On this thing called "rape culture"

Sorry to interrupt the PokeConversation:

The problem with how men perceive rape

In retrospect, so much of sex in my twenties was a death by a thousand cuts for my sense of bodily autonomy—a series of assaults and violations that rendered me pliable to the desires of men right up until that date in the doughnut shop.
Tanglebones wrote:

Sorry to interrupt the PokeConversation:

The problem with how men perceive rape

In retrospect, so much of sex in my twenties was a death by a thousand cuts for my sense of bodily autonomy—a series of assaults and violations that rendered me pliable to the desires of men right up until that date in the doughnut shop.

If only I could go back in time and shake this article in the face of way too many ex-boyfriends. A good read. A triggering one for anyone who's experience sexual assault, but an important one nonetheless. I think this is something anyone with children should read.

Tanglebones wrote:

Sorry to interrupt the PokeConversation:

The problem with how men perceive rape

In retrospect, so much of sex in my twenties was a death by a thousand cuts for my sense of bodily autonomy—a series of assaults and violations that rendered me pliable to the desires of men right up until that date in the doughnut shop.

You know, this was a really tough and depressing read, and I'm a guy.

I've had a hard enough time dealing with the emotional turmoil of life as a white male, I honestly don't know how anyone else does it. Granted, I have some legitimate problems with anxiety and depression, but I'm just thinking that I don't know how even a person with a healthy mental status handles the sh*t that people other than cisheteronormative white males deal with.

Frankly, I would probably have killed myself by now with that sh*t stacked on top of the internal struggles and health problems I deal with already.

That article also cements for me that if her mom won't do it, then I need to make sure to educate my stepdaughter on positive consent and body ownership, as well as try to prepare her to hopefully avoid some of these death by a thousand cuts issues the author discussed.

Tanglebones wrote:

Sorry to interrupt the PokeConversation:
The problem with how men perceive rape

In retrospect, so much of sex in my twenties was a death by a thousand cuts for my sense of bodily autonomy—a series of assaults and violations that rendered me pliable to the desires of men right up until that date in the doughnut shop.

The worst part about all this, is that you don't always realize it at first. You don't always recognize that you're in that situation. Or you convince yourself that it's your inexperience, or anxiety, or something other external thing that's coming into play.

But the fact that these aren’t criminal acts doesn’t mean that they’re not violating or traumatic or wrong. And by refusing to recognize the harm caused by these sexual microaggressions, we teach women to accept them as normal and minimize their pain—and we teach men that they can get away with violating women.

That really says it all right there.

How to actually talk to women wearing headphones (the guardian response to that creepy article that's been going about - re: hitting on/harassing women wearing headphones).

From the original article:

What to Do to Get Her Attention

1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you).

2. Have a relaxed, easy-going smile.

3. Is she hasn’t already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can’t ignore it.

4. When she looks at you, smile and point to her headphones and say, “Take off your headphones for a minute” and pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands.

If she doesn’t understand (most women will), simply gesture that you want to talk to her by briefly pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.”

In most cases, you won’t have to go to that extreme, but some girls are shy and will be hesitant to take the headphones off right away because they are feeling a lot of nervousness and excitement about what is happening.

5. Then, do what we call “Acknowledging the Awkwardness” by quickly mentioning something about the awkwardness of the moment (see the conversation example below), to demonstrate you understand that approaching a woman in this way isn’t the most common of experiences for either party.

This helps put her at ease and know that you are a cool guy who she can relax and open up to.

*BARF*. It goes considerably downhill after that, as you might expect (the original article, not the guardian one).

pyxistyx wrote:
5. Then, do what we call “Acknowledging the Awkwardness” by quickly mentioning something about the awkwardness of the moment (see the conversation example below), to demonstrate you understand that approaching a woman in this way isn’t the most common of experiences for either party.

This helps put her at ease and know that you are a cool guy who she can relax and open up to.

*BARF*.

Admitting to being a creeper is totally the way to not be a creeper.

In most cases, you won’t have to go to that extreme, but some girls are shy and will be hesitant to take the headphones off right away because they are feeling a lot of nervousness and excitement about what is happening.

Yes, I'm sure being "shy" is the only reason a woman wouldn't want to take off her headphones to have a conversation with a complete stranger.

Demyx wrote:
In most cases, you won’t have to go to that extreme, but some girls are shy and will be hesitant to take the headphones off right away because they are feeling a lot of nervousness and excitement about what is happening.

Yes, I'm sure being "shy" is the only reason a woman wouldn't want to take off her headphones to have a conversation with a complete stranger.

No! Obviously she's just super excited that she's about to be creeped on.

How to Talk to Anyone Wearing Headphones:
1. Don't

muttonchop wrote:

How to Talk to Anyone Wearing Headphones:
1. Don't

Like *ever*.

Unless there's mortal danger involved.

I tend to make an exception if I notice something problematic. Like I had to run up and do a side arm tap to make someone notice, outside of the office, that they'd dropped their badge. Other than that, though, I tend to respect people's wish for privacy, I just wish people did the same with things other than headphones. If I'm staring at a book when you come outside to the smoke hut, I don't want to talk about work, shut uuuuuuuuuup.

Yup, these things.

When do you strike up a conversation with someone wearing headphones?
Never.

When do you talk to someone wearing headphones?
When you have information they're going to wish they had later. "you dropped your badge", "velociraptor stampede - RUN!"

pyxistyx wrote:

some girls are shy and will be hesitant to take the headphones off right away because they are feeling a lot of nervousness and excitement about what is happening.

Projection, then?

(Wow. That whole ... thing. (Article is too polite a term.))

Demosthenes wrote:

I tend to make an exception if I notice something problematic. Like I had to run up and do a side arm tap to make someone notice, outside of the office, that they'd dropped their badge. Other than that, though, I tend to respect people's wish for privacy, I just wish people did the same with things other than headphones. If I'm staring at a book when you come outside to the smoke hut, I don't want to talk about work, shut uuuuuuuuuup.

Having the audacity to read a book is literally like a magnet to people, and not because they actually want to talk about the book. For some reason, people seem to think that if you're reading a book, you're only doing it because you have nothing else to do and they feel some obligation to come to your rescue. So annoying!

I could imagine what creepy guy would have written about getting women to stop reading in a similar article.

Eleima wrote:
muttonchop wrote:

How to Talk to Anyone Wearing Headphones:
1. Don't

Like *ever*.

Unless there's mortal danger involved.

Even then, as Martha Mills so perfectly puts it:

and before you bleat on about “ooh, what if there’s a fire?”, she’ll smell it, even through all your bulls**t.
Chumpy_McChump wrote:
pyxistyx wrote:

some girls are shy and will be hesitant to take the headphones off right away because they are feeling a lot of nervousness and excitement about what is happening.

Projection, then?

(Wow. That whole ... thing. (Article is too polite a term.))

The whole thing is incredible. Dan Bacon has never met a real woman in his entire sad egoistic life.

Woman: [Most likely laughing, smiling and enjoying the interaction].
Women love to test guys to see how confident they really are and a favorite test of women is to ignore a guy’s attempts to converse with her and see what he will do next
No matter how confident or challenging a woman might behave, she still dreams of meeting a guy who is more confident than her.
a favorite nightmare of women is to ignore a guy’s attempts to converse with her and worry about what he will do next

I helpfully fixed this!

Jonman wrote:

Yup, these things.

When do you strike up a conversation with someone wearing headphones?
Never.

When do you talk to someone wearing headphones?
When you have information they're going to wish they had later. "you dropped your badge", "velociraptor stampede - RUN!"

Now to find out if that's too long to turn into a sig line.

Oh hey - here's another super creepy thing that I wish I could unsee!

(don't read the youtube comments - the video is bad enough)

With VR Mode: Dead or Alive goes from Creepy to Harassment.

IMAGE(https://cdn0.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/Ew8BFrwL5Y-BPFGdWjkENd-181k=/800x0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/7019061/vr_yuck.0.gif)

Yeah, sometimes I bother to tell people that they shouldn't be cycling in traffic with headphones, but it's usually guys. And they're usually rude. I consider my duty discharged once they hear it. Some people actually do take it off after they think they're out of eyesight! Progress.

I have never found it necessary to strike up a conversation with random people who obviously don't want to be bothered, and I have to wonder why you'd be so hard up in companionship that you would have to do that.

I got 32 seconds into that Dead or Alive video. She's actually saying "stop" in Japanese. I'm sick...

Isn't it a fighting game? Why doesn't she just beat the sh*t out of that alien probe?

IMAGE(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CrHiXWJVMAAyH1q.jpg:large)

IMAGE(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CrIl8x1WYAAH1nE?format=jpg&name=large)

sometimesdee wrote:

I got 32 seconds into that Dead or Alive video. She's actually saying "stop" in Japanese. I'm sick...

Isn't it a fighting game? Why doesn't she just beat the sh*t out of that alien probe?

There's a fighting game. I actually like that decently because the animations are pretty cool. There's a creeping game. I don't even want to see it in the store.

sometimesdee wrote:

Isn't it a fighting game? Why doesn't she just beat the sh*t out of that alien probe?

To be clear, the most current iteration I'm aware of is a fighting game with (currently on steam) $882.82 CAD = $675.16 USD worth of fetishized costume dlcs. One of the ongoing complaints in the discussion forums was the lack of 'boob physics' on one platform while present on another.... etc

I am of two minds about DOA. It is pretty upfront about what it is and in a more perfect world it wouldnt be a big deal because there would be better representation of women in fighting games. On the other hand it is creepy AF.

How to talk to anyone wearing headphones:

IMAGE(http://66.media.tumblr.com/621a250153e26ad48f872570b2a2ebee/tumblr_o3l3atZcsh1qhqb9no2_400.gif)

Nomad wrote:

How to talk to anyone wearing headphones:

IMAGE(http://66.media.tumblr.com/621a250153e26ad48f872570b2a2ebee/tumblr_o3l3atZcsh1qhqb9no2_400.gif)

Works for me even when no headphones in sight. Of course, the guy would probably have more of a problem getting my attention away from a puppy than a set of headphones.

Stanford rapist Brock Turner was released from prison last week and he's hiding out in his parents house in a suburb of Dayton, OH.

This has drawn a group of protesters, a couple of which thought signs with harsh language weren't enough so they brought along their AR-15s as well.

OG_slinger wrote:

Stanford rapist Brock Turner was released from prison last week and he's hiding out in his parents house in a suburb of Dayton, OH.

This has drawn a group of protesters, a couple of which thought signs with harsh language weren't enough so they brought along their AR-15s as well.

Not a big fan of people brandishing their weapons as a form of intimidation, but it's nice to see it be done for a positive reason once in a while. Actually I'm rather conflicted on it.

Yeah, I wish they hadn't brought their guns, but I'm totally in favor of their protest.