I've been trying to do well, and to help out here at home. But everytime I try or do something i manage to screw it up. Who needs a drink.
Hi y'all. How ya doin'?
WOW. I'm changing anti-depressants. While I wait for the new drugs to take effect (two weeks?) I've stopped taking the old drugs. Which means. I. Am. No. Longer. Muted. I'm feeling things I haven't felt in more than 10 years. I'm quicker to higher emotional responses.
I’m started the process of looking for professional help.
Reached a breaking point last night where I could literally feel my brain and self fighting each other. I can recognize my doom spirals and know exactly how and why they’re triggered, I can make a million rational arguments for the irrationality of my thoughts. But I don’t have the tools (or drugs) right now to defeat the darkest, scariest thoughts that try to drag me towards the cliff. I’m incredibly thankful for having so many loving people in my life who support me and reinforce my worth.
It’s been a long time coming. And I know this is just another step in the journey to healing. I owe it to my loved ones, I owe it to myself. It’s a little bit scary, but also incredibly liberating to know I can get help.
This is a great choice, Staygold, it changed my life back in 2004. I hope you get the same positive results. And that liberating feeling only gets better as the treatment comes into view. 
You need to to what you have to do, and the strength you have to recognize it and take that step is incredible.
Great decision! I hope you reap many rewards from it! I've been in therapy off and on for decades.
My new shrink says I could have clinical depression, but he thinks bipolar 2 is more likely the cause of everything. I tried joking with him by saying "I'm not bipolar, I like women." He told me not to change the subject to avoid it.
Joykill...
My new shrink says I could have clinical depression, but he thinks bipolar 2 is more likely the cause of everything. I tried joking with him by saying "I'm not bipolar, I like women." He told me not to change the subject to avoid it.
Joykill...
My new shrink says I could have clinical depression, but he thinks bipolar 2 is more likely the cause of everything. I tried joking with him by saying "I'm not bipolar, I like women." He told me not to change the subject to avoid it.
Joykill...
As someone who is also on the bi-polar rollercoaster, don't worry, you can have both at the same time!
Do you repel or attract? Both?
MaxShrek wrote:My new shrink says I could have clinical depression, but he thinks bipolar 2 is more likely the cause of everything. I tried joking with him by saying "I'm not bipolar, I like women." He told me not to change the subject to avoid it.
Joykill...
As someone who is also on the bi-polar rollercoaster, don't worry, you can have both at the same time!
Truth. I also hate that as I’ve gotten older my happy “let’s go party” mania has instead been replaced with irritation and anxiety. Rapid cycling is fun!
My irrational went from break and steal to hide from the world when I was young, to pee on public roads, sing loud songs with the wrong lyrics into my cell phone recorder when I drive, and hide from the world as an adult.
Oh I still get a kick out of photographing my porcelain sculptures and sending then to friends, and my "live stream" of taking videos of me peeing (sans penis so it's sfw) and sending them. Let's not forget farts, too.
Don't forget mailing about 200 elf heads as packaging for a Christmas gift! I still have them by the way. I really need to send them on during our next Secret Stanta.
Wait, did I do that? I'm more f*cked up than I thought if I did.
Okay, found something really interesting. There's a website called mynoise.net. It's the hobby project of a Belgian sound engineer, and has an app too. Dozens of different multi-channel soundscapes with mixing sliders and a setting that will let them change over time to avoid brain burn-in.
I picked the "Irish Coast" one and listened to it during work at a low level. Comforting. Set it up on my phone, plugged it in, and ran it the last two nights. I went from 8 or 10 wakeups to about 4. And the amazing thing is that when my anxious thoughts started to pop up, which usually tangle me up for an hour or so, I just pictured myself where the sound reminded me of - in this case, Cape Cod in a storm - and fell right back asleep. Woke up each day refreshed and ready to go. My Oura is really happy with my numbers too.
I almost wept.
Okay, found something really interesting. There's a website called mynoise.net. It's the hobby project of a Belgian sound engineer, and has an app too. Dozens of different multi-channel soundscapes with mixing sliders and a setting that will let them change over time to avoid brain burn-in.
I picked the "Irish Coast" one and listened to it during work at a low level. Comforting. Set it up on my phone, plugged it in, and ran it the last two nights. I went from 8 or 10 wakeups to about 4. And the amazing thing is that when my anxious thoughts started to pop up, which usually tangle me up for an hour or so, I just pictured myself where the sound reminded me of - in this case, Cape Cod in a storm - and fell right back asleep. Woke up each day refreshed and ready to go. My Oura is really happy with my numbers too.
I almost wept.
This looks amazing! Great for studying, too, for those of us with ADHD.
It's kind of cool that this thread hasn't been active since June (but here I am ruining that 
).
I've been having a bit of a downward spiral this year and it's been getting worse just in the last few months. It reached a point where my wife's basically telling me to go see someone. So I've done that today. Had a good visit to a GP today, and have a follow-up appointment to start a mental health care plan, and was given a prescription for an ssri.
Still feeling pretty crappy, but kind of optimistic. Like I'm finally taking a first step to self-improvement. This is probably like 10+ years overdue.
It's kind of cool that this thread hasn't been active since June (but here I am ruining that
I've been having a bit of a downward spiral this year and it's been getting worse just in the last few months. It reached a point where my wife's basically telling me to go see someone. So I've done that today. Had a good visit to a GP today, and have a follow-up appointment to start a mental health care plan, and was given a prescription for an ssri.
Still feeling pretty crappy, but kind of optimistic. Like I'm finally taking a first step to self-improvement. This is probably like 10+ years overdue.
Bravo to you! It might be bumpy at times, but I hope this is the beginning of some light and ease in your journey.
Best of luck and bravo for taking that step. It took me a little while to find the right SSRI and dosage but once I did it has made a huge positive impact on my life. I hope the same for you.
SSRIs changed my life for the much better. Find the right one and eat it like candy every day.
Haha with the way I can eat candy, that's potentially dangerous advice 
.
But seriously though, thank you all for the kind words, advice and support. It makes this whole journey feel a lot less lonely, which means a lot.
"Eat like candy", ie, in the small, healthy doses recommended by your doctor.
(Gotcha!)
But I really hope it works well for you. heart emoticon
Don't forget mailing about 200 elf heads as packaging for a Christmas gift! I still have them by the way. I really need to send them on during our next Secret Stanta.
This just popped into my head what the elf heads were. Funny thing is I still find one every now and then in my desk area.
There’s a lot of other things I could say but I finally booked myself in and got to see a therapist today. So far he seems great and I’m already looking forward to the next session and working on a lot of deep rooted issues I have. I’m ready and willing to put in the work and having someone meet me there, willing to listen, and help give me new and different tools feels so relieving and uplifting. I know it won’t be easy but I’m finally seeing a light and a way forward!
Awesome! And it gets easier every time. Good luck!
I am not okay. Flight to head home to see my dad is Saturday. He is terminal and I am going to my family home until the new year so I can isolate with my parents over the holidays while we still have that time with him. If I could check into a hospital today knowing it would not put me in any risk of missing travel this weekend, I would. l cannot afford to miss this trip by any means. I haven't seen or touched anyone in my family in three years. Spoilering for a variety of reasons.
I am aware that I could be a risk to myself, but would inconvenience others greatly if I did something stupid right now. I am burned out at work and struggle to accept that I am allowed to take up space there, or anywhere else. I still haven't fully moved into my home and made it a home, because I will share it with the homeowner and it is not mine. With them, I feel I may be tolerated, at best. I struggle to feel as if I contribute anything good or of value. I feel that I am a burden to everyone around me at work and in life. I have few friends anymore, and most of them are online.
People find me boring, weird, annoying, too different. Too much work. No one wants to stick around, because that would require actual interest. I'm too difficult to connect with. I try my best but I can't seem to do it right. I've never been enough for anyone, merely good enough for now. I stopped being parts of friend groups because it hurts to care more about people than they care about you, and it's exhausting to always get picked last or be told they forgot to invite, or the countless other reasons why I don't exist unless they need a ride, a favor, or money. I'm so tired of being taken advantage of. I'm so tired of everyone leaving. As soon as people get to know me even a little bit, it doesn't take long for them to lose interest and move on, so I shut people out and leave early and often, to avoid being passed over again. It hurts less if I cut you off and make you forget about me than it does to try and try and try and still be forgotten. This has been my whole life, and I'm so tired.
(((((((Amoebic)))))))
We need all types of friends but internet friends are definitely one of them. Please accept these supportive internet vibes.
Amoebic, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability but all that comes as a huge surprise as you've got a large support group called GWJ that clearly adores you. I'm not saying your feelings are wrong or "off", but to be a leader here you've *got* to have good interpersonal skills, right? And I say this as one who semi-regularly falls on his face in that arena.
I'm really sorry to hear about your family. I have somewhat of a similar situation brewing and that trip sounds really tough. You have all my sympathy.
(((((((Amoebic)))))))
This x 9000.
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