On Meeting The New Neighbor Girl

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I've been back on campus for a few days. I moved in early to help set up the radio station once more and to prepare for the veritable onslaught of dumb questions and bad ideas that begins every semester at the campus radio station. On Sunday, me three other roommates and I have a small "welcome back" party for ourselves and our friends.

It is during this little shindig that I meet our new upstairs neighbor. Her name is Ashley. Her stage name is "Sindee". You can see where this is going, probably.

She's nice enough, in what is, by her own assertion, a very ditzy way, and, somewhat unsurprisingly, enjoys a drink. She is quite frank about her employment, and may be the first person of her employment that I've ever met who I believed when she said she was doing to help pay her way through school. She's very into physical fitness, and wants to own her own gym someday. She hasn't planned it much further than the "I Wanna" phase apparently though.

We end up chatting for a bit as the Colts manage to become victors, and she seems to take a shine to me. We discuss the game (she likes the tight pants), our class schedules (she's taking Belly Dancing) and celebrities (she'd totally do Jessica Biel). It is soon after that last revelation that she reveals that she's "Bi", although, considering how many people aged 16-24 are "Bi" these days, take that as you will.

As things wind down, I show her my room. She tuts, asks me what the hell the Predator on my desk is, and asks if I'd like to see her room.

Honestly, she's not my type. Well, mentally. Physically, sure, and twice on Sundays, but it's become apparent from talking to her that she is no longer looking for a "quick fling" but a "serious guy, y'know? A really serious boyfriend who doesn't mind my job, y'know?" She says "y'know" a lot.

Her room looks like someone wrapped a Fairy, a Care Bear and a copy of Abercrombie & Fitch's Fall Catalog around some semtex and detonated it. There is pastel-pink everywhere. It's the girliest room I've ever been in. It's the kind of room one of the potential abortion candidates on "My Super Sweet 16" would live in. Even her iMac is pink, and covered in stickers. There are clothes, makeup and magazines everywhere. The place would be a pigsty if it weren't so glittery.

This dulls in comparison to what's playing on the iMac, however.

Porn. Hardcore amateur porn. Left there. Playing. Just playing.

I'm surprised, and act as such. She shrugs.

"Oh yeah, I love f*ckin' porn, y'know, the women are so hot and"…"

I'm fading out for the rest. There's pages and pages and pages of bad MySpace poetry on the walls. Written, of course, on pink paper, in darker pink ink. Every single lowercase I and J is dotted with a flower, a star, or a heart. Just above her bed is a series of pictures of her, and I'm wagering, her friends back home. Every single photo involves alcohol, partial or full nudity, or some mixture of both.

She sits down at her computer, still talking about porn. She apparently has quite the affection for it. Would she ever be in it?

"I dunno, like, sex is special, y'know? Unless it's a party or something."

But doesn't she want a serious boyfriend? A steady relationship?

"Well yeah, but y'know, he's got to be cool with me loving a lot of people, y'know?"

I do not press for a approximation of people she has loved.

She begins sifting through her collection. She has accrued a great deal, apparently, all mostly amateur stuff, all featuring girls roughly in our age group. If I were a "Race Studies" major I could probably make something of the fact that all the "actresses" are also white, but let's not go there.

She's got 80 gigs of it. 80. Gigs. Eighty Gigabytes of pornography, all crammed into categorized folders with names like "Pretty Girls", "Cute Boys", and other titles I shall not use here. She mentions that she doesn't really watch TV or many movies, she finds porn so much more entertaining. She says watching it helps her think of new stage moves. But she says she doesn't think she'll ever do it. She swears.

We drink and watch. The sheer volume and variety of her collection would require membership to at least 4-5 sites. I am, at this point, perplexed.

We grab another beer from her fridge, her lips loosen further. She is, apparently, convinced that if she becomes a famous enough stripper, that her career goals will fall into her lap. Short of that, she's apparently started posting herself in various states of undress all over the internet, soliciting "donations" from people for racier shots. She has been arrested before. Twice, once for public intoxication, again for criminal possession of five pounds of the wacky weed. Mysteriously, somehow the latter charges got dropped. She says she'd never do heroin, but has apparently dabbled in everything else. She's "estranged" from her father. Her mother doesn't know about her job. Big brother's stationed in Iraq right now.

I left her to her vices later that night, returning to the relative peace and quiet of my own room. Earlier tonight, I saw one of her roommates, Melissa, who I've known since last semester. Nice, well-balanced girl. Apparently, Ashley, who has been on the campus for exactly 48 hours, brought some boy (a freshman) back in the afternoon, and made the most of it, if you get my drift. He left, with her proclaiming him as her new "boyfriend".

She's promised to stop by our apartment occasionally. I'm sure she'll make life more interesting by her very presence.

Holy sh*t, dude.

Prederick wrote:

We grab another beer from her fridge, her lips loosen further.

Interesting indeed...

Isn't college/university life interesting? Today I lost my best friend and that concluded a complicated friendship that has lasted about a year and a half.

And you didn't hit that ?

Should be a good semester for you.

Very nice. It depends how hot she is. If she's hot hot, I'd say try to hit it. It's not like she'll take it too seriously, from what I'm reading. But man, strippers are wierd. I have a buddy who's dated a few of them (he's one of these "handsome" guys, pfft,) and it's made for some pretty hilarious moments, for me. Hell for him, but great for me.

In sum: If you think you can hit it and escape, I would advocate such a course of action, given that you are single. If you think you can not, I would advocate that you get your buddy to hit it, so you can enjoy the aftermath, via diabolical laughter.

She have a coke habit too? Please don't let me stereotype or anything.

Bow Chica Bow Wow!!

Interesting story, bro, but I have to disagree with this:

Prederick wrote:

The sheer volume and variety of her collection would require membership to at least 4-5 sites. I am, at this point, perplexed.

You're such a lightweight.

Wow what a choose your own adventure this would be! Even the potential for a 3 some since she is bi, and free with the loving...

Fedaykin98 wrote:

Interesting story, bro, but I have to disagree with this:

Prederick wrote:

The sheer volume and variety of her collection would require membership to at least 4-5 sites. I am, at this point, perplexed.

You're such a lightweight. :wink:

That's what I'm thinking. I mean, 80 gigs of porn? Bah, I have that much on a portable porn drive.

I miss college.

Physically, sure, and twice on Sundays...

Only if doesn't fall off after the first time.

*prays fervently for updates, SOON*

I'm gonna have to quote Wayne and Garth here

SHA-WING!

She's "estranged" from her father.

This is the phrase on the movie poster. It explains everything, yet reveals so very little.

Hold on just a damn minute. I could've sworn I've heard a similar set-up 'round these parts. Is she also into Civ 2?

She sounds a lot like a girl I used to work with. Though I can't claim to know whether this girl had a giant porn collection or not.

This progression is all too familiar to me:

"Hey she's pretty damn cute"
"Oh my god I wish she'd stop talking lest she destroy my few remaining brain cells"

And that's about where it stops.

I'd hit that. And then go get some penicillin, just in case.

Podunk wrote:

Holy sh*t, dude.

Yeah.

She sounds like a keeper. A dungeon keeper.

The world got hazy after the porn bit. Did I miss anything?

Hit it now before you can't stand to talk to her. Seriously. I've been good friends with quite a few strippers, none of whom I'd want a relationship with. The one girl coherent enough to describe her old line of work talked of going home crying every night and absolutely positively hating men. The drugs help their days go, and soon these girls are swinging wildly back and forth from happy to upset and all in between. Sad, really. This girl sounds like she enjoys most of it, but...

Wow. It's like she's plain, but to the absolute extreme. Fascinating.

Give her 1Dgaf's number

Baggz wrote:

Give her 1Dgaf's number :)

That's a sitcom in the making

(music) She's a stripper, he's a Brit. Together they're (something ending with tightly knit)

Not to be a downer, but that's how a friend of mine got herpes, you know, forever. ("fell" for a stipper).

So...think about 3 condoms at once, minimum. Maybe hose her down with nonoxynol-9 first.

Wow, something about that story got me thinking crudely. Not sure what...

Roo wrote:

Not to be a downer, but that's how a friend of mine got herpes, you know, forever. ("fell" for a stipper).

So...think about 3 condoms at once, minimum. Maybe hose her down with nonoxynol-9 first.

QFT.

Don't hit it. You'll regret it.

Pink room, porn, drugs, sounds like a serial killer in the making. Hit it and run as far as you can.

Smials wrote:

:shock:

*prays fervently for updates, SOON*

Seconded. So get working on it.

KrazyTacoFO wrote:

That's what I'm thinking. I mean, 80 gigs of porn? Bah, I have that much on a portable porn drive. ;)

Yeah, a PPD. Right on.

Koning_Floris wrote:

Pink room, porn, drugs, sounds like a serial killer in the making. Hit it and run as far as you can.

In the next installment, while in the process of hitting it, Prederick ends up handcuffed to the bed as she makes him watch her collection of "cute boys" pornos.

Sounds like the location on your profile came true, Pred.

The thought of the walls make me shiver though. Not the good, "Happy in pants" shiver either... more like the shiver you get at the failing of a san check.

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