Will and the Lack Thereof

I have a problem. I am part of the problem; and so are you.

I am a miser. It is well documented that I do not like to watch numbers decrease; it sparks an uncomfortable dissonance in my progressive world view. I dread the presence of naught where once there was quantity, and so that makes me the kind of person who will put off paying for the heating bill in the middle of a Minnesota cold snap, just so I can artificially inflate my bank account with an impending paycheck before acquiescing to necessary impulses such as not dying of exposure. This stubborn numerical protectionism extends through to almost every corner of my life, save one.

When it comes to video games, I will buy virtually anything.

It was reinforced yet again this week when I realized I was entirely willing to spend $40 on a pack of 18 AC/DC songs for Rock Band. Like a hammer to the head, the impact of the realization was stunning enough to qualify in some states as felony assault.

This is not exactly new information for people who know me. I have certainly come through the front door brandishing questionable purchases, impossibly basking in my own glory the way a housecat will after depositing the desiccated corpse of a field mouse in front of your dinner. I mean, you’re talking to a guy who walked in the store and paid money for Vanguard, oblivious to the racking death screams of fifty one-dollar bills that had been needlessly sacrificed to a sick and disoriented god.

I am helpless even in the face of this realization. I _will_ spend $40 on the Rock Band AC/DC track pack, and I will do so with no remorse. It’s virtually already happened. It is as certain as the sunrise, as immutable as diamond, inescapable as the blinking out of stars and the slouching dark that will envelop all of creation. I am in the thrall of gaming, beguiled by its slutty trappings. I am weak of mind and mettle.

But, as I said, I am not a compulsive spender. I can’t even find solace in suggesting that I am the victim of one of those unscientific, pseudo-addictions that have replaced the space once reserved for personal responsibility in the lexicon. I will simultaneously agonize for weeks before pulling the trigger on buying a new CD or DVD, while thoughtlessly ejecting forty dollars for a game that I have no intention of playing for at least a fortnight. I haven’t purchased a new shirt or pair of pants in more than a year, simply because I can not bring myself to spend money on woven fabrics. I recently bought a pair of sunglasses at one of those knock-off kiosks in the mall for $10 bucks and had the temerity to feel proud of myself for spending the money.

But, for this industry I am a whore lying on the motel bed wearing nothing but a come-hither look and too much mascara while blowing kisses over an obscenely swollen wallet bursting with greenbacks. I’ll just let that image sink in with you for a moment. Don’t forget the beard when picturing it.

It’s not like taking candy from a baby. It’s easier than that. It’s taking candy from a baby that is trying to give you candy. Even if your game is actually titled Games Elysium Hates – The Platformer Version, I’ll still eye it lustily, considering if perhaps I haven’t given the genre — Games I Really Hate — a fair shake yet.

Which makes this a hard season for me, for obvious reasons. Just this past weekend I bought a Nintendo Wii, ostensibly for my son’s birthday. His haul for the day, including the system, a second Wiimote and, count them, five game was, shall we say, disproportionate to the needs of a five year old. That’s to say nothing of the new games that have wandered into the house over the past month: Rock Band 2, Colonization, Peggle Nights, Warhammer, S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Clear Sky, Viva Piñata, LEGO Batman and Crysis Warhead.

I beg of you, don’t do the math. Particularly if we happen to have a joint bank account and you’ve chosen to read this.

And, to you, my dear readers. You consumers of thought and word, which I scribe every seven days. You casual consumers of clever phrasing and self indulgent analysis, who have been my enablers and excuse for half a decade. It’s all your fault!

As I wipe off the arterial spray from the final death blow I have delivered to personal responsibility — a mercy killing to be sure — consider this. The worst thing that could happen to a guy like me is being able to create professional justifications for being a habitual gamer. Having an audience that, even by inaction and implicit approval, encourages me to pen thoughts on video gaming is a liability for my fragile will that is clearly too great. Obviously this passing of the buck is much easier than trying to show restraint at the point of purchase, a mandate that makes Hercules cleaning the stables seem as taxing as changing the litter box.

The nice thing about taking the low road is that it’s mostly downhill.

But, there’s more at play here, and it’s the part of this self realization that I can take comfort in. I love video games. Sometimes I feel like the last of that dying breed, an unabashed fan of the industry, of its excesses, of its creatively compromised, morally bankrupt, lowest-common-denominator indulgences. Unlike less pleasant and more physically debilitating addictions, I still get the high when I install that new game and fire it up for the first time. I’ve been playing fake songs on plastic instruments for two years now, and I still bounce around like a professional fool when the lights are out and everyone else has gone to bed. I’ve been running fetch quests for digital avatars in artificial worlds for half a decade, and that ding of a new level is still fundamentally Pavlovian. I’ve dispatched ten million bad guys from their multitude of nefarious, world-ending deeds, and I still am close to that thrill of the hunt.

And, that is the security blanket that I will clutch close to my breast and cover my eyes with to avoid seeing the truth. As I said at the very beginning, I not only have a problem. I am part of the problem. Because, in the cold light of day, as a careless consumer, I am ultimately the reason your video games suck. Without discriminating at the point of sale, demanding quality from publishers and respectful treatment from retailers, I am as much an enabler of those excesses. While the insistence on blaming weak willed buyers for the supposed de-evolution of video game quality is as questionably tenuous as my blaming readers for poor self control, there is some sense of culpability. And, I know I should feel bad, should be more responsible about my buying choices.

But what I really end up asking is: who wants my money next?

Comments

Kehama wrote:

Yep... that's me. Gripes about buying a single pair of pants but has to be held back from buying a game I know I won't like. Sad, really.

I also came to another realization while reading this. Your writing style... it reminds me of Lovecraft. If you could just use the word "cyclopean" a few times I'd be sure he'd been reincarnated. So many multi-syllabic words vying for my attention in a single sentence. It makes my brain sing with wonder and confusion.

Don't lie. It was him all gussied up on the bed, sashaying about like the bearded whore that he is that finally wooed you. I'm getting some serious Moulin Rouge meets Grizzly Adams vibe here.

I find myself, after 3 years of not having to worry about spending money on every new shiny videogame that I see, not being able to spread my metaphorical legs for the lover du jour anymore. Please blame Elysium for the way that sentence ended up. I don't even have the beard.

The combination of baby daughter, wife going back to work part time, a ridiculous hike in the cost of living and the imminent beginning of £35 a day child care 3 days (a large part of my mind screams as I type that last bit) a week means that my disposal income has gone from "that'll do nicely thank you sir" to "sorry, we don't take breath mints".

What I discovered is that I have a huge number of games that I have either never played, or have given a tiny amount of time to. Furthermore, having a decent desktop and a decent laptop for the first time (pre-baby and birthday present, respectively) opens up a whole world of reasonably priced games (by which I mean, games that I can practically buy with breath mints).

I'm actually excited by the concept of playing through this back catalogue, and even more so by actually replaying some of my favourites from the last couple of years. The only games that I have seen from end to end more than once for a long time are Mass Effect and Halo 3 (shepherding newbie friends though co-op). There's many happy hours of gaming there, but I have to change to my way of looking at things, and husband my scant resources for the things that I really want, making sure to get valid opinions on whether they are worth it first. Expect a lot of "well, should I?" posts 2 weeks after release from me.

Obviously, my beautiful baby girl is worth the sacrifice. her favourite toy is a keyboard I removed the lead from, and she has already worked out how to switch on the 360 using the pad. She loves the green lights. Not bad for 7 months.

I would totally buy a compilation of Games Elysium Hates.

The cruel joke here is how combating this attitude can become a justification for an MMO addiction. "See! Only $15 bucks a month! I doing goooooood"

Elysium wrote:

Having an audience that, even by inaction and implicit approval, encourages me to pen thoughts on video gaming is a liability for my fragile will that is clearly too great.

Taking the advice from yourself in the unmentionable thread you started a few weeks back:

Stop! Stop it! You're a bad, bad person and you're wrong! I heartily disapprove of your actions and justifications.

There, I have taken my action and rescinded my approval.... I do not encourage you to pen anything forthwith!

Now... where's my cookie?

[edit]

Elysium wrote:
but I found my cure to that is to not visit gaming websites

Everyone, shhh! It'll be more fun if he figures it out on his own. ;)

He may just be providing an off-the-cuff insult to help you give up your trade.

C'mon! Do IT!

Or maybe he just comes here for the P&C...

On a more serious note.... i'm getting concerned about this continued theme of implicit approval through inaction. I'm scared that if i don't say something in each and every thread on the boards i'm somehow falling into a poorly constructed logic trap whereby my opinion is voided merely by my absence :/

Swat wrote:

Don't lie. It was him all gussied up on the bed, sashaying about like the bearded whore that he is that finally wooed you.

Definitely not, sir! Ya' see, I have a full beard also. The ensuing static discharge from any naturally occuring "neckin'" would surely result in a grisly death for all those involved. Just one more reason two guys with beards should never make out.

damn...I wish I had the disposable cash to buy new games. I kinda live through guys when you write about all of the new games that are out, and plan to try to pick them up in a year when they are in the discount bin..

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

I have underwear older than that!

( Sorry Quintin, but you can't unsee that either. )

I just spit cheetos all over my keyboard...

Kehama wrote:
Swat wrote:

Don't lie. It was him all gussied up on the bed, sashaying about like the bearded whore that he is that finally wooed you.

Definitely not, sir! Ya' see, I have a full beard also. The ensuing static discharge from any naturally occuring "neckin'" would surely result in a grisly death for all those involved. Just one more reason two guys with beards should never make out.

...and I almost threw up all over my keyboard.

My solution to buying lots of video games: I don't have any money! While in the store, I see a really cool game, mentally check how much is in the account, and realize that I don't have enough without stretching the paycheck. By the time I leave the store, I haven't an ounce of remorse over not buying the game.

So, Elysium, do you have Fallout 3 preordered yet?

So, Elysium, do you have Fallout 3 preordered yet?

Yes. And, I'm not kidding.

Yes. And, I'm not kidding.

Is it the collector's edition?

Switchbreak wrote:

I would totally buy a compilation of Games Elysium Hates.

It would be much shorter than the catalog of Games that make Rob Angry, another genre with many a storied franchise.

kuddles wrote:

... I've been waking up with a bad back for the past three weeks and if it doesn't turn out to be a medical reason, I have been having serious concerns about spending the money on a new mattress. It's only now that I'm starting to realize how utterly pathetic it is that I feel having a good night's sleep isn't worth about the same amount of money I've spent in pre-orders this year of games I'm only vaguely interested in, most of which will still be in their plastic wrap or only used for an hour six months later. And don't get me started on how Steam, XBOX Live, PSN, GamersGate, etc. have managed to sap my PayPal account from impulse purchases.

You absolutely need to buy a new bed! I think you've already realized this, but seriously, a good night's sleep is so crucial, and not having pain is kind of nice too... This is one of those things that are worth the extra dollars (euros, whatever) to get right, and right now.

spider_j -

Your life and mine are similar in several respects so it's no wonder that we're thinking about the same things (issues surrounding money, the economy and our hobby in light of those two things). I have been thinking a lot lately about how to adjust my gaming purchase habits in light of all of it... ultimately I am going to be buying a lot fewer games this coming year, but I am okay with that.

I have several games I want to revisit, and hopefully I will be able to suss out the real gems in the coming year.

I've been fighting the addiction several ways:

1) Get addicted to something else. In my case: wargaming miniatures with the metal and plastic figures and the painting and the gluing and TERRAIN, oh how I love it so! However, miniatures don't need to be upgraded as much as video games and PCs in general, so there's that going for me.

2) Mostly buy used. Then you're sort of saving money, nearly.

3) Mostly buy multiplayer. Then you're stretching the gaming experience, usually. Nothing is worse than an expensive game with no replay value.

4) GameFly, which I just joined yesterday.

These things being said, I did buy Spore on day one and have pre-ordered the Collectors' Edition of Fallout 3 for X360. But I'm getting better.

Because of this thread I deleted my preoreders of Prince of Persia and Little Big Planet.

If I get them on gamefly, cool!

At lunch today with a friend of mine I counted on my fingers the number of games I planned to buy this month. I came up with 7: NWN 2, The Witcher: Enhanced Edition, Dead Space, Fallout 3, Fable 2, Little Big Planet, and Golden Axe: Beast Rider. If I tacked that amount on top of my rent, I could actually make a house payment for a pretty nice place with the money I, instead, blow on video games.

But hey, everyone can be expected to blow $400 a month on something. I'm just glad it's not on liquor, hookers, or actual blow.

HedgeWizard wrote:

You absolutely need to buy a new bed! I think you've already realized this, but seriously, a good night's sleep is so crucial, and not having pain is kind of nice too... This is one of those things that are worth the extra dollars (euros, whatever) to get right, and right now.

Yeah, I'm going to try sleeping on my couch a few days and get my doctor to check me out, so I don't buy a mattress and find I still have the same problem, but in all likelihood I'll have one by the end of the weekend.

Kehama wrote:
Swat wrote:

Don't lie. It was him all gussied up on the bed, sashaying about like the bearded whore that he is that finally wooed you.

Definitely not, sir! Ya' see, I have a full beard also. The ensuing static discharge from any naturally occuring "neckin'" would surely result in a grisly death for all those involved. Just one more reason two guys with beards should never make out.

Just when I thought the visual couldn't be topped.

doomcryer wrote:

But hey, everyone can be expected to blow $400 a month on something. I'm just glad it's not on liquor, hookers, or actual blow.

Wait, you mean if I give up the liquor, hookers and blow I can buy even more games!

tanstaafl wrote:
doomcryer wrote:

But hey, everyone can be expected to blow $400 a month on something. I'm just glad it's not on liquor, hookers, or actual blow.

Wait, you mean if I give up the liquor, hookers and blow I can buy even more games!

But how will we enjoy Gears and Beers if we weren't completely hammered?

EDIT: I first wrote "Gears and Bears", and realized just how differently we would play if live grizzlies were in our living rooms.

Conspicuously absent is Elysia's commentary to all this.

I'm with you Sean on this. My house has videogames in every corner. They're everywhere. I can't bring myself *not* to buy a game, but having worked in retail I have learned of my mistakes and mostly buy games when I get a fair deal on them.

but that's part of the problem, I can't resist a good deal.

Not long after they released Dark Sector, I saw it for 20$ less than its regular retail price. It had just launched mind you so it was still 59$ so I grabbed it.

I haven't played it yet (only played the demo which convinced me to get it) and that 20$ markdown was really a pricedrop disguised as a special offer. I know games inevitably come down to the 20-30$ price range but it's the videogames lover in me. I just couldn't wait.

I literally have dozens of other games like that that I bought on a whim and haven't found time to play.

at least my gf thinks it's funny.

ps: we don't have kids yet

booty wrote:

The cruel joke here is how combating this attitude can become a justification for an MMO addiction. "See! Only $15 bucks a month! I doing goooooood"

Heh, I've been doing that for the last 18 months or so. I "wasn't addicted" to WoW, it was just cheaper than buying other games - especially since my computer was old enough that that would need to be upgraded before I could play anything recent. That was my excuse, anyway.

That said, my new computer arrived today. I already have Spore and Oblivion. I need to buy the Orange Box and Bioshock tomorrow. Then the impulse buying will begin - "ooh, I've been wanting to play that for ages!". My bank account is going to become a smoking crater...

interstate78 wrote:

but that's part of the problem, I can't resist a good deal.

Oooh, that's me too. I have great trouble resisting a budget PC title. Any game I was vaguely interested in suddenly becomes appealing, and then I have too many games and not enough time to play.

Irongut wrote:

I think I need help too. The problem is, after sharing stories of what we've recently bought, or games we want to buy, we'd probably end up stopping at a game shop on the way home and feeding the need.

I know for a FACT I've got games after speaking to/reading posts from guys and gals here... Many many games. *sob*

goman wrote:

Because of this thread I deleted my preoreders of Prince of Persia and Little Big Planet.

If I get them on gamefly, cool!

Elyisum, you're bad news for the economy.

Ah, yes I should've clarified "gaming website" as a "gaming website like Gamespot/GameTrailers." For some reason GWJ doesn't enable me as much as the other websites, but I mostly come here to read the front page articles and everything else. I'm probably more likely to make an impulsive purchase when I have a ton of videos and pictures and 9/10 scores in front of my face.

There, but for the grace of God and an empty wallet, go I.

True confession: I have games I bought for the PC in 2001 that I still haven't installed and played yet. (My daughter was born in 2001, and you can imagine where my spare time has gone since. Coincidence?)

Switchbreak wrote:

I would totally buy a compilation of Games Elysium Hates.

Your wallet and bank account thank you for not asking for a compilation of Games Gaald Hates.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:
I haven’t purchased a new shirt or pair of pants in more than a year, simply because I can not bring myself to spend money on woven fabrics.

Lightweight!

I have underwear older than that!

( Sorry Quintin, but you can't unsee that either. )

I don't own a tee shirt that's younger than seven years. The only reason I own any clothes younger than 3 years is because I bought my own tuxedo for my wedding. (Knowing that I have a brother in law who was planning to marry, I thought it frugal to own a tux rather than rent one twice. I was right.)

I own clothing purchased in the last year, but it was for work and easy to buy. Plus it was half off. Ah, the joy of military employment.

On the topic of games, once, I was like you, Elysium. Then, I got married as a SSgt in the USAF(You can find out how much I make online. My Basic Allowance for Housing is as E-5, with dependents in montgomery AL). All in all, looking at my budget every month, paying bills the first week, buying groceries and looking at the total left is enough to curb me. There's certainly no lack of games I'd like to buy, but just not enough in the budget to pull it off.

There are certainly times when I feel the pangs of longing associated with enablement of the dirty kind. AoC(shortlived), WAR(Still beating at me), Left 4 Dead(And it's not even out yet!) among others drives me to distraction. However, I've found that I can get by on a game here, a game there. I pick and choose from among the cream of the crop, those pleasant jewels of rich enjoyment that make passing the time with this fine hobby truly joyful.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Switchbreak wrote:

I would totally buy a compilation of Games Elysium Hates.

Your wallet and bank account thank you for not asking for a compilation of Games Gaald Hates.

There are much, much better people around here to use in that analogy. Like SommerMatt(Your favorite game is dumb) or kuddles(Your favorite game is over-rated.)