My 'goodbye job' email.

Anyone written interesting 'last day in the office, goodbye' emails to people?

The one I wrote to my colleagues was standard enough, apart from:

The subject heading being a John Woo film.

Claiming to have come to earth on a mission from outer space.

Wishing them the best for the future, then giving them the date of the end of the world.

Oh and my out of office says I've gone to work for the Soylent Corporation.

Best of luck freelancing, ID!

or Gamestop, whichever

1Dgaf wrote:

Wishing them the best for the future, then giving them the date of the end of the world.

This admittedly induced a spit-take. I'm afraid I've only had the opportunity to send the usual generic "goodbyes."

Best of luck on finding work you enjoy!

This was my goodbye email that I sent out at at my last big job. "X's" used to protect names of companies and people. It was sent to several levels higher than me (it's a big company), including Senior VPs and the like. That was a fun day.

[quote=baggachipz]
Greetings, fellow and soon-to-be former co-workers.

Today I have crafted this fine nugget of prose to bid a fond farewell as I step down from my lofty post, ending a resplendent career here at XXXXXXXXXX. First and foremost, I'd like to congratulate my superiors for providing the opportunity to excel, being proactive in creating solutions for enabling my completion of action items and goals. Kudos to my inferiors for allowing me to be superior; you know who you are.

Born to humble beginnings at the base of the Rocky Mountains on a chilly October morning, nineteen hundred and seventy-six, my mother and father were unsure what the future held for their deftly handsome newborn. Would he be a rock star? Brain surgeon, rocket scientist, or Supreme Court Justice? Nay, said Fate. For, a young and wily politician by the name of Albert Gore was busy creating something wonderful -- a network of computing machines so far-reaching, so worldly, the title "Information Superhighway" could not do it justice. An entirely new word had to be crafted for this eighth wonder, and its name was "Internet." And it was good. I cast aside my formal training in the environmental sciences in favor of the fame and fortune that only development in this new medium could offer. As you all know, the demanding mistress of machine programming has been kind to this lad.

Fast forward to today, as I set to embark on another leg of life's exotic adventure. I carry my experience garnered in these halls as a colorful feather of knowledge in my cap of expertise. During my moments at the peak, and during our darkest hours, my colleagues were with me and brightened the day with their humbly-crafted jabs at my expense. XXXXXXXXXXX, your daily wit shall be missed. Somewhere.

As the music begins playing, let me say again what a pleasure it's been; I can only assume it's been the same for you.

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.

1Dgaf wrote:

Anyone written interesting 'last day in the office, goodbye' emails to people?

The one I wrote to my colleagues was standard enough, apart from:

The subject heading being a John Woo film.

Claiming to have come to earth on a mission from outer space.

Wishing them the best for the future, then giving them the date of the end of the world.

Oh and my out of office says I've gone to work for the Soylent Corporation.

Bad form my friend. Sending jokes even funny ones on company email is not a cool way to end your work for a company. This pisses off our old bosses and is a form of "burning your bridges" as they say. You're best bet is just saying goodbye to the people you liked and of course telling your old boss (even if you hated him) that it was a pleasure working for him and the company. This way if god forbid you need a job with this company again you didn't do any "last ninute FU"s. Managers are companies "generally" don't have any sence of humor at all... yeah there are a few that do... but thats because HR hasn't scheduled the extraction surgery yet...

On the other hand if you will never work for said company again go all out and nuke it from orbit to be sure

baggachipz wrote:

wrote an excellent fu letter

I like it!

OK, I'll run it past you guys - if you think it's a 'bad move' let me know. Just FYI they know what I'm like; on a conference call I called myself 'The Dark Master' and spent the entire time talking about myself in third person.

Hello everyone,

Thank you so much for the cards and the HMV gift card. I'd never got a leaving present before*, so I was surprised and very touched.

I've learnt a lot working with you all and I wish you and all the best for the future.**

If you want to get in touch with me, drop me a line at [XXXXXXXXXX].

See you around and thanks again,

[XXXX]

*Apart from when I left the Edgeworth-Kuiper belt on my mission to Earth.

** Which will come to an end on December 22nd, 2012. So wear your sunglasses.

To the best of my knowledge, "learnt" is not a word, although it sounds pretty cool.

Copingsaw wrote:

To the best of my knowledge, "learnt" is not a word, although it sounds pretty cool.

Ah, it is a word. Just in a foreign language:

"Learnt is more common in British English, and learned in American English. There are a number of verbs of this type (burn, dream, kneel, lean, leap, spell, spill, spoil etc.). They are all irregular verbs, and this is a part of their irregularity."

- http://www.askoxford.com/asktheexper...

Someone dredge up the link to Fletcher's "spontaneously filled with eagle semen" I-quit letter.

Oh, 1D? You're officially my hero now. That's brilliant.

I think it's awesome, frankly. I had no idea you were funny, 1D!

Learned and learnt both function as the past tense and participle of learn. I think that learnt may be a bit more common in Britain, learned in the US; but the OED does not record either usage as being local to any place. A sound case could be made in favor of learnt, since an ambiguity exists between learned as either a verbal or adjectival sense.

Edit: Whoops, I see that 1Dgaf has rendered this post redundant.

I'd never got a leaving present before

How about a "farewell gift"? Geez you foriners talk funnay.

And 'received' instead of 'got'.

Fedaykin98 wrote:

I think it's awesome, frankly. I had no idea you were funny, 1D!

He's like a ninja comedian. You never see it coming, then *bam!* steaming pile of funny on the stoop. He can also be a bit heartless, but never to me, so that's all right.

1Dgaf wrote:
Copingsaw wrote:

To the best of my knowledge, "learnt" is not a word, although it sounds pretty cool.

Ah, it is a word. Just in a foreign language:

"Learnt is more common in British English, and learned in American English. There are a number of verbs of this type (burn, dream, kneel, lean, leap, spell, spill, spoil etc.). They are all irregular verbs, and this is a part of their irregularity."

- http://www.askoxford.com/asktheexper...

Lobo wrote:

Learned and learnt both function as the past tense and participle of learn. I think that learnt may be a bit more common in Britain, learned in the US; but the OED does not record either usage as being local to any place. A sound case could be made in favor of learnt, since an ambiguity exists between learned as either a verbal or adjectival sense.

We need a new branch of this place called "Etymologist Gamers." We could do battle as men. With words. Men with words.

We could also call it "Lexicogamers."

Razorgrin wrote:

Someone dredge up the link to Fletcher's "spontaneously filled with eagle semen" I-quit letter.

Here you go.

Sorry, Fletcher, but it is the fifth hit on Google when you search for your name and the word "quit".

By the way, when I first read this a few months ago, you became my f*cking hero.

Link to the full thing?

1D, good luck with your new dig!

You were considering going freelance, I remember. Is it what you're going to do now?

zeroKFE wrote:
Razorgrin wrote:

Someone dredge up the link to Fletcher's "spontaneously filled with eagle semen" I-quit letter.

Here you go.

Sorry, Fletcher, but it is the fifth hit on Google when you search for your name and the word "quit".

By the way, when I first read this a few months ago, you became my f*cking hero.

Damn the Internet. I've been hoping that thing would die for years now. Reaction at the office was split about 60/40 between folks who worried I might come back with an AK, and folks who thought it was teh coolest email evar. I think that the long-term effects are likewise split. I burned some bridges, but I hear that I'm still referred to by some folks on the West Coast as "The Eagle Semen Guy," so there's that. On the whole, I'm not entirely proud of sending it, but it felt good at the time.

There's a link in that Salon story to the F'ed Company forums, where somebody posted a copy of the email. Not sure if they edited or not. I'll post the original on my site this weekend, if I can find it. Because ... you know ... I'm not proud of sending it ... and stuff ...

My advice: avoid the FU email, if possible. If not, do it with style.

So, I sent the email. But forgot to include my ex-boss (who is very important in the company). I said goodbye to him in person instead, and then cracked a joke which didn't go down too well. It wasn't rude, just.. misjudged.

Rilla,

Yes, looking for freelance contract work. The Gamespot thing would be amazing, but it wasn't part of my strategy.

Fletcher wrote:

"Looking back over all I've done here at TechTV, I truly don't think any of it would have been as mediocre as it was without the constant discouragement, confusion and the droning, incessant obnoxiousness of you, my fellow employees," he wrote. "Many the rosy fingered dawn has found me kneeling in front of the toilet, vomiting forth my meager breakfast at the thought of walking through these doors yet one more time."

No one could ever accuse you of not being a man. If you are gonna burn bridges, call in an airstrike and get your money's worth.

1D,

Lester was talking about not Gamespot but Gamestop. Nothing amazing about that one. It's a videogame store chain here (they also own Electronic Boutique now, for which Elysium used to work for awhile). That's sort of where washout grownup videogame junkies go to work when they discover they have no other useful life skills.

In other words, lots of irony in Lester's comment. I don't know what is the British equivalent of that. Working at a HMV videogames section obviously doesn't compare, because according to my observations, the Britishes in their mass are filthy unaspiring bürgers (no offense to personally to you) who wouldn't mind at all spending their lives in a retail clerk job.

Fletcher wrote:

I hear that I'm still referred to by some folks on the West Coast as "The Eagle Semen Guy,"

Feh, I've been calling him that for years, but that is a story for another time.

Gorilla.800.lbs wrote:

1D,

Lester was talking about not Gamespot but Gamestop. Nothing amazing about that one. It's a videogame store chain here (they also own Electronic Boutique now, for which Elysium used to work for awhile). That's sort of where washout grownup videogame junkies go to work when they discover they have no other useful life skills.

In other words, lots of irony in Lester's comment. I don't know what is the British equivalent of that. Working at a HMV videogames section obviously doesn't compare, because according to my observations, the Britishes in their mass are filthy unaspiring bürgers (no offense to personally to you) who wouldn't mind at all spending their lives in a retail clerk job.

I could only work in a games shop if everyone that came in was polite, interesting and well-informed. I don't think that happens too often.

To quote a famous wise person's mother, "If you can't do something smart, do something right."

1Dgaf wrote:

I could only work in a games shop if everyone that came in was polite, interesting and well-informed. I don't think that happens too often.

I don't think that would happen even if the only people that came into your store were people from this site.

Chiggie Von Richthofen wrote:
1Dgaf wrote:

I could only work in a games shop if everyone that came in was polite, interesting and well-informed. I don't think that happens too often.

I don't think that would happen even if the only people that came into your store were people from this site.

Dizzam! I nearly chuckled.

Fletch, I only just read your mail for the first time. I won't say anything else, but if you ever need a starry-eyed German disciple willing to ritually wash your feet, just send a PM.

(This was, as far as I know, the first intentionally homoerotic post I made on this, or any other, forum. My journey to the goodjer side is complete.)

Fletcher's Letter for the lazy wrote:

To whom it may concern (i.e. friendsand co-workers);

Boy how these past two years have flown by! It seems like only seven hundred and forty-five days since I first walked through these doors.

Then, I was a relatively inexperienced young man, fresh off the bridge, with dreams of breaking into the fast, glittering world of Technology Television. Now,
as you all are probably aware, I couldn't care less if the entire building spontaneously filled with eagle semen.

But the journey, my friends, has been worth its weight in gold. Or at least the gold-like stuff they use to make that crappy jewelry sold at Wal-Mart.

I've accomplished a lot since I've been here. (See my attached resume and list of major and minor accomplishments in chronological order, if you don't believe me.) And the number of valuable items I've found lying around in your cubicles and near the restroom has made me moderately wealthy.

Speaking of which, I think I left my tooth extractor on the counter in the 5th floor men's room. If anyone sees it, please let me know.

Looking back over all I've done here at TechTV, I truly don't think any of it would have been as mediocre as it was without the constant discouragement, confusion, and the droning, incessant obnoxiuosness of you, my fellow employees.

Many the rosy-fingered dawn has found me kneeling in front of the toilet, vomiting forth my meager breakfast at the thought of walking through these doors yet one more time. Hours of endless, blinding agony would be preferable to me now than siting in this dreary cubicle, staring at this pathetic, little screen and listening to your chattering, useless voices one more day.

My addiction to painkillers made enduring this torment possible for a while, and I was able to lose myself in the warm numbness of narcotic-induced tranquility. Unfortunately it didn't last. Hordes of imbeciles shouting obscenities about needing more rules and calling more meetings and demanding that someone tell them what to do slowly invaded my dreams, and something inside of me finally snapped.

Thankfully, it was just my senses returning, and I was suddenly able to see, once again, that all of this corporate crap is meaningless, and that the most important things in life don't come with a title, nor do they happen in a cubicle.

To those of you who have made my life more difficult than a trip through the outer rings of hell, I offer my most insincere thanks for your apathy, selfishness, whining and neglect. I would hope that someday you will find happiness, but I doubt you ever will.

Some of you, though, have actually tried to be considerate, and have helped me in innumerable ways. To you, I can only say that you probably don't belong
here, and you should get out while you can.

Best Wishes,

Fletcher, that's got to be the best email I've ever read. Kudos to you - we are not worthy.