As the great weather demon in the sky targets Minnesota with yet another 9 inches of snow for tonight -- bringing the seasonal total to eleventy-billion inches of non-narcotic white powder -- I could not possibly hate winter more. And, believe me, I tried. Not two weeks ago, during the blizzard that was so huge it destroyed the freaking Metrodome, I felt myself glaring out the window at the precipitation and radiating beams of ire like some kind of crappy mid-stage boss in a early 90's SHMUP. Today, however, I am actually hating winter so hard that I fear my physical features will begin to deform into a howling visage of evil.
Thing is, I feel like winter is being intentionally asinine about the whole thing. A "White Christmas" means having a playful snowshower to cavort in after presents, not a biblical catastrophe. It's like the weather has gone unstably passive aggressive, "oh, sure, I'm winter so I'm all about snow. Well, here's some snow for you. I hope you freaking choke on it!"
And, I have.
So, you know what, winter. We're not cool anymore. I know we were friends when I was a kid, and we had some good times, but now you're just kind of dick. I don't know what your problem is, but you really need to get on some kind of mood stabilizing pharmaceuticals, because basically everyone I know hates you now. Jerk.
Also, Back to the Future the Game comes out this week.
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I am reminded of a very wise boy and his view on snow:
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So what about Battlefield Bad Company 2: Vietnam? Nice article about snow but you had at least 2 decent games to choose for game of the week.
"Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyways!"
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If that car on the left just pulled into Paleocon's spot, there is going to be trouble.
I was trying to talk my wife into moving to Minnesota this year. I really enjoy the family she has up there, and I love big snows. But this winter has just ended any chance she will sign-off on that.
"This is pure snow!"
Words... are a big deal.
Jill Lapore wrote:Editing is one of the great inventions of civilization.
I hear you Sean. I too have gone from the boy who once loved snow to the all growed up older dude who now hates it.
For what it's worth, the comedic timing in your article is spot on. Hope it was a little cathartic.
Thanks for the laugh...
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The City of Minneapolis claims it has already run out of snow removal money and is encouraging citizens to shovel out their own crosswalks.
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Maybe you can use your avatar Dorian Gray-style. You did turn it green last year; perhaps it's a manifestation?
Well Minarchist was no help at all.
Please send all snow to Jackson, WY. We'll take whatever you do not want.
I'm glad it's summer, and even more glad that we don't get snow in winter except in exceptional circumstances.
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Well written, as always.
Man, it's the peak of Summer here in NZ, and it's been raining practically nonstop for almost three days.
I have nothing to add to El Taco. He's said it all.
Tannhausered!
I was just going to request all of the excess snow be sent to the DC area.
Seriously, I need more practice with my Subaru that I just got in July, so it would have to come as far south as Richmond, too.
Backloggery
I don't mind our Minnesota snowfalls at all this year.
I do suspect the fact that I work from home probably has something to do with that. Wonder what time the wife will get home tonight?
"I would be insulted if I could figure out exactly what it means."
--*Legion*
You have so much extra gaming time before she does!
Words... are a big deal.
Jill Lapore wrote:Editing is one of the great inventions of civilization.
Don't blame winter, I hear he's seeing this chick name La Nina, and she's basically making him do it.
The worst part is the commute home when it snows. I have a paltry 2 mile commute, but after the snow last week it was taking 45 minutes on all the single lane snow choked major streets. Being new here, I assumed this is typical Minnesota winter, but I am told this is above and beyond. I hope there's enough gas in my snowblower.
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I don't know, Old Man Winter and I are still pretty tight. (We have a secret handshake and everything!)
In Maine, we get some winters to remember, and aside from jack-@$$ drivers, I still love them.
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Winter is a lot better when you live in a highrise and have a 15-minute walking commute.
Words... are a big deal.
Jill Lapore wrote:Editing is one of the great inventions of civilization.
Winter is a lot better when you live in a state that will snow one day, be sunny and in the 50s the next day, and then get back up to high 60s the third.
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I live in the snow belt, so we've got the infrastructure for it (snow plows, sand and salt stockpiles). We've only had 46" of snow so far this season.
I wish we could have another good heavy snow. The snow from the last snowstorm has sagged away into a few inches of compacted snow, slush and some truly spectacular icicles, and I want an excuse to get out the snowshoes. (It can hold off until after my MIL's plane arrives Friday night, though.)
Wear sunscreen.
I need to move to the countryside, or at least into the hilly regions of Budapest. In downtown, barely 1.5 inches stays on the ground, and none on the sidewalks after a day
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I grew up in upstate NY. Normally I get to scoff at Minnesotans complaining about snow. Not this year. This year really sucks. Normally I don't start hating winter until early February.
Nuts to y'all, I live in the damn desert, and it looks about as Christmas-y as the Middle East up in here.
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So...pretty snowy?
The Konami Code taught me everything I need to know about sex.
It's Minnesota's fault that it didn't invest in snow storage devices. These devices, found throughout Colorado, are referred to by the locals as "mountains" and perform double-duty sequestering both snow and the frozen corpses of out-of-state Warren Miller fans, the latter of which are conveniently disposed-of during the thaw cycle.
I think I can see the feathers when they release their hearts.
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You dare discount the drumlins?
Words... are a big deal.
Jill Lapore wrote:Editing is one of the great inventions of civilization.
Please. Drumlins are to the Rockies as a pre-pubescent girl is to a Victoria's Secret model. Probably better if we all just pretend that they weren't brought up.
I think I can see the feathers when they release their hearts.
Switch: 4799-7742-3098
... Same waist size?
Words... are a big deal.
Jill Lapore wrote:Editing is one of the great inventions of civilization.