Florida News Story Catch-all

Not a bad call, actually. If he had driven it to a Popeyes, though...

When I think of violent explosions, Taco Bell immediately comes to mind.

Followed by Chipotle.

Duke nukem retired in FL huh?

I like to kick ass and drench spray tan. And I'm all out of gum.

Florida woman uses TV remote to knock out the dentures of another Florida woman

Credit to the author for going all in with the puns.

Evidently, the 35-year-old woman was not armed to the teeth.

The 62-year-old woman did not say they fought tooth and nail.

Deputies reported the 62-year-old woman appeared a bit under the influence, but there were no allegations of lying through the teeth.

The incident may have been no skin off the 62-year-old woman’s teeth because she did not want to pursue charges.

I would have gone with efferdently since they’re dentures and all.

Florida mayor shoots at cops

Port Richey Mayor Dale Massad is charged with attempted murder after shooting at a Pasco County SWAT team Thursday morning.

also

The Florida Department Law Enforcement says the Port Richey Mayor was treating people at his home even though he lost his medical license in 1992.

Wow. I knew of the first part, but didn't know about the second.

Cop suspended after playing Barry White, letting couple make-out in patrol car

The couple had been arrested for shoplifting. Sounds to me like he was just being a bro. Except maybe for the part about the incident being captured on video.

How many panties do you have to have before they start measuring them in "pounds"?

tanstaafl wrote:

How many panties do you have to have before they start measuring them in "pounds"?

Don't worry, you don't have to start telling people you're wearing 0.07 lbs of panties upon first meeting them.

90 pounds' worth of panties can be just one pair.

Cast iron plus sized chastity belt?

When I was still running the gas station, I had at least a half dozen cases of folks coming in to pay for gas and cigarettes with nothing but silver dollars. I figured they were stolen but what was I going to do?

Paleocon wrote:

When I was still running the gas station, I had at least a half dozen cases of folks coming in to pay for gas and cigarettes with nothing but silver dollars. I figured they were stolen but what was I going to do?

I've bought candy with my mom's silver dollars, but I was seven or eight years old.

Call the US Mint. They'll send out the Coin Cops to investigate. It is not widely known, but each coin has a unique scent. The Coin Cops have specially trained Coin Dogs that can track the scent of a coin to its point of origin. I have gone on far too long with this silliness.

BadKen wrote:

Call the US Mint. They'll send out the Coin Cops to investigate. It is not widely known, but each coin has a unique scent. The Coin Cops have specially trained Coin Dogs that can track the scent of a coin to its point of origin. I have gone on far too long with this silliness.

So I know this probably isn't important, but it's funny enough, and I think just relevant enough that I want to share. When I was younger, Paleocon and Robear would both say sh*t like that to me to see if I'd believe it, sometimes I would, sometimes not.

BadKen wrote:

Call the US Mint. They'll send out the Coin Cops to investigate. It is not widely known, but each coin has a unique scent. The Coin Cops have specially trained Coin Dogs that can track the scent of a coin to its point of origin. I have gone on far too long with this silliness.

If this were on Netflix, I'd watch it.

On one hand, well - yah, obviously. On the other hand, hard not to see the humor in a drunken hillbilly propositioning a crocodile and getting arrested for biting a goat.