NFL 2016: Week 1

Rat Boy wrote:
*Legion* wrote:

"The guy is drunk! But there he goes!"

He claims he was sober because apparently he's sixteen.

As it turns out, the Idiot in question was a 16-year-old named William, who told me he had always dreamed of running onto a field. Of course he did. And William was easy to track down because he had his phone number scrawled across his torso. Of course he did. Since then, he says “hella” people have called him.

Get better dreams.

He wants to grow up to be Barney Stinson

IMAGE(http://66.media.tumblr.com/454cdaaee9401d262cc39329f9a959db/tumblr_n0earwuz2j1spxh3co1_500.jpg)

bighoppa wrote:

Another Texan player going somewhere else to be good. I don't know whether to praise Rick Smith for having an eye for talent or damn him for letting so much of it go somewhere else. Also, quarterbacks something something.

I can't figure out who you're talking about.

Or, you know, Twitter, you could just go eat a giant pile of dicks.

IMAGE(http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s149/MilkmanDanimal/BadTwitter.jpg)

When machine-learned suggestions go horribly, horribly wrong...

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Or, you know, Twitter, you could just go eat a giant pile of dicks.

IMAGE(http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s149/MilkmanDanimal/BadTwitter.jpg)

The Panthers are worth a follow because their social media game is at an MVP level.

But the Falcons and Saints?! Yeah, no.

MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Or, you know, Twitter, you could just go eat a giant pile of dicks.

IMAGE(http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s149/MilkmanDanimal/BadTwitter.jpg)

When you choose the discount option, you're always going to get the upsell.

*Legion* wrote:
MilkmanDanimal wrote:

Or, you know, Twitter, you could just go eat a giant pile of dicks.

IMAGE(http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s149/MilkmanDanimal/BadTwitter.jpg)

When you choose the discount option, you're always going to get the upsell.

OK that was funny.

garion333 wrote:
bighoppa wrote:

Another Texan player going somewhere else to be good. I don't know whether to praise Rick Smith for having an eye for talent or damn him for letting so much of it go somewhere else. Also, quarterbacks something something.

I can't figure out who you're talking about.

Ha! Completely different OT Eric Fisher, then. I think we had one in Houston a few years back that moved on to another team. I think he burned out, though.

cube wrote:

Shea Serrano ranked Antonio Brown's twerk pumps.
https://theringer.com/nfl-antonio-br...

That was so funny. I lost it at the Mario reference.

bighoppa wrote:
garion333 wrote:
bighoppa wrote:

Another Texan player going somewhere else to be good. I don't know whether to praise Rick Smith for having an eye for talent or damn him for letting so much of it go somewhere else. Also, quarterbacks something something.

I can't figure out who you're talking about.

Ha! Completely different OT Eric Fisher, then. I think we had one in Houston a few years back that moved on to another team. I think he burned out, though.

Well that certainly clears up my confusion. I scanned the entire page trying to find someone who was once on the Texans but couldn't put it together.

Darian Stewart and Brandon Marshall fined for helmet to helmet hits on Cam Newton.

Edit: Oh snap, FO has the 49ers as the top team by DVOA. Granted opponent adjustments aren't in, which means the entire chart is pretty much junk, but the Niners defense killed the Rams. As bad as the Rams were, however, the Browns were the worst team last week. Top offenses were Detroit and Indy. What a game!

garion333 wrote:

Darian Stewart and Brandon Marshall fined for helmet to helmet hits on Cam Newton.

Edit: Oh snap, FO has the 49ers as the top team by DVOA. Granted opponent adjustments aren't in, which means the entire chart is pretty much junk, but the Niners defense killed the Rams. As bad as the Rams were, however, the Browns were the worst team last week. Top offenses were Detroit and Indy. What a game!

IMAGE(https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2013-12/enhanced/webdr02/3/12/enhanced-buzz-13269-1386093044-0.jpg)

garion333 wrote:

Edit: Oh snap, FO has the 49ers as the top team by DVOA. Granted opponent adjustments aren't in, which means the entire chart is pretty much junk, but the Niners defense killed the Rams. As bad as the Rams were, however, the Browns were the worst team last week. Top offenses were Detroit and Indy.

So one of the two top offenses this week is coordinated by the coach the Browns fired a few years ago (Chud), and the top defense is coordinated by the defensive coordinator the Browns fired this offseason (Jim O'Neil).

Good job Browns. Keep blaming the coaches.

*Legion* wrote:

So one of the two top offenses this week is coordinated by the coach the Browns fired a few years ago (Chud)

And, the other is coordinated by Jim Bob Cooter. This has nothing to do with the Browns. I just wanted to say "Jim Bob Cooter".

Lady Gaga reportedly in talks for doing the halftime of Super Bowl LI. Since I do not believe we are that lucky, we'll get stuck with Kid Rock.

Milli Vanilli reunion show?

Edit: Guess not. Quick google search shows one of them passed away years ago.

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/J0uWg1x.jpg)

click for fullsize

So, since the Niners black alternate uniforms don't match the gold helmets, the Photoshop monkey graphical designer decided to just put an Atlanta Falcons helmet in Bowman's hand.

bighoppa wrote:

Milli Vanilli reunion show?

Edit: Guess not. Quick google search shows one of them passed away years ago. :(

Hey, now, don't be hasty. "Reuniting" them at the Super Bowl would probably get great ratings.

The upside of a Milli Vanilli show is that the hologram's performance isn't any less "live" than before.

That's Devonta Freeman, not Julio.

haha Josh Gordon and Jameis Winston were funny

TEN HOURS UNTIL KICKOFF!

garion333 wrote:

TEN HOURS UNTIL KICKOFF!

Excitement!

*Notices it's Bills-Jets*

Not so much excitement!

MilkmanDanimal wrote:
garion333 wrote:

TEN HOURS UNTIL KICKOFF!

Excitement!

*Notices it's Bills-Jets*

Not so much excitement!

I think it was meant as a Legion reminder for a new thread

Try this instead.

MORTAR KICKOFFS!

iaintgotnopants wrote:
*Legion* wrote:

So one of the two top offenses this week is coordinated by the coach the Browns fired a few years ago (Chud)

And, the other is coordinated by Jim Bob Cooter. This has nothing to do with the Browns. I just wanted to say "Jim Bob Cooter".

After the KC blowout in London last year, I told myself that the Lion's Cooter stinks but I've grown to appreciate his aroma.

Jim Bob Cooter is the f*cking man

IMAGE(http://imgix.scout.com/16/162936.jpg?w=227)

I am shocked--SHOCKED--somebody named "Jim Bob Cooter" played at Tennessee.

garion333 wrote:

TEN HOURS UNTIL KICKOFF!

Maybe if even one person had Liked the week 1 thread, I would have been more motivated to get Week 2 up earlier!