Tell us your best dad jokes!

Malor wrote:

Wait, so there's not just a book set in the Zork universe, there's more than one?

Err I guess I meant "one of the Infocom novels". I think there were 4-5 of them, but only one about Zork that I know of. There are also 4 choose-your-own-adventure books, but I guess that's not what you mean.

Apologies for going off-topic. One I heard the other day:

"They say that fortress is impregnable."

"Yeah? Well give me ten good men and I'll impregnate it"

fenomas wrote:
"They say that fortress is impregnable."

"Yeah? Well give me ten good men and I'll impregnate it"

Try the Navy, they're full of seamen.

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k?

HDMI

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Who's bigger? Mr. Bigger, or Mr. Bigger's baby?

Spoiler:

Mr. Bigger's baby, cuz she's just a little Bigger.

Which dinosaur was the best at bar tending and fighting?

The Punchosaurus!

Mortal Kombat is based on a Scandavian worship song, a Finnish Hymn.

Two from Hitchhiker: A Mystery Game. (Spoilers for the first ride, maybe an hour in).

Spoiler:

Why did the raisin take the plum to the prom?

He couldn’t get a date.

What did the grape say when someone ran over it with a car?

Nothing. It just gave a little wine.

I’m going to make a Greek salad tonight.

It’s a feta complis.

bbk1980 wrote:

I’m going to make a Greek salad tonight.

It’s a feta complis.

I think I’m missing something in the translation. I don’t speak Greek. I do speak Spanish.

Here’s something along the same lines.

A Mexican woman walks into an American department store. She doesn’t speak any English. She’s come for a very specific item, but she can’t find it. One of the staff decides to help her. The staff person speaks no Spanish. The woman says, “Querro comprar calcetinas.” The staff person begins pointing to various items in the store. Each time, the woman responds, “No querro esso. Querro comprar calcetinas.”

Finally, the staff person holds up a pair of socks, and the woman exclaims, “Si. Esso si que es!”

To which the staff person cries, “Jeezus, lady! If you could spell it, why didn’t you do that in the first place?”

RawkGWJ wrote:
bbk1980 wrote:

I’m going to make a Greek salad tonight.

It’s a feta complis.

I think I’m missing something in the translation. I don’t speak Greek. I do speak Spanish.

Do you speak French?

merphle wrote:
RawkGWJ wrote:
bbk1980 wrote:

I’m going to make a Greek salad tonight.

It’s a feta complis.

I think I’m missing something in the translation. I don’t speak Greek. I do speak Spanish.

Do you speak French?

Thanks merphle, yes it’s an admittedly terrible pun on fait accompli, might need to work on the opener to make that clearer.

In other news my 4 year old has one joke that he now tells at least 30 times a day and even rings me to say it:

What do you call a Scotsman who is half way home?
Hamish.

In fairness his name is Hamish so it does have an added spice for the lad.

You are only as old as you feel, so stop touching yourself you sex maniac.

What are the cheapest animal parts?
Deer balls, they're under a buck.

Father's Day: Thousands of 'funny' fathers submitted their best dad joke. This was the winner

I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!
I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"
The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…
… so I'd spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!
Among Mark's other favourite entries were:
• Why did the man fall down the well? Because he didn't see that well!
• What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday? "Aye Matey!"
• Someone has glued my pack of cards together - I don't know how to deal with it.
• What do you call a zombie who cooks stir fries? Dead man wok-ing
• I was wondering why the frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger, and then it hit me
• I was stood behind a customer at an ATM and he turned around and said "could you check my balance?" - so I pushed him. His balance wasn't that great.
• Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field!
• What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for work? Bison
• Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
• What do you call a blind dinosaur? A Doyouthinkhesaurus!

Batman set up an evening seminar to discuss Bitcoin with the rest of the Justice League, but Superman wouldn't come.

He said he was allergic to crypto-night.

Like the cards one but it's a deck not a pack. Silly Brits

Jaffa dad joke:

Teal'c wrote:

A Serpent guard, a Horus guard and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent guard’s eyes glow. The Horus guard’s beak glistens. The Setesh guard’s nose drips.

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I'll admit, I'm pretty proud of this one:

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My dad told me he started listening to BTS.
I replied, “k Pop.”

My son thought there was a wasp flying around a dark room. He turned the light on and I saw it was a beetle, and I said "Nah that's a beetle." He said "What kind of beetle?" I said "I think it's a George."

MaxShrek wrote:

My son thought there was a wasp flying around a dark room. He turned the light on and I saw it was a beetle, and I said "Nah that's a beetle." He said "What kind of beetle?" I said "I think it's a George."

George is dead. That Beatle was the walrus.

John wrote:

Remember what I said to you all. The walrus is Paul.

What do pastry chefs do when they’re angry?
They ga-nash (ganache) their teeth!

As far as I know I just came up with this one.

Edit: it’s mis-spelled on purpose to help pronounce it. Edited to make it a bit more clear.

*gnash

merphle wrote:

*gnash

It was meant to serve as a guide for how to pronounce it.

Was hanging out with my wife the other day at a brewery sitting in high backed chairs. Her back has been bothering her so she asked if we can we move to a different type of chair on the other side of the property.

I said, “sure. You could use a change of seatery.”

Keeping with the theme . . .

How do chefs show they're mad when pieces of spinach get stuck in their teeth?

Spoiler:

They garnish their teeth.

... Anyone?