NFL 2022: The Week 6 thread

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Great news, folks! No longer do I have to think about or look at this miserable doofus:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/KXCap904h7Q8aRnGDI/giphy.gif)

My reaction:

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Man, I hated that guy. Dude looks like my neighbor who hasn't raked his front yard in going on five years now and climbs up on his roof at 10 p.m. with this leaf blower because who knows why? My neighbor is the human equivalent of complaining that the former pass-game coordinator you hired to be your offensive coordinator won't run the ball enough, of trading a third-round pick and a perfectly good pass-catching tight end for defensive pass interference in human form, of drafting a running back on the suggestion of your spouse, of drafting (and later cutting) a long snapper even though your current long snapper is literally your locker room leader, of lying about things both big and small from the moment he stepped foot in Charlotte, of trying to convince people that Sam Darnold is an actual NFL QB and not some sort of reanimated corpse with a Manning-esque sideways five-head.

His list of sins against football, Both Carolinas and me personally are long. And now, poof, he's gone, and good riddance. Here's his legacy, one that only the Lions, Browns and current Texans could be proud of. Since 2020, the Panthers are:

* 0-16 in game-winning drive opportunities

* 1-27 when allowing 17 or more points

* 0-24 when allowing more than 21 points

* 2-25 when not leading by at least 7 points at halftime

* 3-27 when not leading by double digits at halftime

Hard to imagine what sort of program he was going to build if he had stayed the full Jay Z-mandated seven years. Something like this, I imagine:

IMAGE(https://d3exkutavo4sli.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Arrested-Development-model-home-1024x524.jpg)

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

Saints Guy: You know you're last in the division, right? you ain't got no quarterback, no head coach. You got no defensive coordinator. That practice field ain't never gonna get done."

Panthers Fan: "Yup! And it feels great!"

BOW DOWN TO YOUR NEW GOD

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/gT0VWIEQgiZ2z8nC5K/giphy.gif)

His game-winning kick the other night was so right down the middle that it would have been good had the uprights been only 18 inches apart.

Also this guy:

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/g9JbV3NGqfanOfJt9U/giphy.gif)

4 TDs on 25 yards receiving. Dang.

NOW I SAY SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT ... TAYSOM HILL?!

I'm in such a great mood (see the intro to this thread) that I'm willing to p .... p .... pr .... prai ... say good things about No 7 for the New Orleans Saints.

The stat line was bonkers: 9 carries for 112 yards, 3 rushing TDs (he hit 20 mph on his 60-yarder) and 1 passing TD on his lone pass. He averaged 23 yards on kick returns and, oh, recovered a special teams fumble.

His Week 5 numbers broke the collective brains of the brainiacs over at Football Outsiders.

Another confession: The Saints all-black uniforms are the best kit in the game, hands down.

IMAGE(https://media.giphy.com/media/FtgXJHTyTG1PSvActw/giphy.gif)

I used to say it was the Panthers all-blacks, but Carolina loses too much in those uniforms (and all other uniforms, let's be honest), so I think they're jinxed and need to be burned, along with most of the players wearing them.

DRAW PLAY DAVE HAS THOUGHTS

He goes team-by-team through the league. He had me at "The Panthers remain total garbage." Pithy and honest. Exactly what you want in a season-so-far summary.

HERE, HAVE A DENVER GIF

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The Broncos problems go far beyond a cooked QB and a head coach who doesn't know what "time outs" are.

POWER RANKINGS

From ESPN this week:

Top 6: Chiefs (1st last week), Bills (2nd), Eagles (3rd), Vikings (7th), Cowboys (11th), Niners (12th).

Bottom 5: Bears (28th last week), Texans (32nd), Steelers (29th), Lions (25th, ouch), Commanders (30th).

Not ranked: Panthers

WEEK 6 SCHEDULE

A slow start to the week, but it picks up nicely toward the end/

Thursday: Commanders-Bears in a rematch of the 1940 NFL title game (Prime)

Sunday early: Niners-Falcons, Patriots-Browns, Jets-Packers, Jags-Colts, Vikings-Dolphins, Bengals-Saints, *Ravens-Giants*, Bucs-Steelers

Sunday late: Panthers-Rams, Cards-Seahawks in the BIRD BOWL, ***Bills-Chiefs (national GOTW)***

Sunday night: **Cowboys-Eagles**

Monday night: Broncos-Chargers (no ManningCast this week)

Byes: Lions, Texans, Raiders, Titans

Coverage maps are here.

BYE Y'ALL
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Can the stations in NC stop showing Panthers games for the rest of the season? I'd really love to watch something else on my TV

Please, please let the Thursday night game make me laugh to the point of tears like last week.

You know, seeing Panthers fans so excited about the removal of Matt Rhule gives me some warm fuzzies as I remember the day Greg Schiano was fired. I was so happy; no more toxic coach, chance to make it better, so much promise for the future.

The Bucs followed that with Lovie Smith, Dirk Koetter, and Jameis' 30/30 season.

If the UnRhuley Panthers pull off the upset, a picture Sean McVay's disappointed face should be the Week 7 header.

Paleocon wrote:

UnRhuley

OK, that's funny.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

The Bucs followed that with Lovie Smith, Dirk Koetter, and Jameis' 30/30 season.

That's not funny!

But it all led to Brady and another Super Bowl so it was all worth it?

Enix wrote:
Paleocon wrote:

UnRhuley

OK, that's funny.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

The Bucs followed that with Lovie Smith, Dirk Koetter, and Jameis' 30/30 season.

That's not funny!

But it all led to Brady and another Super Bowl so it was all worth it?

IMAGE(https://u.cubeupload.com/MilkmanDanimal/noo.gif)

Edit: Apparently it's a bad day to post sarcastic noooooo gifs. So, noooooooooooooooo, of course not.

Someone at NFL.com knows their history and is predicting the Bears to beat the Commanders tonight 73-0.

Enix wrote:

Someone at NFL.com knows their history and is predicting the Bears to beat the Commanders tonight 73-0.

Charley Malone dropped one in the end zone! "It would have been 73-7."

ESPN: Sources: Commanders boss Snyder claims 'dirt' on NFL owners, Goodell.

According to more than 30 owners, league and team executives, lawyers and current and former Commanders employees interviewed by ESPN, the fear of reprisal that Snyder has instilled in his franchise, poisoning it on the field and off, has expanded to some of his fellow owners. Multiple owners and league and team sources say they've been told that Snyder instructed his law firms to hire private investigators to look into other owners -- and Goodell.

League sources say the NFL is aware that Snyder has claimed to be tracking owners. But none of the owners or sources would reveal how they learned of Snyder's alleged effort to use private investigators. It's also unclear how many owners are said to have been targeted, though sources say they believe it's at least six. One owner was told by Snyder directly that he "has dirt on Jerry Jones," a team source told ESPN, though the nature of the information was unclear. Another source confirmed that Snyder has told a confidant that he has "a file" on Jones, the Dallas Cowboys owner who has served as Snyder's friend, mentor and longtime firewall of support.

This is like Batman's secret files that tell people how to take out each member of the Justice League.

Amazing.

Let the scumbag out the other scumbags.

Even if the Packers descend into being terrible I can at least count on only being embarrassed by our current and former QBs. (and other players, and staff and fellow fans).

jowner wrote:

Amazing.

Let the scumbag out the other scumbags.

Even if the Packers descend into being terrible I can at least count on only being embarrassed by our current and former QBs. (and other players, and staff and fellow fans).

I really thought Darren Sharper might have been the worst of that bunch.

I have a feeling Snyder's "dirt" on Shad Khan is just a string of ethnic slurs.

*Legion* wrote:

I have a feeling Snyder's "dirt" on Shad Khan is just a string of ethnic slurs.

Folder labelled "Shad Khan"
Notes:
-not actually named "Shad Khan"; real name unknown
-possibly not born in USA
-FAKE MUSTACHE
-likes to drink soda
-Miss Lippy's car is green

Vector wrote:
*Legion* wrote:

I have a feeling Snyder's "dirt" on Shad Khan is just a string of ethnic slurs.

Folder labelled "Shad Khan"
Notes:
-not actually named "Shad Khan"; real name unknown
-possibly not born in USA
-FAKE MUSTACHE
-likes to drink soda
-Miss Lippy's car is green

Son into Professional Wrestling in an unhealthy way.

Given how inept Snyder is in every other aspect of life, I wouldn't be surprised if all his "dirt" is a bunch of made up things he wrote on cocktail napkins and put in a folder.

He's the Lionel Hutz of sports team owners.

The dirt he had on Jon Gruden wasn't written on a cocktail napkin.

This game is awful

Someone dared these teams to score fewer points than the Colts and the Broncos last week.

I had to look it up. The NFL has had exactly one scoreless tie.

Wondering if we’ll get another tonight

Ref calling PI just to try and make something happen.

@ChrisTrapasso wrote:

We have now seen 1 TD in the last 45 drives on Thursday Night Football

This sums is up pretty well.

Isn't the old and perhaps inaccurate definition of insanity trying something over and over again and expecting different results?

When Fields fell to the Bears I was afraid.

He clearly has some talent. I'm not sure what his ceiling is. It doesn't matter really because he's going to end up sacked out of the league on this Bears team.

@MySportsUpdate wrote:

Thursday Night Football has now gone 40 consecutive offensive possessions without a touchdown.

EDIT:

@MySportsUpdate wrote:

PointsBet announced they're already paying out everyone who wagered Under 38 for tonight's game.

They won't bother letting the second half play out.

I expect I'm going to see more points in the LA Kings game that starts in a little bit.

A touchdown finally happens and we don't even see the first half of the play.

Well done Amazon.

*Legion* wrote:

A touchdown finally happens and we don't even see the first half of the play.

Well done Amazon.

And it happens on a play where the team with no underwear got caught with 12 men on the field and Fields got clobbered yet again. What a game.

The good news about the Bears' godawful helmets is they're at least slightly distracting from this game.

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