What's the greatest thing you've ever said to the opposite sex?

Kepheus wrote:

I've always had a reputation for being difficult. Cantankerous, cynical, just plain grumpy, whatever. One day an old g/f decided to call me on it. "Why do always have to rain on every parade?" she asked. I couldn't argue, so instead I said, "I know I can be a grey cloud sometimes, but you'll always be my silver lining."

HAHAHAHA...Canadians! Such a weird culture!

Mex wrote:

I opened her vagina and said "IS HAPPINESS INSIDE THIS VAGINA? HELLO?".

That's pretty much a representation of the story of your life, Mex.

My best friend in high school and I were out one weekend and his girlfriend -- his first, ever, and a girl that his friends pretty much loathed, me included -- was working. He wanted to stop off, so I obliged (I was driving). We pulled in to the grocery store where she worked and he went in. Shortly thereafter they came out, arm in arm and climbed into the passenger seat, her in his lap. They're babbling, I'm waiting for her to leave so we can go do something. She says something typically snotty to which my friend responds in typical cowlike, whipped fashion.

"Isn't he good to me?" she turns around and asks me, inane smirk firmly on her face.

"Yeah," I responded. "I'd have booted your ass out about 3 months ago."

Oh, it was delicious.

My ex called me about a week ago. She just moved to her grandma's place up in Columbus for school...

Her: "I'm gone."
Me: "Good, are you staying gone this time?"
Her: *awkward silence* "This is the first time I've ever left home."
Me: *bangs head on desk*

So funny, without missing a beat... and then, nothing.

Next best one. "First you act like you're interested, then you disappear, and now you're back. You're like an ex without the middle stages. No love, no sex, no break-up. There are prices you have to pay to be my ex, God damn it!"

Only one I can think of is one of those 'man I really showed her' lines. Back in college got into some argument with my gf at the time while we were out at the mall.. can't even remember what it was about. I was trying to keep the peace until we were either in the car, outside, anywhere but standing in the hallway of a mall with people staring. She insisted on laying into me with a 2 minute (felt that long anyway) speech about whatever she was pissed about.. she had quite an audience too. When she was finished she started to turn and walk away satisfied she had the last word (because usually she did), but that was some serious public humiliation she handed down and I couldn't let it go. So I loudly asked her "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" and I turned and walked away getting some chuckles from the crowd. And ya, that was the end of that relationship. I can't claim it as mine and don't know where I'd heard it before, but I'm glad I had.

"Hey, my roommate is out of town, wanna come back to my place and watch Kenshin?"

That was four years ago, and she's still kicking around. Who knew?

"I always say you're the best thing that ever happened to me.
I am a doubly happy man because you prove me right every day."

[babytalk] "You are the yub of my yife" [/babytalk]

Actually a lot of our friends and aquaintances think my fiance and I are adorable together... almost to a fault.

I make my fiance crack up when I sing that overplayed Maroon 5 song in baby talk:

Instead of - I dont mind spending everyday, out on the corner in the pouring rain

its becomes - i doh mine penny eh boh dee day, owdonda coh na ina podin way

guess ya have to be there

You guys are funny, and sad, and sweet, and vindictive. Hard for me to pinpoint the best thing I've ever said to a guy, since everything I say is so incredibly awesome, but I'll go with my favorite: "No, I don't have any children...at least, none that I know of." Good for a laugh everytime. Yeah, I'm a dork.

Best thing I've ever said to someone of the same sex though was to this evil chick who was cussing me out in traffic, and all I could come off with was "DO YOU EVEN HAVE A BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD?", my friends still laugh at that, "Oh, you really told her!"

Ugh... most of my memorable quotes are sappy beyond belief...

Good one in recent memory.

Office Skank : ".. My back hurts"

Me : "Maybe you should stay off it"

Used to offer to please them, for free, orally.

Worked quite well - a friend and/or I would offer to please the woman orally, performing all our duties with singular sight on giving them a resounding "O" - or to die trying - whether it took 15 min or 3 hours. The catch, we (two of us or single, their choice) would remain fully clothed, and would leave after they had been fully pleasured in an oral fashion. No strings attached - no whiny call later from me asking what I meant, etc...

The analogy was if I gave them $10, said go have a nice time, would they take it...no strings attached - YES..of course they would (if they say no, then take out a 10, and burn it to show it would be such a waste of money if you burned it...why wouldn't they take it...lol)

If I offered a back massage (was reknowned for this skill...second only to my being the no holds 'best tongue on the planet'), no strings attached, just because they were my friend - would they take it - Yes, of course they would.

So whats the difference if I offer oral gratification, no strings attached, no sex or strings attached...just pure "please the woman and leave" - and I could come over on a moments notice should they need that service...would they take it...?

Never had a bad reaction - most laughed, some accepted at a later date...was a great line...I remember it well!

If that failed..ask them is they swallow or spit...

I once talked to a girl in Jamba Juice and eventually it got to where she mentioned that she does kickboxing. I said "Oh really ?" and she said "Oh yeah I can kick !" and then she kicked me, I caught her leg and held on to it for a little while.

I was in no hurry. I don't think she was either. NOT WITH HER LEG IN MY HANDS, MWAHAHA.

Ah, Pigpen, always the charmer. All he ever did for me was bring peppermints to school each day, and offer to give me a ride home.

...hmmm, sounds like he was formulating a plan even back then...

[babytalk] "You are the yub of my yife" [/babytalk]

Oh god kill me now.

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

"Of course!"

Me to my then-girlfriend when she asked me to marry her.

fangblackbone wrote:

[babytalk] "You are the yub of my yife" [/babytalk]

Your finace is an Ewok?

I'm done with you and your kind, so long and thanks for all the fish.

She says, "I love you."

I say, "I love me too."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"Well it was good for me."

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I am a sex-camel.

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Worst thing I ever said to my wife (ever but) while we were dating:
Having some sort of philosophical discussion when I say, "Well, you are just a PE teacher."
I stood outside of that bathroom door for an hour waiting for her to stop crying.

Loganrapp wrote:

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

This one the ladies always find irresistible. And I mean, always.

CAUTION: Requires large quantities of beer and Fraternity friends and you have to be at 'The River' for 4th of July:

"Excuse me mamam, but once you've been with a longshoreman, you'll never go back."

Cracked us up at the time.

I've never said anything great to the ladies. I go for the whole "akwardly funny and charming" with bookish looks.

Two are from movies, one is from a joke, and the last from a song, but all got the desired reaction. Why reinvent the wheel?

You f*cking b*tch. You ruined my life.

Shut your mouth before I come over there and f*ck-start your head.

Slap some skull on me, b*tch.

This fourth one has never failed. Really love your peaches, honey. Wanna shake your tree.

San Juan Ted wrote:

Shut your mouth before I come over there and f*ck-start your head.

Wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours.

Eezy_Bordone wrote:

Worst thing I ever said to my wife (ever but) while we were dating:
Having some sort of philosophical discussion when I say, "Well, you are just a PE teacher."
I stood outside of that bathroom door for an hour waiting for her to stop crying.

Yea, you gotta go easy on those. I pick on my wife for being a psych major now and then, and occasionally regret it.

Mine, as the pizza man comes to the door: "Man, it's too bad your crotch is bleeding."

You keep talkin like a b*tch and I'm gonna slap you like a b*tch.

I actually got away with saying that. Like, "hot sex" got away with, but you bet I slept with my boxers on and lying between her and the door to the kitchen.

Here's where this thread jumps the shark: Anyone ever said the "c" word to a woman's face? A GF?

Double post.

souldaddy wrote:

You keep talkin like a b*tch and I'm gonna slap you like a b*tch.

I actually got away with saying that. Like, "hot sex" got away with, but you bet I slept with my boxers on and lying between her and the door to the kitchen.

Here's where this thread jumps the shark: Anyone ever said the "c" word to a woman's face? A GF?

I actually dropped that on my ex as a parting gift. She wouldn't leave me alone, and it was a last resort. It worked for a few weeks, but she still emails me constantly. She was pretty crazy when it came to the break up though.. I mean, she literally followed me to a bar one night and proceeded to post all about it on her livejournal. (Yeah, I was looking for a way out once I found out she had a LJ..)

I said it to my current girlfriend once about two months ago, but there was no real reason to it. She wasn't going to let me take her fourwheeler out one of the nights we were in Vermont camping, or some little thing like that, and I dropped it on her. When no slapping ensued, I decided I'd found a new and interesting way to try and get the sh*t slapped out of me. After that event, I've started saying it to her on a pretty regular basis. I think I've grown kinda attached to it, actually.

DrunkenSleipnir wrote:

"Hey, my roommate is out of town, wanna come back to my place and watch Kenshin?"

That was four years ago, and she's still kicking around. Who knew?

::blinks:: You can't be serious.

souldaddy wrote:

Anyone ever said the "c" word to a woman's face? A GF?

Constantly, but not in the sense you mean. It comes up all the time in conversation at the Grin household.

In order to actually respond to this thread, I offer this gem which works every single time: "Yeah, it is a kilt."

Oddly enough, I always get a positive reaction out of women when I mention the slightly exagerated fact that my dog humps women as often as a drunken frat boy.

Razorgrin wrote:
DrunkenSleipnir wrote:

"Hey, my roommate is out of town, wanna come back to my place and watch Kenshin?"

That was four years ago, and she's still kicking around. Who knew?

::blinks:: You can't be serious.

He is. And no, it didn't work. But, I stuck around anyway ;).