[Discussion] Health (Mental et. al.) and the 45th President's Administration

This thread is to discuss how the 45th president's administration has directly affected your health, and how it might in the future. The ACA is very likely to be repealed, and news around the presidency is very upsetting to many people. Please keep it civil, but realize that there may be passionate discussion and it may not be pretty.

I'll quote some comments from "The Trump Administration" topic to kick things off.

RoughneckGeek wrote:
Farscry wrote:
BadKen wrote:

I've pretty much given up. I'm one bad day away from jumping in front of a train. I am not joking. I got a dog to give my life some purpose, but as adorable as he is, it's really not working.

I'm playing a lot of games to avoid thinking about the real world.

Quite frankly, I'm not too far removed from where you're at. It's a real struggle not to give in to despair.

I don't know if this will help or hurt and this probably isn't the place to LiveJournal all over, but... here goes.

The ACA going away will likely end my life. I'm HIV+, depend on access to meds that cost 2k/month and my HIV is considered a pre-existing condition thanks to a lapse in coverage in the past. Despair? I've got plenty. I spent the night of the election researching physician assisted suicide because I know what a death to AIDS looks like. It's not something I want to deal with. I don't want the last memories I leave loved ones with to be memories of me wasting away and dying to a opportunistic infection. Been there. It sucks.

But you know what? I'm not dead yet and am not in a hurry to rush that along. I have health coverage through 2017. When the ACA topples, Ryan White might be able to keep me on meds longer. Once I lose access to meds, that's when the clock really starts ticking. I'll probably survive a year or two before my health really declines. That's still a lot of time left for me to fight. A lot of time for me to make great and lasting memories with those I'm closest to. So now that I've figured out how I want to die and who I want surrounding me if and when it gets to that point, I'm also planning trips with my partner. I'm putting money into ACLU, Lambda Legal and the Trevor Project. I'm finding outlets here where I can be more involved in my community and a little bit less of the introverted recluse I default to.

I'm a swirling mixture of hope and despair and have been for 3 weeks. I've found people to lean on when the despair is overwhelming and when it's manageable I reach out to be that support for someone else.

Happy World AIDS Day.

BadKen wrote:

I have a regular psychiatrist, and he's pretty good about keeping on top of stuff. The problem I have right now is that my MDD has kicked in, in full effect, and when it takes over, I get stupid and can't do anything. Rationally I know what is wrong, I know depression lies, I have been through these low points many times. Knowing that doesn't help, though, because my mind does not behave rationally when it is in this state. It's like trying to have a conversation with an angry gorilla. Reasoned debate is not going to help.

I won't visit the GWJ depression thread any more after I got a dressing down about a comment I made there some time ago. The way I feel is that if people expect only positive supporting comments there, it's utterly worthless for me.

Yeah, probably not a good idea since it's not like I can do anything about the situation, but I've been reading a lot about the rise of fascism in the 1920's and drawing highly alarming parallels to the rise of populism in the US since Obama took office (and especially throughout the Trump campaign and his post-election actions and those of his followers).

It's godsdamned depressing.

The prospect of the ACA being repealed or gutted is terrifying. The prospect of more unnecessary war is highly upsetting. The prospect of the US devolving back into the overt terrorism of white/evangelical supremacy is depressing (even if it's been that way for most of US history, it hasn't been this overt or accepted during my lifespan).

I want to become involved and fight back somehow, but I can't help but despair of such efforts as pointless and with little chance of success.

Like I said in the other thread, since my concerns came to pass on election day, I've been utterly depressed at being vindicated in my fears -- I really wanted to be wrong. Every day just makes me that much more resigned to despair. If I, a white middle class cis-male in the US, can feel this way, I don't know how anyone outside of my position of privilege is even functioning at this point.

Frankly, that's what's keeping me from succumbing completely. If others can keep on keeping on, then I owe it to them to do what I can. At least, that's what I tell myself. If women and minorities of all stripes can keep on fighting and not give up, then I have to do the same, or else I'm no better than those who voted affirmatively in the Referendum on Hate -- or at least, that's how it feels to me.

Yes, I'm just rambling here, but sh*t do I need someplace to vent and BadKen went and started a thread for it.

Farscry wrote:

If I, a white middle class cis-male in the US, can feel this way, I don't know how anyone outside of my position of privilege is even functioning at this point.

Frankly, that's what's keeping me from succumbing completely. If others can keep on keeping on, then I owe it to them to do what I can. At least, that's what I tell myself. If women and minorities of all stripes can keep on fighting and not give up, then I have to do the same, or else I'm no better than those who voted affirmatively in the Referendum on Hate -- or at least, that's how it feels to me.

This is the one thing that gives me any hope or a guide for going forward. Outside of the fact that I have a loving wife and extended family, the reality that other people are moving forward facing worse odds is inspirational. It makes me want to spend more time actually helping them. Volunteering, organizing, whatever it takes. Making sure that vulnerable people have a voice. I'm already borderline about whether I think I can get through our current political climate as an intact human, so that's the least I can do and maybe it will help.

As far as personal remedies go I installed a blocker on my computer, phone and tablet. My already compromised central nervous can only take so much stimulus, especially bad news. I literally have to force myself off of it for my own good. Maybe something to try?

I knew immediately after the election that my life was going to change.

The ACA didn't just enable state-level exchanges for health insurance. It allowed for states to expand their Medicaid coverage, paid for by federal dollars.

With that supply of funding cut off, I can't see Maryland--or any state--being able to fill the money gap. Thus, I suspect Medicaid is going to shrink drastically past the point at which I might qualify.

It was a good thing my wife and I qualified. Aside from the $4,000/month lung medication, Medicaid footed the bill for the month she spent in hospital before passing away. The final tally from that was $100,000.

Ironic that it's--sorry, it was--easier to be destitute in America than "kinda poor."

I know that in Canada, it's exceedingly unlikely that every term with a conservative government in power will be a game of safety net Russian roulette.

Just getting more depressed and horrified every day. While I've already been upset over what terrible things are going to happen to people, I'm also upset over how many animals are going to be destroyed and go extinct when all the public lands and parks are opened up wide for exploitation and privatization. There will be nothing left. I feel like I should be building an ark.

Apparently we are not competitive enough with China on destruction of the environment.

BadKen wrote:

Apparently we are not competitive enough with China on destruction of the environment.

I was actually thinking of that too. I don't want to have to wear a face mask everywhere I go like they do in Beijing.

bekkilyn wrote:

Just getting more depressed and horrified every day. While I've already been upset over what terrible things are going to happen to people, I'm also upset over how many animals are going to be destroyed and go extinct when all the public lands and parks are opened up wide for exploitation and privatization. There will be nothing left. I feel like I should be building an ark. :(

Yeah. Unfortunately, all those jackasses who say "the president is really just a figurehead and isn't all that powerful" or "one president can't really do all that much harm anyway" and all the other sh*tty-ass excuses they make are still going to ignore the damage that Trump will do (hell, already is doing).

This one presidency is shaping up to potentially not only do damage that will haunt us for the next couple decades, but may do irreparable damage to our land.

[Edited out revolution comments per jdzappa]

The only real solution is revolution;

That's burning-the-village-to-save-it territory. If you're worried about environmental damage, starting a revolution is the absolute last thing that should be on your list of good ideas. The destruction from something like that would be cataclysmic.

Plus, as I keep trying to point out, you don't think that all this surveillance nonsense is actually about protecting the people from terrorism, do you? It's about protecting the government from us. They've been getting ready for this for about fifteen years, and I doubt very much that successful revolt will be possible in a panopticon.

Off topic. - Certis

Off topic. - Certis

FWIW, I like the idea of a thread where people can talk about how policy is affecting their personal mental and physical health without things spiraling into talk of revolutions and the end of America/humanity. I was also hoping it could serve as a rallying point to discuss mental health issues since it's a very often overlooked problem in modern America.

Laying my cards out on the table, I've recently been diagnosed with a serious mental health condition. It was really a shock to realize that overnight I went from just average Joe professional to someone who would be in deep trouble if I ever lost my job and coverage.

I genuinely share your concern, Jdzappa. I have had to deal with debilitating chronic health concerns since my college days, and I have never forgotten when half or more of my monthly budget was spent on health care expenses from the time I got out of college until I finally got a health plan that covered pre-existing conditions after the first year of coverage. Fortunately that was only the first five years of my post-college life.

I dread the potential damage that changes to health care under Trump could do to far too many of us.

I suffer from anxiety problems and I have a particular recurring fear of nuclear war and the world ending. I suspect this administration's foreign policy won't be kind to me. Rationally I think the chances of anyone actually starting a nuclear war will still be quite low, but reckless foreign policy will keep us all on the edge of our seats for four years.

That's not even getting into all the other terrible things that are likely to happen -- dismantling of environmental protections, reduction of rights for all minority classes, removal of labor protections, I could go on.

The good news for me personally is that I'm in better shape to ride it out than many others, I think, being a relatively healthy young white person in a blue state with a decent career.

My main coping mechanism has really been to try and keep busy. I spent too much of the past year reading tons about politics and fretting. It all feels like a waste now, especially considering how much of my reading assumed an upcoming Clinton presidency. It's smart to keep informed, and I do intend to keep reading the news, but limiting my intake of punditry is wise. If I spend all my days worrying about things I have little control over, I won't get to enjoy the life I have.

Anyway, keeping busy. I think there's no real shame in distracting oneself with video games and media you enjoy. I've also been looking into starting back up on a game I've been wanting to make. I've also started looking into maybe a new hobby other than video games to get into where I could feel a sense of accomplishment. I kind of bounced off knitting so I've been considering learning an instrument like piano.

I keep getting awful thoughts in my head like "what if this is the last Christmas holiday with a reasonable quality of life" that I'm doing a poor job of pushing away though.

This has been a huge problem for me as well. I did my senior thesis in college on dystopian literature. I have anxiety, more often than not, over big things out of my control. So thinking about nuclear war, etc. is both something I can't avoid very easily and the worst thing for me.

Unlike you, Demyx, I have no confidence in my ability to ride this out. Especially when complicated by pre-existing health problems.

Eh, the confidence is really more of a case of faking it until you make it. If I believe I can make it, I'm more likely to do so, and if it turns out to be true, then it was for the best. If I allow myself to despair then I gain nothing and ruin the last good bits of my life.

One of my biggest mental problems is that all of this is happening while I've already been in the midst of a very serious period of life transition, which even under perfect political conditions would be stressful enough by itself. I feel like I haven't felt any sort of security or stability in a long, long, long, long time and despite all my attempts at creating a rock foundation, it all keeps turning to sand. I don't think I even remember what it's like not to feel scared and anxious every single day, and it hinders practically everything I try to do. It's difficult not to keep expecting the worst when the worst has always happened despite all attempts at positive thinking, expecting the best, faking it until making it, etc. I feel like I'm in someone's Pavlov experiment where they keep changing the location of the food bowl to the point where if I find it, I gorge on everything in it since it probably won't be there tomorrow, and the only reason I even bother to look for it at all now is to avoid starvation.

Yeah, being between countries and in the middle of a health crisis makes this a situation where all I can do is just stay alive until the transition period is over. I don't know how to move forward right now.

You folks are doing a better job of explaining what I was trying to convey last night. Staring down the next few years where there is a real possibility of a drastic expansion in irreparable damage (at least in my lifetime) to our environment is really wreaking havoc with my anxiety and depression struggles. My fiancee has half-joked (in support; she's not mocking me) that maybe I should have my doctor up my medication dosage, but I really don't want to go that route for a number of reasons.

Every time I think about what is coming (and what is already being torn down or put in place to destroy the rights and protections for anyone other than financially secure white evangelical males) it just puts me further into a very dark place.

The problem is that everyone tells you when you're dealing with anxiety and depression to stop ruminating on things you can't control and to be positive. Look to the future, etc. I keep trying to tell people that I literally don't see a positive future. I see environmental degradation, I see nuclear war, I see internment camps. It's hard to be hopeful when you see that as the future. What am I working towards then? Why am I suffering in the present? It seems so pointless to me. I don't know how other people get past that right now.

If I could just shrug it off and look to the future I would have a ton to be hopeful about. My health situation is fixable, in theory, with hard work and lots of patience. I have a wife who loves me, friends and a career. But all of that is in precarious balance right now because of my health and because I don't see why I should suffer now.

The negative future you listed is all things that could happen to the world at large that are mainly out of your control. The positive things you've listed are personal things that you can control.

I guess that's my deal. I don't see a positive future for the world -- maybe there's a small chance of a reasonably possible future, but there's also a disturbingly large chance we all suffer and die needlessly, say, because of idiotic policy blunders.

So I guess I say to myself, if I'm going to die horribly in nuclear hellfire anyway, then at least I'll get to have some fun and enjoy my loved ones and hobbies before we all go.

Like my thought process is literally "I just have to make it to March to get to go to PAX." "I just have to make it to April to get to play Persona 5." "I just have to make it one year to get another winter holiday" etc.

The irony is that's basically how I functioned under Bush and Obama. I was already severely pessimistic under Obama. I didn't have children, in part, because I didn't think it was right to bring more children into the world and especially *this* world. I already had a dim view of humanity and the future. Somehow, though, we found a way to surpass that and I'm struggling to get reoriented to the "enjoy the present because the future is probably f*cked" strategy of coping that I previously employed as well.

Look to the future, etc. I keep trying to tell people that I literally don't see a positive future. I see environmental degradation, I see nuclear war, I see internment camps. It's hard to be hopeful when you see that as the future. What am I working towards then? Why am I suffering in the present? It seems so pointless to me. I don't know how other people get past that right now.

First of all that must suck and I am feel for you, but I do think if you can't see a positive future you can look at the past and see how things are better.

Less people are dying in wars, suffering starvation, being subject to other forms of violence. If you look at the world of even 100 years ago things are much better for the majority of people in the world. That is a good thing. I know it isn't going to make you hop up and sing Mary Poppins tunes but looking over the course of recorded human history things have been improving and that is enough to give me hope.

farley3k wrote:
Look to the future, etc. I keep trying to tell people that I literally don't see a positive future. I see environmental degradation, I see nuclear war, I see internment camps. It's hard to be hopeful when you see that as the future. What am I working towards then? Why am I suffering in the present? It seems so pointless to me. I don't know how other people get past that right now.

First of all that must suck and I am feel for you, but I do think if you can't see a positive future you can look at the past and see how things are better.

It's an exhausting way to be and it's how I've been my whole life. I wish I knew how to change. I'm going to therapy as soon as I'm back home.

The rest of your post is good. I didn't cut it because you're wrong. I just don't know how to orient my mind around that.

DSGamer wrote:

The irony is that's basically how I functioned under Bush and Obama. I was already severely pessimistic under Obama. I didn't have children, in part, because I didn't think it was right to bring more children into the world and especially *this* world. I already had a dim view of humanity and the future. Somehow, though, we found a way to surpass that and I'm struggling to get reoriented to the "enjoy the present because the future is probably f*cked" strategy of coping that I previously employed as well.

Well at least it's validating your earlier decisions.

Yay for being right?

I keep writing something and deleting it, then trying something else....I don't have sh*t to say....

It sucks and it probably will suck for awhile but then I think of the US as a huge ship sailing along. Even if the captain completely swings the wheel it takes a long time for the course of the ship to radically change. That at least gives me hope that it won't be overnight, and that we can keep pushing back.

But all that is not really helpful on a day to day basis.

I keep writing and deleting things too.

farley3k wrote:

I keep writing something and deleting it, then trying something else....I don't have sh*t to say....

It sucks and it probably will suck for awhile but then I think of the US as a huge ship sailing along. Even if the captain completely swings the wheel it takes a long time for the course of the ship to radically change. That at least gives me hope that it won't be overnight, and that we can keep pushing back.

But all that is not really helpful on a day to day basis.

It might be eventually. When you have chronic anxiety like I have had my whole life one of the few things that can break the cycle is proof that you're wrong.

An example. I used to not be good at flying. The things I fear on a plane are numerous. I fear getting sick on a plane. I fear throwing up. I fear having a heart attack and not being near help. Once again, lots of irrational stuff. Anyway, I got through a few flights in 2004 and it started to get better. I started to, essentially, test myself and get proof that those worst case scenarios weren't likely to actually happen. Eventually I find myself traveling the world and moving out of the country for a year.

So that plan of watching the worst *not* happen can work for me. I'm just in the "acute" phase right now in so many ways. And it probably won't pass until Trump takes office. People keep saying, "Don't normalize Trump." For my sanity I need him normalized. I need the world to continue spinning and internment camps not to get setup and nuclear bombs not to rain down. If we get there and avoid that then maybe something like the above will get me through. It has before.

In some ways I think it would almost be a relief for that other shoe to just go ahead and drop.

I didn't have children, in part, because I didn't think it was right to bring more children into the world and especially *this* world.

Interesting to me, as I've been thinking the same. My list of reasons for being childfree was pretty scattered and personal before... now it's largely focused on not bringing a child into a possible world where their life will be radically worse than my own for more of it. Like, I'm looking at being older by the time environmental issues start having a large impact on our day to day lives, I don't want a kid just becoming an adult when that sh*t starts... and that's not even getting into the rise of bigotry being so widespread and apparently unshameful or the simple fact that not being in the top 10% of earners in this country would make their lives basically hand to mouth with anything other than the best possible job choice (which they may not like or be proficient at).

Demyx's approach is kind of how I'm handling things.

I went into a pretty bleak place after the hangover passed after the election. I'm limiting what I read in news.

I've found the analogy of being on the Titanic helping me....the ship will be going down....how do I want to spend my last few days? So I'm looking for moments in my days that are good and for times when I feel safe in the moment. Like when my husband and son are both home...in that moment, what matters most to me is safe.

OkGo's new video helps some too