A Sense of Place

"But what does it really look like?"

The inside corners of her eyebrows pull center. She's been sitting at her end of the tired, blue-striped couch, gazing slack-jawed at the carpet for over an hour. Now, she looks right at me. Direct eye contact, unblinking and clear.

Jen and I are reading "Three is Company," Chapter 3 of J.R.R. Tolkien's Fellowship of the Ring.

The fact that we're even sitting here on the couch with the decades-old, thousand-plus pages of red-leather-bound fantasy is a personal victory. When Jen was 5, I read "The Hobbit" at her. She paid half-attention until shadows of Mirkwood became too present in the corners of her room. Shortly after her 9th Birthday, just weeks ago, she asked if we could resume Bilbo's journey. I knew it was just an excuse to spend time curled up in the arms of her sometimes-distant and distracted father. Knowing broke my heart no less.

By the time Smaug lay dead under the waters of Lake-town, she was entranced. The night we finished "The Hobbit," we immediately started the trilogy, and have been making our way out of the shire with Frodo for the last few days.

"What do you mean Jen?"

Her eyes bear witness to a frustration her grown-up face won't show. "I know he says what it looks like, but sometimes I can't picture it in my head."

I'm not sure how to answer. Tolkien, for all his faults as a writer, paints beautiful still-life. I re-read the section:

The sun went down. Bag End seemed sad and gloomy and disheveled. Frodo wandered around the familiar rooms, and saw the light of the sunset fade on the walls, and shadows creep out of the corners. It grew slowly dark indoors. He went out and walked down to the gate at the bottom of the path, and then on a short way down the Hill Road. He half expected to see Gandalf come striding up through the dusk.

"I don't know Jen, I can see it pretty clearly in my head. The way the house can look old and tired at the end of a long day. When the sunset stops being orange and starts just seeming gray, and we haven't turned on the lights yet? It's a sad, kind of melancholy time of day."

She quiets, thoughtful. I let the silence sit, marvelling at the wisdom of 9 years: able to pose questions yet often too full of chaos to walk to the answers.

"There's a movie of this, isn't there? Can we watch it?"

"No." I laugh. It's my best parenting laugh. I call it my "Are you insane?" laugh.

"Why not? If I'm old enough to read the book, why aren't I old enough to see the movie?"

She's across from me on the other end of the couch, knees pulled up to her chin. Her short brown hair frames her face, and for a minute she seems a 20-year-old ball of young woman. She pouts, cracking the mold and becoming my little girl again. I give her foot a squeeze.

"It's not that you're not old enough. I just want you to have your pictures in your head, before you see the movie and get someone else's pictures in your head."

We read on. The chapters in "The Lord of the Rings" are far longer than I remembered. Reading it aloud, the prose seems more dense, but also more fluid. Forty-five minutes later, Frodo and Sam and Pippin have spent the night with elves. Jen laughs and squirms with delight at Sam's reactions to the fair-folk, channeled through my best vaudevillian camp. She throws her head back in deep, full laughter. I'm delighted to realize that Sean Astin's Sam -- the one from the movies -- is nowhere in my head as I play the part. My sense of character is entirely my own.

After the inevitable cries of "More daddy, more!" I shovel her into bed. I kiss her palms, and she rubs the kisses into her cheeks, a ritual some 5 years running. I shut her door halfway, and stand a silent vigil for a handful of seconds, as I have nearly every night for a decade. She rolls over a few times, tumbling blankets and pillows as she nests.

I descend one flight of stairs.

"She down?" asks Jess.

I nod. I kiss her briefly, hug her hard, nuzzling the soft spot below her ear.

"I'm going to get back to work, K?"

She nods, and I retreat one more stairwell and one lifetime to the basement.

Sitting behind the blue glow of the screens, I re-enter Middle Earth, this one rendered not by Tolkien's prose or Peter Jackson's cameras, but by the computers sitting in the cubicles of programmers in Westwood, MA.

I wasn't planning on playing Lord of the Rings Online tonight. Kids asleep, I have work to do. But it's not playing that I'm doing anyway, it's wandering. At first, I jump into the Mines of Moria, Turbine's latest expansion. Pure tourist, I walk across bridges and along the beds of underground streams, examining the pattern of light as it reflects through ancient columns: god rays rendered solid in the mists from omnipresent waterfalls.

But my mind keeps going back to Frodo, leaving home on that night so long ago when I was 10. I switch characters. I too have a small, portly and frightened hobbit holding station in Hobbiton. It's mid-day in the Shire, but I make my way up the hill to Bag End. I wait. The sun sets. The light of the sunset fades on the walls. Shadows creep out of the corners. I half expect to see Gandalf come striding up through the dusk.

"This is what it looks like Jen," I mutter to the concrete walls and the numbing hum of computer fans.

Comments

I recently convinced a non-gamer friend to join me in LOTRO (a game I've barely touched) just as a travelogue. 32 years ago we became friends as two junior high geeks who saw each other reading The Silmarillion and took a chance of talking to each other. We've been best friends ever since. Tolkien was always simply the jumping off point, but Middle Earth was somewhere we always wanted to visit. Hopefully we can find the time between kids and careers to have a good look around.

DudleySmith wrote:

For some reason I have never got on with Robert Stephens's interpretation of Aragorn. He seemed just too up himself (which Aragorn is to a small degree, but not to the extent that Stephens portrays him). I also really loved Bill Nighy's Sam and especially Peter Woodthorpe's Gollum were brilliant.

I agree completely. Woodthorpe's Gollum would've made Jackson's films damn near perfect for me. Nighy's voice has ALMOST replaced the one in my head when I read Sam. But Stephen's Aragorn makes me cringe everytime I listen. What was the director thinking? "Aragorn's a bit of a Welsh fop, so go for Tom Jones pretending to be English..."

I also recommend the Rob Inglis recording. I listened to his reading before I saw Jackson's movies and even after seeing them a couple of times, my imagery of the books is still a combination of my own imagination and Inglis' voice. I never tired of his voice, even after forty-five CDs. He also did readings of some of the Earthsea books.

No one ever read Tolkien to me. Somehow I got into my twenties without reading him (my mom was a mystery reader), so I am really looking forward to introducing my son to Middle Earth.

Well written sir.

For an online Middle Earth tourist, I think you're alright- I'd at least give you a free day pass and a T-shirt.

My girlfriend and I read the series aloud while we drove across the country in our move to Oregon, during the year we lived there, and through our long trip home. It is really an excellent read-aloud book.

Thanks for the article, you just reminded me of the times when I'd be reading aloud long after she had fallen asleep. She would wake for a moment and I'd ask her if she was still listening, and she'd respond with quiet surety that the story was about a whale, or Snoop Dogg, or whatever else had been populating her strange dreams.

*goosebumps

Well done, sir.

ShynDarkly wrote:

Was not the films that set these in concrete, but rather 26 nights in my teens years listening to the BBC radio dramatization

Years ago a friend was driving from Illinois to North Dakota and asked if I could lend him my brother's copy of the BBC recording. My brother had just moved and could only find two discs. So, I told my friend this and told him that I gave him burnt copies of those two discs.

Really it was just me reading the beginning for as long as I could in a James Earl Jones voice before I started laughing. I made it about 7 pages. While listening to it, my friend suspected something was wrong but changed his mind due to how long I read. Once it turned out that he was right he screamed, "I knew it," scaring the crap out of his asleep girlfriend in the passenger seat.

The rest of the discs were Ben Harper - Live From Mars.

McChuck wrote:

Really it was just me reading the beginning for as long as I could in a James Earl Jones voice

You McCharles, are evil incarnate!

Jesus Christ, that may be the best article I have ever read on a game site. Please keep them coming I was wondering whether I was reading a novel for a little bit!

I was lucky in this case. I didn't have to worry about the movies overshadowing the books. They were that age and had read them all before it came out. We had some collisions of this sort, but it was with the Oz books and The Princess Bride.

As far as the singing, it depends. I had that fruity Rankin Bass production for some of the songs. But they're pretty powerful just spoken. Thorin reciting the Fall of the Lonely Mountain starts at roughly 4:45 can give me shivers. The tune to "The Road Goes Ever On" was immediately replaced with the one used in FOTR, though. I always read Tom Bombadil as straight poetry - not even trying to put a tune to that.

And Dudley, I had to laugh at the thought of folding the very long and lanky Bill Nighy into a visual Samwise. Talk about cramming a giant into a nail-keg.

That article made we want kids, so I would have someone to read Lord of the Rings to.

Well done good Sir...

WizKid wrote:

That article made we want kids, so I would have someone to read Lord of the Rings to.

Well done good Sir...

Do it to people on the bus or train!

Edit:
McChuck, that's awesome.

just an FYI Rabbit, you got a shoutout on the official forums so clearly they loved it over there too =)

http://forums.lotro.com/showthread.p...

AP Erebus wrote:

just an FYI Rabbit, you got a shoutout on the official forums so clearly they loved it over there too =)

http://forums.lotro.com/showthread.p...

I'd, um, watch out for BoomWave. He apparently is stalking you and your kids.

BoomWave wrote:

His daughter looks adorable.

Stengah wrote:

I'd, um, watch out for BoomWave. He apparently is stalking you and your kids.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. My native language is french... I guess I still need some practice in english. What I meant is that his daughter seemed joyful and fun.. unlike most kids these days. I realized how much I'd like to have a kid to share moments like that too. It was not meant to be oppressive or anything. Again, I'm sorry. I fear the adjectives I used still don't fit my feelings.

It was a great article. It made me register the site. (that and the last comment about me stalking kids....)

I'm huddled up next to an electric heater because our old house somehow radiates cold.

After reading this, there's a soothing warmth about me that not even the ceramic heating element can match.
Bravo, sir.

BoomWav wrote:
Stengah wrote:

I'd, um, watch out for BoomWave. He apparently is stalking you and your kids.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. My native language is french... I guess I still need some practice in english. What I meant is that his daughter seemed joyful and fun.. unlike most kids these days. I realized how much I'd like to have a kid to share moments like that too. It was not meant to be oppressive or anything. Again, I'm sorry. I fear the adjectives I used still don't fit my feelings.

It was a great article. It made me register the site. (that and the last comment about me stalking kids....)

Hey, no worries. I figured it was a simple misunderstanding like that. It looks like this article really bolstered the ranks of the Rabbit Fan ClubTM, or at least brought them out in force.

Mr Murdoch. I need to join the obligatory salad tossing, it was your writing that brought me here and a piece like this reminds me why.

I don't have children, and little desire to change that situation any time soon, yet like several people have said this makes me a little sad.

I wonder if the mini-doberman would appreciate Lord of the Rings.

Reading your article...man...can't wait to become a father...someday soon I hope.

I've been meaning to read those books for quite a while now. But I never seem to find the time.

Good idea, btw...holding her off on the movie.

I usually do it the other way around. Well, I don't do it intentionally most of the times, since it's usually great movies that inspire me to read the books they originated from.
If I read the book and then go see the movie, I usually end up disappointed. The story usually gets chopped up and changed quite a bit (in a way I don't like). Harry Potter is a good example of this. I dread the day half-blood prince comes to theaters. The other way usually works better for me, because it makes me feel like I'm dwelling deeper into the story I originally liked in the movie. So...usually there's no disappointment.

Recently I've been reading The Witcher stories (Last wish). When I read the story that's behind the game's intro...man...I was as giddy as a schoolboy.

Everyone wrote:

Things about "gee I can't wait to be a dad, thanks rabbit."

Thank you! You're welcome!

Don't blame me when the little turdmonkeys make you want to slit your wrists. More of the good times than bad, to be sure, but it's so not a bed of roses. I've never written an article about the times she drives me out of my gourd.

(grin).

rabbit wrote:
Everyone wrote:

Things about "gee I can't wait to be a dad, thanks rabbit."

Don't blame me when the little turdmonkeys make you want to slit your wrists. More of the good times than bad, to be sure, but it's so not a bed of roses. I've never written an article about the times she drives me out of my gourd.

(grin).

It's a given really.
You drive each other crazy at one moment (with worry, aggravation, whatever), only to be the best of friends the next. On average, all should be well

Ce's la vie

BoomWav wrote:

It was a great article. It made me register the site. (that and the last comment about me stalking kids....)

Wow. You just made my new signature.

rabbit wrote:
Everyone wrote:

Things about "gee I can't wait to be a dad, thanks rabbit."

Thank you! You're welcome!

Don't blame me when the little turdmonkeys make you want to slit your wrists. More of the good times than bad, to be sure, but it's so not a bed of roses. I've never written an article about the times she drives me out of my gourd.

(grin).

Ah, but Bill Harris did write recently about some of the other joys of parenting. I can tell that I'm excited about my son because I'm even looking forward to some of that; I'm just ready to meet him.

Great reading.

LOTRO has that feeling everytime we stop just playing our characters and spend some time looking around.

Thanks, Julian. Bravo. I needed that today.

This is one of the most heart-tenderizing pieces of writing I've ever read, anywhere, ever. I'm absolutely speechless. Incredible story.

Rabbit wrote:

"It's not that you're not old enough. I just want you to have your pictures in your head, before you see the movie and get someone else's pictures in your head."

Awesome line and one I agree with wholeheartedly. With all the technological, virtual, experiential wizardry available it is so easy for our kids and teens to have an undeveloped sense of imagination and a short attention span. I also read to my (then) 7 & 9 year old children The Hobbit and part of the Fellowship. Those were awesome times curled on the couch as we travelled Middle Earth together. Now I'm happy if can get my (now) 15 & 17 year old teens to recognize my existence.

Well there is always LOTRO and my new Warden to try out. Kudos "Rab"!

adam.greenbrier wrote:
BoomWav wrote:

It was a great article. It made me register the site. (that and the last comment about me stalking kids....)

Wow. You just made my new signature.

Haha.. fine with me ;).

I'm also going to hop on the "this article makes me want to be a daddy too" bandwagon. And then common sense kicks in. But the fact that you managed to even make me think it is quite the testament to your writing, rabbit (I'm sorry, I can't bring myself to call you 'rab'). This article easily makes it to my top three articles on the site, no mean feat considering the quality of the writing here. Thanks!

Excellent job, Rabbit. Being able to pass things along to our kids is such a wonderful gift. Sort of a form of immortality.

Thank you for writing such a beautiful article. It brought back such vivid memories of my introduction to Tolkein's works, also at age 5, when my parents read The Hobbit to my sister and I in the evenings. It wasn't truly my first Tolkein experience; I grew up in a household where he and C.S. Lewis were revered for all their work, not just for the more popular fiction. This was an admiration and devotion fostered in my mother's childhood and which she then passed to my father and to us.

I think your daughter's question shows a wonderful desire to not just read books but to experience them. Tolkein's descriptions are often long and can be hard to follow if you are younger. We create images in our minds based off of what we know; authors use words to weave together these elements in an act of creation. For those with more limited experience of the world, this can be more difficult because they simply have less to draw on. Tolkein's world develops with the reader.

Haha Look at that..5 years later and I still have an account here.
Bravo sir on a nice piece.