Depression is ruining my life.

I recommended the Psychiatrist as a starting point because they can decide on treatment, which could include medicine and or talk therapy or other counseling with another form of therapist. Start at the top but that does not mean you will be stuck with a pill-slinging doctor.

I will chime in here too that "medication" doesn't always mean "ZOMG they are going to jam Prozac down my throat and I'll be a zombie!"
My wife takes the generic lexapro regularly for depression. But she also has an as needed panic attack med that is a low dose of medication for blood pressure I believe. It takes a few minutes to kick in but curbs the attacks nicely until they pass.

So just remember to quiet those voices that are saying "I am crazy because I take meds for crazy people." It isn't an on/off switch and there are a wide range of drugs available.

Staygold, that was a very brave post and I commend you for sharing. Dark thoughts can be some of the hardest to share and most shame-riddled. So coming here and writing that all out was likely difficult, but you are seen and understood and supported. I am glad you are here.

Do we have a sobriety thread? Asking for a friend myself.

Maybe you should start one, Rawk. Be responsible for it, like.

fangblackbone wrote:

I will chime in here too that "medication" doesn't always mean "ZOMG they are going to jam Prozac down my throat and I'll be a zombie!"
My wife takes the generic lexapro regularly for depression. But she also has an as needed panic attack med that is a low dose of medication for blood pressure I believe. It takes a few minutes to kick in but curbs the attacks nicely until they pass.

So just remember to quiet those voices that are saying "I am crazy because I take meds for crazy people." It isn't an on/off switch and there are a wide range of drugs available.

Just an FYI. I've been on Lexapro for General Anxiety since July and have nothing but good things to say about it. It changed my life. If you feel you might need it talk to your doctor.

TAZ89 wrote:
fangblackbone wrote:

I will chime in here too that "medication" doesn't always mean "ZOMG they are going to jam Prozac down my throat and I'll be a zombie!"
My wife takes the generic lexapro regularly for depression. But she also has an as needed panic attack med that is a low dose of medication for blood pressure I believe. It takes a few minutes to kick in but curbs the attacks nicely until they pass.

So just remember to quiet those voices that are saying "I am crazy because I take meds for crazy people." It isn't an on/off switch and there are a wide range of drugs available.

Just an FYI. I've been on Lexapro for General Anxiety since July and have nothing but good things to say about it. It changed my life. If you feel you might need it talk to your doctor.

And if Lexapro doesn’t seem to be helping with your depression there are other medications that treat depression in slightly different ways that might.

I’m so exhausted. I started going into the hospital to visit my brother or going to my dad’s to help him over 17 days ago. I haven’t stopped since then. Now I’m on day 9 of cleaning my dad’s house. ~8 hours a day, every day. I’m exhausted and want to truly get a chance to process what’s happened without working.

I was thinking today, “I wonder if my father comprehends what he’s asked us to do twice in the last 4.5 years, and how hard it is?” I never want to do this again.

DSGamer wrote:
Robear wrote:

For the stuff you describe, maybe SSRIs? Please talk to a professional, preferably one you have worked with before, even if they are far away. The sooner you get the panic and memories knocked back the better.

I will definitely work with a doctor. I have a great doctor engaged with this. I was just curious if anyone had positive experiences with specific medication.

HUGE caveat that brain alchemy is tricky and individual. For me, Zoloft + Wellbutrin has been a winning combo.

Get meds, but be leery if they want you on the devil Paxil.

Paxil works well for me. As always, monitor your condition and give feedback to your doctor.

[quote="H.P. Lovesauce"]

DSGamer wrote:
Robear wrote:

For the stuff you describe, maybe SSRIs? Please talk to a professional, preferably one you have worked with before, even if they are far away. The sooner you get the panic and memories knocked back the better.

I will definitely work with a doctor. I have a great doctor engaged with this. I was just curious if anyone had positive experiences with specific medication.

As evidenced by the responses, brain chemistry is so complex it's so dependent on the individual.

Work with your doc, take the meds prescribed and report completely and honestly about side effects and sense of self. Seek out a psychiatrist if your primary doesn't feel well-versed in the domain and you're struggling with primary or side effects.
These medications take a while to work and the first weeks can be... weird. I went on and then off Celexa from Sep 19 to May 21 and both onboarding and offboarding gave me some wack side effects - nausea, strange dreams, weird peripheral vision effects and flashes of vertigo.
My wife was on Zoloft plus Wellbutrin for years but the sweats and other side effects from the Zoloft were getting unbearable. She was switched to Viibryd plus Wellbutrin and after some rough weeks where the dosage got adjusted she is doing pretty well with fewer side effects. It's a continuous dialogue with one's doctor.

H.P. Lovesauce wrote:
DSGamer wrote:
Robear wrote:

For the stuff you describe, maybe SSRIs? Please talk to a professional, preferably one you have worked with before, even if they are far away. The sooner you get the panic and memories knocked back the better.

I will definitely work with a doctor. I have a great doctor engaged with this. I was just curious if anyone had positive experiences with specific medication.

HUGE caveat that brain alchemy is tricky and individual. For me, Zoloft + Wellbutrin has been a winning combo.

Get meds, but be leery if they want you on the devil Paxil.

Zoloft and welbutrin is a good combo. The Zoloft dose is 200 mg daily and it sort of kills sexual arousal, but welbutrin helps that area. My doctor said I should try adaral as well for the alphabet ADHDADD stuff. I dunno, that's a lot of pills.

An interesting side effect. I've always had extremely vivid dreams, and zoloft has multiplied them tenfold. To the point if I hurt my arm or leg or head in a dream, I'll wake up and realize I was sleeping with that body part in an odd position leading to soreness

Mr GT Chris wrote:

Paxil works well for me. As always, monitor your condition and give feedback to your doctor.

Paxil is great until you want to get off it. Rough.

I've had year long breaks so I guess it depends on the person. Or perhaps the dosage?

Mr GT Chris wrote:

I've had year long breaks so I guess it depends on the person. Or perhaps the dosage?

Well, everything depends on the person, but Paxil is renowned for its bad side effects when getting off due to shorter half life than most. They had lawsuits and everything years ago.

Buuuuut really off topic.

What’s half life in this context?

Mr GT Chris wrote:

What’s half life in this context?

The time it takes for your body to metabolize a medication. So some of us who are sensitive to quitting meds would find this information useful, because generally medications with shorter half life’s can be harsher for some folks, especially to quit.

You might have a gap between doses where you’re effectively untreated and your condition comes back with a vengeance, for example. Or quitting it might be more uncomfortable for the same reason.

DSGamer wrote:
Mr GT Chris wrote:

What’s half life in this context?

The time it takes for your body to metabolize a medication. So some of us who are sensitive to quitting meds would find this information useful, because generally medications with shorter half life’s can be harsher for some folks, especially to quit.

You might have a gap between doses where you’re effectively untreated and your condition comes back with a vengeance, for example. Or quitting it might be more uncomfortable for the same reason.

Exactly.

Paxil's half life is 24 hours, while something like Prozac is 48 hours. When you miss a dose of Paxil in the morning you feel it by bedtime that night, if not earlier. With Prozac you can miss a dose, take your next dose on the following day and possibly not even realize you missed yesterday's dose.

I take Paxil first thing in the AM and when I miss a dose I feel it by early afternoon. It's an awful feeling too, vertigo, anxiety, cold sweats. (I always get vertigo and anxiety when going off SSRIs, but it's much more pronounced with Paxil.)

That said, you can get off it, you just need to be more careful as you taper off. Big jumps down in dosage level aren't handled well by most people.

Wow that’s wild. I miss a day every month or so but never actually notice any effects. Whenever I’ve gone off it I’ve done a month at half dose then off (doctor’s instructions). Depending on my current lifestyle (exercise and diet in particular) and mental health at the time I’ll eventually slide back into my old condition, usually over 3-9 months. Anyway, this is over a period of about 20 years now.

Everyone is different, of course. That’s why I asked my initial question. To get a sense of what works for people and any words of warning as I’m one of the sensitive ones.

That’s fair enough. Just trying to get context for some of the above statements.

Paxil is great until you want to get off it. Rough.

You don't turn into a Reaver do you?

Since my mom passed away last year, the holidays have sucked even more. This year, going into Thanksgiving, I was optimistic. Then it just hit me like a freight train and I just hate myself.

trueheart78 wrote:

Since my mom passed away last year, the holidays have sucked even more. This year, going into Thanksgiving, I was optimistic. Then it just hit me like a freight train and I just hate myself.

Yeah. I...yeah. Yeah. I feel you and my heart goes out to you. It's...really hard. Grief can be so awful. It doesn't get easier, or lesser, but it can get more manageable. The holidays are not what they were. I'm so sorry.
I love you, trueheart78. You are loved.

trueheart78 wrote:

Since my mom passed away last year, the holidays have sucked even more. This year, going into Thanksgiving, I was optimistic. Then it just hit me like a freight train and I just hate myself.

I’ve always found that I can’t anticipate my emotional reaction to things. It feels like there’s a part of me that I’m not in control of. I guess the hopeful part is that maybe tomorrow the freight train will pull into a happier station.

trueheart78 wrote:

Since my mom passed away last year, the holidays have sucked even more. This year, going into Thanksgiving, I was optimistic. Then it just hit me like a freight train and I just hate myself.

I am right there with you for roughly the same reasons. I wish I could encourage you, but... frankly, I can't. I can at least assure you that your feelings and struggle are valid and that you are not alone in this.

Thank you all. The day hasn’t gotten better for me, emotionally, but I’ve been able to stay distracted.

If I should post in Parents thread instead, I'm more than fine with that, but I'm hoping you all can give me some insight. Plus there's a bunch of you that I really really like.

This is a question about my oldest kid who has real anxiety issues. Spoilered in case you don't want to read.

Spoiler:

Without getting into the whole history, these days they're generally doing pretty well at their new private school, pretty steady on new-ish meds, and the school has agreed to let them not take any test/exam when they feel anxiety, panic attack, etc. And ALL of the teachers are lovely and understanding. So this past week, there were mid-term tests, and they didn't have to take any of them if they didn't want. And had the same anxiety attacks, and had psychiatrist put them back on temporary Xanax. It feels like everything, every support we've given, put in place/arranged, all of it has done...nothing. The word "test" was spoken and we're back to a similar place before months of progress.

My wife and I are seeing a therapist. Our second oldest kid is seeing a therapist. We're all working on our stuff. I just wish my wife and I had some meaningful way to help. ALL of the possible support and understanding is there, and...yeah.

Thoughts?

I wonder if part of the problem is that every time they see "test" they get allowed to not take it because of anxiety. Thus, it is reinforcing to them that tests are bad because they don't have to take them because tests are bad.

They haven't been given a chance to learn that tests **can** be dealt with with proper studying, practice, etc.

Because right now (and I am not an expert in anxiety or anything like that), they are never having to learn to deal with tests, they are just being allowed to avoid them completely.

The being not allowed to take them is brand new. We'd already done the going home on test day a few weeks before, and not wanting to go to school because it's test day that few weeks before.