Where's Elysium?

So, I was standing naked in the shower this morning, and I couldn't help but think: Where's Elysium been lately? After his glorious return to authorship with his excellent series of game retail expose' pieces, he has nigh but disappeared. Has the product of his breeding turned days into weeks? Perhaps his job as his wife's assis- er, business partner has monopolized his time? Where are ya, little buddy?

Last I heard, he had abandoned his mortal body and joined his essence to the universe itself. So a better question would be: Where isn't Elysium?

Wouldn't that make him a Scientologist? What were you really doing in during E3, Elysium? Hmmm?

I thought that they merged his consciousness with that of a 60's-era deep space probe, and shot it off on a two hundred year round trip to the Planet of the Machines.

I thought that they merged his consciousness with that of a 60's-era deep space probe, and shot it off on a two hundred year round trip to the Planet of the Machines.

He will now be known as V'ger the Bearded One and is able to disintegrate Klingon cruisers with glowing blue balls of energy...

LockAndLoad wrote:

He will now be known as V'ger the Bearded One and is able to disintegrate Klingon cruisers with glowing blue balls of energy...

Wouldn't that be E'ger?

He's got two tickets to paradise. He packed his bags and left last night.

So that's why he tried to shave off Elysia's hair with an electric shaver.

After the GWJ meet & greet he went on a road trip with his brother and his dad. Then he was home for a few days and then left again for another trip with his wife and Elysium 2.0. They left Wednesday, I think they're gone for a week or so.

Certis wrote:

After the GWJ meet & greet he went on a road trip with his brother and his dad. Then he was home for a few days and then left again for another trip with his wife and Elysium 2.0. They left Wednesday, I think they're gone for a week or so.

That's a convenient lie to cover up his death.

Or he's in prison, for having such a shifty beard. And cheating at Mario Party.

Also, it'd be E'ium and he'd have the power to make glowing balls of blue energy to destroy Klingon vocabularies. Common misconception.

After the GWJ meet & greet he went on a road trip with his brother and his dad. Then he was home for a few days and then left again for another trip with his wife and Elysium 2.0. They left Wednesday, I think they're gone for a week or so.

Geez Certis, you are such a downer. These "true" and "rational" explanations are totally bummin' me out.

PyromanFO wrote:

Also, it'd be E'ium and he'd have the power to make glowing balls of blue energy to destroy Klingon vocabularies. Common misconception.

Those who cannot spell correctly have no honor. And contractions are tools of the weak and the cowardly.

I'm personally of the opinion that he just can't be bothered.

I think we've found him...

IMAGE(http://img4.imageshack.us/img4/2172/goojer5tt.jpg)

Friday, August 12, 2005 - 12:43pmAfter the GWJ meet & greet he went on a road trip with his brother and his dad. Then he was home for a few days and then left again for another trip with his wife and Elysium 2.0. They left Wednesday, I think they're gone for a week or so.

See, he's not dead, he's self-employed!

Rat Boy wrote:

I think we've found him...

Rat Boy, my hat is off to you, sir.

Rat Boy wrote:

I think we've found him...

That is absolutely brilliant.

Awesome Rat.

I think we have another clue though. If you play the Wiener Bomb MP3 backwards, you can distinctly hear someone say "Elysium is dead, miss him, miss him." I have no idea how that got in there. Creepy though.

Great picture right there!

As for Elysium, I hear he's been camping in front of a local theatre in the recent past to make sure that he'll get weekend tickets for Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, his most anticipated movie this year.

Deuce Bigalow? Somebody needs to stop him before he makes a terrible, terrible mistake. Boys?

IMAGE(http://img287.imageshack.us/img287/2306/uhoh8pt.jpg)

Sorry to disappoint, but the story is much less interesting than many of your imaginations. It's just that my beard staged a coup d'etat on my face and now controls 38% of my body, including an arm, most of my eyes, and the international airport. Fortunately I still control the military and we are regrouping near my navel (or, the Hole, as the grunts call it), and we expect to crush the resistance early next week. Once we stick those commie bastards up against the wall, I'll be back in action.

(or, the Hole, as the grunts call it)

I would think your pooper would be a bad place to stage an offensive... a good defensive place. Nobody random will come by unless the really have to.

Demosthenes wrote:
(or, the Hole, as the grunts call it)

I would think your pooper would be a bad place to stage an offensive... a good defensive place. Nobody random will come by unless the really have to.

The minions of hair have controlled that region for decades. They're too deeply entrenched!