Does Not Play Well With Others

I fear that my firm anti position on co-operative gaming in general has made me appear an isolationist curmudgeon. This is not an entirely correct interpretation of the matter, and while it is true that, in general, I do not wander into the warm lagoon of co-op, it is not exactly because I don’t like other people.

Co-operative play has, it seems, become all the rage of video gaming these past handful of years, and I have not exact been swept up in the tidal wave of Kumbaya-Kindergarten work-together time. If anything, I’ve been caught in the tidal undertow, dragged out to sea, and left adrift on a piece of flotsam setting sail for points unknown. Here thar be dragons!

It is not that I don’t enjoy the companionship of friends and acquaintances. It is not that I do not wish to share my gaming experience with others. It is simply that the shape video gaming takes in my brain and in my life leaves little-to-no room for partnerships.

A one man band am I. No literally, on any given night you might find me sitting in front of a lonely pretend drum kit, traversing the landscape of Rock Band songs alone. Today’s Tom Sawyer, he gets high on flying solo.

I have never been one to involve local friends in my gaming lifestyle. I do not invite people over to try out the latest Madden or have Rock Band parties. I do not discuss the latest Gears map over a beer. I do not elaborately plot the best way to take down Kel’Thuzad over Vent in the quiet hours of night.

As much as anything, it’s just not my style.

Don’t get me wrong. Should I be invited to such a gathering, I am gratified to be considered, and on the extremely rare circumstance where I accept I have a fun time almost without exception. At least for this horse, dragged to water I will drink deep until my thirst is quenched on the most fundamental level. The problem is that once away from the water trough, I will not willingly return.

This may sound weird, but as I evaluate my unwillingness to play co-operative, or increasingly multiplayer video games of any kind, what I begin to discover is something distressingly close to a deep-seated personality flaw. I am elastic. I am memory foam. I return always to my most neutral state without some kind of active agent pressing me toward what I would certainly otherwise enjoy.

Here’s the thing, I don’t dislike co-op games. I honestly can’t remember the last time I didn’t enjoy playing a game co-operatively, whether online with friends or in person. I’m not really counting anonymous public efforts here, in part because I don’t think it’s fair to hold that cesspool against the concept as a whole and also because I almost never do that. But, where it comes down to experiencing a game with friends, I have virtually no reason not to actively seek every opportunity.

And, it’s not like I don’t have a massive community at my disposal playing every game under the sun. Yet, it is just so much simpler, so much easier to follow the familiar and comfortable course of remaining isolated.

I use the excuse of family pressures as a trusted standby, and the argument isn’t without merit. I have a wife and two children that legitimately demand my time. Often I game in intervals so tiny as to be measured on a quantum scale, managing only what seems a moment or two to advance some game slightly. Other times I can play at length but with minimal attention as I have one eye on the screen and the other eye on children at play.

But they have been flexible to my gaming predilections to the point of near universal praise, and there are sizable chunks of time, particularly in the darker hours of the night, where I can play unrestrained. And I do, just not with others.

The logical thing to do now would be to commit in some way to engaging more with those who plumb the depths of gaming with a partner at their side. And, let’s be honest, that’s not very likely. You see, and this is really the shameful secret, I like playing video games by myself. I have very fulfilling relationships, and I have a loving family, and I have good friends, so I just can’t get too worked up by the fact that when it comes to gaming, I like the time alone.

I prize my alone time. I jealously guard it. When I go see a movie, very often I go alone — happily. And, when I play video games, I collapse the bubble inside of my own head and I wallow in the unrestrictive freedom of being my own man. Yes, it’s true as I said that I have fun playing with others, but I can’t actually say that I have _more_ fun.

Is it weird? Is it strange? I work with my colleagues all day -- as pleasant a co-worker as ever there was -- talk to clients from across the country on the phone, visit with my family, play with my kids, and at the end of it all I put on my headphones and I just shut down that overworked social part of my brain. Is this the same as not liking co-op games? I’m really not sure, but where games are concerned, it just seems that I do not play well with others.

Comments

Except for the headphones and Rock Band, I could have written just about the same exact piece.

It's not weird or strange at all.

Fantastic article. You've put into words the feelings I have for co-op and multiplayer gaming. Like you, I am social outside the gaming circle, chatting with coworkers, calling friends, spending time with my wife and young twins. When it comes to gaming, I like to be left alone. I just want to do my own thing, and not have to worry about what others want to do. Call it selfish and anti-social if you will, I call it relaxing.

You see, and this is really the shameful secret, I like playing video games by myself. I have very fulfilling relationships, and I have a loving family, and I have good friends, so I just can’t get too worked up by the fact that when it comes to gaming, I like the time alone. I prize my alone time. I jealously guard it.

A rare occurance where we are in complete agreement! I also love playing games alone and will often turn down multiplayer experiences in favour of my single-player game du moment. In addition to the reasons you listed, I think it's also because I'm a bit of a control freak. I remember playing Icewind dale multiplayer when I was in high school and being incredibly frustrated that I couldn't control the dialogue choices, explore at my leisure, and go back to town whenver I wanted. In WoW, I only grouped when absolutely necessary - given the option to do stuff solo, I would.

The one game that's totally circumvented all of this is Left 4 Dead - in fact, in that game, I'm entirely happy to let someone else make the calls. I don't know why, but it's one of the primary reasons I keep going back to it as my multiplayer game of choice.

There's a slight difference between not playing well with others (which you actually do) and not wanting to play with others. I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to socialize with others at all in your free time, especially since you seem to do it so much the rest of the time.

If you truly didn't like co-op games, you wouldn't have fun when you played with friends. The whole co-op trend just doesn't call to you.

Great article! I feel basically the exact same way, right down to playing Rock Band solo! I know exactly what you mean. I have so precious little gaming time that I guard it absolutely jealously. Fortunately, my wife is very understanding and enjoys her own alone time, but we game together sometimes (thanks again Rock Band!) I do enjoy playing with my friends too, but I just like playing alone better usually. The big exception to this seems to be The Beatles RB, but I think that's mainly because I love singing harmonies in that game. If I could have three voices, I'd play that alone too.

I've never seen a game writer who spends so much time writing about all the stuff he doesn't want to play.

When I moved from Albany NY to Gainesville Fl, my wife was pregnant. Had a little girl shortly after I set up shop here. I have made new friends, but not the kind of life long friends I made in Albany, or either of the previous two locations that I have lived. I just find it impossible to devote the time to form a rock solid relationship with another dude anymore. It takes years of drinking beer late into the night before I can admit to someone that I once made out with my cousin. I just can't get that close to someone when I have to be home every night to tuck my little girl into bed. Gaming with a lifelong friend, and haveing voice chat going, is as close as I can get these days to hanging out with someone who I completely trust (edit: except for my wife, of course...but that isn't the same.) I doubt that I would be as interested in online game play if I still lived in one of the cities that I grew up in, and had tight friends within a short drive. For me, it fills a social need as much as scratching a gaming itch.

Jerrak wrote:

I just find it impossible to devote the time to form a rock solid relationship with another dude anymore. It takes years of drinking beer late into the night before I can admit to someone that I once made out with my cousin.

Too bad you just admitted this to a horde of dubious strangers...

*Legion* wrote:

I've never seen a game writer who spends so much time writing about all the stuff he doesn't want to play. :)

Elysium, how did this mesh with your play in WoW? Did you find yourself soloing the majority of the game, like I did?

Amen brother! Let me echo JonnyG44 and state that you have managed to write exactly why I so seldom find myself on a multiplayer or co-operative playground. This paragraph especially grabbed my attention:

I use the excuse of family pressures as a trusted standby, and the argument isn’t without merit. I have a wife and two children that legitimately demand my time. Often I game in intervals so tiny as to be measured on a quantum scale, managing only what seems a moment or two to advance some game slightly. Other times I can play at length but with minimal attention as I have one eye on the screen and the other eye on children at play.

That also rings a very familiar tone with me. I don't have an enourmous amount of free time, so when I play a game like Fallout 3 or Batman: AA, I do it in bite-sized chunks , mostly between doing two other things. Had I jumped into a co-op or multiplayer game and only stayed the same amount of time I usually spend playing, I would've probably felt guilty upon disconnecting because, well, I just couldn't put in the same amount of time as others do and I would've left my team mates down. And guilt is not something I would like to associate with playing games, so that might be another reason I tend to avoid the co-op and multiplayer route.

However, leaderboards, achievement trackers and the like are a fantastic way for me to still feel implicated in the community (witness the leaderboard for Shadow Complex as a prime example) without actually playing online with others.

Did you find yourself soloing the majority of the game, like I did?

Almost exclusively.

Now, I have done some raids, and had a run where I was doing some heroic instances, but that is a percentage of my total time so small as to be inconsequential.

Clemenstation wrote:
Jerrak wrote:

I just find it impossible to devote the time to form a rock solid relationship with another dude anymore. It takes years of drinking beer late into the night before I can admit to someone that I once made out with my cousin.

Too bad you just admitted this to a horde of dubious strangers... ;)

That was my reaction too!

On topic: I agree with ElCapitanBSC (what a mouthful, btw) that you do actually play well with others. Not wanting to is not the same as not being able to. As someone who works in a call centre spending the entire day on the phone with people, I can totally relate. The last thing I want to do at night is talk to more people - I just want to spend time in my own head, doing my own thing. I'll make exceptions, and mostly enjoy them, but for the most part I prefer my own company. Like everyone else here I have friends I enjoy hanging out with, I am in a relationship, and I enjoy spending time with others. But putting on a microphone headset is anathema to me come closing time.

By the way, I forgot to mention that I completely identify with the desire to game solo despite the industry's leanings towards Multiplayer Everything! (TM). I love games like Fallout and Oblivion because I find them easy to sink into... if these places were populated by avatar puppets controlled by real people, I would just be reminded over and over that I'm playing a game. Sometimes that overtness is unwanted.

Rallick wrote:

That was my reaction too!

We were on vacation in West Virginia. When in Rome...

A close friend of mine is really into MMOs. He considers several of his guild mates as "best friends" even though he has never met them. I played WOW for a year or so. To me, my guild mates were little more than NPCs with great AI. Does this make me bad? If I game with someone that I don't know personally, I never feel any emotional connection to them. Not sure if this is on topic...but thought I would throw it out there.

I agree with Elysium here, and I suspect he is speaking for a lot of us.

I do have fun when I play multiplayer (co-op or otherwise, it falls into the same basket for me), but I rarely do so. Unless I know that I am going to have enough time to finish the multiplayer match I am starting, I won't do it because I don't want to be the guy who drops out mid-game. Because I almost never have a clear idea how much time I am going to have to game before either being pulled away by my family, I end up rarely playing multiplayer.

I sometimes clear some time for doing Gears and Beers on Friday nights, but even that is pretty infrequent.

Great article and I agree quite a bit.

I recently gave EVE another try. I ended up quitting again because of two reasons. The first was that I was having computer issues and I wasn't going to pay for a game I couldn't play. But the other reason was that as a member of a corp (EVE-speak for a guild), it actually became something of job. Between cultivating relationships with corp-mates and the MMO grind, I felt compelled to go online even if I didn't particularly want to. This, in turn, started to turn towards resentment of the game.

For those times when I do want multiplayer action, I like to find pub servers that tend to have a older, more mature population (a la GWJ). That way I still get the online action without putting up with a whole lot of juevenile BS.

In the end, I generally prefer a game like FO3 or Mass Effect that I can move through at my own pace and in my own time over a MMO.

infinitelyloopy wrote:

I agree with Elysium here, and I suspect he is speaking for a lot of us.

Ditto. For practically all of this year, I have been working 7 days a week between 2 jobs, which when combined with spending time with my girlfriend (who lives with me) and the 2 dogs that I enjoy playing with, that leaves very little time for gaming. So on the rare occasion that I do fire up a game, when given the choice between multiplayer or playing alone, I usually choose to play alone. Except for Guitar Hero: World Tour and GH: Metallica. About 90% of the multiplayer gaming I've done this year has been the occassional get-together with a couple friends to Rock Out with those 2 games.

Having said that, I just got a nice promotion/raise at my primary job which allows me to not have to work the part-time second job, so I quit (finally!) Now that I have weekends free, I'd like to play some multiplayer/co-op with some fellow GWJers sometime. I'll likely be getting Borderlands from Steam, which looks like it could be a fun co-op game.

Your words sum up exactly how I feel about gaming. More and more when I see that a game is focusing on co-operative play I groan a little, because not only do I prefer to play alone at my own pace, but I keep my friends lists pretty well pared down to people I actually know, and it can be tough to find good people to play these games with. Look at ODST's Firefight mode. The lack of matchmaking makes it a requirement to have a group together for hours at a time to get the most out of it. This just isn't compatible with my gaming habits.

My problem with co-op is that as an older gamer with a job and a social life, public matches are unappealing, and scheduling play time with friends, all on the same game, is quite difficult. It's difficult to the point that any such arranged play time is an Event, like the three or four times annually a coworker arranges LAN parties.

Just as a for instance, last night I tried to get into ODST's Firefight with a couple of friends, but all they wanted to play was standard Halo 3 multiplayer modes. I spent a less-than-thrilling hour alone in Firefight before giving up - and that's a big chunk of my gaming time for the week.

For me, multiplayer has a time and place. I want to be able to devote my full attention to it and not let down the team by ditching early. So I have to set aside a block of time I can expect to not be interrupted. I won't watch TV while I'm playing. I want to feel awake enough to concentrate.

While I do enjoy multiplayer/co-op, the reasons above are why I play more singleplayer than multiplayer. With SP, I set my own schedule. I can take a break and use the bathroom or fix a snack or pet a kitten (or some combination thereof). I play at my own pace and if I f*ck up, no one gets annoyed. And I can save the game and reload as much as I want (excepting console games and bad console ports, of course).

Enix wrote:

Except for the headphones and Rock Band, I could have written just about the same exact piece.

It's not weird or strange at all.

My sentiments exactly.

And I agree with Dysplastic in regards to L4D. During my career in gaming, there have only been a select few games that have coaxed me out of my soloist shell. Left 4 Dead and inevitably Left 4 Dead 2 are the current forms of these types of games. Elaborating on what triplex said, when I think back on all the games that I have played multiplayer on a regular basis (L4D, Unreal Tournament, Tribes, etc.) the thing they all have in common is a beginning and an end in one gaming session. My social life has always been a chaotic one - coming and going whenever I feel like it - so the idea of committing to a co-op session of, say, Resident Evil 5 or games which require more than one sitting to complete has always turned me away not for fear of leaving something uncompleted, but of letting down someone who may be relying on me to continue the game. With the games I mentioned, they are small and bite-sized and can be completed in one sitting that consists of an hour or two.

Great article Elysium. I think you've given voice to a feeling that a lot of gamers have and have had for years but feel reluctant to admit or have even wondered if it's a form of character flaw or a personality shortcoming.

Gaming and masturbation...two things you don't always need your friends and family involved in to have a good time. Thanks for expressing this so eloquently in your article Elysium.

Bullion Cube wrote:

Gaming and masturbation...two things you don't always need your friends and family involved in to have a good time. Thanks for expressing this so eloquently in your article Elysium.

You're a West Virginia transplant, aren't you?

Elysium, I'm honestly surprised you haven't gotten into Left 4 Dead versus mode, given your professed love-affair with Counter-Strike.

Interesting article.

I wonder if it is the distinction between games,such as tennis or chess, versus activities, such as model making, working on your car or watching a movie. In most cases we don't reference activities as though they were games, e.g. nobody says, "I like to play 'work on my car'".

Computer games are more complicated. They might be like chess, they might be like football, or they might be like watching a movie or building a model. I wonder if you consider your self "playing" computer games or "doing" computer games.

Do you like your games to challenge and defeat you until you finally master them, or do you like them to immerse you and tell a story and make the time pass?

Do you like your games to challenge and defeat you until you finally master them, or do you like them to immerse you and tell a story and make the time pass?

More often than not, I enjoy the latter. I think this is an interesting and telling distinction you've made.

Elysium wrote:
Do you like your games to challenge and defeat you until you finally master them, or do you like them to immerse you and tell a story and make the time pass?

More often than not, I enjoy the latter. I think this is an interesting and telling distinction you've made.

Then you may find this article interesting: http://insultswordfighting.blogspot....

Mitch Krpata divides gamers into three broad categories: perfectionists, completionists, and tourists. Like you, I consider myself primarily a tourist.

Hans

Well that just muddies the water, hidannik. Mitch uses Guitar Hero as a case study, and in that particular instance I am the exact opposite of a tourist.

That I am not so easily classified, however, gives me some degree of satisfaction.

Quintin_Stone wrote:

For me, multiplayer has a time and place. I want to be able to devote my full attention to it and not let down the team by ditching early. So I have to set aside a block of time I can expect to not be interrupted. I won't watch TV while I'm playing. I want to feel awake enough to concentrate.

While I do enjoy multiplayer/co-op, the reasons above are why I play more singleplayer than multiplayer. With SP, I set my own schedule. I can take a break and use the bathroom or fix a snack or pet a kitten (or some combination thereof). I play at my own pace and if I f*ck up, no one gets annoyed. And I can save the game and reload as much as I want (excepting console games and bad console ports, of course).

+1.

Standard MP isn't something I am interested in. However, I love co-op for the shared experience, and I'd always much rather play with people than against, which is why I am much bigger/more frequent board game player. But time is a huge issue, and so I shy away from it, just not to the same extent as Elysium.

Elysium wrote:

isolationist curmudgeon

Priceless piece of prose.

As it relates to gaming. I don't want anyone inside my game world except for me.

Elysium wrote:

I am elastic. I am memory foam. I return always to my most neutral state without some kind of active agent pressing me toward what I would certainly otherwise enjoy.

Hey I worked DAMN hard to get these neurons into this pattern of behavior and they don't change easily. Now get off my lawn and get out of my gaming lobby!