NFL 2022: The Week 12 thread

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Scene: The White House, Monday

CHOCOLATE and CHIP are released from their cages on the South Lawn. It is clear that this pair of turkeys are the guests of honor at a ceremony. They are approached by the PRESIDENT.

PRESIDENT: The votes are in, they’ve been counted and verified, no ballot stuffing, no fowl play. The only red wave this season is if the Niners knock over the cranberry sauce and win the Super Bowl.

[muffled chuckling]

CHOCOLATE: That's funny, Mr. President.

PRESIDENT: Looks like we have another flock of turkeys hoping to come to Washington in — wait, you can talk?

CHIP: He sure can.

PRESIDENT: You too?!

CHOCOLATE: Yep. When we were chicks, the farmer who raised us put a TV on in the barn to keep us company.

CHIP: He's a big football fan, so we watched a lot of NFL games. Take Chocolate. Now here's a guy ...

CHOCOLATE: Stop. I'd rather hear your impression of Troy Aikman.

PRESIDENT: Don't tell me you're a Cowboys fan.

CHOCOLATE: Nope.

PRESIDENT: So you're like me and like the Eagles?

CHIP: No.

PRESIDENT: Seahawks? Cardinals? Ravens? ... Uh, help me out. Any more bird teams?

CHOCOLATE: The Falcons?

PRESIDENT: The 28-3 team?

[RAUCOUS LAUGHTER]

PRESIDENT: So who's your team?

CHIP: The Panthers.

PRESIDENT: Wait, really?

CHOCOLATE: Yep! We were raised in North Carolina, just like the White House Christmas tree, Texas Pete and the two best kinds of barbecue.

CHIP: Cam Newton used to wear feathers.

IMAGE(https://cdn.chatsports.com/cache/ea/79/ea79e17ead18886b33f463ec1c5a2944-original.jpg)

CHOCOLATE: And the team's former head coach — boy, what a turkey.

PRESIDENT: You got that right. See him on TV this week?

CHIP: Couldn't miss that fat stubbly head of his. He reeks of desperation — and 31 losses in three seasons.

CHOCOLATE: That guy is a Thanksgiving dinner where the only thing on the table is candied yams and green bean casserole.

PRESIDENT: You see that Sam Darnold will be your starting QB on Sunday?

[long awkward silence]

CHIP: Wait, really?

[CHOCOLATE whips out cell phone and frantically checks Twitter]

CHOCOLATE: Oh, god. You're right!

CHIP: No no no no no no NO!

[PRESIDENT turns to audience]

PRESIDENT: With the power invested in me by the Constitution of the United States, I pardon these two turkeys ...

CHOCOLATE: Stop!

CHIP: Please.

CHOCOLATE: We'd rather die than watch Sam Darnold play QB again.

CHIP: We'd rather watch reruns of the entire Chris Weinke and Jimmy Clausen seasons.

CHOCOLATE: Actually, I'd rather die.

CHIP: (pondering): Upon further review, yeah, chop off my head and cook me up Thursday.

PRESIDENT: You know, I've got an idea. How about I send you two fellas to a place where there's no football?

CHOCOLATE: Houston?

CHIP: Jacksonville?

CHOCOLATE: Minnesota?

PRESIDENT: I'm thinking right here in DC.

[PRESIDENT glances around him to see if anyone else is listening, then glances up at the snipers on the White House roof]

PRESIDENT: After the holidays, we're going to take out Dan Snyder and burn that entire franchise to the ground. Not even Jeff Bezos will want the team after that.

CHIP: Can you nuke the Panthers' former coach too?

PRESIDENT: I think that can be arranged. Now enjoy your pardons, boys. Go Eagles!

THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR

A short list:

* The wizardry of Patrick Mahomes
* ManningCast
* DrawPlay Dave

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/DW9vBNj.png)

* This dumb little corner of the internet. Happy Day Before Turkey Day, y'all.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ...

... this work of art, as folks pointed out in the Week 11 thread.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/3NTLIaLazVGH6/giphy.gif)

The Ringer looks back at the Butt Fumble and 12 years of Jets ineptitude. Go read it!

THIS GUY

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/oixKr09uPkYYa3WWVi/giphy.gif)

The Bills and their fans are something else, aren't they?

Congrats on the Bills for having to dig their way to Detroit, beating the Browns and not trashing Ford Field on their way home.

PS: If you're interested in the logistics involved of moving an NFL home game to another city after a blizzard, SI has you covered. Interesting-to-me side note: The Bills took the visitors' locker room Sunday (although they were the home team) because they'll be playing the Lions on Thursday and figured they'd keep most of their stuff there rather than schlepping it home.

POWER RANKINGS

A new No. 1 at NFL.com! It's the Chiefs (2nd last week), followed by the Eagles (1st), Cowboys (8th), Bills (5th) and Niners (7th).

Biggest movers: Cowboys +5 to 8th; Vikings -6 to 9th

Biggest laugh: Your defending Super Bowl champions LA Rams are 28th and living in a two-bedroom rental next door to the Colts and Jags.

According to 538, meanwhile, the Chiefs lead with a 23% chance to win the Super Bowl, followed by Cowboys (15%), Eagles (12%) and Bills (11%). Packers and Rams are down there with the <0.1 crowd that includes all the other sorry teams.

IF THE SEASON ENDED TODAY ...

Here are your top 7 seeds in each conference:

AFC: Chiefs, Dolphins (didn't see that coming in the preseason), Titans (same), Ravens (eh, especially after Sunday), Bills (oof), Patriots, Bengals

NFC: Eagles, Vikings, Niners (Jimmy G is now King of the NFC West), Bucs, Cowboys, Giants, Seahawks (w Prince Geno)

Eliminated: None yet

Top 5 draft picks (via Tankathon): Texans, Panthers, Bears, Raiders, Seahawks (via Broncos, ha)

WEEK 12 SCHEDULE

Wall-to-wall football this week, with maybe the best/most fun/most interesting T-giving lineup in a while:

Thursday: *Bills-Lions* (12:30p, CBS), *Giants-Cowboys* (430p, Fox), *Patriots-Vikings* (8:20p, NBC)

Sunday early: Broncos-Panthers, Bucs-Browns, Ravens-Jags, Texas-Dolphins, Bears-Jets, *Bengals-Titans*, Falcons-Commanders

Sunday late: Chargers-Cardinals, Raiders-Seahawks, Rams-Chiefs (national GOTW?), Saints-Niners

Sunday night: Packers-Eagles (NBC)

Monday: Steelers-Colts (ESPN; no ManningCast)

Byes: None this week!

Coverage maps will be here later this week.

Enjoy the games and your turkey hangovers.

PS: Because we're piling on the Jets today, this will leave a mark:

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/07UzAST.png)

(source)

That was a journey, Enix. See, the Mayfield-Darnold-Walker trio has brought something good to this season!

I would take any of those options rather than the sexual predator my former team is going to be starting next week.

Zach Wilson benched. While the Jets are used to having bad QB play, they have a legitimate playoff shot now, so this was pretty required.

When Jimmy G is the QB for the Jets next year, I hope Wilson is a big enough man to pass along his mom's friend's number. Jimmy's going to need a whole new set of ladies in the greater NYC area next year, and Zach could really help him out here.

Edit: Not only benched, but inactive, so thatescalatedquickly.gif.

IF (when?) the Niners win the Super Bowl with Jimmy G this year theres no way they let him walk?? Those two are like that couple you knew in college and then after that kept breaking up and getting back together to eventually hate marry eachother and raise 2 miserable brats.

TheGameguru wrote:

IF (when?) the Niners win the Super Bowl with Jimmy G this year theres no way they let him walk?? Those two are like that couple you knew in college and then after that kept breaking up and getting back together to eventually hate marry eachother and raise 2 miserable brats.

The only way I see the Niners trying to keep Jimmy is if the team does indeed win the Super Bowl.

But if that happens, they also quite probably price themselves out of the running. They're not going to be able to outbid teams likely to also be interested.

The deal they made with Jimmy to bring him back included a no-tag clause, so Jim's a free-and-clear free agent the moment the final whistle blows.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Zach Wilson benched. While the Jets are used to having bad QB play, they have a legitimate playoff shot now, so this was pretty required.

When Jimmy G is the QB for the Jets next year, I hope Wilson is a big enough man to pass along his mom's friend's number. Jimmy's going to need a whole new set of ladies in the greater NYC area next year, and Zach could really help him out here.

Edit: Not only benched, but inactive, so thatescalatedquickly.gif.

He doesn’t have that dog in him.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Zach Wilson benched. While the Jets are used to having bad QB play, they have a legitimate playoff shot now, so this was pretty required.

When Jimmy G is the QB for the Jets next year, I hope Wilson is a big enough man to pass along his mom's friend's number. Jimmy's going to need a whole new set of ladies in the greater NYC area next year, and Zach could really help him out here.

Edit: Not only benched, but inactive, so thatescalatedquickly.gif.

I dunno I'm pretty sure we are entering the next lunar cycle where a Packers QB ends up on the Jets then the Vikings.

If you are not familiar with the lunar map in question Rodgers got it as a tattoo.

I enjoyed the Niners win Monday night but would have enjoyed it more with a manning cast. Welcome back fellas

More benching news. Just look at the Glennon on this guy!

IMAGE(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FiREo8EXEAMG8Vc?format=jpg&name=small)

If you're wondering why NFL scoring is down this season, consider that six current and former Panthers' QBs have started / will start games this season.

*LEGION*'S "WHERE WILL OBJ GO" POWER RANKINGS, WEEK 12 EDITION:

1. Cowboys (Last week: 2) - Their demolition of the Vikings put the league on notice, even though the Vikings aren't anything close to what their record says they are. But Jerruh is ready to write this check.

2. Chiefs (Last week: 3) - They just found out why the Giants were giving away Karadius Toney for pennies on the dollar, as he hurt his hamstring again and will miss some time. Mecole Hardman also landed on IR, where he made a fool of himself during Sunday Night Football tweets by faking a broken TV , using a photo downloaded from the Internet.

3. Giants (Last week: 5) - Rookie receiver Wan'Dale Robinson broke out with a 9-catch, 100 yard performance in the first 3 quarters... and then broke himself with a torn ACL on the first play of the 4th quarter. The Giants starting flanker is now Isaiah Hodgins, who they scooped up from waivers after Buffalo cut him earlier this month.

4. Bills (Last week: 1) - Von Miller insists that OBJ is coming to Buffalo. But some shine has come off of Buffalo's crown after losses to the Jets and Vikings, and a mediocre performance against the Browns, which saw Jacoby Brissett have his biggest passing day of the year against a defense that's supposed to be better than that.

5. Titans (Last week: 4) - Titans have won 7 of their last 8, and took down the Packers on prime time TV Thursday. We're not yet seeing any public campaigning out of the Titans for OBJ, but there's still time for them to pursue him with a non-rental contract offer.

6. 49ers (Last week: 7) - The decimation of the Cardinals on Monday Night Football have the vibes here red hot. Still not a great fit from a needs perspective, but they remain one banged-up receiver away from making a move up the list.

7. Ravens (Last week: 6) - That limp offensive performance against the Panthers isn't going to score any points with OBJ.

8. Bengals (Last week: N/A) - They've bounced back from their Cleveland loss to win 2 straight and improve to 6-4. Ja'Marr Chase is slated to return this week, so Cincinnati's Chase-Higgins-Boyd trio should be back in place, but OBJ has been tight with Burrow and Chase via the LSU connection (he was infamously with them in the locker room for the post-championship cigar smoking incident), so, some faint chances.

9. Buccaneers (Last week: 9) - Back-to-back wins have crawled this team back to .500, and improved the vibes a bit. Still a long shot.

10. Chargers (Last week: N/A) - The longest of long shots, as the team drops to .500. Keenan Allen and Mike Williams remain banged up, and if OBJ wants to go to LA again, this is the team that plays there that's actually still somewhat relevant.

Falling off the list: Packers (8), Rams (10)

Rat Boy wrote:
MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Zach Wilson benched. While the Jets are used to having bad QB play, they have a legitimate playoff shot now, so this was pretty required.

When Jimmy G is the QB for the Jets next year, I hope Wilson is a big enough man to pass along his mom's friend's number. Jimmy's going to need a whole new set of ladies in the greater NYC area next year, and Zach could really help him out here.

Edit: Not only benched, but inactive, so thatescalatedquickly.gif.

He doesn’t have that dog in him.

@ZackBlatt wrote:

Robert Saleh said Zach Wilson reacted with some frustration when he was told the news. "Why me? I want to play"

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Edit: Not only benched, but inactive, so thatescalatedquickly.gif.

Dan Orlovsky made some waves with this breakdown of a play where Zach Wilson seemingly doesn't know the route the WR is running.

Chris Simms got real defensive about this. If you're wondering why, I'll remind you that Simms ranked Wilson as the #1 QB of that 2021 draft class, which is now aging almost as badly as ranking Kellen Mond #4.

But I thought Zach Wilson liked well aged things.

So, to move away from the career of Very Probably Not HOFer Zach Wilson, the finalists for the NFL HOF are spoilered below because lots of text. Let's play the generic "who you got" game because long weekend.

Spoiler:

CB Eric Allen
DE Jared Allen
OT Willie Anderson
DB Ronde Barber
WR Anquan Boldin
WR Henry Ellard
G Jahri Evans
LB London Fletcher
DE Dwight Freeney
LB James Harrison
S Rodney Harrison
PR/KR/WR Devin Hester
WR Torry Holt
WR Andre Johnson
CB Albert Lewis
DE/LB Robert Mathis
CB Darrelle Revis
WR Steve Smith Sr.
RB Fred Taylor
OT Joe Thomas
LB Zach Thomas
WR Hines Ward
DE/LB DeMarcus Ware
RB Ricky Watters
WR Reggie Wayne
DT Vince Wilfork
LB Patrick Willis
S Darren Woodson

For me, Joe Thomas and Darrelle Revis are walk in the door, first ballot guys, and their jackets were being prepared seconds after they retired. They're easy. As for the next three . . . Zach Thomas, largely because he's been waiting forever, and if you're supposed to be selecting the best players of the era, a guy who made first team All-Pro five times and second team twice just seems to fit that bill. His probably is he's an off-the-ball LB, and those just aren't as exciting. Next, in order to start clearing out backlog, Torry Holt, largely because he was very good and I like Torry Holt and I'm just a dude on the internet so that. Even more so that, Ronde Barber, because I died on this hill long ago, even though the odds of him and Revis being put in the same class are zero.

That’s a not great class. All good if not great players but other than Revis and Thomas I’m thinking Harrison is it. Everyone else seems a stretch to be a HoF. Shame that it got so diluted.

Q. A. A. Ron has been playing with a broken finger since week 5. Surprise, surprise he isn’t thinking about surgery.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

the finalists for the NFL HOF are spoilered below because lots of text.

Semifinalists, technically. There's one more list cutdown coming.

For me, there's three easy choices: Joe Thomas, Darrelle Revis, Patrick Willis.

After that... Zach Thomas, Ronde Barber, Willie Anderson, DeMarcus Ware, and Jaguars legend Torry Holt are probably my second tier guys. Pick any two to round out the 5 modern era inductees.

FRESNO STATE's own Henry Ellard should be a bonus 6th entry, inducted by removing Art Monk's bust and putting Ellard's in its place.

Rat Boy wrote:

Q. A. A. Ron has been playing with a broken finger since week 5. Surprise, surprise he isn’t thinking about surgery.

And now he's got his excuse for his poor play. Ready for him to just retire and go away.

With all the criticism and failures of Zach Wilson, I'd just like to point out how Trevor Lawrence has silently been crawling his way up the QB ladder.

Last year, he was 29th in passer rating, 29th in completion percentage, 1st in INTs, and 8th in INT %.

This year, his passer rating has jumped 18 points (currently ranked 20th with 89.7, but is actually closer to 13th (Tom Brady, 91.9) than he is to 21st (Matt Stafford, 87.4), 13-20 are just all clumped together). His INT % is now 9th lowest, he's 14th in passing yards and 16th in completion percentage.

The Jags still suck, but Lawrence has at least ascended from rookie dumpster fire to league average starting QB.

Top_Shelf wrote:
Rat Boy wrote:

Q. A. A. Ron has been playing with a broken finger since week 5. Surprise, surprise he isn’t thinking about surgery.

And now he's got his excuse for his poor play. Ready for him to just retire and go away.

Is he really that afraid of his backup?

Let's go Eagles!

It's actually something I was thinking about recently that the Packers Eagles don't have many competitive games against each other in the playoffs.

When the Eagles are good the Packers tend to suck. Have to go back to 2010 and 2003 when they have run into each other.

So hoping for a big Eagles W and ending this season officially.

Then it's pretty much a sanity check on the whole Packers org if they can sit Rodgers for rest of year for Love. If they don't make that decision and fast then the coaching and management are confirmed idiots.

*Legion* wrote:

With all the criticism and failures of Zach Wilson, I'd just like to point out how Trevor Lawrence has silently been crawling his way up the QB ladder.

Just like?

Should have had Mr. Garvey yell at Mr. Spock.

The Lions seriously refuse to win a game sometimes.

Oh Lordy. That’s going to be memed for the rest of time.

Of course he's throwing it to Diggs!

Once again:

Pink Stripes wrote:

The Lions seriously refuse to win a game sometimes.

Ditto. Classic Lions football.

Welp, I’m gonna spend every Thanksgiving complaining about the dust while watching football.

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