book reader. It isn’t a toy. It isn’t a medium for entertainment.

It is, it turns out, a really fancy phone that can check my work e-mails and occasionally play a song. As long as I can hold the line on that front, I think my new phone and I are at the start of a beautiful friendship.

Comments

I can identify with all of this. The easy access to all that information on the phone definitely can get you in trouble.

However if you wanted to stop the constant upgrading of your phone I would have stuck with the iPhone. They only come out once a year but with Android the device is obsolete the second you buy it. There are at least 3-4 new Android phones coming out almost every month seems like.

It is, it turns out, a really fancy phone that can check my work e-mails and occasionally play a song. As long as I can hold the line on that front, I think my new phone and I are at the start of a beautiful friendship.

My iPad has relegated my iPhone to exactly this position, and I think it is a much healthier relationship with the phone. It plays music, it plays podcasts, it checks email/twitter/facebook in a pinch. I don't play games on it or browse the web unless I'm just absolutely desperate. The iPad has replaced so much of the functionality of my iPhone (and my PC) that I just don't care about my phone anymore.

I'm seriously probably going to ditch my iPhone and get a $25 a month plan on an Android phone and be done with it. I'm done with cellphone contracts for $80 a month and $299 buy-in just so I can have the privilege of watching YouTube when I really shouldn't be.

It's funny. I got my first iPhone in the summer of 2009, but I got a 3GS instead of a 3G, and my experience is a world apart from yours. I love (most aspects of) the phone, use it constantly, and don't really see the need for an iPad other than as a sweet board game player.

Part of that is because it's a 3GS and not a 3G, so it essentially can run everything an iPhone 4 can. I guess I got lucky there.

I don't disagree that an Android is for the most part just as functional, and will definitely consider one for my next phone, though I'm still waiting for the games to show up on Android - will it ever get something like FFT?

But my need for something that fits in my pocket makes the iPad an absolutely horrible smartphone replacement IMO. Sure videos and web browsing are a bit annoying with a small screen, but video is such a minor feature, and browsing problems can be mitigated by the preponderance of website-applications out there, especially for retail, that make browsing a much better experience.

I can understand the appeal of a tablet, and especially an Android, but I think tablets and smartphones are two completely different animals and dismissing one in favour of the other doesn't quite make sense to me.

Sure videos and web browsing are a bit annoying with a small screen, but video is such a minor feature

This seems like a chicken-and-egg problem here, video sucks on the iPhone so it's a minor feature. I've spent about 50/50 on my iPad watching videos and playing games.

The iPad is like the iPhone in that it's disruptive, it changes you how interface with computers on a daily basis. So before the iPad I didn't play alot of boardgames on my PC, because those kinda suck. But on the iPad, they're brilliant, so I play a ton of them now. Same thing with web video.

So much of what we do on a daily basis is determined by the choices in technology we make. If I didn't have a car, I wouldn't spend alot of time outside of a 1 mile radius from my house, for instance. If I owned an airplane, I would commute more by air.

I think when the tablets first came on the scene Wired did an article stating that a dumb phone + tablet would be a likely future. My phone is provided by my employer. Apps and games are strictly prohibited. The result is that I have stuck with dedicated gaming hardware and browsing the web on *gasp* a computer. I could see going with a tablet as a similarly logical response. I don't travel much for work, so portables are used for when my wife takes over the TV, but I still want to be in her company.

On that note I am one of the few people who actually pumped for the Wii U. I hardly ever get good sustained game time, so if I can transfer it to the controller and stay in the room with her I will be a lot more likely to complete deep games.

P.S. you are right cell phone culture has gotten out of hand. Heaven for bid we spend a minute not communicating with someone and get to know ourselves, or just drive safely.

Great article, almost made my LOL. And I NEVER LOL at work.
The important smart-phone functionality from my perspective: calls, emails, contact management, scheduler, and note pad. Everything else I can do without. However without these functions I'd be lost these days.
PS I have a Blackberry torch. My has their star been dropping lately, as their market share is gobbled up by iPhones and Android phones...

I'm more or less the reverse. I covet an ipad, but I don't actually need one. My iphone, however, really fits me nicely; I've dropped from carrying 5 things (Nintendo DS, ipod, cell phone, scheduler, notebook) to one. Heck, from 6 to 1, as my crappy sense of direction no longer needs a separate GPS in my car. I actually use it extensively for data retrieval and useful tasks.

I also use it to squander time on Facebook, Twitter and games. Oh well.

A tablet, though? I expect to use one for media consumption and ebook reading. Anything else I get from it will be a bonus.

EDIT: I'll find out how hooked I am, as I shattered my phone screen yesterday -- thanks, dogs! -- and may not fix it until the next iphone comes out in September. We'll see if I crack before then and pay to have it fixed.

I fully understand all your points here, but I just think I'm a totally different consumer than you are. Having constant connectivity and access to information has, without a doubt, made me money. Having access to music and movies and games has saved my sanity on countless subway rides and plane trips. Having access to maps and addresses and a browser good enoguh to book plane tickets has made travel a complete joy. I hardly ever actually make phone calls with it, so I simply don't care all that much that it's a mediocre phone.

Of course, none of these things are iphone specific, and I've played with several androids I could see owning. I just happen to be part of the "ecosystem" now, where I have 5 i-devices sharing an account. It's that ecosystem that keeps me on the apple tit, not the hardware.

So, I'm glad you've come to this self-awareness, I just don't think it's universal.

Let's see, what do I use the most...
Portable email - awesome
Portable web - awesome
Portable map - awesome
Portable phone - pretty cool.

I also watch the video on the iPhone nightly (netflix) without disturbing my wife in bed. I think it looks great! You just have to hold it close, which isn't usually a problem laying in bed.

I imagine if I lived in some cabin I wouldn't use all this stuff, but I live in a city, and I'm a busy professional, who might need to price check a baby stroller in target to make an on the spot buy/no buy decision.

I guess it depends, the busier, and more mobile your life the more you want an all in one portable device that doesn't require a man purse to lug around.

rabbit wrote:

I fully understand all your points here, but I just think I'm a totally different consumer than you are. Having constant connectivity and access to information has, without a doubt, made me money. Having access to music and movies and games has saved my sanity on countless subway rides and plane trips. Having access to maps and addresses and a browser good enoguh to book plane tickets has made travel a complete joy. I hardly ever actually make phone calls with it, so I simply don't care all that much that it's a mediocre phone.

Of course, none of these things are iphone specific, and I've played with several androids I could see owning. I just happen to be part of the "ecosystem" now, where I have 5 i-devices sharing an account. It's that ecosystem that keeps me on the apple tit, not the hardware.

So, I'm glad you've come to this self-awareness, I just don't think it's universal.

Yeah, this ^

So, I'm glad you've come to this self-awareness, I just don't think it's universal.

Hopefully I wasn't construing it as such.

I imagine if I lived in some cabin I wouldn't use all this stuff, but I live in a city, and I'm a busy professional, who might need to price check a baby stroller in target to make an on the spot buy/no buy decision.

See, this line makes no sense to me. I don't mean that as any kind of insult or judgment, just an example of how divergent I am from your situation. I have never used my phone to make a decision like this. First, I find the platform extremely inconvenient to try and make a decision like this--I don't want to stand there squinting at a phone screen and trying to navigate spotty service to figure out whether I want some stroller/product or not. Besides, I've probably made that decision long before I walk into Target anyway.

But more philosophically, I don't get the "I'm very busy, and can't do what appear to be very basic and mundane things like price check at a more reasonable time." I've no doubt you are very busy, but I don't get how that equates. Again, not a criticism, just something that doesn't seem to be able to traverse the synapses of my brain. If you're that busy, go buy a stroller when you've got some time on your hands.

PS I have a Blackberry torch. My has their star been dropping lately, as their market share is gobbled up by iPhones and Android phones...

As a Storm owner of two years, their loss is well deserved. I can't wait for the day I can go all Michael Bolton on this little PoS.

I'm with you. I got a cheap android LG Optimus One on a data-less plan. With wi-fi networks all around me, I seldom would need 3G/4G. And if there's no wi-fi in range, I'm probably not in a situation where I should be using my phone anyway. The only down-side is that I can't use Google Maps for navigation.

One day I'll get a tablet, but that won't be until I replace the netbook that's serving me just fine.

I've had an HTC Incredible since it released last year. I'm honestly happy with it. It was a lifesaver on my Washington DC trip last summer. The best part is, it was advanced enough when it came out that I can run all of the newer apps on it that might have otherwise relegated my phone to the Halls of Obsolescence had it been an iPhone. Mind you, that's not to say that Android is immune to that cycle, I imagine when 2.3 finally drops, my phone will likely take its place in those sad halls... But who is to say that my needs will change enough to justify an upgrade?

The phone side of it is almost totally unused. If Verizon offered the option of paying something like $0.25 or even $0.50 a minute for actual calls instead of having to pay for a monthly minutes plan, I would come out WAY ahead on the value of the device. They, unfortunately, know this, though.

Elysium wrote:
So, I'm glad you've come to this self-awareness, I just don't think it's universal.

Hopefully I wasn't construing it as such.

You have made me question everything I know about phones.

Sean, you speak to my heart. I have a cell phone out of grudging necessity for keeping in touch with specific people, but all it does is calls. The only reason I text message anyone is because they won't actually answer their phone if it rings, but they'll respond to a text. I'm a bloody software developer, and I hate technology.

PyromanFO wrote:

So much of what we do on a daily basis is determined by the choices in technology we make. If I didn't have a car, I wouldn't spend alot of time outside of a 1 mile radius from my house, for instance. If I owned an airplane, I would commute more by air.

I don't want to be a contrarian just for the sake of defending my platform of choice but I feel like this is backwards. I feel like the choices in technology I make is determined by what I WANT to do on a daily basis. I didn't own a car until I felt a need to access far away places that weren't readily available by public transportation. Even if I was magically given a plane, I would still only use it insofar as my desire to travel took me. I'm not going to start going to Finland every weekend just because I can.

I agree with you completely on the boardgame front, and it's the major feature of the iPad that makes me want it. But for video, if I'm at home, I just don't see why I would use an iPad over my TV or computer, which are both superior video devices. If I'm on the road, sure, it's great - but then you have to factor in the annoyance of carrying a tablet around with you everywhere you go.

Ultimately, they're just different devices, and frankly, I'd love to have an iPad, but I'm happy following my iPhone strategy and wait until the device goes through a few iterations and price drops and jump in at a sweet spot.

But more philosophically, I don't get the "I'm very busy, and can't do what appear to be very basic and mundane things like price check at a more reasonable time." I've no doubt you are very busy, but I don't get how that equates. Again, not a criticism, just something that doesn't seem to be able to traverse the synapses of my brain. If you're that busy, go buy a stroller when you've got some time on your hands.

What's wrong with price checking on the spot? What makes it unreasonable? Often it saves you the trip of having to leave the store and go back. That's wasting time and gas.
I can count lots of times where I've been at a store and happened to come across an item that we were interested in, but hadn't really thought it through beforehand. Sure, I could go home, do my research, and come back, but why not just check my Best Buy/Futureshop/Canada Computers/Canadian Tire/whatever apps on my phone and compare prices, check reviews, and whatnot? It's just a convenience.

The only reason i currently own a mobile phone is that I got a cheap pay -as-you-go one as a christmas gift about two+ years ago.

Still have most of the original £10 credit on it.

Elysium wrote:

If you're that busy, go buy a stroller when you've got some time on your hands.

That's kinda the point, I don't have "time on my hands", so I need instant access to information to make informed decisions.

Elysium wrote:

squinting

You brought this up in the article as well. Are you sure it isn't time for glasses?

DorkmasterFlek wrote:

I have a cell phone out of grudging necessity for keeping in touch with specific people, but all it does is calls. The only reason I text message anyone is because they won't actually answer their phone if it rings, but they'll respond to a text.

Same here. Never owned a phone that did anything other than make simple calls and text. I've never felt the need for anything more.

I wholeheartedly agree with this on every point. My problem though is really poor eyesight so the small form factor smartphones were DOA for me and I am required by work to lug around a Blackberry anyways (which is just a phone and email client for me). The iPad (or other tablet in general if they had been available when I bought mine) on the other hand is a miracle to me and although I haven't looked into it, if I could carry it around with me and have a way to receive calls through it I would take it everywhere with me no matter how ridiculous I looked. I'd go all European manbag and design my wardrobe around it and stuff.

Grazts on the realization. I got my first smart phone July 2010, prior to that I was using an much older phone but my data plan was $20 a month for Unlimited text and 75mins calling.

I went in with my eyes open and only justified the price by getting rid of my land line at home and now pay $85 a month for my plan (HTC Incredible). I still don't use it a whole lot, but its nice to be able to check email anytime, read kindle books anywhere, and with amazon android lot of free games. But to me the main job of this phone is to be a phone. Anything else is just a nice benefit.

I'm inspired to drum up a quick list of what I actually use my phone/tablet for. As someone who only works in an office half the time, having things on the go is important.

iPhone
- Phone calls
- SMS
- Email
- Podcasts/Music
- Camera/Video
- Remote Desktop (iTeleport)
- Twitter
- Light web browsing (usually for info).
- Google Maps/GPS
- Schedule
- Contact List
- Occasional games, but not much.
- Random, interesting apps that aren't sticky enough to keep around.

iPad (Home/Travel only)
- Emails
- Twitter
- Air Video streaming video off my PC
- Some games
- Browsing
- RSS Reader (Reeder)
- Zite (personalized magazine)
- Remote Desktop
- Random, interesting apps that aren't sticky enough to keep around.

I think as far as the need for this stuff goes, I don't think I could operate my business without a smart phone. But if you work in an office 9-5 where everyone you communicate with is either in the building or over email, the need would drop significantly.

More interesting to me is my changing relationship with all this stuff. I'm definitely not being mindful when I'm driving and checking random stuff like Twitter at red lights. It's not the phone's fault, but my own driving need to be stimulated almost constantly. It's a bad habit.

buzzvang wrote:
PS I have a Blackberry torch. My has their star been dropping lately, as their market share is gobbled up by iPhones and Android phones...

As a Storm owner of two years, their loss is well deserved. I can't wait for the day I can go all Michael Bolton on this little PoS.

I've heard bad things about the Storm. For the record, I love my Torch. Of course I'm legally required to say that since I live in the RIM's home town (gotta keep the real estate prices up!), but it's true!

I guess it all depends on your expectations.

I've always been the guy that couldn't wait until we were all able to carry around our home computers with us 24/7. We still have a ways to go, but right now I appreciate having immediate access to my email, to do list, calendar, contacts, notes, music, books ALL THE TIME. The iPhone (and other smart phones) has done that in spades. Funny thing is I really don't even use the phone portion of the device all that much.

I also never expected to use it for games which is something I do all the time now.

Lastly, even though it's hard, you have to train yourself to not immediately respond to every beep and boop the things make. Just like my email at work, I do not immediately respond to my notifications. I guess that's why I hate the phone part so much...

rabbit wrote:

I fully understand all your points here, but I just think I'm a totally different consumer than you are. Having constant connectivity and access to information has, without a doubt, made me money. Having access to music and movies and games has saved my sanity on countless subway rides and plane trips. Having access to maps and addresses and a browser good enoguh to book plane tickets has made travel a complete joy. I hardly ever actually make phone calls with it, so I simply don't care all that much that it's a mediocre phone.

Of course, none of these things are iphone specific ... .

Near as I can tell, they're all available on the iPad as well.

Dysplastic wrote:
PyromanFO wrote:

So much of what we do on a daily basis is determined by the choices in technology we make. If I didn't have a car, I wouldn't spend alot of time outside of a 1 mile radius from my house, for instance. If I owned an airplane, I would commute more by air.

I don't want to be a contrarian just for the sake of defending my platform of choice but I feel like this is backwards. I feel like the choices in technology I make is determined by what I WANT to do on a daily basis.

Just a guess, but I bet it works both ways. You can buy a car because you need to drive to work, but then having the car lets you also drive to other places, maybe for a weekend trip or to check out that new restaurant in the next town—and I doubt you'll feel compelled to save the car only for your work commute.

There seems to be theme of "cynical optimism" to your articles and comments that I think a lot of people, gamers and geeks in particular, feel. We get all excited about the latest cool thing on the horizon, like an iPhone, or some epic game release, or a new shiny laptop, then once we get these marvels in our hands, the experience rarely lives up to the fantasy we had in our minds.

Yet, we all hold out hope that the next "awesome" thing will bring that sense of wonder and contentment. What seems to keep this mentality going, at least for me, is that once in a while it pays off. We take that hopeful chance on something and it delivers. It reminds me of a gambling addiction. Hitting the jackpot once in a blue moon is enough to keep me coming back to the table.

I tried the fancy cell phone setup for a few years, and I always felt like I was paying too much for too little. Part of that comes from not making many mobile calls in a given week.

Then I changed to a crummy pay-as-you-go AT&T phone, and while the phone is crap, I am saving a lot of money, and the phone is just used as a phone. Shortly after that I bought an Android tablet, and I love it. It's my little mobile library/game machine/notebook/GPS. I love it.

Of course, I still keep a pad of paper and a pen in my car's glovebox, just in case aliens drop EMP bombs on us.

Elysium wrote:
So, I'm glad you've come to this self-awareness, I just don't think it's universal.

Hopefully I wasn't construing it as such.

STOP TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE. I'm not you dad! I'm my own person! Your legislation to rob me of my iPhone is unconstitutional! And you hate puppies. And fun!

After being on the Palm platform for over 10 years (I worked for Palm at one point), I bit the bullet, and got all my Palm info imported into the company's Lotus Notes and switched over to Blackberry.

It's been a year and I'm very happy. Work email, "g-apps", Internet, the occasional MP3 player, and a Caltrain schedule are all I need to be happy. Oh yeah, and it makes phone calls too.

I am productive, informed and most importantly, not supporting Apple in any way.