Dealing with Divorce Catch-All

Uh, also to be very clear, I am not disparaging the services the mediators at community justice centres provide! These fine men and women are vital to keeping people who shouldn't get bogged down in the legal system moving through it efficiently. And even where mediation fails it still serves an important function of giving couples an experience as to what a more formal court process could look like, although the process of mediation is intentionally non-adversarial.

My only concern is that not all cases are suitable for mediation, eg, d4m0's present parenting dispute where it's highly unlikely a compromise is achievable bearing in mind the conflicting factors of religion, the child's wishes, and a parenting plan which may not be suitable with the child's advancing age.

Now, it may be the way our legal system here is headed, but our relatively new Chief Judge has been sending even highly contested cases off to mediation before setting down a final hearing date. This is an effort to clear the court system of cases at the private expense of the parties. A junior mediator (counsel) can cost 5000 a day, and a retired judge or senior counsel typically costs between 8000 to 15000 a day. You'd only use a retired judge on a huge case with sufficient wealth in dispute to justify their fee. Those kinds of fees are ruinous to the average person. Which is why the family law system is so broken and prone to failure and dissatisfaction.

I also don't want to be seen as saying lawyers are an avoidable evil or anything like that. The enemy is expense you don't need, and if you can do it with less expense and hassle, then do it.

Several of you here are lawyers and give us all amazing free advice, and sound like you run very respectable practices. I think most divorces likely need two lawyers.

What Dakuna said. It was all about expense in our case as well. Good lawyers are indispensible. Especially when kids are involved. The fact that my state is a community property one complicates matters further.

Meant to tag into this thread a long time ago when I first saw it but I apparently didn't. There have been rough patches where I thought we might be on that path but things have really gotten better since I started some therapy, which I've mentioned in the depression thread. Getting my head right has fixed a lot of things I thought were wrong.

But anyway I want to be in here to support my goodjer family. This has been my haven on the internet for over a decade and if I can do anything to help any of you I will.

Take care of yourselves. You all matter to me.

So yesterday was my wedding anniversary. I didn't even notice it until today. I mean it's been 3 years now so...

I kinda don't know what to think. Like I don't feel sad. Just, strange.

BlackSabre wrote:

So yesterday was my wedding anniversary. I didn't even notice it until today. I mean it's been 3 years now so...

I kinda don't know what to think. Like I don't feel sad. Just, strange.

This is progress.. feeling neutral about a potential bombshell is entirely a win, at least in my book.

I have moments like this .. well.. probably monthly or less now. So progress! "this happened and I didn't even notice" .. this is for some thigns and in so many ways, the best it ever gets.

Dakuna wrote:
BlackSabre wrote:

So yesterday was my wedding anniversary...

This is progress.. feeling neutral about a potential bombshell is entirely a win, at least in my book.

Amen to that; you're never going to forget trigger days like that, but the fact that the thoughts about it even entered your head means its not forgotten, its a core piece of what makes you you ... you're human, you have a heart, and that strangeness, its that dissonance of remembering what was. Its good to remember, but also very good to not let that past rule you. Well done!

Another milestone. Today is the official day we separated 2 years ago... yeah thought it was 3 but apparently only 2. Some days it just feels like an eternity of running up a smooth surface with sand beneath my feet. Endless running with no progression.

But overall I think I'm ok. It's been an interesting two years. Lots of growth. Lots of learning about me, about the world. About who I am, why I'm here and what I plan to do with my time here. Some good days, some bad days. Think this is just life now. But I think throughout it all, I've hit that point of acceptance and just happy to see where the world takes me next.

Hope everyone's doing ok and that life is treating you kindly! Have a great day!

((hugs)) buddy.

Head down and power through.