NFL 2022: The Week 15 thread

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I was going to start this week with a bunch of burning questions, but no one cares about my takes on the Eagles (will they win the Superb Owl?), the Panthers (are they really a playoff team?), Justin Herbert (is he overrated), the Lions (are they the most fun team in the NFL?).* But we have SATURDAY FOOTBALL, so no one has time for this nonsense. Especially this guy:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/0qo8yVq8y7lnQlWnrl/giphy.gif)

And this guy:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/g1jQH5BkZIapOPGMfo/giphy.gif)

And these guys:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/8byi2O6I5fqKR8WRtk/giphy.gif)
IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/54t9KwEBCbBOfW9NO2/giphy.gif)
IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/DpB8LMmrBKQKbRiXlY/giphy.gif)

It's all about next week at this point. Let's get to it.

WEEK 15 SCHEDULE

Now featuring Saturday football! Plus a bunch of games with playoff implications for both teams involved.

Thursday: **Niners-Seahawks** (Prime)

Saturday: Colts-Vikings (1p), Ravens-Br*wns (430p), **Dolphins-Bills** (815p)
Note: All three Saturday games are on NFL Network; let me know if you need an arrrrrrrrrrrternative arrangement

Sunday early: Falcons-Saints, Steelers-Panthers, Eagles-Bears, Chiefs-Texans, Cowboys-Jags, *Lions-Jets*

Sunday late: Cardinals-Broncos, *Patriots-Raiders*, *Titans-Chargers*, **Bengals-Bucs** (the national GOTW even though Brady is booooooring and the Bucs suck)

Sunday night: *Giants-Commanders* (NBC in a Sunday Night Flex Special)

Monday: Rams-Packers (ESPN, plus ManningCast)

Here are your Week 15 coverage maps. Look at who gets Chargers-Titans: Tennessee, SoCal and Herbertville, Oregon.

THE WATCHABILITY INDEX

TIL that 538 evaluates each upcoming game based on quality (how good are the teams involved?) and importance (how will the game affect playoff odds?), then assigns it an overall rate. (Thanks to Paleo for highlighting this in the Week 14 thread; I hadn't bothered to click the tab in the graphic until he pointed it out.)

So here's the watchability index in order for the Week 15 games. All games are at 1p or 4p Sunday unless noted; any game with a rating below 61 probably isn't worth your time.

81--Dolphins-Bills (Sat)
77--Bengals-Bucs
72--Titans-Chargers
67--Niners-Seahawks (Thu)
66--Giants-Commanders (Sun nite)
62--Lions-Jets
60--Patriots-Raiders
58--Cowboys-Jaguars
42--Ravens-Browns (Sat)
39--Eagles-Bears
29--Colts-Vikings (Sat)
27--Steelers-Panthers*
19--Chiefs-Texans
7--Rams-Packers (Mon)
6--Falcons-Saints
1--Cardinals-Broncos

Some games to circle in Weeks 16-18:

Week 16: Bengals-Patriots (88 rating)
Week 17: Bills-Bengals on Mon night (98 rating)
Week 18: Ravens-Bengals (97) and Patriots-Bills (88).

STAT OF THE WEEK

Touchdown Trevor (seen in the header with helmet on; his long flowing locks tend to stun some members of this sub, rendering them speechless and prone to hallucinations such as someone named "Brock Purdy" quarterbacking the Niners as if) became the youngest player in NFL history to throw for 350 yards (TDTL had 368) and three TDs (he had three) and rush for a TD (which he did).

Our boy is growing up before our eyes!

NEW NAME ANNOUNCEMENT

I'm hereby retiring the HEY DARNOLD moniker I hung on the Panthers' (current) QB.

Behold, BEARDEDARNOLD!

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/SOHZV0iuKqX6K7gRh5/giphy.gif)

Dude is 2-0 since he hid those fat cheeks of his under that beardy beard of his. #KeepPounding and #StopShaving.

POWER RANKINGS

Let's take a peek at ESPN this week:

Your top five: Eagles (1st last week), Chiefs (2nd), Bills (3rd), Cowboys (4th), Niners (7th)

Biggest gainer: Chargers?! (+7 to 10th) ... I love watching Justin Herbert, but this is a very flawed team. That said, ESPN has them just ahead (in this order) of the Seahawks, Jets, Commanders, Titans and Patriots. I guess someone has to be 10th; why not the Chargers?

Biggest loser: Raiders (-5 to 23rd). That's what you get for letting Baker Mayfield go 98 yards for a game-winning TD.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/jB1iLEv7tguTwfZ9GS/giphy.gif)

IF THE SEASON ENDED TODAY ...

(from here and here)

AFC leaders: Bills, Chiefs, Ravens, Titans
AFC wild cards: Bengals, Dolphins, Patriots
Next up: Chargers and Jets (both 7-6)

NFC leaders: Eagles (clinched!*), Vikings, Niners, Bucs
NFC wild cards: Cowboys, Commanders, Giants
Next up: Seahawks (7-6), Lions (6-7)

* Just a playoff berth at this point

Eliminated! The Broncos join the Texans and Bears in Elimination Country.

IMAGE(https://media.tenor.com/RzfCID7R_X4AAAAM/broncos-country.gif)

... off into the sunset. God, the Broncos stink this year.

FINALLY
To answer the questions I posed in the first paragraph:

* Looks like it!
* HELL YEAH
* Maybe just a little (via Mike Tanier, who apologized for his foolishness this week)
* Absolutely

PS: It's possible that the Panthers are about to experience a Holiday Playoff Miracle because BEARDEDARNOLD is really this guy:

IMAGE(https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMTY4NjQ5MDc2MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzQ3NTUxNA@@._V1_.jpg)

Huh my teams all done by Saturday. Weird week

*LEGION*'S "WHERE WILL OBJ GO" POWER RANKINGS, WEEK 15 EDITION:

1. His couch (Last week: 1) - Another week passed, no contract offers, and his top two suitors went and signed different veteran WRs instead. The couch now has a stranglehold on #1.

2. Chiefs (Last week: 5) - As Kadarius Toney continues to miss time, the Chiefs continue to hold some interest in OBJ. They have reportedly stayed in contact with OBJ throughout the process.

3. 49ers (Last week: 7) - That WR injury I kept saying would move the 49ers up? It happened with Deebo Samuel going down. Though the nightmare scenario was avoided, and current belief is that Deebo would return before OBJ would be ready anyway, this situation bears monitoring. Deebo's now nursing three separate lower-body injuries, and any further setback would likely trigger an aggressive response from the 49ers.

4. Giants (Last week: 2) - Going 0-3-1 in their last 4, the Giants have fallen to 4th in the East, and while they still cling to a wildcard spot, that grip is rapidly slipping. Another loss and they plummet down this list.

5. Ravens (Last week: 6) - The Ravens reportedly set up a visit with OBJ, only to put the visit on hold as it became clear he's further away from returning than previously thought. Terrell Owens says OBJ should go to Baltimore, though, so there's that.

6. Cowboys (Last week: 4) - Jerruh has made it clear that they're not "out" on OBJ. That said, they signed free agent WR T.Y. Hilton this week, seemingly signaling the team moving on from their OBJ plans. They might get interested again come January, but for now, they slide down the list.

7. Bills (Last week: 3) - I had Buffalo slotted in at #2 this week until their signing of anti-vax moron Cole Beasley. Unlike Hilton in Dallas, Beasley has (very recent) experience on this Buffalo team and in their offense, so it seems even less likely that they'll be looking at WR again in January.

8. Bengals (Last week: N/A) - This week saw both Tee Higgins (hamstring) and Tyler Boyd (finger) leave the field and not return. Neither injury is expected to be long-term, but now all three of the Bengals WR trio are nursing or returning from injury, so a situation to monitor if there's any setbacks.

9. Chargers (Last week: N/A) - Their WR group has been beat up all year, but a big Sunday Night win over the Dolphins has the Chargers back in a playoff spot. With Joey Bosa expected to return to practice this week, the Chargers might be putting together pieces for a late wildcard surge.

10. Jaguars (Last week: N/A) - Out of nowhere, the JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS have surged into the playoff picture, with a chance to set up a possible week 18 showdown to snatch the division title away from the Titans. For now, they snatch the Titans' spot on the OBJ Power Rankings. The Jags have shown a willingness to make unorthodox moves at WR (see: trading for Calvin Ridley), and a willingness to throw stupid money at those WRs (see: Christian Kirk, Zay Jones)

Falling off: Titans (8), Buccaneers (9), Jets (10)

O/U on rush yds for SF tomorrow?

Before I look it up, I'll bet the line is 187.

Let's go see...

Nobody in the NFC South is a playoff team; one of them is a team that, sadly, will go to the playoffs. None of them deserve it in the vaguest.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Nobody in the NFC South is a playoff team; one of them is a team that, sadly, will go to the playoffs. None of them deserve it in the vaguest.

Bookmarking this comment for a couple of months from now when the Panthers beat the Bills in the Super Bowl.

I almost want to watch that Cardinals Broncos game just for the comedy.

Enix wrote:
MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Nobody in the NFC South is a playoff team; one of them is a team that, sadly, will go to the playoffs. None of them deserve it in the vaguest.

Bookmarking this comment for a couple of months from now when the Panthers beat the Bills in the Super Bowl.

You're just gonna have to settle for an ex-Panther doing it.

Terrell Owens says OBJ should go to Baltimore, though, so there's that.

Well there it is, if TO says it...

Wait a minute, what year is it?

*Legion* wrote:
Enix wrote:
MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Nobody in the NFC South is a playoff team; one of them is a team that, sadly, will go to the playoffs. None of them deserve it in the vaguest.

Bookmarking this comment for a couple of months from now when the Panthers beat the Bills in the Super Bowl.

You're just gonna have to settle for an ex-Panther doing it. :D

I don't really think Taylor Heinicke and the Commanders have much of a shot but if you say so ...

Enix wrote:

I don't really think Taylor Heinicke and the Commanders have much of a shot but if you say so ... :P

You dope. Obviously I was talking about Ray-Ray McCloud.

Or was it Greg Van Roten?

*Legion* wrote:
Enix wrote:

I don't really think Taylor Heinicke and the Commanders have much of a shot but if you say so ... :P

You dope. Obviously I was talking about Ray-Ray McCloud.

Or was it Greg Van Roten?

Lots of former Panthers (players and coaches*) out there doing good work. You put them all on the same team, and they have a decent shot of winning the NFC South.

* Excluding any current and future Nebraska residents

Defense!

Geno's nameplate already peeling off his jersey, lol.

That dropped INT is the first real bad throw of the Purdy era.

Nah, it's all good for now.

But of course there's a Windows update downloading while I'm streaming this on Twitch.

Seahawkers doing Seahawks things.

The last few weeks have felt like those Erickson/Flores years. Finding ways to lose.

And since it's a night game with Michaels on the call, it's like the old Kingdome days on MNF. Down two scores by halftime to the LA Raiders. Or Broncos. Or Chiefs.

*Legion* wrote:

That dropped INT is the first real bad throw of the Purdy era.

That ball took so long to get there, I think the DB nodded off.

"Roughing" aka tackling the QB.

EDIT: Was that a gentle enough sack this time, ref?

popped in to see if the darktide thread is active, but this is my favorite quote to summarize week 14:

Geno Smith, Colt McCoy, Baker Mayfield and Brock Purdy are the starting quarterbacks for NFC West teams in NFL Week 15.

Pathetic.

I love the "leave Kittle wide open" defense Seattle is playing tonight.

I mean with Deebo out, it only makes sense.

NFC West champions with 3 whole games left to go.

3-0 Brock Purdy, beating two almost certain playoff teams, and a third on the edge of the playoff picture.

Niners should win the Super Bowl because nobody else's America's Game episode would be half as good.

Why did it take me until tonight to realize that the Seahawks logo is basically Sam the Eagle from The Muppets?

7 weeks ago, I called the Vikings, Seahawks, and Giants "paper tigers", riding high on turnover luck.

Those teams were a combined 17-6 at the time, averaging 1.61 takeaways per game.

Since that week, those teams have gone 6-10-1, averaging 1.05 takeaways per game.

Last time we swept the Seachickens? Super Bowl

Let's do it again, but maybe win this time.

Rat Boy wrote:

Why did it take me until tonight to realize that the Seahawks logo is basically Sam the Eagle from The Muppets?

Meanwhile the Niners mascot is basically BEARDEDARNOLD

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/uqIpFUh.png)

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/SOHZV0iuKqX6K7gRh5/giphy.gif)

*Legion* wrote:

3-0 Brock Purdy

QB WINZ

Speaking of young star QBs, Zach Wilson will start against the Lions this weekend.

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