A Declaration of Independence

I am always hesitant to explicitly state desires as though they were logical and discreet things. I’m sure if I were to try and express my actual thoughts and the discordant disharmony of them in some kind of written form I’d have to write them in one of those Dingbat fonts, only one that my brain would interpret correctly and everyone else would see as abstract womanly curves that seemed obscene for no decipherable reason. But, as little as four months ago, among the nebulous desires festering in my mind was a partially formed lust to be a freelance games writer.

This is why I did things like send official queries to people of varying import, with inconsistent degrees of success. I’ve seen my name in print and in online spaces that I sincerely respect. I did some good work that I’m proud of. I met people I very much like and with whom I completely fail to maintain a relationship — an indictment on my personality and not theirs.

But, I learned very quickly that I’ll never have it better than I have it right now.

Even among the most independent of the writing class, the great and entrepreneurial freelancer, I quickly recognized that nothing was superior to creating your own outlet, your own rules and your own reputation. I don’t know if this post is about disillusionment or the opposite — which I guess would be illusionment in some kind of really cool way — but I feel my days as a freelance games journalist for-hire waning swiftly, and that’s fine by me.

I never felt like I understood Bill Harris until now. He is clearly one of the premier writers about games in the whole-wide internet, and yet, following his impressive stint running the tragically defunct Gone Gold, he retreated to the safe confines of a personal blog. That blog, dubiousquality.blogspot.com, is a daily stop, I imagine, for anyone who likes things that are awesome. Since I count myself among such populations, it is a comfortable home.

For the most part Bill exercises his stature as one of the best in the business to a limited readership. His is an underground community of gaming thinkers, lovers of great writing and dedicated fans. Today’s topic on the latest NPD numbers may be followed by an adorable anecdote about his son, who I feel I have watched grow from small boy into slightly less small but increasingly cool kid. And, with very few exceptions his words can be found only on his blog, despite the fact that he could make a compelling case for writing about video games for anyone.

I make frequent and entirely unsuccessful attempts to recruit Bill, almost as a matter of course. I have tried full-on frontal assaults of offering writing gigs, stealth offers masked within mundane topics and even impassioned personal pleas on the rare but pleasant occasions when we meet face to face. His no is always a bitter pill wrapped in chocolate.

As a man who longed to some degree for the many kinds of opportunities available to him, I found his reticence perplexing. Now, I understand far more clearly. It’s not that games journalism is the festering stinkhole that popular opinion makes it out to be; it’s that writers, editors and management must balance many spinning plates on poles made of wet onion-paper. One need not even read the frustration expressed on a blog such as Dan Hsu’s, but simply watch the attrition rate.

I wonder what a Bill Harris column might look like under the methodologies and structures of most publishers, and his choices that once seemed mystifying are clear. Even in online space, I see how Games For Windows Magazine became 1up’s PC section, and while it maintained quality of integrity and writing, much of the pure magic of that magazine and its dedication to a new kind of presentation seemed to slowly be assimiliated into the 1up formula for content. It seems a model for the transition we see too often. And, as I watch the exodus of colleagues and friends who make the painful decision to move on, as well as the talented and determined people who choose to remain behind, I am reminded that no matter how talented the editorial and writing staff, there are forces beyond their control.

I don’t want to bemoan the realities of doing business in the games writing market, because there are good people who are at the front lines doing strong work. For every Dan Hsu or Jeff Green the writing business loses, there are people behind them with no less integrity, no less passion for providing valuable and ethical content. This is not a manifesto against organized platforms for games writing, but an embrace of the rare opportunity that total independence provides, and why I think I increasingly side with Bill’s philosophy of being grateful for that which I already have.

For good or bad, the content I create each week here in this environment of my own making is unfiltered. I am wholly responsible for my words. That blessing and curse, a double bladed sword that I swing hazardously around like that You Tube lightsaber kid, frequently gashes me deep into a core I didn’t know existed. But, it is my sword to wield, my hazard to handle and when it strikes hot on a target, the blow is never muted by the realities of business. Mine is work of idealists, foolish and as unhelpful as we may sometimes be, and the freelance business is, in the words of our own Julian Murdoch, milk delivery.

The trade off for relative obscurity for the benefit of finding a small but like-minded readership is entirely acceptable. There was, I assure you, a rich and electric thrill seeing my name in print, but the rewards of independence are, for me, more valuable. I take great pride in working with a few choice partners who have a passion for writer independence, and who work in corporate environments that make that possible. They are, I fear, a dying breed.

Comments

So now that he has denied you, by praising him and his blog into high-heavens you'll ensure that his small but like-minded readers are drowned out in a torrent of fans who will adore him simply because you do.

You Sir, are an evil genius.

Bravo,

All I can do is echo you on this. While I didn't make my own personal corner of the universe, the independence that Gamers With Jobs affords me. Freelancing writing - which is getting paid by the word, the piece, or the hour to produce content for voice, print or web - is indeed delivering milk. It's something I consider myself reasonably good at - not so much the writing, as the delivery of what the client wants, whether that client was (sniff) Jeff and Shawn at Ziff, (sniff) Steve and Cindy at CGM/Massive, or my more mundane corporate clients.

I will say however that independence does not mean chaos. One of the most rewarding parts about writing here has been the editorial process. I don't think the writer exists whose work does not improve with editing.

Thank you! I was wondering where he had gone. GoneGold was a regular stop for me for years, and then I moved, didn't check it for a few weeks and it was gone.

I actually stumbled across Bill and DQ before I knew about GWJ. His mentions of this site are what led me over here. So thanks to him for that, and thanks to Elysium for the interesting article.

(And I never knew he was affiliated with Gone Gold, as that's not something he's ever mentioned on DQ that I know of. You learn something new every day.)

See what you did Bill? You made Elysium cry! Now, why don't you write him a front page article so he would feel better?

Glad to have you around Elysium. To keep the bastion standing and fighting off the unwashed masses.

MyBrainHz wrote:

I actually stumbled across Bill and DQ before I knew about GWJ. His mentions of this site are what led me over here. So thanks to him for that, and thanks to Elysium for the interesting article.

Same here. I followed Mr. Harris from Gone Gold to Dubious Quality and his posts led me to this fine community here. Come to think of it, I should really write him a thank-you note sometime.

Elysium wrote:

That blessing and curse, a double bladed sword that I swing hazardously around like that You Tube lightsaber kid, frequently gashes me deep into a core I didn’t know existed.

Thank you for bringing the art of the Simile to the next level. The imagery in that sentence is full of crazy juxtaposition that is nothing short of awesome.

I'm yet another in that boat: I was a GoneGold reader, moved with Bill over to DQ, and that lead me to GWJ. Huzzah interweb. Speaking of which, anybody know what's become of Andy, of GoneGold fame?

Bill is indeed a scholar and a gentleman. His writing is genuinely funny and clever, much like the fine articles here. Like many others I followed him from GG to DQ and eventually to this place.

I have had several email conversations with him and he, unfaltering, answers every one of my stupid emails whether they are about games, kids or just to socialize. He has cheered me on as I have developed small indie games, acted as beta tester and given invaluable feedback to me.

If you haven't read his blog yet, you owe it to yourself to head on over.

As far as I know (right before GG closed shop) Andy's sickness was too much for him to run the site. I assume he is still battling his diseases.

That's weird... there's no quote button on the front page articles anymore. Coulda sworn it was here a few weeks ago.

Anyway, nice article - though i did spot one glaring error that everyone preceeding me has failed to point out:

For good or bad, the content I create each week here in this environment of my own making is unfiltered. I am wholly responsible for my words. That blessing and curse, a double bladed sword that I swing hazardously around like that You Tube lightsaber kid, frequently gashes me deep into a core I didn’t know existed. But, it is my sword to wield, my hazard to handle and when it strikes hot on a target, the blow is never muted by the realities of business.

I think Certis may have something to say about this.... and there may be unwanted physical contact as a result..... o_O

I think that it's better to be able to write in your own space and work a normal job (that actually pays ) to being dependent on a job which may be fairly secure but ultimately your content is so stifled and/or censored that it may as well be the marketing/legal/etc departments writing them instead.

So what you're saying is paid gaming journalists are a blight on the industry.

Bill is indeed quite awesome, and someone i would love to hear as a guest on the podcast someday

the first few times I visited GWJ, it's because it had been linked from other news sites like Kotaku or Joystiq (probably Kotaku), linking to a piece related to news related editorials. I quickly browsed the site, not finding what I was expecting (news).

I found myself coming time and time again because of the editorials, something severely lacking on most online news sites. The quality of the writing is really quite good and is more in line with what I expect from an outlet. news are good, but they're more fun to discuss. ahoy!

I see GWJ as my personal corner on the web (shared by many) on which I can vent and argue and be unpleasant or nice but all the while having a discussion with others that actually involves arguments and careful, surgical rebuting. (yeah I'm thinking of my proposal of banning P2P apps)

We have a saying in french. It goes Dans les petits pots, les meilleurs onguents. Loosely translated, it means ''The better ointments are found in the smaller flasks'' which couldn't describe better how I feel about GWJ.

Bill Harris is a douche.

Okay, no really, he's a great guy; sometime clairvoyant, all around awesome father, and in general, a very nice, approachable guy. Let's all hug! Like so many of you have already shared, I came across him at Gone Gold, followed him to his blog, and it was his love-in of GWJ that brought me here to lurk for many, many moons.

I echo the sentiments that it would be great to have him join the podcast as a guest at some point.

I'm gonna guess that a large percentage of us all followed Bill from Night Call on Gone Gold to DQ, and thence, because of his many mentions of this site, here. Thinking back on GG makes me sad and nostalgic. Bittersweet memories there. Such a great forum community they had, and great writing on the front page from both Rich LaPorte (the man who created the site) AND Bill Harris.

As far as I know (right before GG closed shop) Andy's sickness was too much for him to run the site. I assume he is still battling his diseases.

I think you may be referring to Rich LaPorte here, who's health eventually forced him to shut Gone Gold down. I think Andy was his webmaster, and I hadn't heard anything about him having severe health issues like Rich.

I know there are other "spin-off" communities where many GG'ers eventually landed, but in many ways (for me at least) GWJ is the spiritual successor to GoneGold.com.

Keep that independence, it makes for some compelling articles. The best part is that I don't HAVE to agree.

Many items here that touched a nerve just by they way described in your article (great read, btw) and how everyone feels about Bill; I'll start reading DQ and see if it is, in fact, for me.

I must wonder (as GWJ is a place I consider home with every article and posted thread) if every flavor of journalism is passing through this introspection that I begin to see as a recurring subject in gaming journalism. Time and time again (lazy for quote, will edit if I stumble onto a good example in the next few days) I see journalists from the gaming industry and a lot from GWJ that complain how gaming journalism; both professional and amateur is doing more harm then good. Do sport writers and financial journalists try to justify themselves as much as I see around the gaming industry? Surely there is more than one Jeff Gerstmann in the sport writing universe.

Jeff Green's departure hit melancholy across many forums, blogs and sites. Maybe not the end of an era, but definitely a sign that the era IS nearing its cycle.

Don't get me wrong: I enjoy your articles and posts more then most (and we DO have a rather colorful repertoire of characters among GWJ), but I this is among the first times I don't share the overall blue feeling I sense from your writing. I sense sadness and a world that is going empty.

Is gaming journalism really changing that much? Are the last of the good writers confining themselves to blogs and other topics of journalism?

I see tons and tons and TONS of sites with very good writers (again with the laziness to post a quote, but it's 3.00am).

Good article. They may take your word documents, but they'll never take your freedom!