Tell us your best dad jokes!

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She leaned forward and whispered "They're right behind you!"

I sometimes shout out random Bruno Mars lyrics. Don’t believe me? Just watch!

Spoiler:

I thought I posted this in here, but had accidentally put it in a different, less dad-jokey, thread.

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doubtingthomas396 wrote:

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For years, I’ve been singing the song like that. YEARS.

I think it reads/sings more naturally as “I point my ‘scope up in the air sometimes”, but I won’t argue it that much.

merphle wrote:

I think it reads/sings more naturally as “I point my ‘scope up in the air sometimes”, but I won’t argue it that much. :)

Agreed. The meme doesn’t scan, but my photobucket account now requires money to hotlink pictures, so I couldn’t fix it.

This isn't a dad jokes, but a comment about dad jokes. My dad told me 2 jokes today in the van. the first was about 2 seagulls and he gave them texan accents for some reason. Then he told me a joke about 3 irish people, and he also gave one of them a texan accent. I have no idea what is going on.

He probably just thinks the Texan accent sounds funny. Could be relying on stereotypes about Texans (or Americans) to give a character a different personality than the others.

But it was an irish person, from ireland. we are irish, he didn't have to do an accent to have the person be irish^^

That's dad-ing of the highest order... Always leave them wondering!

I think you need to post the jokes here so that we can judge them. For science!

dibs wrote:

But it was an irish person, from ireland. we are irish, he didn't have to do an accent to have the person be irish^^

Irish people doing american accents are as hilarious and painful to me as i expect Americans doing British/Irish/Scottish accents are to y'all over there.

Actually, I was told all over Scotland and Northern England that a Mid-Atlantic accent like mine is indistinguishable from Connaught...

Robear wrote:

Actually, I was told all over Scotland and Northern England that a Mid-Atlantic accent like mine is indistinguishable from Connaught...

It’s funny how regional accents work.

I grew up in upstate New York, near Albany, and I was once told by a resident of Boston that I had a noticeable accent.

I’m not sure what the modern replacement for that old colloquialism about pots and kettles is, but that one certainly fit it.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Robear wrote:

Actually, I was told all over Scotland and Northern England that a Mid-Atlantic accent like mine is indistinguishable from Connaught...

It’s funny how regional accents work.

I grew up in upstate New York, near Albany, and I was once told by a resident of Boston that I had a noticeable accent.

I’m not sure what the modern replacement for that old colloquialism about pots and kettles is, but that one certainly fit it.

Everyone has an accent. I've been to upstate New York, and the locals definitely had an accent to my ears. I'm sure my Maine accent was noticeable to them too. The only "accent-less" American accent is General American which is somewhat midwestern, but not fully. It's not a regional accent either; it's typically used by newscasters and achieved by taking care to enunciate every word clearly.

Stengah wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Robear wrote:

Actually, I was told all over Scotland and Northern England that a Mid-Atlantic accent like mine is indistinguishable from Connaught...

It’s funny how regional accents work.

I grew up in upstate New York, near Albany, and I was once told by a resident of Boston that I had a noticeable accent.

I’m not sure what the modern replacement for that old colloquialism about pots and kettles is, but that one certainly fit it.

Everyone has an accent. I've been to upstate New York, and the locals definitely had an accent to my ears. I'm sure my Maine accent was noticeable to them too. The only "accent-less" American accent is General American which is somewhat midwestern, but not fully. It's not a regional accent either; it's typically used by newscasters and achieved by taking care to enunciate every word clearly.

I feel like class makes a big difference too. in most parts of the country college educated people, and people with college educated parents have greatly reduced accents. I grew up in the Boston area, and worked telephone customer service for many years. I frequently had customers who could not believe I grew up there because I had no noticeable accent. Of course when I told them that "The Fleet Cen'a will neva be The Gaaden" they would believe me, but it usually only comes through when I actively choose to use the accent, and even then it's difficult for me to sustain.

Stengah wrote:
doubtingthomas396 wrote:
Robear wrote:

Actually, I was told all over Scotland and Northern England that a Mid-Atlantic accent like mine is indistinguishable from Connaught...

It’s funny how regional accents work.

I grew up in upstate New York, near Albany, and I was once told by a resident of Boston that I had a noticeable accent.

I’m not sure what the modern replacement for that old colloquialism about pots and kettles is, but that one certainly fit it.

Everyone has an accent. I've been to upstate New York, and the locals definitely had an accent to my ears. I'm sure my Maine accent was noticeable to them too. The only "accent-less" American accent is General American which is somewhat midwestern, but not fully. It's not a regional accent either; it's typically used by newscasters and achieved by taking care to enunciate every word clearly.

My wife, who is from Connecticut, informs me that that’s the Connecticut accent. A lot of newscasters are from the Hartford area.

Upstate New York does have a touch of midwestern lilt, seasoned with some Canadian as you get further north.

I just thought it was funny that someone who rhymes car with Ma thought my accent, which is nowhere near as thick as my father’s, was strong enough to warrant mention.

doubtingthomas396 wrote:

My wife, who is from Connecticut, informs me that that’s the Connecticut accent. A lot of newscasters are from the Hartford area.

It really has no geographical basis, and will vary slightly based on where the newscaster themselves are from. So your local newscasters may mostly be from Connecticut, but a newscaster from California or Florida putting on the General American accent will sound slightly different. They'll stop the obvious things that go with their native accent, but a lot of the minor things will still be present.

Robear wrote:

Actually, I was told all over Scotland and Northern England that a Mid-Atlantic accent like mine is indistinguishable from Connaught...

What do they think about Tangier Island?

DT wrote:

Upstate New York does have a touch of midwestern lilt, seasoned with some Canadian as you get further north.

"Upstate New York" is a big place. Westchester sounds nothing like Niagara Falls. (We won't even get into the debate as to where is considered "Upstate.")

There's a similar remnant accent in the far northen (and isolated) outer banks of North Carolina.

Robear wrote:

Actually, I was told all over Scotland and Northern England that a Mid-Atlantic accent like mine is indistinguishable from Connaught...

I remember how we used to annoy Dr.Incurable with deliberate mispronunciations of common words.

Ah.

Good times.

Paleocon wrote:
Robear wrote:

Actually, I was told all over Scotland and Northern England that a Mid-Atlantic accent like mine is indistinguishable from Connaught...

I remember how we used to annoy Dr.Incurable with deliberate mispronunciations of common words.

Ah.

Good times.

And now I troll Robear with "Qoudt Eradd Demunstrandum" when having a silly argument, or just to see his reaction. To tell the truth I've said it so much I can't remember the correct pronunciation.

sometimesdee wrote:

"Upstate New York" is a big place. Westchester sounds nothing like Niagara Falls. (We won't even get into the debate as to where is considered "Upstate.")

Seriously. True upstate is not everything above NYC/Long Island. Once you start talking about lake Placid or George, anywhere in the adirondacks . Then your getting into upstate.

dibs wrote:

But it was an irish person, from ireland. we are irish, he didn't have to do an accent to have the person be irish^^

I hate to be the one to tell you this...but much sooner than you'd like that's gonna be you using random misplaced accents in your jokes...

Also... Hi there, fellow Eireannach, grand drying these days isn't there?

Igneus wrote:
sometimesdee wrote:

"Upstate New York" is a big place. Westchester sounds nothing like Niagara Falls. (We won't even get into the debate as to where is considered "Upstate.")

Seriously. True upstate is not everything above NYC/Long Island. Once you start talking about lake Placid or George, anywhere in the adirondacks . Then your getting into upstate.

As I said... this isn't the place for that debate.

Our toddler recently started bringing his favourite blanket downstairs during the day. My wife and I spoke about letting him have it downstairs sometimes, but I don't think it should be downstairs at all. Instead, I suggested that we introduce a blanket ban.

Stevintendo wrote:

I suggested that we introduce a blanket ban.

I'm not sure I get it, but now Elton John is single Blanket Ban in my head.

♫ And I think it's gonna be a long long time... ♫

Ted wrote:
Stevintendo wrote:

I suggested that we introduce a blanket ban.

I'm not sure I get it, but now Elton John is single Blanket Ban in my head.

♫ And I think it's gonna be a long long time... ♫

Not to toot my own horn, but...

IMAGE(https://i.imgur.com/9O2qTFw.jpg)

Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.

Why do rogues wear leather armor?
It's made of hide.

My friend is a professional sleepwalker.
She's living the dream.

I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my food.
It caused pain to my toes.