Dialing it Back

My seven-year-old is slowly fusing his arm, elbow and shoulder into my rib cage. His head migrates across my field of vision like an eclipse. He is a full contact cuddler, particularly when my laptop, currently an uncomfortable cinder of heat resting in the delicate place that gave it its name, is displaying anything he finds remotely interesting. And when it comes to my laptop, interesting can be defined potentially by almost anything. Even a good, solid disk defrag.

In this case, however, his interest is more legitimate. We are watching (H to the Usky) Husky, a relatively well know "shoutcaster", commentate the action of some high-level Starcraft 2 play on YouTube. That I am watching broadcasts such as these is a point of discussion for another time. What is relevant here is that when it comes to my family, I fall a distant second in the “Interested in Starcraft 2 Stuff” race.

On the screen we are watching as a cadre of Vikings - think Starscream as imagined by Blizzard -- make their way across a map called Kulas Ravine to harass a Zerg player who is decidedly vulnerable to the air superiority coming his way.

“That guy better get some Mutalisks!” Announces my child who is still a handful of years from hitting double-digit-age, and you know what? He’s right. That’s exactly what the Zerg player, some Diamond level superhuman, should be and is doing.

In this moment like countless others before, I realize that I have created a monster. If anyone can appreciate my son’s passion for games it’s me, but increasingly I am forced to admit that my indoctrination may have gone way too far.

Watching my oldest child play a video game is a lot like watching the sun fuse hydrogen. Brownian motion has less chaos than him with controller in hand. Were I to wire him up for a PET scan, I’m sure that while he is happily manipulating worlds built from digital Legos his brain is lighting up like something to which the Boston Pops might play the 1812 Overture. Games electrify him, and though it generally gives me pleasure to see him happy, there is a mania about his game playing nature that is unsettling.

To be honest, if I could dial it all back and have never introduced him to games in the first place, I might do it. This is an odd perspective to have for a life long gamer, a disconcerting conflict between my gamer self and my dad self, because I know that in measured doses and within the realm of reason gaming can be a extraordinarily positive adventure of the imagination.

He has been playing games in one way or another since he was two. I struggle with the question of whether this electricity that is my son is his nature, or whether my exposing him to video games so early on had an impact on his development. Now, I’ve seen the opinions and science on both sides of this debate. This really isn’t about that so much, because if there is one thing parents almost universally assume, it’s that any challenges our kids face are an inevitable indictment on some decision we made which completely screwed up their lives.

I too live in that realm that says if something is wrong, chances are it’s because of something I did. It’s not a healthy place, and I envy the parents who have the capacity to appear to shrug off every senseless niggle of doubt. I can not. When my son appears only too happy to shut off the rest of the world and let video games exist at the center of the universe, I worry (some might say legitimately so) that it is because I hardwired my own passion for the platform into his too early developing mind.

For this reason we now tightly control his exposure to games. A half hour a day of earned game time is the norm, with some bonus time here and there for good behavior and special occasions. It seems a reasonable accommodation, and he attacks those chunks of time with the ferocity of a hungry tiger in a butcher’s shop. To be honest, it feels like we’re running a daily half-hour long methadone clinic.

And, in the meantime, should I be remotely interested in getting home to settle in with a quick game of Starcraft 2, he is glued at my side. I used to tell myself that this was time we were spending together, but in the harsh light of day it’s not. It’s a contact high.

Frankly, it’s changed the way I am raising my second child. I am not nearly so proactive in showing him digital entertainment, never even letting him hold a controller at his young age. I have no idea if it’s an over-reaction and any perceived results are just related to the basic differences between the two boys. I’m operating without a manual or a net, so I just kind of do what makes the most sense at the time, and this is what feels right today.

I’ve no doubt that in six months I will be blaming my decisions now for whatever troubles wait down the road.

The weird thing about it though is how actively I, as a long-standing hardcore gamer, am trying to get games out of my children’s hands. It was not a position I would have once taken, and only serves to again remind me of how very different I thought parenting would be versus how it has turned out.

Comments

Excellent article. Very interesting to read your view, I'm curious as to what the wife thinks of all of this? "It's all Elysium's fault" wouldn't surprise me, but still

I relate to virtually ever word of this. Welcome to my world, sir.

I have semi-persistent anxiety about this stuff. We're the generation of people that grew up with this entertainment and we don't have the luxury of being as oblivious as our parents were.

I have a three year-old whose first words when I walk in the door from work in the evening, after shouting "DADDY!DADDY!DADDY!" are "Can I play on the little computer?" This is what she calls the iPad. Some days I lie and say I left it at work. Some days I tell her it needs to be charged. But many (most) days I say yes. Within moments she's playing Angry Birds, oblivious to us, and everything else.

I'm concerned. And not just at her behavior, but at mine as well. Letting her play is the easy way out. I think for both of our sakes it's time to transition into making playing the "little computer" a reward, and not a right. I forsee a time of great wailing and pouting as this transition becomes the rule of the house.

I'm right there with you. Kids plus games is tough.

My 7-year-old and 5-year-old get 15m of screen time per day, with 30m on the weekend. They can use it however they wish: Netflix, Leapster, a DVD, the Wii, a kid-oriented PS3 game, or the wife's laptop on a kid-safe website because she's crazy and thinks children won't break her laptop.

Difficulty getting out the door with a 1.5yo in tow has caused us to stop use of screen time by the 7yo in the morning.

My kids however haven't had much games exposure time other than that, and when they do get more than a normal dose it's quite similar to the other forms of screen time. They seem under an addictive spell for a short while. It's totally a give-an-inch-they-want-a-mile mentality and it's made me cautious about giving them very few extra doses. They don't react as badly when passive entertainment is involved (movies) so I fall back on those when I need to pacify them noninteractively, e.g. they are sick at home and I have to work from home while watching over them.

My wife is partially to credit for this. She has been adamant against them playing games much at all, and it was a major concession to get her to agree to lumping games into the screen time category.

I introduced my oldest to games using Flow to hide the complexity of the controller (before we had a Wii), and I just wanted to play LittleBigPlanet with them. Their personalities magnify and distort the experience. The oldest gets completely wound up in winning, points, and railing against dying while my second just gets whiny about not getting enough points along the way. My original goal was to have them enjoy the whimsical playfulness but unfortunately that's still hard for them to do.

And when it comes to Animal Crossing on the Wii, I tried to set a good example by collecting things for the musuem and growing more fruit trees in an eco-friendly way. But my oldest is driven to wring every last bell out of the world to amass things and pay Nook while my middle child has a different way of playing.

A question for the concerned gamer parents out there - how were *you* around games as a kid? Are you simply seeing the same behaviour you showed at the same age as your kids?

I grew up in a pretty laissez-faire house, and I certainly spent a *lot* of time playing games as a kid. Easily enough, I suspect, to raise the same concerns that are being voiced around here. But isn't that the nature of being a kid? You find something good, then you do it as much as possible.

To be fair, sometimes it would be a book, instead of a game. I think that when I first read 'The Elfstones of Shannara', I did nothing else but read it. My mum had to physically take it out of my hands to get me to eat. I would spend hours at a stretch with my face buried in D&D books. Hell, I would spend hours in front of a manual typewriter, typing up campaigns and character sheets.

I have twin 4 year old girls, and I am going to delay the videogame indoctrination for as long as possible. They love books, TV, and their meatspace toys. Why can't they just enjoy that for now? They are already aware of youtube versions of their favorite songs, can't that be enough at this stage?

Once they discover the full version of the internet (or whatever it will be in the coming years) and the joys of video games, there's no going back. Let them be innocent a little while longer.

Never mind having to deal with boys....

We are watching (H to the Usky) Husky, a relatively well know "shoutcaster", commentate the action of some high-level Starcraft 2 play on YouTube. That I am watching broadcasts such as these is a point of discussion for another time.

Indeed it is.

A half hour a day of earned game time is the norm, with some bonus time here and there for good behavior and special occasions.

My parents did the same. I got to play an hour a day and up to 90 minutes when I grew older. I think they were more concerned about me getting into organized sports than gaming.

edit: And by "concerned about me getting into organized sports" I mean they were terrified of the other parents at those events and did their best to let me do my own thing (play games, read books, explore the woods) rather than play sports.

Wow, you've hit right on one of the tougher dilemmas facing us as we raise our three boys.

I started introducing our oldest son to console games when he was about 5, and he was actually rather uninterested at first - he didn't seem to think he was any good. Once he developed some skill, though, he became obsessed with games. As he's gotten older, his rabid addiction has subsided quite a bit. Now games are a part of his life, but he's no longer the raving fanatic...

...that his 5-year-old brother has become. He was introduced to games at a much younger age, mostly because his older brother played them and he has always seen it as something little boys just do. He's now well into the grip of them, and I can only hope that as he gets older he follows in his brothers footsteps and loses the "video games are my life" worldview.

There seems to be a common theme of ages 4-6 being the hardcore years (our nephew is this age and is similarly addicted). Our third son just turned one, and I'm seriously considering banning him from gaming until he's at least 5, maybe 6. I'm not sure I can deal with this a third time.

I love gaming, and I want them to as well. However, it bothers me that taking the video game privilege away from my 5-year-old reduces him to screaming tantrum. It really bothers me that he'd rather stay inside playing LEGO Harry Potter than go outside in the sunshine and play with his friends. All the same, I'm not sure what we could have done differently.

Awesome article Elysium. Being a father of a recent 13 year old, I can see a fervor in his eyes when it comes to games that definitely surpasses my gaming nerd-dom when I was his age.

Part of me thinks I've created a monster, but any feeling of negativity towards the hobby goes away when we're a few hours deep in a Borderlands session - shouting, hi-fiving and having too much fun for words.

I do let him play a little more than I should, but I also show him the importance of getting outside and the "life outside the game" because balance is key.

There are so many more ways to game than there were when I was a kid, that I think its' understandable to limit gaming time. When I was going up game time was limited by economics, very few relatives owned a game console and I was only allowed to rent games, buying them was for Christmas. Now a kid can easily (and cheaply) play games literally every waking moment and never get to the bottom of the pile. Games wouldn't even come out often enough to do that when I was a kid.

Great read, as always!

With my step-son (former step-son after le divorce if you're nit-picky) I introduced him to my DS when he was about two and a half and let him play after he'd been a good boy (eaten his dinner). He's now 5-going-on-6, has a Wii and is allowed no more than an hour a day and two on weekends as long as his homework is properly done and has played outside for a bit. With my daughter, now 2.8, it's different. She's a far more active child; whereas with my boy I could already go to the movies before he was 3, my girl won't sit still for more than a half hour on average. She does ask me now and then to put on the "motorcycles" (Pure) on the 360 and she's getting the hang of fiddling around with the controller. She recognizes Mario as much as she does Mickey Mouse - if not more - but doesn't yet have the urge the boy felt after having first played New Super Mario Bros., read: like an addict to crack-cocaine.

I hope I can keep her balanced; it's turned out well with my boy so far.

I've had similar concerns with my fiancee's two daughters. But I do also have to agree with Jonman. When Emily, her 12-year-old girl, discovered Harry Potter, she wouldn't eat, sleep or game unless we physically pried the books from her hands. She was late for the bus twice because she got lost in the book. When kids fall in love with something new, they represent a level of focus and devotion that is all too easy to forget about as adults. Currently, her 8-year-old is obsessed with Cuponk, a game that literally consists of nothing but throwing a ping pong ball into a cup. For four weeks now, she's spent hours upon hours practicing bank shots and shots over her bed.

Her mom has the perspective that as long as it's not violent, profane, or fattening, whatever the kids are excited about is okay by her. I'm not entirely sure if I agree, but the girls are smart, well adjusted, and happy, so I guess that's a mark in that plan's favor.

I don't know, I think we watched a lot more TV than our parents and that is the medium they probably beat themselves up over. I haven't pushed games on my kids so much just because the other things like work and the honey-do list keep me so busy it's a great day if I get to spend 4 hours a week playing games. My four year old has the desire to watch "Daddy's movie" and I'll let him stand by me but he doesn't get much out of it. He does play Fishing Frenzy 2 every so often but it's a reward for 10 minutes before bedtime.
My daughter (2yrs) doesn't even show an interest in games. She'll tap away at keys but she even doesn't want to use MSPaint like my son does periodically. She isn't even into TV all that much, I mean she'll sit there and pick up her little kitchen and feed her babies and my wife and I look at eachother like, "What baby did the hospital give us since we never taught her any nurturing activities?"
Overthinking is its own punishment via guilt and shame and I try, successfully at times, to push it aside since really every slight at this point can be perceived as causing them therapy later. In fact, I try to turn it on itself by saying while I'm punishing them to the extent, "Don't worry I'll be paying for this later when I'm paying your therapist so you can tell them what a jerk I was when you were a toddler."
We got our Atari 2600 when I was 7 and our C64 when I was 10. I am still sticking to my plans to have my oldest get the A2600 when he turns 5 next year and the NES a year later, from there it gets fuzzier but the SNES and C64 will make appearances (emulators are for posers) at some point as well it's just the dates I am not sure it will depend on reading comprehension and interest.

docbadwrench wrote:

I relate to virtually ever word of this. Welcome to my world, sir.

I have semi-persistent anxiety about this stuff. We're the generation of people that grew up with this entertainment and we don't have the luxury of being as oblivious as our parents were.

I agree completely with this. While I am neither married nor have any children, my gaming habits do weigh on my mind in regards to future children. Myself and my brothers got our first game system in 1996: the SNES (for the record, I'm one of the youngest members of this forum). Basically, things went downhill from there. I believe I missed the school bus on one occasion due to a morning game session with Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Now, I'm a game-a-holic with my Steam account valued at just over $1250, and weeks of my life put into Morrowind alone. I don't want my children to do the same thing. Agreed, gaming is fun in moderation, but I think courtesy of my parents' obliviousness to the computer generation I've gone a bit overboard. My parents aren't to blame in my choices, but I can see that with the same limited oversight my children would probably do the same thing I've done. Books and music would be a better thing for my children to spend their time on, at least until I feel they are able to handle video games without getting themselves addicted.

Jonman wrote:

A question for the concerned gamer parents out there - how were *you* around games as a kid? Are you simply seeing the same behaviour you showed at the same age as your kids?

I grew up in a pretty laissez-faire house, and I certainly spent a *lot* of time playing games as a kid. Easily enough, I suspect, to raise the same concerns that are being voiced around here. But isn't that the nature of being a kid? You find something good, then you do it as much as possible.

To be fair, sometimes it would be a book, instead of a game. I think that when I first read 'The Elfstones of Shannara', I did nothing else but read it. My mum had to physically take it out of my hands to get me to eat. I would spend hours at a stretch with my face buried in D&D books. Hell, I would spend hours in front of a manual typewriter, typing up campaigns and character sheets.

I didn't much have them. I had Pong, and then Christmas of 1983 I got the Best Gift Ever, my Colecovision. We didn't have a computer, and I played my Colecovision all the time. What happened for me is I got bored with the games I had and did other stuff. My kids don't have that problem. Why? Our house has a PC (several, actually), an Android phone, two DSes, a Wii, a 360, and that's only the modern systems--I have systems dating all the way back to the 2600, because I like my nostalgia gaming to be holding a real joystick. I acquire games regularly, and my kids know that. My daughter (she's almost six) will play a little, but my son is apparently a lot like Elysium's in that he's obsessed. Totally obsessed. He had to turn the Wii off early the other night to get to soccer on time, and he was so mad he threw the controller across the room. No Wii for two days, which meant he was a pain in the ass in two days straight (he gets them back today, he'll be elated).

My son is extremely intelligent, and extremely shy, and I totally understand why he likes games--they provide him entertainment, challenge, and a sense of accomplishment, and he doesn't have to do much in the way of the human interaction he has a hard time with. I worry about him being an electronic hermit of sorts.

One of my very posts here was about ways to set effective limits for gaming time. I'm still not sure what those are or if I let the kid game too much, but, if something's wrong, I'm utterly sure it's my fault. Then again, as a parent, I'm sure that everything is my fault in some way. I do tell myself that he's in soccer, he's healthy, he's able to at least somewhat interact with other kids and he's probably doing fine, but I just wish I could make him a bit less obsessed with electronica.

lostlobster wrote:

I have a three year-old whose first words when I walk in the door from work in the evening, after shouting "DADDY!DADDY!DADDY!" are "Can I play on the little computer?" This is what she calls the iPad. Some days I lie and say I left it at work. Some days I tell her it needs to be charged. But many (most) days I say yes. Within moments she's playing Angry Birds, oblivious to us, and everything else.

I'm in exactly the same situation with my 3 year old son. As soon as I get home from work, "Daddy! Can we play Towers?!" (which is what he calls Angry Birds). He often plays it in a frenzied way, not paying much attention to where the birds are going, and it's starting to worry me a bit too.

I think about this kind of thing every time I see a "how do I get my 2-year-old to play video games?" thread. Then I take a step back and click out of the thread, because I don't have kids and it's none of my business.

Good to know it's not just my misanthropy coming in to play. I mean, that's got to be part of it, of course.

Great article.

My 5 y/o son play with me to the Wii, he plays also some NDS games, lately it is Pokemon, he is starting to read, and I take the rabbit advice about it and he is avid to play when we let him play, wich is no more than a couple of hours after lunch on the weekends.

However, he sometimes gets bored and he also only wants to play if someone, me, plays with him.

We also plays lots of boardgames, and are always outside doing "real world" things. I plan to introduce him to RPGs as soon as he is able to play those, and at the end I am not worried that he is playing pokemon or some Mario games a lot, because I rather see him playing those than watching tv and picking some friends on the school that likes same things as his, lets call them nerds like his father, than see him join the "cool kids that behave like men" and do things I do not want to think about in 5 years.

I don't have kids, and am not married, but I tend to think that you have to take your kid's personality into account when thinking about these things.

When I was a kid, I got a NES, and my parents basically let me play it whenever they weren't using the living room TV. I played a lot. Of course, I also played outside with my friends a lot too. I always did well in school, without them hounding me to see if my homework was done. They didn't have to drag me to school, I just went. I'd have resented arbitrary rules like one hour of games per day, just as I resent them now. I'll do what I have to do, but I want to do it my way. I never did my homework as soon as I came home from school, always waited until after dinner to take the garbage out (even on Wednesdays when I would watch Unsolved Mysteries with my mother, and going to the shed in the backyard when it was dark out would freak me out), and generally did my own thing. Of course, the homework always got done, and my grades were always good, without my parents being dictators.

I have a 7 year old son, and I walked in the door and the first words were: "Log me into Starcraft, Daddy".

And, while I cringe a little that this is the first thing out of his mouth... I understand that he's a kid, and a pretty well adjusted one. Like all thing, I believe that moderation is key -- as many have stated -- however, the manner in which kids play video games is not always.... the same as older kids.

My son used to be quite spastic at games. All of them. No real rhyme or reason, and certainly not caring for the purpose of the game or the goals. But, he's left that phase, and understands goals. I think that's part of their learning, just like everything else... do it until you learn it. Even now, where he knows the goals, he wants to play it OVER and OVER. Repetition is still big in his world. He'll unlock every last character in every lego game, and then restart to do it again. While I've never had that exact case, I know when I first got my hands on a modem, I sat there and watched the digits of a download go (very slowly) by.

After all, he's my son. He's likely to either embrace the same addictions that I have, or eschew them in some psychological hatred. Either way, that's fine. If he sees me play a game, and wants to take up gaming, I'm not going to stop him. I'll nurture him, and attempt to show him why moderation is a good thing --- even if I'm not the best role model.

In the end, kids are kids. Each is different, ymmv, but if all you have to worry about is how a couple hours of video games are going to harm your kid... you're doing a pretty good job parenting. You're providing them enough security that they can play games and experiment with all kinds of digital interactions we couldn't dream of as children.

Meh. I'm ok with my kids playing games. I played a crap ton as a kid, and I make a great living with computers now, because of that love.

Luckily, I think my kids suffer from the same kind of serial obsessions I do. That means that even though my son might be pokemon addicted right now, I know it will pass, just like my intense bursts of game activity always pass.

I also make a clear distinction between what happens during the school year and summer. To me, summer is about goofing off, and most of the screen time limits in our house get pretty lax, pretty quickly. But come September, everyone knows things change back to fairly tightly restricted.

Last, Lego HP is one of the first things my 10 and 6 year old have really worked hard at together, and the idea of limiting that arbitrarily is hard. They talk, puzzle solve, support, laugh and hi-5 each other playing that game, where without it, they look at each other with barely concealed disgust at the moment.

Kid sounds like me, right down to starting at the age of 2. That's not a good thing.

I am lucky for myself that, except for rare occasions (like the release of Mass Effect, where I played 18 hours over two days), I am able and willing to moderate my gaming habit. 2, 3 hours a day is the max, and not even every day, since I also love my books and movies and have a few outdoor activities that I do on a semiregular basis. I didn't grew up with electronic entertainment as such. My screen time was limited, we didn't have things like VHS at home, and I only really started getting into gaming when I got a NES for my 14th. My first own PC was a 486 laptop which allowed me to play some games that were already outdated at the time. I only had a decent gaming machine by the time I was 20.

I've had times where I got heavily addicted to browser-based MMOGs (one of the reasons I never even tried to play WoW), which wasn't a good time of my life, I neglected my work and my family. My ex-wife wasn't overly fond of games at the time. Being divorced now (not because of gaming though) I know that my son, as little as I see of him, grows up with regulated screen time and is very happy to play outside and with other kids. If I have another child in this life, his or her time with electronic entertainment of any kind will be just as regulated.

My opinion is that you can't protect children from these things, they will pe a part of their life, and arbitrary bans just stifle their curiosity. If they can learn that it is just another way to spend time and that other things can be just as much fun, it can only be a good thing.

My wife has a now 19-year old son from her first marriage. He was 16 when she and I first started dating. One of the first times I came out here to her dad's house (I live here now), I brought my PS3 and my games, of which the majority of were/are M-rated. He came up and asked me to play one of the games, to which I initially said no. I then told her about what happened and how I felt about it. She did understand, but we eventually agreed together to let him play the game as long as he did his chores.

Growing up, I snuck away to play PC and N64 games at various friends houses; because my mother held until about 4-5 years ago, a very unusual belief that video games were the cause of everything wrong with the world. She has since ditched that belief and plays Facebook games.

Very interesting read, loved it. I too am one of the youngest here, I'm a 29-yr old teenager.

Growing up, my parents had a very square, ancient, almost-caveman-era mentality about electronics in general, so they tried (half-heartedly) to be strict about gaming. They soon caved. First my mom, then my dad. Grounding us with no tv/gaming didn't last very long, honestly, because we really weren't that "bad" as children. I believe at a certain point, they surrendered their will, and accepted that "sitting in front of the tv all day, at least keeps them safe from outside danger"....either that, or it simply was "easier."

My older brother and I, as I believe, found safe refuge in gaming from the outside world. Not that it was hurting us or anything evil or sinister as our parents believed, but in all seriousness, at least for me, provided an alternative to sucking at sports. It provided shelter for not being part of the group...for not being able to keep up. At hard times like these as a kid, you have no idea how comforting it was to join in with Guybrush Threepwood through his crazy adventures. I didn't have any of my own, so I lived his.

I look back at my growing up, and a big part of me wishes it were much more limited and strict. I wish I was pushed harder into other activities. Scratch that, not "pushed harder", I meant "more inclined towards". In all honestly, I would love to love to rockclimb, to play soccer, play football, go swimming, biking, camping, reading books every night, painting, playing guitar or piano (and no, rockband isn't the same). Gaming though, gave me the "easy" alternative to all those things.

The ratio of "effort put into : rewards obtained", in gaming, I believe, isn't a healthy life lesson in the long run. It's a masquerade that needs careful monitoring.

There's also a second danger that parents should be savvy about.

Parents need to seriously take into account what kids learn from other kids at school. It all boils down to good parenting, yes, but you can't be oblivious to the fact that your kids' friends have DS's and PS portables and Wii's and all the latest rage, that your kids might start questioning why they don't have them. Or why they don't have as many consoles as their friends. Or why they get to play longer that they can.

I think a fad that will never go away, is that being the cool kid in school is being the kid with the most and newest toys, be them videogames or a super soaker gun. It's hard to tell if a 7yr old feels pushed aside by his friends because he doesn't know what they're talking about. Most kids, most humans actually, have a need to be accepted. To be a part of something. In younger kids, being in the 'in' circle is crucial. Not to all, but to most.

There's as much education and raising in school, as there is back at home. It might be hard for your kids to find friends to play with outside, if all their friends are playing indoors. Know what I mean? It's very hard I believe.

I have no idea about any of it, be it as have no kids of my own, so I apologize if all of this sounds idiotic. Hell, I'm in many ways still a kid myself. But I do question these things A LOT.

I don't really know what my point is, I guess I concur with what most are saying, moderation is key. Profound interest in their interests is key. Attention is key. Presence is key. Dedication is key.

I don't doubt that my experience as a gamer, a father, and sometime general practitioner makes no expert on anyone's kid. If anything, my experiences have taught me that each child is different and that they must be cared for and dealt with as individuals with individual wants and needs.

In my own household, I introduced my children to gaming at about age 2 and 3. It was Civ at the time, so they really couldn't care less, and they were exposed to that sort of gaming relatively early on. I'd also play inFAMOUS and other such games in front of them, and as expected, they would exhibit nothing but the purest of ennui.

At the present, my kids like playing Wii titles every so often, and PopCap games sprinkled in now and then. In contrast to Elysium's son, and reacting much as Elysium does, I'm concerned that I've failed them in some fundamental way. Why doesn't my daughter know or even care what a Mutalisk is?

In raising my kids, I tried to introduce them to as many fun aspects of life as I knew. Games are one of them, yes, but so was swimming, cycling, balls, writing, reading, and working. My kids like to "work," and they tend to want to play everything, sometimes at the same time. I get concerned that they're not getting the lesson that the way to succeed in life is to be specialized - to want and continue to want just one thing until nearly everyone else in the world is willing to throw in the towel before you do.

I want my kids to play something like Starcraft, because I think that Starcraft teaches everyone very valuable lessons that can be learned in life, but all they want to play is Diner Dash.

My parents used to restrict my game time pretty severely. This spurred my creativity, as I always found ways to game behind their backs By the time I hit puberty I still loved to game, but made it a point to never game when there's some outdoor activity to do. I only 'binge gamed' when it rained, or when all my friends were out. Otherwise I went out and played soccer, ping pong, or hung out with my friends. Nowadays I don't even play when there's still daylight, it just doesn't feel right.

I don't have children yet, but I seem to find the insecurity and ad hoc decisions of raising kids more liberating than frightening. There's no way to know it all, or to prepare now for whatever quirks my kids will have. I'll just have to go with the flow, make mistakes, and hopefully do something right once in a while.

Great article Sean, really hits home. I've struggled with this myself, as I feel almost hypocritical when it comes to the regulation of my daughter's gaming/digital time. As a child I would spend some weekends glued to my NES playing countless hours of Final Fantasy and Blaster Master. I was a well rounded kid and did many other things such as playing piano, sports, reading.

I find myself starting to get edgy when one of my daughters gets glued to her DS. I wouldn't say I have any formal limitations to the amount of time they are allowed to play, but certainly homework, chores, etc. need to be done.

Parenting is not easy.

Kids getting deep into any hobby has been a concern for many generations. Books, Legos, toy guns, TV, video games... kids can get hung up on anything that interests them (as can adults), but as was mentioned, it comes down to balance.

My siblings and I played games as kids, but then we also went outside and ran in the woods with toy guns. Sometimes we built Lego cities all afternoon. Sometimes we broke out our big collection of GI Joes and had a full scale war until dinner time. Sometimes we'd grab a little tape recorder and run around outside like Man on the Street reporters. Sometimes we'd sit in the basement and spend several hours trying to beat Castlevania III (and we did, yay!). Sometimes we would get on our bikes and ride. I can honestly say that, unlike some people of my generation, never in my life have I said "I am bored" even before we had the internet.

Anytime the video games got out of hand, the parents took them away. Sure it made us sad when they did that, but it did allow us more time for other things, and ultimately helped make us more well-rounded people I think.

Then again, now at age 33, I can play video games anytime I want, and I do, so maybe all the parenting in the world doesn't matter a bit? When you love something, you just do. I guess as long as the kids get good grades, that's the important part.

trichy wrote:

When kids fall in love with something new, they represent a level of focus and devotion that is all too easy to forget about as adults.

This. There's a reason parents sometimes say "it's just a phase" when talking about their kids. My son just turned 17, and he's definitely gone through some "phases." His first time playing a video game was around the age of 4, and at different stages of his childhood, he's been focused on non-gaming things such as toys, baseball, bike riding, girls, and for the last few years, he spends most of his time skateboarding with friends.

Even as adults, I feel we sometimes go through phases too, but the difference is that kids don't have the burden of adult responsibilities, so they can devote much more of their time into whatever it is that they really like at any given time. That's where our job as parents comes in to moderate and balance things.

So to Elysium, while it's natural to question how you're doing as a parent, from what we know about the job you're doing (thanks to your great articles, like this one), I'd say you're doing just fine.