Florida News Story Catch-all

Chairman_Mao wrote:
OG_slinger wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

Once again proving my rule of thumb which is that pet snakes are generally smarter than their owners.

Wasn't a pet. They caught it in their yard and were keeping it in a trash can.

In Florida, that's a pet.

Hell, in Florida, that snake was damn near family.

Chairman_Mao wrote:
OG_slinger wrote:
Mixolyde wrote:

Once again proving my rule of thumb which is that pet snakes are generally smarter than their owners.

Wasn't a pet. They caught it in their yard and were keeping it in a trash can.

In Florida, that's a pet.

Or a dowry.

Proposed Miami mall would be the biggest in the US

Would have a water park, a ski slope, 2,000 hotel rooms.... and no stores.

tanstaafl wrote:

Proposed Miami mall would be the biggest in the US

Would have a water park, a ski slope, 2,000 hotel rooms.... and no stores.

In addition to millions of square feet of retail,

Not exactly.

Naked man climbs excavator on a Florida highway and starts masturbating

He may have been ((puts on sunglasses)) a bit high...

tanstaafl wrote:

Naked man climbs excavator on a Florida highway and starts masturbating

He may have been ((puts on sunglasses)) a bit high...

If you don't read the article, you'll miss some terrific writing that includes phrases like:

Spoiler:

Digging it a little too much!

Exactly why the man is touching himself is unclear.

Getting a grip

By far the worst thing the article text says is "Scroll down for video".

Alligator fails to catch plane landing in Orlando

The gator apparently jumped up as the plane was flying over and was struck by the wing.

Naked man walking down a highway is stopped by police

I knew this had to be a Florida story before I even clicked on the link. I wasn't disappointed.

Or Germany! Monk eats bad berries, walks naked in woods.
I imagine it went a little something like this:

The flames make it go faster.

From the Is Nothing Sacred dept:
Fighting words lead to bikini contest competitor clobbering rival with high heel shoe. Cheeky clobberer is the current girlfriend of victim's former beau, in response to some friendly medical advice,

Spoiler:

“you should go to the gyno because you’re in for a rude awakening.”

Victim has small bump on head.

In this article, a picture of what a shoe and a woman look like.

And she was the one who gave the medical advice to the victim, before thumping her on the head. Solid stuff all around.

IMAGE(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/14/03/4e/14034ea865a08a6eea5c409d3d5d4cff.jpg)

If you don't want the vehicle in front of your house to be there, Florida logic says to shoot the tires so that the vehicle is incapable of being driven away from your house.

Nothing like calmly reloading two times while hearing sirens in the distance.

Or calmly recording someone calmly reloading.

OG_slinger wrote:

Nothing like calmly reloading two times while hearing sirens in the distance.

I'm not even nowhere near the guy.

Says the person who is close enough to be recording him with a cell phone.

He's not Florida near.

Florida man robs a bank, then strips naked and runs down the street throwing the stolen money

The best part: "all because he woke up Tuesday and wanted to become a comedian."

Another story that doesn't lead with "Florida Man", but you knew that it was about one...

Police say man tries to steal police car with officer in it

Thank the old gods and new for Florida man.

MeatMan wrote:

Florida man robs a bank, then strips naked and runs down the street throwing the stolen money

The best part: "all because he woke up Tuesday and wanted to become a comedian."

There will be a unanimous not guilty verdict I'm sure. Who could convict such a man?
For the record, I could.