So Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want

About two weeks ago I sprung for a new iPhone. The reasons and justifications for this purchase are not important and, to be honest, largely suspect. What is important is that I have traversed the chasm between “God, am I sick of hearing about iPhones” factions and landed squarely in the “have you heard about my awesome iPhone” clique.

But, what I love best about my iPhone is not the apps, the cool swipey interface, the 3G networkativity or any quite so tangible or understandable feature. So far, what I like best about my iPhone is being seen having an iPhone. It is through intense efforts of will that I don’t constantly point out to people who do not have an iPhone that, unlike them, I do have an iPhone.

I am not proud of this, but neither am I alone. As I had suspected all along, one of the best things about adopting the fancy new tech, though not quite so fancy and new as it once was, is being part of the cabal. And, lest you feel inclined to hop onto your high horse and ride around bespeaking the greatness of you for not being such an ego driven chamberpot of self-satisfaction, I daresay that this is almost certainly a driving motivation for virtually every technophile.

As you sit there thinking what a fool I am for buying into the cult of Apple, and how your Zune has so many better features without being a badge for conformity, I dare you to stand there and deny that one of your favorite things about not owning an iPhone is not being a person who owns an iPhone.

When I show you my iPhone, and you show me your Zune, you will almost certainly derive only pleasure when some disheartened and stormy expression navigates the landscape of my face upon discovering some function that my cult-box can’t do. You derive joy not from the application alone, but from my lack of access; from your own perceived superiority. Just like me.

It’s not like I’m cracking some hidden and heretofore unexplored psyche of the human mind. To have where others have-not is as fundamental to the human condition as men thinking about breasts or women wishing men would stop looking at their breasts all the time.

I just don’t think we technonerds have historically been quite as willing to accept that our meat-brain flaws are the same ones shared by BMW owners and pharmaceutical executives. If you have ever wanted an easy explanation for why console war is even a meaningful phrase, I offer you the best possible evidence. The deep and entrenched desire to identify superiority through possession. This isn't cortex and cerebellum humanity here, folks, this is down and dirty amygdala kind of stuff.

Despite everything people might say, I think those proselytizing Xbox owners, the evangelists who seem to invest themselves in ownership, really do on some level want PS3 owners to feel bad about their purchase, or vice versa. It is as plain and obvious a thing as a sunrise or an episode of Two and a Half Men.

I hate to be all Molly Ringwald from the Breakfast Club, but let’s face it, sitting at the cool-kids table of technology is a weird kind of power trip. When it comes right down to it, there’s no good reason, for example, to rush out and buy the latest $600 video card or the fanciest new mp3 player, except to be able to say that you have it. When it comes right down to it, there’s pretty much no reason for me to have an iPhone instead of a sensible base model except status.

We don’t talk much about geek status, but don’t kid yourself. It’s there. Hell, chances are if you’re reading this then you’re already in neck deep.

I have this strange daydream. Should you encounter me on the street with an unfocused wistful gaze aimed nowhere in particular, perhaps absently looking at women's breasts, there’s at least a reasonable chance I’ve been consumed by this particular musing. In my mind’s eye I travel back in time to, say, 1982. I show this person what the future of technology looks like, maybe a really cool game cutscene or an app on my phone. They are dazzled and amazed. Their eyes bulge with desire and their mind is literally blown by the crisp visuals, the furious bending of data and the sheer efficiency of what they have seen. And then, they are forever ruined on the substandard technology of their own time. Mission complete to my satisfaction, I return to my own era and leave them with unfulfilled dreams of what will be.

I do not think I’m the only one who has dreamed up this impossible scenario, and if I am then maybe all of this says more about me than it does about every one else. I’m sure most people will want to rise above the degradation of what I am suggesting. No, you may say, I am more elevated than that. I derive my pleasure from the purposeful ownership of equipment that facilitates my professional and recreational desires.

Thing is, I just don’t buy it. I think ownership is as much a source of our desire as the function of objects themselves. I don’t even necessarily believe that it’s such a bad thing.

I’m just saying, the next time you buy a new piece of technology, or lust after some amazing gadget that has little practical application in your life, give yourself just a moment to consider. Is it that you want the thing, or you want a thing that others do not have?

Comments

peacensunshine wrote:

I always have to be careful to refer to it just as "my phone" not my "iphone."

Like..I want to say, I'll call you on my iphone, or let me look that up on my iphone. I hope I catch myself most of the time, cuz that just sounds jackassy.

Yeah, I changed the default email sig from "Sent from my iPhone" to just "sent from my phone" for that very reason.

You should come over here to Switzerland once. You wouldn't feel special at all, unless you do NOT own an iPhone.

I don't know what's so weird about our market, but on my commute I can count the non-iPhones on one hand, walking by hundreds of iPhones.

Zombies, brainwashed, etc.

Oh..and I hate that I can't use it while washing dishes/cleaning as I'm too afraid of dropping it. It also has way less coverage than my verizon phone did and I can't figure out how to password my voicemail. I can never find it in my purse, and the cover I bought for it was making it overheat.

So, as far as functionality as a PHONE goes, I actually preferred my old phone. But...I still feel a bit giddy at all the info I have access to.

wordsmythe wrote:

I'm innately gifted with a sense of superiority. Any statements I make to others are merely attempts to share my glory with the masses.

You are generous to a fault.

I don't need to make statements or purchases in order to feel superior.

I'm innately gifted with a sense of superiority. Any statements I make to others are merely attempts to share my glory with the masses.

You're breaking the curve!

I resisted the original and now the 3GS launch.
What I really want is a verizon compatible answer to the iphone and the palm pre.

This is all true; status and status signaling are undeniably important. But let's not overstate the case. Technological change and economic growth are real. The iPhone really is better than the fancy flip phone you'd've gotten for the price 10 years ago (or whatever); the functions it performs really are useful and really do improve your life.

Innovation is not really a zero-sum game. It is better to have an iPhone today than a rare brickphone in 1983, even though the brickphone was a much stronger symbol of elite status (who had their own cellphone in 1983?!). Etc.

I can honestly say that I haven't gotten one because I don't like touchscreens. It's a tactile thing I guess. I think the iPhone is amazing and would love to have one but after years of Blackberry use it just feels wrong. Cursed opposable thumbs!!!

Twan wrote:

I resisted the original and now the 3GS launch.
What I really want is a verizon compatible answer to the iphone and the palm pre.

The Blackberry Storm is basically just that and the imminent Storm 2 is an improvement on it.

Quintin_Stone wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:

I'm innately gifted with a sense of superiority. Any statements I make to others are merely attempts to share my glory with the masses.

You are generous to a fault.

No, not to a fault.

But Elysium, aren't you going to feel inferior when you say "Like my iPhone?" and the next guy pulls out his 32GB 3GS version, making your 8GB feel 3x more inferior?

Like Twan, I'm waiting for Verizon to step up with a quality offering. I don't think the Storm is it. What I'd really like is either the iPhone or the Pre.

I never had any such feeling about the iPhone in either direction. At the end of the day, it's just a tool.

I've used every smartphone platform to some extent, but after my wife bought me an iPod touch, I started to realize how excruciatingly painful those other devices were to actually use. I eventually switched to an iPhone 3G once the GS came out.

There are many things about the iPhone that annoy me. Apple's ruthless restrictions on what applications I'm allowed to run infuriate me, and I would not own the device if there weren't ways around those restrictions. But it's not about status, it's about doing something well, and what the iPhone does, it does better than the competition (for now, at least).

Thing is, I just don’t buy it. I think ownership is as much a source of our desire as the function of objects themselves.

I'll willingly admit to this in many cases. My addiction to SLR lenses is clearly such a thing: I obsess over the attributes of a particular piece of equipment in an almost fetishistic way, and when I acquire it I may just place it in a shelf and seldom even use it due to practical concerns.

When it comes to the iPhone specifically, or the "smartphone" in general, it's different. I don't own these things just to own them: I own them because they're important. Instantly being able to access the wealth of information on the internet from virtually anywhere is the sort of cultural milestone that you should not underestimate.

The iPhone is not the only tool to facilitate this, but right now it's among the best. It is not frivolous to desire such a thing.

I've had that daydream, but mine usually then continues with taking this technology, getting together with some engineers to figure out the nuts and bolts of it and patenting everything so that I literally own the entire future of computers. Then I'd sit back with sacks of money and enjoy myself as they improve upon the "futuristic" technology I brought them. I would then give the secrets of this time travel to my children, allowing them to go back to their own past and own the next wave of technology, living off of it until they then pass this on to their own children.

Truly, I would be a technological monarchy. But I suppose your daydream has merit too.

wordsmythe wrote:

No, not to a fault.

Oh yes. Just one of many.

Quintin_Stone wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:

No, not to a fault.

Oh yes. Just one of many. :mrgreen:

Well, I don't see them.

Pharacon wrote:

Ok what really amused me the most when I first purchased my iphones for myself and my wife? In the box was two stickers of white apple logos. I placed them on my face and menaced my wife while crying out join the cult or die!!!!

Did anyone do the unthinkable and place these stickers on their car?

They're decorating some of my kids' school folders. I have a couple of cling-to-the-window things on my car, but no stickers.

duckilama wrote:

You know what'll get any song out of your head?
Bananaphone
I promise.

Yep. This is my new ringtone. On my iPhone...

I want Apple to get annoyed at all the cranky ATT customers that love the phone and hate the service and open it up *early*.
I could totally see myself with a Verizon-serviced iPhone.

Others have written about why we want the things that we want:

IMAGE(http://images.amazon.com/images/P/006074586X.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg)

IMAGE(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41ZP6GKY6RL.jpg)

IMAGE(http://www.housmans.com/booklists/images/TheCultureIndustry_000.jpg)

Noooooooo... Adorno!

Horkheimer can't be far behind.

duckilama wrote:

I want Apple to get annoyed at all the cranky ATT customers that love the phone and hate the service and open it up *early*.
I could totally see myself with a Verizon-serviced iPhone.

If I could add an iPhone to my existing Verizon subscription, I would have a 3GS right now. Instead, I have some sh*tty phone I don't like that constantly calls people from my pocket.

(Is the iphone actually coming to Verizon, or is it still a pipe dream we all have?)

wordsmythe wrote:
Quintin_Stone wrote:
wordsmythe wrote:

No, not to a fault.

Oh yes. Just one of many. :mrgreen:

Well, I don't see them.

Which brings us to fault #2....

kaostheory wrote:

Is the iphone actually coming to Verizon, or is it still a pipe dream we all have?

I happened to ask this question of an Apple tech guy while in one of their stores. Evidently the Verizon uses a proprietary system and would thus require a special Verizon-specific version of the iPhone for compatibility purposes. He speculated that once the AT&T exclusivity runs out, we'll see the iPhone on compatible systems, but it's unlikely that Verizon will see one in the near future.

It's a shame, since I'd own one if they were on Verizon's network. AT&T's network around here is a bit dodgy, from my friends' experiences.

Talking about device-pride though, I got an iPod touch right when they were released, so no-one had seen an iPhone-interface yet. Holy crap did that little guy get a lot of attention. I just had to get it replaced (free, due to a defective headphone jack), hence the visit to the Apple store. I'm not a cultist by a long shot, but I like the ideas incorporated into the touch interface.

kaostheory wrote:

(Is the iphone actually coming to Verizon, or is it still a pipe dream we all have?)

It's a pretty solid rumor, but it's also speculated that rather than make a CDMA iPhone it'll happen when both Verizon and Apple move to LTE.

Right now I couldn't see myself trading my Storm for an iPhone though. Not unless there were some pretty serious changes, mainly real multitasking and no more app restrictions. I'd like to see where the Pre goes though.

What if you choose to not even own a cellphone?

MacBrave wrote:

What if you choose to not even own a cellphone?

IMAGE(http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/518/16539w.jpg)

Pharacon wrote:

Did anyone do the unthinkable and place these stickers on their car?

Indeed they do. I've been driving behind such folk here in sunny Seattle, wondering to myself precisely how much of a muppet the owner of that vehicle must be.

The iPhone is a capitalist roader product produced from the blood and sweat of our most adorable Chinese peasants!
http://bit.ly/c6YTz

Does the lanyard hold a pass to a special club you have to join when buying an iphone?

Love it that you've found your baby.. I'm still stumped on what phone to get myself to replace my aging and crippled E61i. Seems there's still no silver bullet phone for my needs and desires. The Touch Pro 2 comes close if it were not for WinMo. I've been using one for a couple weeks and I both love and meh it. If there was an Android device with a decent physical keyboard, microsoft activesync support and more than 150M for apps I would be all over it. That new Motorola coming out on TMo soon seems to fit them all except the app install limitation. Sigh....