Coping with Coronavirus

Maryland is closing all non-essential stores at 1700 today.

My wife works in a mental health hospital so she's going in to work every day. I work for the federal government and so am "working from home", though with schools and daycares closed I'm also fully taking care of my 4 year old daughter and 3 year old son. Needless to say, I'm getting zero actual work done.

I'm finding taking care of little kids in this time insanely difficult. I'll admit I've never been great at it in the best of times - I love my kids but parenting just doesn't come naturally to me. I've managed to get by so far by tag-teaming with my wife, and making copious use of the activities like playgyms, museums, etc. None of those are available to me now. This past week I allowed myself to take the kids to the local playground as we were the only ones there, now I'm even starting to question that.

My kids are definitely starting to struggle behaviorally as well. My daughter has always been challenging, but school and hanging out with other girls her age has definitely been good for her and brings out her most mature self. Spending all day with her 3 year old brother brings out the worst in her and she teases him mercilessly. It's hard for me to do age-appropriate activities that challenge her (and are more fun for me) because her brother always wants to get involved and gets frustrated, so everyone winds up unhappy. They also don't play well independently, and when they do play together it generally always eventually devolves into her picking on him and him crying.

Above all that, the weather here continues to be cold and icy (it's snowing as we speak) so even social-distancing friendly activities like going for a walk or a scooter ride are a giant hassle - getting two toddlers into snowsuits by yourself when they're resisting you the entire way is an incredibly frustrating exercise, and that's before you even get out the door.

I dunno. We are insanely lucky in a lot of ways - both my wife and I have good job security and will continue to get paid. My work is very understanding of my situation and expects next to nothing in terms of me in terms of output. We're in good health so are at low risk if/when we do wind up getting sick. So I'm trying really hard to have that perspective and recognize that my troubles are relatively trivial. Despite all that, I feel like taking care of my children by myself for an extended period of time is going to be extremely taxing on my own mental health. I see people complaining because they're bored of being stuck alone, and shake my head - I WISH I could be home alone. I don't know how stay-at-home parents, let alone single parents, do it day in and day out.

Anyways, sorry. Just needed to get that off my chest. Son is taking a nap and daughter is doing quiet time, so for now things are peaceful. Got to enjoy those moments.

Just a reminder that this is the thread for mental health support and sharing coping strategies. It's not the thread for news and updates.

Edit: Dysplastic posted at the same time as me, so I want to be clear that I wasn't responding to him. That kind of venting is in the right place!

Dysplastic wrote:

I'm finding taking care of little kids in this time insanely difficult. I'll admit I've never been great at it in the best of times - I love my kids but parenting just doesn't come naturally to me. I've managed to get by so far by tag-teaming with my wife, and making copious use of the activities like playgyms, museums, etc. None of those are available to me now. This past week I allowed myself to take the kids to the local playground as we were the only ones there, now I'm even starting to question that.

I can sooo identify with this. I'm not very good at playing in the way my kids like to be played with. I was always the kid off playing by myself, and I never really developed the skills for group imaginative play and things like that. I just flat-out suck at pretending to be a doll for an elaborate play-home skit. I've also leaned on outside activities, even just things like shopping or my son's various daily therapies. Now those are all gone and I feel pretty up a creek. My wife is better at all this than I am, but it's not reasonable for her to be the on parent all the time; she needs space and emotional breaks just as much as I do.

Sorry. I thought it would help for those who might need to stop and shop on the way home. My bad.

ClockworkHouse wrote:
Dysplastic wrote:

I'm finding taking care of little kids in this time insanely difficult. I'll admit I've never been great at it in the best of times - I love my kids but parenting just doesn't come naturally to me. I've managed to get by so far by tag-teaming with my wife, and making copious use of the activities like playgyms, museums, etc. None of those are available to me now. This past week I allowed myself to take the kids to the local playground as we were the only ones there, now I'm even starting to question that.

I can sooo identify with this. I'm not very good at playing in the way my kids like to be played with. I was always the kid off playing by myself, and I never really developed the skills for group imaginative play and things like that. I just flat-out suck at pretending to be a doll for an elaborate play-home skit. I've also leaned on outside activities, even just things like shopping or my son's various daily therapies. Now those are all gone and I feel pretty up a creek. My wife is better at all this than I am, but it's not reasonable for her to be the on parent all the time; she needs space and emotional breaks just as much as I do.

I am so grateful that my kids (9yo and 6yo) get along really well for siblings.
They can play together and come up with games and activities. Not forever, of course, but more than I ever did with my sister growing up.

But yeah, my personal parenting skill level seems to be a roller coaster from best dad ever to not quite CPS calls (hyperbole). But it is a skill and over time, it's something can get really good at for your kid(s).
Then they get a month older and all the old tricks are worthless... again.

Robear wrote:

Sorry. I thought it would help for those who might need to stop and shop on the way home. My bad.

Oh, that makes sense. That's very thoughtful of you.

Sorry if I'm being over-sensitive. I just know there are a few people stressed out by how quickly the news is moving and wanted a safe space from that.

Dysplastic wrote:

This past week I allowed myself to take the kids to the local playground as we were the only ones there, now I'm even starting to question that.

Vitamin D from sunshine is good for both your immune system and your mental health. Get outside as much as you safely can.

My son is going nutty with Roblox and Minecraft. He doesn't seem to mind what's going on, although he's aware people are getting very sick and some are dying. He doesn't want anybody in the family to get sick.

We did a dinner over video with another family last night and our son was able to join as well from many states away. It was great and for long moments almost felt like just hanging out in one house.

I also want to say Owen O'Kane's instagram videos have been helpful. (they are linked in the first post) Thanks to DSGamer for pointing them out.

Rahmen wrote:

We did a dinner over video with another family last night and our son was able to join as well from many states away. It was great and for long moments almost felt like just hanging out in one house.

That’s great. My wife and I had a similar experience with her parents. When we’re with them we play board games every night at dinner. So I pushed them to get copies of Ticket to Ride and we played online while on a voice chat with them. There were moments it felt exactly like when we’re together.

Rahmen wrote:

I also want to say Owen O'Kane's instagram videos have been helpful. (they are linked in the first post) Thanks to DSGamer for pointing them out.

I’m glad they’re helping. I’m actually expressly setting aside time every day to meditate. Mindfulness is the thing that seems to be helping the most. That and cutting myself off from news and listening to compassionate, thoughtful folks like Owen.

I sympathise here although only one kid. I’ve always found it easier to go on an outing, especially the aquarium or animal park. I still get involved but I can also hang back a lot and just let her enjoy whatever is captivating her at the time. Even with the prep and effort of going out, it can be less stressful for me.

ClockworkHouse wrote:
Dysplastic wrote:

I'm finding taking care of little kids in this time insanely difficult. I'll admit I've never been great at it in the best of times - I love my kids but parenting just doesn't come naturally to me. I've managed to get by so far by tag-teaming with my wife, and making copious use of the activities like playgyms, museums, etc. None of those are available to me now. This past week I allowed myself to take the kids to the local playground as we were the only ones there, now I'm even starting to question that.

I can sooo identify with this. I'm not very good at playing in the way my kids like to be played with. I was always the kid off playing by myself, and I never really developed the skills for group imaginative play and things like that. I just flat-out suck at pretending to be a doll for an elaborate play-home skit. I've also leaned on outside activities, even just things like shopping or my son's various daily therapies. Now those are all gone and I feel pretty up a creek. My wife is better at all this than I am, but it's not reasonable for her to be the on parent all the time; she needs space and emotional breaks just as much as I do.

Oh my god, this is just what I needed to see right now. My 6 and 3 year olds are driving the wife and I guano these past few days. Our saving grace is we have a small yard - a literal goldmine in NYC - to get outside each day. We’ve also been going on bike rides as well.

We played board games online with another couple that lives a few blocks away, folks we regularly get together with. We got takeout from the same restaurant at slightly different times, ate dinner in front of the webcam and then played Too Many Bones and Sentinels of the Multiverse. It was nice, and the walk to food was good too.

Just a reminder during these crazy times to check out the collected GWJ master key list (see signature) to see if there are any games up for grabs to help your days go a bit better.

Thanks for the reminder! I linked it in the opener.

Sleep is a big problem for me. I’ve gone months on end with only 5 hours a night and have multiple bouts of extreme insomnia where I didn’t sleep for days on end.

I thought the same thing was going to happen here and initially it looked like it was starting. I slept 2 - 3 hours a night for about 5 days. So I went into full lockdown like I normally do in those situations. Little to no refined sugar. I setup Screentime on my phone to institute a block on all news / social media. I started a morning exercise regimen and set aside at least once a day for meditating using Headspace.

The last 5 nights I’ve slept between 7 - 9 hours every night and my anxiety overall has been much lower.

This is all to say that there’s hope if you’re struggling. It’s required my own personal lockdown, but things have been better lately.

So, as far as coping goes, last night we rented the 2020 "Emma", which was moved into streaming when the theaters shut down. For the first time in *weeks*, I was transfixed and completely removed from the real world as young Emma finds out that other people are actually real. What a movie! Visually bright and colorful, the actors express themselves in amazing ways, the sets and costumes are glorious, and best of all, the director has extracted the essence of the book and imbued it with humor as well as compassion. Oh, and the soundtrack is *perfect* for the scenes.

This movie is a perfect distraction from everything that's going on and I highly recommend it.

So I have been furloughed today on 80% of my wage thanks to uncle Boris so 2 months in my house most likely. Only going out to shop for food/medicine (which I hopefully wont need) and a bit of exercise (for the moment, might crack out the bike from the basement while that is ok'd).
I have also set about trying to arrange online gaming, chats videos ect. Anything to stop the boredom sending me crazy. Any tips by those already into this would be welcome. Or if anybody wants to chat some sh*t and make a new friend in the UK

Join the GWJ Discord chat, or the Slack channel. It's always hopping.

And if you just need to scream into the void, it has that covered, too.

Today is the first day of all this where I just feel completely unequal to whatever is ahead. Yesterday morning it really sunk in that I won't be going back into work until the middle of May at the earliest, and that all of this is our new normal. The work I can do from home has slowed down this week, and without the emergency press of helping everyone else transition to working remotely, I've felt a bit unmoored. I don't quite know what to do with myself.

I got takeout the other night just for a sense of normalcy, and it was a stark reminder of how abnormal everything is. An empty restaurant with lines of people out the door, spaced six feet apart, standing in the wind waiting for a chance to order, get their food, and leave. The restaurant was out of some of their signature dishes because they've had a hard time getting supplies in. The whole thing felt weird and sad, the opposite of what I wanted it to accomplish.

Now the national picture is becoming more frightening. A part of me even wants to believe that we could all go back to business as usual in a few weeks, but everything I'm reading from actual experts on the subject (not autodidact tech guys on Medium squinting at graphs, or businessmen staring at the stock market) everything says that this is far from over. I don't quite know how to handle that. I can't really process it. The scope and magnitude of it.

I don't feel prepared for the world ahead. I feel even less prepared because I don't know what that world will be.

~mod~

As per the OP post, this is a mental health coping thread. I do understand your frustration. However, I received multiple reports that your post was triggering and not really appropriate for the use of this thread, so your post and any ensuing comments related to it were moved to the main thread here. Apologies for any confusion.
~Amoebic

Thanks Amoebic. The opener now reflects this a bit better:

Try to avoid: infection/death statistics, violence, politics, etc.

We definitely need to be able to vent about our daily struggles and hopefully that can still take place within these constraints. The Coronavirus Tales and Catch-All seems to be a good place for sharing anecdotes and experiences that might be too triggering for people who are exclusively using this thread. Anyway, the purpose of this thread will evolve to meet the needs of users so please feel free to share your thoughts.

I played some eFootbal PES 2020 yesterday online with a friend, that was a good mind reset. We played equally bad in co-op as we used to do in real-life

I hadn't had a smoke in a week, thinking I would profit from the lockdown and the difficulty of getting to a store. Also, I never smoke in front of the kids, so that could have helped too. But after hearing that the lockdown light could be prolonged another 8 weeks, I cracked. I'm having one cigarette a day, and honestly that little something to look forward to makes a lot of difference.

Other coping mechanisms: try taking it day by day, I really cannot think about eight more weeks like this...

I also started a challenge with my brother - our kids are about the same age. First day: building a Duplo tower from floor to ceiling (can finally cross that of my bucket list). Day two: build the longest chain of toy cars possible. As we don't have a lot of Matchbox cars in-house, I might have cheated and chained together toy shopping carts and buggy's towards my actual BMW X3 Day three: funny dance on Superman song.

I don’t think any of us are thinking about this in terms of the total cumulative time it could last. It seems to me that the only way to get through this is to literally take it one day at a time.

I'm finding sleep pretty hard right now. Like, I'm pretty sure I'm asleep for most of the night since I don't remember waking up more than one to go use the bathroom, but I'm sure tired for most of the days at work now.

It's probably stress, right? It's the silent killer. It's not always noticeable in ways that everyone can see.

The GWJ JRPG Club is spinning up for a tilt at Bravely Second on 3DS, beginning from April. Always a good time.

dejanzie wrote:

I cracked. I'm having one cigarette a day, and honestly that little something to look forward to makes a lot of difference.

Now is definitely the time to forgive yourself over these kinds of small treats. I was doing a pretty good job of working my cholesterol down after testing high last year but I've been slipping quite a bit of chocolate back into my diet the last 2 months. Still avoiding the sweet buns though.

Mr. GT Chris, Lily's makes a stevia-sweetened line of chocolate bars that are quite delicious.

If I can source it locally I'll be game to try!