Personality Flaws

Demigod is basically dead to me. Along with it, Left 4 Dead, Halo 3 and basically every real time strategy game conceived by the hands of mortal men. It’s not that there is anything fundamentally wrong with these fine games nor their presentation of apocalyptically dysfunctional worlds, but that there exists a class of citizenry who have since taken control, and their tyranny seems immutable. They wield terrible and magical skills based on what I assume to be a contractual obligation with dark forces. I am no video game revolutionary, and I cede these multiverses to the superiority of their existing warring factions.

I realize that I could perhaps make a seven course meal of sour grapes — sour grapes crab puffs, followed by sour grape salad with a lovely balsamic vinaigrette dressing and then sour grape infused foie gras soaked in a lovely duck jus, etc — but despite my best efforts to be a better person, I remain stubbornly jealous and petulant when people are better at things than I am. This inferiority complex is compounded when people act in the ways that they tend to while online, which is to say like ill-cultured children.

As a less than elevated human being, the strongest factor in game abandonment for me is how far I’ve fallen behind the talent curve.

I think, to some degree, the reason I hold so strongly onto a game like Rock Band or World of WarCraft is because I at least approach some measure of adequacy which can sustain my ego far better than learning an entirely new game and being bad at it for a year or two. That I have a WoW character who engages with moderate success in various heroic instances, or that I can approximate the vague hint of a tempo to the game’s satisfaction is for me the equivalent of a gaming aphrodisiac.

I take my gaming Spanish Fly quite seriously, thank you.

This is not news to many people, including those who have bested me at a competition only to find that I quickly lose interest in direct proportion to the gap of my defeat. I recall with no sense of pride as site co-founder Shawn “Certis” Jerk would regularly exploit my incompetence in NFL 2k5 again and again, always with patronizing words of encouragement that urged bile ridden fluids deep into the tender mercies of my esophagus. I recall committing myself to off-hours training, practiced passing schemes, elaborate defenses devised as custom strategies to offset his endless molestation of 10-yard crossing patterns, and all of it eventually for naught. Finally, I conceded my last defeat with casual indifference that was so forced it might have been able to lift a Winnebago, and I rage quit in the privacy of my own skull.

I marvel at people who play competitively with others, languish in last place and feel a sense of contentment. They are an alien species that I suspect should be dissected to find the hole inside their skull where my overdeveloped sense of impotent competition resides, if only so I can be properly lobotomized in the same ways that they are.

As you might suspect, this makes me a thoroughly unpleasant person to be around some of the time. While I won’t describe it as a primary trait, it certainly takes on a dominant role when triggered. I suppose if I were better-abled at clearly competitive events like video games, being funny or having a casual discussion I’d unleash the demon far more often, but as a seemingly elaborate cosmic joke, I’m also the ultimate choke artist.

You ever see those athletes, playing for the honor and glory of historic fame, who collapse under the weight of the pressure of their endeavor? That’s me, but in totally ordinary circumstances like beating a fellow shopper to the 10 items and under line or merging onto an interstate.

Were real life like the Sims 3 in which each person has a set of predefined traits, mine would likely be:

Tall
Hairy
Friendly
Competitive to an unhealthy degree
Unable to accomplish the simplest tasks in which performance is measured.

Were I to go to the dentist tomorrow and be asked to demonstrate how I’ve been brushing teeth to make sure I’m doing it right, I’d likely start rubbing toothpaste on the tip of my nose with a fork. In my head a panicked and bewildered voice would cry out, “No, you fool. You’re doing it wrong. Stop faiiillling!”

So, I do not frequent much of the competitive spaces of online games with this odd affliction. It is, one must admit, among the worst possible personality trait combinations to have, like indiscreet and talkative or exhibitionist and poor body image. Despite the fact that I have no reason to expect that my Demigod or Halo 3 skills would be anything aside from subpar, I would play these games with the impotent fury of a provoked gerbil with a muscular disorder. On rare occasions I will find something for which I have some rare natual affinity, and I cling to them like a tiny, baby monkey clings to the underbelly of its overactive mother.

So, in short, if you’ve ever sent me a game invite for some friendly, casual competition and been wordlessly rebuffed, know that I was in fact doing us all a favor.

Comments

I don't tend to mind losing, so long as I can understand why I lost and how I could do better.

Certis wrote:

All this in mind, I'm stunned at your indifference to coop as always. All the camaraderie, none of the competition! But of course you can't help yourself, can you? If there's a score at the end, you want to have the highest number. *sigh*

Here here, man. Sean, you need to get with the co-op. It's like multiplayer where everybody wins!

It's like multiplayer where everybody wins!

Coming soon, the companion piece: Why Somebody Has to Lose and How That Makes Me Happy

Elysium, you should join us in IL-2! No, really! There's really no better feeling than getting shot out of the sky several times before even getting your crosshairs over a bandit, let alone shooting him down.

Elysium wrote:
It's like multiplayer where everybody wins!

Coming soon, the companion piece: Why Somebody Has to Lose and How That Makes Me Happy

What if people periodically threw a game to appease your desire to win? Then you could play wondering if you were actually doing well or if they were just being nice.

I think he secretly wants us to chip off a small piece of sea ice for him to sail away on. Perhaps we could make it in the shape of an 360, PS3 controller, or a Razer mouse.

I believe that this is the original image:

IMAGE(http://img30.imageshack.us/img30/2154/monkeyglove.th.png)

Sorry - had to try out the photoshop skillz....

This is why Im always eager to play games at release, when everyone else still sucks and we're all exploring the game systems together. In strategy games in particular, a lot of what happens is knowledge accumulation more than pure unattainable skill. It's very possible to jump into a strat game months late, but you have to do a phenomenal amount of homework.

Heh, yesterday's Penny Arcade went over similar ground in regards to the latest Tiger Woods golf game.

http://penny-arcade.com/comic/

Elysium, now that I think about it, there are many cases, even in single player scenarios, strangely, where I have felt the same disinterest in getting beaten down on a consistent basis by the gaming non-community for some online RTS or by some stupid button mashing fine motor skills test.

If you find that you are, more often than not, the wielder of the beat-down stick, and you want to have lots of online friends and people who want to play competatively with you on a consistent basis, meditate on this, let it sink into your gamer psyche:

"Let the wookie win."
-- C3PO

So no one has shown Ely DPS or healing meters in WoW yet? Probably for the best...

rabbit wrote:

This is why Im always eager to play games at release, when everyone else still sucks and we're all exploring the game systems together. In strategy games in particular, a lot of what happens is knowledge accumulation more than pure unattainable skill. It's very possible to jump into a strat game months late, but you have to do a phenomenal amount of homework.

That's much less true in historical strategy games, especially if the history isn't just a skin over another RTS. What's missing in fictional strategy games (and perhaps this is even more on my mind after finishing your recent Three moves Ahead podcast) is an understanding of the underlying logic of the units, buildings and terrain. You don't have to re-learn that every time you play a Napoleonic game, because if a game fails to treat artillery in a way that allows historical use or allows unrealistic exploits, then it's a poor simulation, and likely just a bad game.

But we all know you love new games for more than the level playing field. It's alright to admit you also like the new and shiny.

wordsmythe wrote:

That's much less true in historical strategy games, especially if the history isn't just a skin over another RTS. What's missing in fictional strategy games (and perhaps this is even more on my mind after finishing your recent Three moves Ahead podcast) is an understanding of the underlying logic of the units, buildings and terrain. You don't have to re-learn that every time you play a Napoleonic game, because if a game fails to treat artillery in a way that allows historical use or allows unrealistic exploits, then it's a poor simulation, and likely just a bad game.

But we all know you love new games for more than the level playing field. It's alright to admit you also like the new and shiny.

What a phenomenally insightful point.

Losing in the beginning is what makes winning in the end meaningful.

The Sox are winning today (and against the Cubs, no less). I'm in my happy place.

Elysium, you are not alone Sir. Every new game I buy is my favorite game until I can no longer win. It is not just WoW but all MMOs allow you to time sink your way if you like to a win scenario, where as a shooter it is down to just twitch. Getting beat in a shooter there is not much else you can do to get "better," but in an MMO you can grind out that next X that will give you the edge.

Pharacon wrote:

OK what is going on with the monkey? Is someone violating him is this why he has that expression?

Why would you write that? Seriously?

I know how you feel about choking. It happens to me all the time, for instance in a L4D vs match the other night I was the last one left alive on my team about 10M from the safe room and all that stood in my way was an already ablaze hunter. If I got to the safe room we would have been ahead on points. Could I hit the damm thing as I saw him move then crouch then wait and jump? No. The usual calm voice in my head that says "short controlled bursts" was gone and in it's place was Mr Fully Spam-o-matic and I'm sure I made a rambo war cry sitting at my desk as the damm thing jumped and proceded to maul me.

CptGlanton- Meet pharacon, yeah don't be shocked at his posts they are like awesome trainwrecks.

I am new to non-MMO multiplayer and not particularly good in any case.

What I'm loving about Demigod, then: The ability to use co-op to help each other get better. Dysplastic did 2-player co-op with me for my first game and both of us recently did the same for flashpoint, and it makes a huge difference not only to being able to pick up the basics of the game, but to making for a community instead of just competitors.

And it applies beyond the first day of play -- we often use Demigod co-op to try an unfamilar class or do an experiment with class combos.

If it weren't for the co-op side of Demigod, I doubt I'd have played it more than once.

And, if it weren't for the PvP, it wouldn't be nearly as interesting either, as the computer just isn't very satisfying to beat.

wordsmythe wrote:

I don't tend to mind losing, so long as I can understand why I lost and how I could do better.

This is pretty much true for me too. I love RTS games, but I can't play any of them online because the hardcore players are playing almost a completely different game from me. There's no linear progression from where I am to where they are.

On the other hand, Counter-Strike and Left 4 Dead have been vastly addicting to me because everything in them feels learnable. Honing my headshots, learning to dodge the hunters, figuring out how to support the rest of the team by blocking for them when they need it - all of these feel like things I can get better at whether I'm winning or losing. So while I get a lot of joy out of the pure schadenfreude of winning, losing still feels like I'm playing a game.

Of course, you do have to find a good group. When losing is compounded by assholes blaming lag and hacks alternately, trying to vote anyone who makes the slightest misstep off the server and finally rage quitting, then it does get annoying.

So no one has shown Ely DPS or healing meters in WoW yet?

Said last night during a heroic instance, "you out DPS'd me with far worse gear."

Don't think that I didn't immediately make out with that sentence in my head.

I have to say that considering the group of gamers you are in ... this is a sad sad statement.
I have found that playing with GWJ folk they are in it for the joy of the game far more often then not.
They find a good balance between competition and camaraderie.
For instance I have been playing Demigod a lot lately.
I feel I have gotten pretty good at it by simply taking a deep breath and remembering that I can just play to play and if I screw up - no one seriously cares.
I try out new concepts when I play all the time.
I don't have a set "build" including all the items and traits in a specific order when I play. I simply don't play that way, I have a general concept like "beast as a tank with spit" and I'll just try and work it that way.
And when we get trounced - well it was fun trying it out.
If the game is well balanced and is an actual 'good game' - then there is a bit of competition - but it is done with everyone helping each other and lending ideas.

In other words- it's all good. And it is a bit sad that you are giving up in a way.
You certainly sound like myself in a way. I can not pick up a game, play for 2 hours and be any good at it at all. I have to grind away at it as I like to just figure it out as I go.
That is the experience I like about gaming, I don't want to figure out all the DPS, AOE, etc stats before I play demigod. I like to "wing it" a bunch of times and play tactical and dynamic.

Of course that leads to people who will always be better then me - but I'm good with that. I set my bar low and am always happy the outcome.

I know exactly what you mean and I also 'escaped' into WoW, where I felt like I was actually able to contribute something. I don't mind so much losing at a free for all death match sorta game, I can take that for awhile, but will eventually lose interest. What really bothers me is doing poorly at any sort of team oriented game or mode, I quickly get frustrated and feel like I'm letting down everyone that I'm playing with. In those sort of games, it doesn't take long at all before I give up and move on to another game.

I also like to be playing new games as they come out, so that's another reason that I never get really good at most online games, I just move on to the next bright and shiny game. Together with the frustration of not doing well online, this just creates an endless cycle of frustration for me.

WoW was a nice escape though, I did a fair amount of raiding, and always felt like I was doing my job and contributing to the team. Course I also played that for years and gave myself the chance to get good at the game.

I know what you mean Elysium and I have been thinking about this myself for some time. I'm horrible at competitive multiplayer games, especially FPS games, but I can see how they would be fun if there was a level playing field in terms of player skill. So far the best solution I could think of was this:

1) Pick an older competitive multiplayer game, preferably something inexpensive (you'll see why later);

2) Pick a regularly scheduled time to play;

3) Round up players who stink at competitive multiplayer games;

and now the most important part...

4) Make everyone in the group SWEAR that they will only play the game at the regularly scheduled time to keep they playing field level. (Limited play time is why the game should be old and cheap.)

Seems like a tall order, but I'm up for it if anyone wants to give it a try.

rabbit wrote:

This is why Im always eager to play games at release, when everyone else still sucks and we're all exploring the game systems together. In strategy games in particular, a lot of what happens is knowledge accumulation more than pure unattainable skill. It's very possible to jump into a strat game months late, but you have to do a phenomenal amount of homework.

Rabbit speaks the truth. The reason I quit playing teh Haloes is that getting that thoroughly pwned wasn't fun. I could hold my own when it launched, but after it had been sitting on the back burner for a couple of months, returning to it felt like I was fencing with a fork.

It also caused me to pour scorn on Bungie's much-lauded matchmaking system.

This is the reason I quit Sunday Night Toilet Toss. I just could not get the hang of HL2 deathmatch.

A very therapeutic post. I always assume that when I'm getting my ass kicked in COD it's because any or all of the following:

a) I'm playing with people who are younger, not working, and have too much time on their hands
b) I'm playing with people are the same age as me or older, not working, have no social lives, and therefore too much time on their hands
c) F**king LAG (living in Beijing this is sometimes a genuine problem, I swear on my tomb)
d) The game's multiplayer is flawed in some fundamental way that is only to my disadvantage (I fired way more bullets than the replay showed!)
e) I'm too tired.

None of these justifications stop me from breaking glasses and controllers though.

If one's over-competitive nature makes a game no longer fun then why keep playing?

That's an extremely accurate picture of why I don't play those games either. There's just so much getting your ass kicked a man can take. I can hardly imagine someone purchasing Demigod today and jumping online for a game-- you'd get spanked so hard even your dead ancestors would feel shame. RTS games are the worst offenders because they require a learning curve that can only be overcome with time... tsk tsk tsk I still remember my first online game of Dawn of War 2 with BadKen. It was U-GLY