This thread has grown quite a bit since I told my initial story (still below). While I hate every time we have a new member, not wishing this on anyone, it has been very helpful and uplifting over the last two years to see all the community support, outreach, etc... that goes on with each new addition. That said, the thread has obvious grown rather organically as a sort of place for outreach from those going through this, and this necessitates some rules about this thread in the interest of the well-being of our members who are coming here with their own stories.
This thread is a safe space for divorcees.
This is a place for any divorcee to come, get what they need to off their chest. I've received some concerns privately about this thread.
This means outside readers to a situation may not always be comfortable with how that person gets their baggage, their rants, their whatevers out of themeselves.
Some folks don't like how others air out their grievances. Totally get that. The experience is different for all of us. Some folks will have more anger than others. Some will have more sadness than others. None of these people are wrong to feel the way they do. Prolonged feelings of this are certainly something that that individual person may want to address... but still through their choices. Going along with that...
Quick guide to the above:
1. Being angry is ok. I'm not going to tell other divorcees they can't be angry. I certainly understand if that makes so folks uncomfortable. Hell, it makes ME uncomfortable as hell. For me, it's completely the wrong way to go about stuff post divorce... but that doesn't make it wrong for others.
2. If you have insights into ex-behavior (as I guess I'll call it from now on), awesome. That said, still a safe place for the divorcee. Comments about how the divorcee could have worked on something more, could have been something different, etc... are not yours to make. Feel that way? Good for you. Feel like putting that out there? Not so much. If someone doesn't ask for specific advice, don't throw specific advice out there. Want to post about the things you did that helped you? Great. Want to post about the things that someone else SHOULD be doing? Not so much.
Expanding a little on the safe space thing, please avoid the use of gendered slurs. This thread is meant for all divorcees, not just male divorcees. Words like b*tch, c*nt, sl*t, etc... are not conducive to having all divorcees participate in this thread as they need or want to. If you need to use any insult, may I recommend asshole? It's not gendered, racist, ablist, homophobic, transphobic, or anything else.
Some elements of this thread may unfortunately involve emotional triggers for folks (and some fairly hard ones, seeing as how they're very likely to revolve around exes), and that everyone will need to do their best to respect the feelings of others. Other posters are not your ex. If they're doing similar things to what your ex did and that makes you uncomfortable, unhappy, angry, et al..., that's understandable. But, it is not your place to hurt them in response to your pain from someone else.
And now, the original post from me...
So... yeah. That is happening.
She had been spending a lot of time out of the house. I, honestly, thought that was healthy. Have some time together, some time apart.
Apparently, this wasn't enough for her, and now she sees me more as a brother she comes home to that is very kind and considerate.
And... I don't know what to do. I called my mom, made arrangements to move back in with her. We've already started splitting up the stuff. Got some more of that to do... but as far as I am concerned, I don't care about the house (it is in her name, but it really is her grandmother's house... damn, I am really gonna miss that sweet old lady).
I have to go to work tomorrow... and I feel like I am having trouble remembering how to breathe and put one foot in front of the other.
How the hell do you deal with the first day after the person you have loved unconditionally tells you she wants out?
All I want is for her to be happy, so I'm going as soon as I can make the arrangements to do so.
I'm making the plans, and got a few things planned for when I am out. Some things to work on for myself... but all I can think is, why haven't I woke up yet? This has to be a bad dream... even though I know it isn't.
Any advice from any fellow Goodjers who have been through this?