Parenting Catch-all

Jonman wrote:

1: Buy your MIL a big goddamn present. As you said, paid childcare is goddamn expensive, and she's been doing it for free for the best part of a decade. You owe her big time.

2: Expect all of your expectations to be drastically wrong.

3: Plan to work harder than you have in any paid professional role you've ever had. Possibly for less thanks.

4: Your self-motivation and triage skills are about get a helluva workout. There'll be more things than you can reasonably get done and a large part of your job will be deciding which ones can slide.

5: If you're someone who needs adult social contact to thrive, you'll need to work to include that in your routine. Particularly if your wife's job means she gets home exhausted and with nothing left in the tank.

6: Enjoy the hell out of it. Take all of the pictures.

Pretty much aaaaaaaaaall of this. Thank your MIL big time and be prepared for this being one of the hardest and thankless jobs in the world. I couldn't wait to get back to work after my maternity leave (which had me operating as a SAHM in those months).

Isn’t the Fire Kids the same tablet just put in a case and with a warranty?

Personally we just bought the cheap iPad. I think it was like $250 on sale here in the US, does everything we could want and should last for a while. We put it in kid friendly foam case with a handle and it has worked well.

I suggest buying your MIL a nice vacation somewhere. Seriously.

Also, have you looked into a nanny vs a traditional daycare setting? It would possibly be cheaper considering how many children are involved.

LeapingGnome wrote:

Isn’t the Fire Kids the same tablet just put in a case and with a warranty?

Personally we just bought the cheap iPad. I think it was like $250 on sale here in the US, does everything we could want and should last for a while. We put it in kid friendly foam case with a handle and it has worked well.

We had a coupe of Fire Kids and you get what you pay for. Batteries got progressively worse, interface was slow, configuration was annoying.
When they both died, we just got a lower end iPad too.

dejanzie wrote:

2. I found some guides on how to sideload the actual Play Store without rooting for later models, but does that impact the Kids side of things (parental controls mostly)? The guide I found was for the adult version. This would for sure alleviate most issues, as we could then install the Flemish kids TV apps (in Dutch).

I didn't delve into this as extensively as one might, but my experience with Kindle Fires is that the Kids/Freetime side of things doesn't work with sideloaded/Google Play apps at all. When I put some sideloaded stuff on my kids' devices, the apps just didn't appear at all in the interface to be added as approved apps for the Kids profiles. Eventually I ended up just setting them up on normal profiles with parental controls enabled.

astralplaydoh wrote:

I suggest buying your MIL a nice vacation somewhere. Seriously.

Also, have you looked into a nanny vs a traditional daycare setting? It would possibly be cheaper considering how many children are involved.

Yeah, my in-laws are great. They do a lot for us and for my wife's sister and her family. My father in-law sold his Shelby GT (60's I think) so they could buy the property we built our house on. Then sold it to us as a no interest loan. Which we have since paid back and built a house on it. Both my family and my wife's sister's family were moving within a year of each other. So they bought a box van with a lift gate. They sold their camper and purchased a used 16 seat tour bus. Took one of the seats out so it is just a 15 passenger van (no CDL needed). They use it to cart the entire family which is mine (6 people), my BIL and SIL+5 kids (7 people), and them (2). So this additional little one is throwing the group transport off now. My in-laws have earned a nice life through hard work, proper money management, lucrative side hustles, and outright luck. So I can't afford a nice enough vacation that would out do their what they currently enjoy. Though I chop wood for them. A lot of wood.

We have looked at different paid options, but they would almost completely eat my income. So if it would equal my income then why pay? That is were my wife and I are on that issue. Also working around only one work schedule is easier then working around 2.

Eleima wrote:
Spoiler:
Jonman wrote:

1: Buy your MIL a big goddamn present. As you said, paid childcare is goddamn expensive, and she's been doing it for free for the best part of a decade. You owe her big time.

2: Expect all of your expectations to be drastically wrong.

3: Plan to work harder than you have in any paid professional role you've ever had. Possibly for less thanks.

4: Your self-motivation and triage skills are about get a helluva workout. There'll be more things than you can reasonably get done and a large part of your job will be deciding which ones can slide.

5: If you're someone who needs adult social contact to thrive, you'll need to work to include that in your routine. Particularly if your wife's job means she gets home exhausted and with nothing left in the tank.

6: Enjoy the hell out of it. Take all of the pictures.

Pretty much aaaaaaaaaall of this. Thank your MIL big time and be prepared for this being one of the hardest and thankless jobs in the world. I couldn't wait to get back to work after my maternity leave (which had me operating as a SAHM in those months).

Yeah if I do make this transition (which is looking more and more likely) I will be trying to prepare myself as much as possible. When my first child was born, I quit my then job so I could be around. 3 months later I was offered my current job and I LEAPED at the chance. I went bonkers during those 3 months. I think now would be different. Most of my kids are just little people now, who I can enjoy doing things with. Only the baby will need the constant every moment watching/caring. Also I know my parent role a whole lot better now.

benign1 wrote:
dejanzie wrote:

2. I found some guides on how to sideload the actual Play Store without rooting for later models, but does that impact the Kids side of things (parental controls mostly)? The guide I found was for the adult version. This would for sure alleviate most issues, as we could then install the Flemish kids TV apps (in Dutch).

I didn't delve into this as extensively as one might, but my experience with Kindle Fires is that the Kids/Freetime side of things doesn't work with sideloaded/Google Play apps at all. When I put some sideloaded stuff on my kids' devices, the apps just didn't appear at all in the interface to be added as approved apps for the Kids profiles. Eventually I ended up just setting them up on normal profiles with parental controls enabled.

Aw shucks do you use anything specific for parental controls, or the standard Android stuff?

Anyone have recommendations for touch typing games for kids on Apple, Android, or PC?
I like typing of the dead but that seems a bit heavy style wise for my 8 year old.

Does Mavis Beacon still teach typing?

So weird interaction with my 3.5 year old last night.

It was Halloween, so obviously lots of candy/ late night so he was a little out of whack. He smashed his finger in the door when he went to the bathroom and started crying. Normally not a big deal lasts ~30 secs with a good hug and we move on.

Tonight he kind of freaked out a little bit and specifically said he couldn't stop crying... ok... maybe he really hurt his finger... no big deal. But he kept trying to stop and it made him cough a little bit... He asked us for help and we tried distraction or breathing deeply or just letting him cry over the course of a couple minutes... None of it worked and his candy filled stomach got the better of him. He hates that with a passion and so was more upset.

Well through the process of cleanup he got distracted enough that he was able to calm down. About a minute later he gave me a confused look and asked how did he stop crying. I explained about him thinking about something else.

I guess my question is really a 2 parter. Is it normal for a kid to say he can't stop crying/ask for help to stop crying? (Might be related to him not wanting to puke, which has always happen when he gets really upset.) And is it normal for him to ask a question like how did he stop specifically? ...where it was clear that his intention was to use that information later.

I feel like I've had my kid tell me she can't stop crying a bunch of time.

Which makes sense - crying isn't a voluntary action, even now as grown ups.

My 7-year old does this a lot, and it's really challenging. When she gets upset she will often keep repeating that she can't stop crying, and she will do this yelling/screaming, very forced-sounding crying that is really obnoxious and frustrating (especially if she's doing it while her infant brother is sleeping in the next room). We will repeat to her we understand she is hurt/sad/whatever and are sorry she feels bad, but she needs to take some deep breaths and slow herself down. She will then insist she cannot do that. We just try our best to not totally lose it with her and keep encouraging her to take deep breaths and/or try to distract her (saying "let's go use the bathroom" "let's go get a drink of water" etc. can sometimes be helpful ideas), and eventually she just kinda stops. But it is super frustrating! So I don't know if it's normal but I know that my kid does it too

manta, I think that sounds pretty mature and good that your 3.5 year old can do that. Kids can't regulate their emotions very well at that age so it is actually great that he is recognizing hey I am feeling something I don't know how to deal with, please help me and actually verbalizing that to you.

LeapingGnome wrote:

manta, I think that sounds pretty mature and good that your 3.5 year old can do that. Kids can't regulate their emotions very well at that age so it is actually great that he is recognizing hey I am feeling something I don't know how to deal with, please help me and actually verbalizing that to you.

This. And we're going through the same thing with our 3+ year old. This morning was a 30-45 minute freakout about trying to go potty, at the end of which they did breathing exercises while sitting on the toilet and took care of business at the end of a slow count to 5. We high-fived through the tears. The chemicals roil and they have no way of controlling that no matter how rational they seem during the normal times.

We do a lot of talking about how to manage "big feelings," including a wide variety of self-soothing techniques. Currently his favorite is to find someplace semi-hidden to chill. (This is, of course, maddening when we're trying to complete a routine to leave for daycare, or get in bed.)

Rezzy wrote:

So tired.
The oldest is hitting the age of defiance. We had a meltdown outside of daycare because I lifted them into their seat. Once the buckles were clipped they decided that actually they had wanted to sit down by themselves and no amount of do overs would rectify this grievous slight. Screaming at the top of their lungs while I'm hanging out of the car door into a busy street trying to keep them from harm and buckled securely so I can close the door. Fun.

I am very here. Solidarity, Rezzy.

I thought my daughters cataract troubles were over, aside from the patching, but after going under anaesthestic again yesterday for an examination, they've told us she needs more surgery. And there's a good chance she'll require more surgery after that too. Really feeling for the poor kid.

The doctor said it's extremely common for kids that have had cataracts to require this extra surgery, but this is the first time they actually told us about it. We're constantly feeling like we're being kept in the dark by the doctors. Maybe my wife and I just need to be more thorough when asking them questions.

Kids aren't familiar with how people work so they don't know that crying isn't always something you can control, and there are measures you can use - though they do not always work. They're kinda newbs at life and all that. The better ones will ask for tips and file it away for later use.

From my wife’s Facebook. It’s been a long few weeks.

Mrs. Iso wrote:

I’m going to let you in on some hard stuff. We shared as much as we could through our foster care journey - and well, it keeps going.

While JT was in foster care, we attempted to be super foster parents. We tried our best to form a relationship with his bio family. We thought it was best for everyone involved. The judge commended us on how much we did in this area.

We had to cut off contact for safety reasons a few months after adoption. While there have been a few things that have happened over the last 2 years, things have been relatively quiet - until recently.

Then we started getting multiple messages from multiple people using different profiles that hadn’t already been blocked. They are making public posts all about JT that are vague enough to make people ask where he is with no indication that he isn’t legally theirs any more. Pictures of JT from our profile pictures with Adam & I cropped out and posted as their own (you will notice that our profile pictures have changed to not include him).

This is the stuff they don’t prepare you for in foster parent training.

The stuff that makes us mentally make an exit plan in case we need to leave public places quickly.

The stuff that makes us carry our adoption decree at all times and why JT can explain who we are and what our full names are.

The stuff that makes us relax the moment we leave the Waterloo/Cedar Falls area.

The stuff that scares the sh*t out of us.

What can you do?

Keep us in your thoughts. It’s a hard situation for us.

If you are with us in public, be aware of what is going on around us. We may need help making a quick exit.

Advocate for youth - especially youth in foster care and the juvenile court system. It’s a very broken system.

Keep his biological family in your thoughts. Yes, they are causing us stress and anxiety right now, but they are still struggling with having their rights terminated 2 1/2 years later.

We just had our second child this week, and after taking him home we're now trying to figure out sleep schedules all over again. On the plus side, there's a lot of speedruns from the recent AGDQ I can watch, so I expect to have that to keep me awake while while holding the baby at the wee hours of the morning.

Our 2.5 year old still isn't sure what to make of the new arrival, and of course has no idea that he's no longer going to get all the attention that he had been getting for the entirety of his life. Does anyone have any good suggestions on how to manage this?

Have them be involved? Make sure to make time for them, too?

I feel like I’ve heard these before.

Our 3.5 year old daughter has handled having a new sibling like a champ. Our son was born August 1st. She doesn't to mind play alone a good chunk of the time. We've mitigated this by splitting the duties by me taking extra time to spend with her while my wife primarily looks after the little guy. The biggest thing is she's very keen on being a helper so I'm constantly asking if she wants to help with chores or her brother. She gets a big kick out little things like carrying boxes to the front door for recycling (then claiming the boxes for herself...), giving her brother some toys, using a sticky roller to clean dust, etc. Lots of praise and positive reaffirmation.

We also made sure she has a very solid fun bed-time routine. My wife puts the little guy down at 6pm and I draw our daughter's bath at the same time. She starts her bath 10 minutes later and I play with her or we watch something on youtube while she takes a 10-15 minute bath. At 6:30 wife has the little guy in bed and changes our daughter into her pajamas, dries her hair while I clean the bathroom. Wife brushes then I floss her teeth. We then choose a story to read. Sometimes we would do a small imagination time. She would pretend to be a dentist and check up on my teeth. Lasts 2-3 minutes. Another time she was a volleyball and we would spike her into bed. During Christmas we had a nighttime advent calendar and would look out the window at the neighbours Christmas lights.

She still uses a soother and sleeps in a crib. We keep a non-spill sippy cup of a water in her crib. She only ever gets up when she loses her soother. She's basically had this same routine since she was a bit before 2 years old. Just swapped out some of the pieces and adjusted the timing as different needs arise.

Bedtime still a struggle with our 14 month girl. Man.

Last couple weeks we can't get her to stay in the crib. Ends up in our bed at least half the night.

I hear a rolled up newspaper can help...

We got lucky that both of our kids have been good sleepers overall. We lost out on nap the quickly, but I'll take it overall.

Stele wrote:

Bedtime still a struggle with our 14 month girl. Man.

Last couple weeks we can't get her to stay in the crib. Ends up in our bed at least half the night.

Our youngest is now 7 and more often than not she wanders into our bed during the night. I love waking up to seeing her there.

Hah, I am firmly in the camp of "get the f out of our bedroom" whenever any of my kids try that, except in all but the rarest of circumstances To each their own!

I sleep so soundly, that 99% of the time, I don't realize they're there until morning. Gets to be a bit crowded when there's me, the two kiddos, and the cat, though.

We're still in the afraid she's going to suffocate and or roll/crawl off the bed phase so neither of us sleeps well with her in the middle

Stele wrote:

We're still in the afraid she's going to suffocate and or roll/crawl off the bed phase so neither of us sleeps well with her in the middle

Can she already get out of the crib by herself?

No, she stands up and starts crying in the crib. Putting her in bed calms her.

Sometimes still an extra bottle during the night.

Bed time is still stories in our bed until she falls asleep and then moving her to crib.

Probably something we need to change. But I have no idea.

You might read some sleep training articles, if you want her to sleep in her bed a lot of what you are doing is counter-productive since you are teaching her to going to sleep / going back to sleep is done in your bed with you. Since she is 14 months it will be a few days of a hard transition but the longer you wait to do it the harder it will be.

She needs to fall asleep in her own bed, not yours.
She needs to fall asleep on her own, not with you.

Everyone wakes up in the middle of the night. If you are soothing her to sleep in your bed at the start of the night, that is what she expects in the middle of the night. Until she learns to fall asleep on her own you will have this problem.

She needs to go back to sleep in the middle of the night in her crib and on her own, not put into your bed and not with you rocking her or something else. This will be hard. She will cry a lot. After 3-4 days she will adjust.

At 14 months she doesn't need a bottle. That is another soothing mechanism that is substituting for her falling asleep on her own.

These are just quick thoughts since you asked for help. The older she gets the harder it will be to break these habits so I really recommend you guys get into a mental state of handling 3-5 difficult nights and after that you'll be much better off. Please do read a few sleep training and night time weaning articles and overviews to form your own plan of attack.

Also I suggest a sleep sheep or other white noise machine. It helped us and a lot of toddlers do better with one going.