Tell us your best dad jokes!

Made a belt out of herbs earlier. Didn't hold my trousers up. So it was a waist of thyme

I tried to date a font, it didn't work out. She wasn't my type

My onions love hip hop. They're little rap scallions

(my brother was especially proud of that last one)

doh

(Building off of DanB)

When monks achieve enlightenment, do they become deep friars?

I've been a dad for months, time to research this thread.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

(Building off of DanB)

When monks achieve enlightenment, do they become deep friars?

If they eat a lot on their way to enlightenment, they're deep fat friars.

Alright, this one actually happened today. I'm quite proud of coming up with it on the spot.

We have a team group chat at work. Someone said they needed help, and "lit the bat signal" by typing an ASCII approximation: (|="=|)
His ASCII was deemed to be decent, but insufficient, and someone else replied with a more proper single-character icon that he found somewhere. Unfortunately, it just showed up as an empty box for me. I declared that he must have used some font that I didn't have installed, and inquired whether it was DC Comics Sans.

Knock knock!

Who's there?

yregprincess wrote:

Who's there?

Dishes!

Dishes who?

Dishes Sean Connery!

Nice...

fenomas wrote:

Maybe next time post the whole joke, or not at 4am if you want a quick reply?

I thought it was hilarious. I even said it out loud here at home in my best Sean Connery impression.

Man this thread is solid gold.

Stele wrote:
fenomas wrote:

Maybe next time post the whole joke, or not at 4am if you want a quick reply? ;)

Was there a different punchline? I admit - I laughed, too.

I’ve heard “Dishes the police! Open up!”

Does the Final Fantasy VII remake support Cloud saves?

Only until Aeris joins the party. There's no way to save her.

hbi2k wrote:

Only until Aeris joins the party. There's no way to save her.

but what about my collection of 30 to 50 items that literally resurrect the dead?

thrawn82 wrote:
hbi2k wrote:

Only until Aeris joins the party. There's no way to save her.

but what about my collection of 30 to 50 items that literally resurrect the dead?

They only work for the sorta dead. The DEAD dead are dead.

vypre wrote:
thrawn82 wrote:
hbi2k wrote:

Only until Aeris joins the party. There's no way to save her.

but what about my collection of 30 to 50 items that literally resurrect the dead?

They only work for the sorta dead. The DEAD dead are dead.

Miracle Max approves this message.

Have fun storming the castle!

vypre wrote:
thrawn82 wrote:
hbi2k wrote:

Only until Aeris joins the party. There's no way to save her.

but what about my collection of 30 to 50 items that literally resurrect the dead?

They only work for the sorta dead. The DEAD dead are dead.

Yeah there's a difference between a giant snake eating you, a giant robot running you over, a wall crushing you, and a guy sticking a thin sword through you. 3 of those are sorta dead, one is dead dead.

You can cheat death, but you can’t cheat Narrative Causality.

Edit:

Also, she wasn’t killed with just any thin sword. She was killed with the Thin Sword of Cheap Pathos +3, which does extra damage to sympathetic characters but is weak against Fridge Logic.

Remember, the best way to communicate to your audience, "No, this death is for real though, this is going to stick," is to have a big dumb heroic-sacrifice death scene followed by IMMEDIATELY bringing the character back to life not an hour before.

IMAGE(https://www.gametripper.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Final-Fantasy-VII-Cait-Sith-I-can-still-move-more-v2.jpg)

Chimalli wrote:
vypre wrote:
thrawn82 wrote:
hbi2k wrote:

Only until Aeris joins the party. There's no way to save her.

but what about my collection of 30 to 50 items that literally resurrect the dead?

They only work for the sorta dead. The DEAD dead are dead.

Yeah there's a difference between a giant snake eating you, a giant robot running you over, a wall crushing you, and a guy sticking a thin sword through you. 3 of those are sorta dead, one is dead dead.

Chimalli gets it.

IMAGE(https://www.emojibase.com/resources/img/emojis/symbola/1f3b6.png)"Dead-be-dead-be-DEAD!!!" IMAGE(https://www.emojibase.com/resources/img/emojis/symbola/1f3b6.png)

...unless reasons.

Chumpy_McChump wrote:
Stele wrote:
fenomas wrote:

Maybe next time post the whole joke, or not at 4am if you want a quick reply? ;)

Was there a different punchline? I admit - I laughed, too. :lol:

Tscott wrote:

I’ve heard “Dishes the police! Open up!”

IMAGE(https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjUzOTc0Y2EtNzk0ZS00MGI3LTk3YTEtMTM0MjNiOThjMzA5XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMjUyNDk2ODc@._V1_.jpg)

Hrdina wrote:
Chumpy_McChump wrote:
Stele wrote:
fenomas wrote:

Maybe next time post the whole joke, or not at 4am if you want a quick reply? ;)

Was there a different punchline? I admit - I laughed, too. :lol:

Tscott wrote:

I’ve heard “Dishes the police! Open up!”

IMAGE(https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjUzOTc0Y2EtNzk0ZS00MGI3LTk3YTEtMTM0MjNiOThjMzA5XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMjUyNDk2ODc@._V1_.jpg)

Sounds pretty outlandish, to me.

I've got a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.