NFL 2020: Week 15

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Man, Week 14. What a great week of football, amirite?

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Whooooooo! And look at this guy. Dropped a deuce in the locker room, then dropped dimes on the Browns.

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The Ringer devoted a whole column on cramps vs. poop. Conclusion: He pooped.

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That's right, Baker. He took a crap. And then the Ravens crapped all over the Browns in what turned out to be a very entertaining game. More games like that, please.

THE PLAYOFF PICTURE
(with percentages from the New York Times' Playoff Picture feature, which is very addictive. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

AFC

Who's in: Chiefs (clincheD AFC West) and Steelers; Chiefs have an 88 percent chance of getting the top seed (and a first-round bye)

Contenders: Bills (99 percent chance of making the playoffs), Titans (94 percent), Browns (84 percent), Colts (82 percent), Ravens (74 percent), Dolphins (43 percent), Raiders (20 percent)

Movers: The Ravens' Scorigami over the Browns increased their playoff chances from 53 to 74 percent ... Browns fell from 91 percent to 84 percent with the L.

NFC

Who's in: Packers (clinched NFC North) and Saints; Packers (52 percent) and Saints (35 percent) have the best chance of getting the bye

Contenders: Rams (>99 percent), Seahawks (99 percent), Bucs (94 percent), Football Team (62 percent), Cardinals (50 percent), Giants (25 percent), Vikings (24 percent), Bears (20 percent), Eagles (12 percent), Niners (just 9 percent, making them the Nine-ers, GET IT)

Movers: Eagles were at a 6 percent chance of making the playoffs before Jalen Hurts started the game ... Giants were at 57 percent before losing to the Cards ...

WEEK 15 SCHEDULE
(with your coverage maps)

No byes this week, but lots of meh. Chiefs-Saints (Sunday's GOTW on CBS) is by far best matchup, even though only one of those teams has an actual QB, and a lot of the games have seeding/wild card implications. There's not much here that screams MUST WATCH.

Good news for Week 15: Two Saturday games. Bad news: They're on NFL Network. Arrrrrrrrrr.

The betting lines seem to agree with my not-much-to-see-here assessment. I count six games with spreads of a TD or more and four (four!) with spreads of 10+ points. Miami-New England is the only game at less than two points. There are a lot of potentially lopsided games this week, in other words.

Here's the lineup:

Thursday: Chargers-Raiders

Saturday: Bills-Broncos (4:30 p.m.) and Panthers-Packers (8:15 p.m.)

Sunday early: Niners-Cowboys, Seahawks-Football Team, Bears-Vikings, Patriots-Dolphins, Jaguars-Ravens, Bucs-Falcons, Lions-Titans, Texans-Colts

Sunday late: **Chiefs-Saints** (which will be on in literally every market except Arizona), Jets-Rams, Birds-Birds (Eagles-Cards)

Sunday night: Browns-Giants

Monday: Steelers-Bengals

Danny Dimes gonna be Dropping Deuces?

Niners hah.

They are going to get 2 wins against NFC Least. Then let's see where we're at at the end.

I haven't been paying attention to the Panthers. Is he still wearing the art teacher smock he wore at Baylor?

iaintgotnopants wrote:

I haven't been paying attention to the Panthers. Is he still wearing the art teacher smock he wore at Baylor?

Yep, mostly. And he has gained about 20 pounds. He is quickly morphing into Matt Patricia, both in girth and game-management ability. Neither is a good look.

That's kind of what Teddy Bridgewater felt like before he almost had his leg amputated when it exploded in practice; his ceiling was "competent game manager", and, well, it now looks like his floor is "competent game manager". At least you know what you're getting?

Teddy's biggest problems are that he can't manage (a) the Panthers' terrible defense or (b) its overmatched coaching staff that calls 5-yard pass plays on 3rd-and-8.

That said, Teddy doesn't help himself when he checks down on those 3rd-and-8 plays. He's definitely a tough guy, but he's not clutch, and that's too bad.

Teddy's definitely scheme limited, but in the right scheme, he can do good work.

Which is why it boggles my mind the Saints let him get away, because Sean Payton's scheme is tailor made for those limitations, as they're pretty similar to those of Drew Brees.

*Legion* wrote:

Which is why it boggles my mind the Saints let him get away, because Sean Payton's scheme is tailor made for those limitations, as they're pretty similar to those of Drew Brees.

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Well that's a big part of why it's mind boggling. I would have understood it if the Saints had an actual QB waiting in the wings.

Alas, now we get to watch Taysom Tebow fail upward for a while, and see just how many football pundits have no critical eye for the game.

I couldn't help but notice that Hill threw another underthrown skymail TD last game. Sanders should have been yards into the endzone catching an open pass, instead he's gotta stop at the goal line and wall off the defender that he had beat:

Hill's biggest problem isn't his noodle-y arm. The Saints offense doesn't require more than 1-2 long throws each game, and Hill is as capable as nearly anyone in the league of throwing in the 0-10 range.

His biggest problem is holding on to the damn ball. Dude has 10 fumbles this season -- more than anyone else in the league except for the Lovely and Talented (but Mostly Lovely) Derek Carr.

BEHOLD:

Dude has smaller hands than Kyle NotJosh Allen, who fumbles anytime a D-lineman got within 5 feet.

Taysom Hill is a secret agent plant working for the Packers.

If KC beat NO the Packers clinch the bye if they beat Carolina lose to the Titans and beat the Bears.

Other combinations get messier but ya. That first round game even as the #2 seed could also be a pretty tough match up.

Oh ya Mariota is on the Raiders

That was impressive speed catching up to that guy..... who was taking him for a game winning pick 6. Yikes

This is the opposite of Monday night. Worst final 5 minutes ever. 2 shanked kicks, and a botched snap on 3 FG attempts by the 2 teams. No one wants to win.

So I hope they tie.

It was all over for the Raiders the second Gruden went out there with an Oakland cap.

Rat Boy wrote:

It was all over for the Raiders the second Derek broke his pp

The NFL has degraded to the point where we're talking about poopoo and peepee in regards to QBs.

Speaking of poop, the Saints will switch starting QBs for Sunday's game.

I think we need to do a prop bet: over/under on number of ribs Brees will break Sunday. Line starts at 6; this includes newly broken ribs as well as re-broken ones. The human body has 24 ribs, fyi.

Rat Boy wrote:

The NFL has degraded to the point where we're talking about poopoo and peepee in regards to QBs.

I cheer for the Jags. It's always poopoo at the QB position.

A non-sarcastic question; is Derek Carr the best Raiders QB?

Vector wrote:

A non-sarcastic question; is Derek Carr the best Raiders QB?

Of all time? Or currently?

Currently, yeah, probably.

All-time, Ken Stabler and Jim Plunkett would like a word.

I was surprised when I looked and saw that Carr has pretty much every individual quarterback record and is one start away from tying that record as well. He has no team success.

Plunkett's legend is a bit bigger than his week-in, week-out performance level. Got hot at some important times, but missed a lot of time to injury and spent almost half his Raiders time on the bench watching Marc Wilson start.

Stabler is #1 by a large margin.

At any rate, the top 5 are those two, Carr, Rich Gannon, and Daryle Lamonica (born, raised, and now living in retirement in Fresno).

Vector wrote:

I was surprised when I looked and saw that Carr has pretty much every individual quarterback record and is one start away from tying that record as well. He has no team success.

The modern passing game screws up every stat. For example, Jameis Winston is the leading QB in almost all statistical categories for the Buccaneers, but, compared to the greats of the past like . . . uh . . . um . . .

Wait, what was I saying?

I still have nightmares of Plunkett to Kenny King and 80 yards later it’s a TD

TheGameguru wrote:

I still have nightmares of Plunkett to Kenny King and 80 yards later it’s a TD

For me it was always Jaworski's favorite receiver, Rod #&$# Martin.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:
Vector wrote:

I was surprised when I looked and saw that Carr has pretty much every individual quarterback record and is one start away from tying that record as well. He has no team success.

The modern passing game screws up every stat. For example, Jameis Winston is the leading QB in almost all statistical categories for the Buccaneers, but, compared to the greats of the past like . . . uh . . . um . . .

Wait, what was I saying?

I would have thought Testaverde or the Dilf would be at the top.

How many records do the McCowns have if you combine them?

iaintgotnopants wrote:
MilkmanDanimal wrote:
Vector wrote:

I was surprised when I looked and saw that Carr has pretty much every individual quarterback record and is one start away from tying that record as well. He has no team success.

The modern passing game screws up every stat. For example, Jameis Winston is the leading QB in almost all statistical categories for the Buccaneers, but, compared to the greats of the past like . . . uh . . . um . . .

Wait, what was I saying?

I would have thought Testaverde or the Dilf would be at the top.

How many records do the McCowns have if you combine them?

The Bucs' QB history is so bad, Josh Freeman is #3 on the franchise passing yards list after Winston and Testaverde. Winston leads in attempts, completions, yards, and TDs, but Vinny still has that coveted INT crown.

Geez, looking at Bucs' offensive stats is depressing.

In the Bucs' defense, their D was so good that they won a SB with Brad Johnson (the pride of Black Mountain, NC!) as QB.

Honestly, they could have put most of the Bucs' QBs over the years back there and still won.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

but Vinny still has that coveted INT crown.

Of all the records, how is this the one that Winston doesn't have?

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