Parenting Catch-all

Does anyone here have any experience with strabismus? My daughter almost definitely does have it - she's only 11 months so it's good we've caught it early. Obviously we're getting the pros involved, but while that's going on I've also been reading up on other peoples experiences. Seems like it's fairly easily treatable, but I've read mixed reports over whether surgery is always required, or only as a last resort.

We've been very lucky over the past year since her birth. This is the first thing we've had to worry about, so I think I'm worrying about it a little too much maybe.

My son is about 4.5 months old now, and as with our two daughters at around this time, we're starting to transition him from sleeping in our room to sleeping in his crib in his own room without us. However, my wife and I now see that, basically right after we made this transition for our second daughter, the American Academy of Pediatrics updated their recommendations to say that babies need to stay in the same room as parents for at least six months, preferably twelve, as it leads to a significant reduction in the risk of death by SIDS. Ugh.

Reading up on the issue, I see good reason to question these conclusions. This NPR article contains some compelling pushback, noting that the AAP's recommendation fails to account for the secondary effects of this recommendation (parents and babies all sleep better when separated, and better sleep can improve many other risk factors while poorer sleep can heighten other risks, all of which should be weighed against the benefits the AAP claim) and also questioning the scientific basis of AAP's recommendation (of the 3 studies cited by AAP, one showed infant deaths after 4 mos. actually happened more often with room-sharing than without, one is from the 1990s before a bunch of other recommendations were changed, and the last study mostly dealt with deaths before 4 months and included very few infants who were not room sharing). I think we're going to end up going ahead with the plan that worked for our first two kids, but it is stressful to see a recommendation out there saying that could mean we're effectively doubling the SIDS risk for him, even if that means from like 0.01% chance to 0.02% chance--I think we're making a responsible choice, but if the unthinkable were to happen, this is a decision that would haunt me forever. And the AAP doctor quoted in that NPR article's dismissive response to concerns that their recommendation is too demanding on parents ("Yes, it's important that families get enough sleep. It's also important that they have a baby that wakes up in the morning.") doesn't help me feel any better about it. But I just can't imagine waiting another 6 weeks to do this, much less another 7+ months.

We're going to call our pediatrician to see what they have to say about this, though I suspect they will support our plan. Have any of you all run through this same dilemma in the last couple years? Any other thoughts or info? It's always hard to tell how much risk you have to think of as "acceptable" when it could mean the death of your child. Yet every day I strap him in the car and drive him to or from daycare we could get crushed by a massive truck while en route, or the daycare I bring him to that has great ratings and certifications and stuff could screw something up and cause him some severe injury, or our house could catch fire in the middle of the night and we all die, etc., etc., etc. At some point I recognize you just kind of have to live your life and not think about it too much, but it's hard to figure out where to draw that line...

Yes, we just went through this and I sympathize. Ultimately we moved our daughter out at 5 months or so and our pediatricians were all on board and had done similar things with their kids. Sleep is very important for everyone. We are very glad we did it.

You are correct in thinking there are an infinite number of things you can do to limit this and that risk factor, but it's all a trade off ultimately and I agree with you that this is too big of a trade off for far too little of a risk mitigation (if it does exist). Obviously you're not going to ban riding in a car...but you could!

12 months?!?!
We kicked our first out after a month. At 6 months, he was starting to pull himself up in his crib.
I'm so glad to be forever done with the infant stages. So many recommendations were changing so often.

It can be tough when dealing with your child, but going by the numbers:

As near as I can tell the SIDS rate is about 40 per 100,000 within the first year. Putting the overall chance of encountering SIDS at all around .04%. It also seems that 90% of those cases occur within the first 6 months. So the chances of encountering SIDS after 6 months falls to .004%, or one in 10 million.

https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov/safesleepbasics/SIDS/fastfacts

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/sids-prevention#1

Given those odds, and the fact that no matter what you do you're not going to eliminate the risk, only possibly lessen it... My personal approach would be to basically treat the factor of SIDS as not statistically relevant when choosing sleeping arrangements and not even consider it. But you have to decide what you are comfortable with.

FWIW we moved ours into her room and crib at about 3 months. She had a lot of trouble sleeping at night for the first 6 weeks or so and I slept with her on my chest in a recliner for a lot of that time. Then she was in our room for a handful of weeks and then over to the crib.

On another note - can anyone recommend iPad games for a 3 year old? She likes Elmo Loves ABCs and I prefer things that are more educational or teach skills like that one. A look-and-find game and interactive books are good too, I have one called Goodnight Safari that she likes but is a little simple for her.

Glad this discussion is happening, since we're about to hit 5 months next weekend. We were hearing the 6 month thing too and she's sleeping really well right now so we hadn't thought about changing.

We also got a camera from our security company that is supposed to do audio but we haven't figured out how to do it. Don't really want to move her without a monitor still.

Stele - we use a Nest cam and it has been good for our needs. It is small and easy to move anywhere, always on, almost instant stream unlike many others that only start streaming once you access them so there is a 5-10 second delay while it starts up. Really the only downside is you can't do recordings without paying a monthly fee.

We kept our daughter in a co-sleeper until she stopped breastfeeding around 6 months (which was a decision my wife's boobs made for us). The benefit of being able to do nighttime feeding without having to get up was too much to pass up prior to that point.

LeapingGnome wrote:

On another note - can anyone recommend iPad games from a 3 year old? She likes Elmo Loves ABCs and I prefer things that are more educational or teach skills like that one. A look-and-find game and interactive books are good too, I have one called Goodnight Safari that she likes but is a little simple for her.

Here's a good start: The Game Recommendation For Your Kid thread.

We like stuff from Originator - Endless Learning Academy was great. Toca Boca is another good developer, though their games tend to be less strictly educational.

Good point, jonman. Our baby is still drinking breastmilk but only from the bottle, a preemie habit that we haven't been able to break. So the room doesn't make much difference here.

Ours sleeps in our room at 4 years old. Depending on the size of the apartment, some Japanese families share the same room for sleeping pretty much indefinitely. Don't stress over it :).

If you're not smoking in the house and you're not putting the kid to bed in something with a hood or with a loose blanket or a stuffed animal, you have eliminated the overwhelmingly huge majority of causes of SIDS, and should be more concerned about sleep-deprived driving. Get some R.E.M.. You deserve it.

We bought an isolated baby monitor with its own handheld viewer from Smilism, and love it. Easy to use, nice features, and isn't a security nightmare. I have a master's in information system engineering and am very picky about devices on my network.

We use these Wyze cameras. They're super cheap, but have a great resolution. They have a night mode, one or two way audio. We picked it up because we wanted to use it as a security camera after the little one gets older.

https://amzn.to/2DctFRc

IMAGE(https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=chrisd039-20&language=en_US&l=li2&o=1&a=B076H3SRXG)

I had a foscam mounted in the kids room for the first few years. I'd probably go wyze now, but both are good options.

What are all those reviews on the Wyze camera about it sending data to other servers? And in particular the ones about recording when the camera is supposedly powered off?

Paranoid people or real problem?

According to this thread it sounds like they were working on resolving those issues. Not sure if they were completely resolved, but it seems like they were taking the complaint seriously.

Stele wrote:

What are all those reviews on the Wyze camera about it sending data to other servers? And in particular the ones about recording when the camera is supposedly powered off?

Paranoid people or real problem?

It is definitely is a cloud cam not a local one. Not sure about the power one. That was a reason I used the foscam as it was local only for me.

How life can change things...

I remember when we had the first one, we bought a local wifi cam with 4 channels. Turned out our neighbours had the same and we accidently watched over each others babies one night. Fast forward 10 years, when the fourth poop-factory came in. So much more experience, and a very healthy boy it was! No cams, no phones, we just cranked up the TV volume for 20 odd minutes of he cried... Can't imagine I had that bold nerve when the first one was there...

halfwaywrong wrote:

Does anyone here have any experience with strabismus? My daughter almost definitely does have it - she's only 11 months so it's good we've caught it early. Obviously we're getting the pros involved, but while that's going on I've also been reading up on other peoples experiences. Seems like it's fairly easily treatable, but I've read mixed reports over whether surgery is always required, or only as a last resort.

We've been very lucky over the past year since her birth. This is the first thing we've had to worry about, so I think I'm worrying about it a little too much maybe.

While not an ophthalmologist myself, we do see a lot of cases. The surgical ones, though. The thing is, if the doc you're seeing is worth anything, they're gonna keep surgery as a last resort. That's how most medicine is supposed to work, don't do surgery until the risk/benefit balance is tipping towards the latter. There are options based on the type of strabismus your daughter has, and obviously, I can't speak to those. But if definitely a good thing that you're dealing with this now, early in the game.

Stele wrote:

What are all those reviews on the Wyze camera about it sending data to other servers? And in particular the ones about recording when the camera is supposedly powered off?

Paranoid people or real problem?

Exactly why the baby monitor isn't on a network and my laptop webcams have black tape over them.

Eleima wrote:
halfwaywrong wrote:

Does anyone here have any experience with strabismus? My daughter almost definitely does have it - she's only 11 months so it's good we've caught it early. Obviously we're getting the pros involved, but while that's going on I've also been reading up on other peoples experiences. Seems like it's fairly easily treatable, but I've read mixed reports over whether surgery is always required, or only as a last resort.

We've been very lucky over the past year since her birth. This is the first thing we've had to worry about, so I think I'm worrying about it a little too much maybe.

While not an ophthalmologist myself, we do see a lot of cases. The surgical ones, though. The thing is, if the doc you're seeing is worth anything, they're gonna keep surgery as a last resort. That's how most medicine is supposed to work, don't do surgery until the risk/benefit balance is tipping towards the latter. There are options based on the type of strabismus your daughter has, and obviously, I can't speak to those. But if definitely a good thing that you're dealing with this now, early in the game.

If it helps... I myself had amblyopia (getting from strabismus) fairly young. Got a plast over my good eye to train the other one, several hours daily. I can't remember how long, but it turned out ok. I had a girlfriend who had severe strabismus and in the end her eye kind of swam in every direction. They did surgery on her and it turned out fine.

There is a fair amount of kids with strabismus (2 to 4%), so medicine is quite expierenced with it. You are there in time. Best of luck!

Stele wrote:

What are all those reviews on the Wyze camera about it sending data to other servers? And in particular the ones about recording when the camera is supposedly powered off?

Paranoid people or real problem?

Personally I would not trust any of those online/cloud cameras:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/nest-ca...

It's bad enough we're sharing crazy amounts of metadata embedded in photos online.

LeapingGnome wrote:

On another note - can anyone recommend iPad games for a 3 year old? She likes Elmo Loves ABCs and I prefer things that are more educational or teach skills like that one. A look-and-find game and interactive books are good too, I have one called Goodnight Safari that she likes but is a little simple for her.

We have an Amazon Fire but I assume these are on iOS too - ours likes Endless ABCs/Endless Reader, Khan Academy Kids, and any of the Daniel Tiger games.

nel e nel wrote:
Stele wrote:

What are all those reviews on the Wyze camera about it sending data to other servers? And in particular the ones about recording when the camera is supposedly powered off?

Paranoid people or real problem?

Personally I would not trust any of those online/cloud cameras:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/nest-ca...

It's bad enough we're sharing crazy amounts of metadata embedded in photos online.

True, but even that article mentions one important thing. Always use two factor authentication.

lunchbox12682 wrote:
nel e nel wrote:
Stele wrote:

What are all those reviews on the Wyze camera about it sending data to other servers? And in particular the ones about recording when the camera is supposedly powered off?

Paranoid people or real problem?

Personally I would not trust any of those online/cloud cameras:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/nest-ca...

It's bad enough we're sharing crazy amounts of metadata embedded in photos online.

True, but even that article mentions one important thing. Always use two factor authentication.

Never underestimate how lazy and/or naive people are when it comes to cybersecurity.

nel e nel wrote:
lunchbox12682 wrote:
nel e nel wrote:
Stele wrote:

What are all those reviews on the Wyze camera about it sending data to other servers? And in particular the ones about recording when the camera is supposedly powered off?

Paranoid people or real problem?

Personally I would not trust any of those online/cloud cameras:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/nest-ca...

It's bad enough we're sharing crazy amounts of metadata embedded in photos online.

True, but even that article mentions one important thing. Always use two factor authentication.

Never underestimate how lazy and/or naive people are when it comes to cybersecurity.

That is very true.

Peoj Snamreh wrote:
Eleima wrote:
halfwaywrong wrote:

Does anyone here have any experience with strabismus? My daughter almost definitely does have it - she's only 11 months so it's good we've caught it early. Obviously we're getting the pros involved, but while that's going on I've also been reading up on other peoples experiences. Seems like it's fairly easily treatable, but I've read mixed reports over whether surgery is always required, or only as a last resort.

We've been very lucky over the past year since her birth. This is the first thing we've had to worry about, so I think I'm worrying about it a little too much maybe.

While not an ophthalmologist myself, we do see a lot of cases. The surgical ones, though. The thing is, if the doc you're seeing is worth anything, they're gonna keep surgery as a last resort. That's how most medicine is supposed to work, don't do surgery until the risk/benefit balance is tipping towards the latter. There are options based on the type of strabismus your daughter has, and obviously, I can't speak to those. But if definitely a good thing that you're dealing with this now, early in the game.

If it helps... I myself had amblyopia (getting from strabismus) fairly young. Got a plast over my good eye to train the other one, several hours daily. I can't remember how long, but it turned out ok. I had a girlfriend who had severe strabismus and in the end her eye kind of swam in every direction. They did surgery on her and it turned out fine.

There is a fair amount of kids with strabismus (2 to 4%), so medicine is quite expierenced with it. You are there in time. Best of luck!

Thank you both! I'm definitely a bit more at ease since my first post on this. Seems easily manageable and I was surprised at just how common it is too.

Thanks for the feedback on the room move, all. We didn't get a chance to call the pediatrician before the weekend, and my wife was feeling too freaked out about it, so she ended up sleeping in there Friday and Saturday night, but by Sunday afternoon I'd moved our video monitor in there and got it set up with a great view on the crib so that my wife felt much better about letting him sleep in there, so he made it through his first night on his own in the nursery last night. He's not sleeping great (we're guessing it's some combo of 4 month sleep regression/growth spurt/teething) but I feel like we're at least getting a slightly more restful sleep when we are sleeping, and I'm so happy to be able to turn the light on and read for 20 minutes before bed again. I think my wife will still call the pediatrician to get their input, but I expect they will be totally on board with our plans.

Welp, turns out our pediatrician was not as supportive as I'd expected. They say they do recommend sharing a room for the first six months (although agree that more than that is unnecessary). Despite their recommendation, I'd be comfortable making the move now, ~5-6 weeks early, but my wife does not feel the same way, so 5.5 more weeks or so of crummy sleep ahead. Yay...

You can make it. Homestretch!