Inclement weather in a good football game is a bad thing; a blizzard in the upcoming New England-Pittsburgh game would suck, because I want to see those teams play. Some sort of weird freak high winds causing wildfires and blowing smoke over that Rams-Eagles game would have meant it just wasn't going to be two good teams measuring up against each other, and we'd have been cheated. A hurricane coming along and washing away the New Orleans Saints and Atlanta Falcons would be . . . um . . . sorry, I appear to have lost my train of thought.
Anyhoo . . .
Bad weather makes bad football games AWESOME. There is no way Colts vs. the PeterBills was going to be anything but an endless series of dumpoffs, bad decisions, and trite statements from a low-end announcing team trying desperately to make the game entertaining. It was going to suck in every possible way, and I watched almost all of it. There was something like six inches of snow on the field by the second quarter, and it seemed like every couple plays guys ran across the field with blowers to clear off the yard markers. You had people falling down, balls wobbling through the air, hilariously off-target kicks, and it even went to overtime. Overtime! We got more! Can you imagine being excited by the possibility of overtime for Colts-Bills without a massive snowstorm? I feel like if both teams' records are consistently under .500, snow-making machines from nearby downhill skiing places have to be brought in just to try to make the game interesting. And, yes, I do happen to think blowing snow in Tampa would make the pirate ship look lovely.
- Weirdness in officiating; the aforementioned Bills-Colts game appeared to end on a successful two-point conversion at the end of the game, proving that Pagano apparently has more balls than coaching skill. Everybody celebrated for at least a full minute before someone noticed a flag and the referees conferred; somehow, much later, there was an OPI call, and Vinatieri instead had to make a very long XP that looked like it was going to miss about 10 yards left but curved in. Odd. Also, in Tampa, TE O.J. Howard catches a pass, takes a few steps, and gets hammered, losing the ball. It's ruled an incomplete, plus a 15-yard penalty. Refs discuss it, no penalty, but still incomplete. Jim Caldwell briefly wakes up and challenges, and it's changed to a fumble. Isn't that the kind of judgement call you can't override? Odd.
- At one point in the second half, Tampa had four turnovers, Stafford had five incompletions, and Detroit was winning by a touchdown. Detroit is not a good football team.
- Aaron Rodgers is apparently coming back. This is either going to be a great comeback story, or that collarbone is pulling a Romo and he's going to get broken in half.
- Legion is annoyed I skipped the 49ers game, because he wants to swoon at Jimmy. I didn't choose the game because I just assume the 49ers are terrible. They are, it's just the new QB is TOTES ADORBS.
- New England lost to Miami, essentially making this a must-win game against Pittsburgh in many ways. Jacksonville actually has a viable shot at a first-round bye.
- What the hell did I just write?
- In shocking news, Cleveland fired their GM. Hue Jackson apparently won the world's saddest power struggle.
MAKE YOUR GAME PICKS HERE
Green Bay Packers at Carolina Panthers: Aaron Rodgers is enough where Green Bay could be great, but the defense still has to stop somebody and not so sure that's happening.
Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills: I feel like Jay Cutler's entire career is a "30 for 30: Ever Wonder What Could Have Happened" in waiting. I'm not sure if Taylor's ready to go for the Bills or Peterman is out of the concussion protocol or I don't care as long as it snows again.
Arizona Cardinals at Washington Football Team: Kirk Cousins has dropped off a bit this year, as if somehow losing his two best WRs is a problem. One of his issues is he doesn't have quite as many choices to select from next year after finally escaping Washington; San Francisco's selected their pretty boy new QB, and Jacksonville is going to be re-signing an improved Blake Bortles to a long-term deal.
OH GOD PLEASE RE-SIGN BORTLES TO A LONG-TERM DEAL PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Los Angeles Rams at Seattle Seahawks: The Rams played the Seahawks tough when they sucked, so, now that they're good, they should win by like 90 or something, right?
New England Patriots at Pittsburgh Steelers: The Patriots looked awful last week, and the Steelers offense was great. Don't care; the Patriots usually own the Steelers.
Week 14 Results
Rat Boy: 2-3
Season to Date
Rat Boy: 39-31