Dress Code

Dress Code

I sit down for lunch in the office cafeteria. After throwing back my sandwich, I pull my New Nintendo 3DS XL out of my pocket, turn the volume down, crack open the lid and resume my current battle in Fire Emblem: Fates. Every so often, someone new enters the cafeteria, and I stiffen slightly. I start to consider what's on the screen, who is in the party, how I'll explain the mechanics, how I'll make it sound like more than a toy.

I'm still a little ashamed to be seen playing video games.

More specifically, I'm a little ashamed to be seen playing video games at work. In real life, I brazenly wear my Splatoon t-shirt, my Legend of Zelda jersey, or even my own self-made Bioshock t-shirt. I'll openly carry my 3DS in public in the vain hope that someone in the Greater Philadelphia area is around to Streetpass with.

What's that? I'd look cleaner in a button-down shirt and slacks? I'd be spiffy in a suit and tie?

Please. I look like Al-Mother-F*cking-Capone in a suit and tie. I know I look good.

But, with few exceptions, such clothing just doesn't feel like me. It's like wearing someone else's skin for a day. I am aware that some may think of me as a man-child, but I don't care. I'm open with my interests because I spent so many years being emotionally beaten down by schoolmates and parents about my love of games. Even when everyone was loving on Mortal Kombat, I received jeers and insults for daring to insinuate that Street Fighter II and Final Fantasy IV (II U.S.) were better. So I instead choose to wear clothing that just feels like me, and the only time I notice anyone's response is when they say something positive about it.

Outside of work, that is.

Every day I go to work wearing clothing that conforms to someone else's definition of adulthood. I see myself in the mirror and all I see is someone that's fatter than everyone else, looking ridiculous in these "nice" clothes meant for beautiful people. The only way to stand out is to purchase "premium" clothing, to adorn myself in wealth-indicators – indications of a wealth I don't have, nor have any interest pretending to indulge in.

Perhaps I really am a man-child. Perhaps my insistence in graphic t-shirts and jeans is an adolescent rebellion to "the system". Everyone else looks so comfortable in their "business-casual" clothing. They belong here. They talk about normal people things. They talk about popular shows like American Idol and Survivor. They read New York Times Best-Sellers on their Kindles and browse Facebook on their phones.

They ask me what I do for fun, and I freeze.

How do I tell other professionals that I play video games? Worse yet, what do I do when one of my co-workers in another office asks me over the phone if I'm playing Fallout 4? My eyes dart around the quiet office. Any attempts to hush my voice are often futile. It carries. People will hear me. How do I explain that I am not a fan of open-world Bethesda games, but I've been playing Rise of the Tomb Raider – and boy does it run wonderfully on Xbox 360?

Previously, I would spend my lunch break browsing the internet on my phone. Recently I decided I was going to spend my week's lunches reading a novel instead: Clockwork Angels. Suddenly, lunch was no longer a monotonous break from monotony. It was a time where I could enjoy the things that make me who I am. Thirty or forty minutes of the day that were mine.

By the end that week I decided that I am too old to feel ashamed of playing video games. I can bring my 3DS to work without labeling myself as some foul-mouthed child, cursing out strangers over online matches of Call of Duty or League of Legends. I am, rather, a foul-mouthed adult who discusses the finer points of game design and narrative, and cares about those details. I am an adult, and I enjoy video games as a thoughtful adult can.

So I fight that reflex to freeze and hide my handheld when a coworker enters the cafeteria. I relax my stiffened spine. I quiet any anxious concerns over what they think of a grown man playing video games. I've spent too much of my life being ashamed of my passions. When I became an adult, I put away such childish things, so I could pull out my 3DS and kill some Hoshidan bastards.

FOR NOHR!

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Comments

When you walk into Diamond City you take off your combat armour and put on your Minuteman General's Hat, Clean Black Suit, and Fashionable Glasses; because you're not battling supermutants any more you're negotiating good prices and convincing people to do things your way. Real life is no different.

Boobs

Spoiler:

Okay, that's entirely too dry and short of a reply to make without explaining my thoughts. It can still be quite tough to play games at work and not feel paranoid because of boobs. At least in my mind that's a problem. Even something fairly innocuous like Fire Emblem (because most of the game is not spent in cutscenes and/or dialogue) still has a fair bit of images that could appear to be scandalous if seen at work, rightfully or not.

Most disappointing spoiler tag click ever.

I don't know what kind of adults you work with, but I'm over the age of 30 and work at a company that makes software and data feeds for financial professionals. And nobody talks about American Idol or Survivor. We actually mostly talk about Hearthstone or League of Legends.

I work in Helpdesk among about 8 others in our cube farm and will openly discuss Hearthstone, Fallout, and Rocket League by talking over the cube walls or via IM. Any others that walk by give us a nice wide berth.

garion333 wrote:

Boobs

Spoiler:

Okay, that's entirely too dry and short of a reply to make without explaining my thoughts. It can still be quite tough to play games at work and not feel paranoid because of boobs. At least in my mind that's a problem. Even something fairly innocuous like Fire Emblem (because most of the game is not spent in cutscenes and/or dialogue) still has a fair bit of images that could appear to be scandalous if seen at work, rightfully or not.

That's partially accurate, yes, though I've never had a problem of shrugging it off and saying "It's to get Japanese nerds to buy figures. Look at it the same way as slow-motion in Baywatch". But even when people can't see what's on the screen, just holding this game-based electronic device itself caused and can still cause a stir. I anticipate negative response before anyone even knows what I'm playing.

Plus: one time I was playing Super Mario World, so boobs don't even factor.

AnyLameName wrote:

I don't know what kind of adults you work with, but I'm over the age of 30 and work at a company that makes software and data feeds for financial professionals. And nobody talks about American Idol or Survivor. We actually mostly talk about Hearthstone or League of Legends.

I can assure you that I work with a very different group of adults.

AnyLameName wrote:

I don't know what kind of adults you work with, but I'm over the age of 30 and work at a company that makes software and data feeds for financial professionals. And nobody talks about American Idol or Survivor. We actually mostly talk about Hearthstone or League of Legends.

Must be nice. I believe "we" are mostly talking about NCAA brackets right now. Nothing against that stuff, but I don't care about it.

ccesarano wrote:
garion333 wrote:

Boobs

Spoiler:

Okay, that's entirely too dry and short of a reply to make without explaining my thoughts. It can still be quite tough to play games at work and not feel paranoid because of boobs. At least in my mind that's a problem. Even something fairly innocuous like Fire Emblem (because most of the game is not spent in cutscenes and/or dialogue) still has a fair bit of images that could appear to be scandalous if seen at work, rightfully or not.

That's partially accurate, yes, though I've never had a problem of shrugging it off and saying "It's to get Japanese nerds to buy figures. Look at it the same way as slow-motion in Baywatch".

I'm not sure I'd get very far watching slow-motion Baywatch at work, either. That said, I'm pretty sure that folks have watched premium cable "dirty boobs" shows on the workout room DVR.

wordsmythe wrote:
ccesarano wrote:
garion333 wrote:

Boobs

Spoiler:

Okay, that's entirely too dry and short of a reply to make without explaining my thoughts. It can still be quite tough to play games at work and not feel paranoid because of boobs. At least in my mind that's a problem. Even something fairly innocuous like Fire Emblem (because most of the game is not spent in cutscenes and/or dialogue) still has a fair bit of images that could appear to be scandalous if seen at work, rightfully or not.

That's partially accurate, yes, though I've never had a problem of shrugging it off and saying "It's to get Japanese nerds to buy figures. Look at it the same way as slow-motion in Baywatch".

I'm not sure I'd get very far watching slow-motion Baywatch at work, either. That said, I'm pretty sure that folks have watched premium cable "dirty boobs" shows on the workout room DVR.

Yeah, things I can watch at work certainly aren't limited to games and cleavage. My gf's work fired someone for watching porn on the sales floor (seriously), but otherwise you can pretty much watch the most horrendously violent movies in the back area and I don't think some topless shots would get a rise from anyone.

At my work, it would probably be a negative to play games on lunch, but the company is run by older folks who will be retired in a few years.

I've heard people watching shows on their phones with some salty language during lunch, so I figure as long as it isn't porn people aren't too bothered by what you watch on lunch hour.

Though why you wouldn't use headphones confuses me.

AnyLameName wrote:

I don't know what kind of adults you work with, but I'm over the age of 30 and work at a company that makes software and data feeds for financial professionals. And nobody talks about American Idol or Survivor. We actually mostly talk about Hearthstone or League of Legends.

It might surprise you to find out that the majority of adults *don't* actually work in software/tech fields. This is a real issue for a lot of us.

I liked this article. Your writing is getting a lot more confident and natural. Nice work.

I think as a Christmas present from a well meaning in-law a few years back, I got a pair of Wii-branded underpants. Wearing them to work felt subversive, like I had a garter belt on under my khakis.

Jonman wrote:

I think as a Christmas present from a well meaning in-law a few years back, I got a pair of Wii-branded pants. Wearing them to work felt subversive, like I had a garter belt on under my khakis.

Tyops wrote:
AnyLameName wrote:

I don't know what kind of adults you work with, but I'm over the age of 30 and work at a company that makes software and data feeds for financial professionals. And nobody talks about American Idol or Survivor. We actually mostly talk about Hearthstone or League of Legends.

It might surprise you to find out that the majority of adults *don't* actually work in software/tech fields. This is a real issue for a lot of us.

SallyNasty wrote:

I liked this article. Your writing is getting a lot more confident and natural. Nice work.

I agree with all of these.

SallyNasty wrote:

I liked this article. Your writing is getting a lot more confident and natural. Nice work.

Wow, that probably made his year. Artists rarely hear this sort of stuff. Props, Sally.

Tyops wrote:

It might surprise you to find out that the majority of adults *don't* actually work in software/tech fields. This is a real issue for a lot of us.

Yup. Most of the office talk where I work is what happened with so-and-so's kid's soccer team, what so-and-so is growing in their garden/doing to their house, go Seahawks, TV shows etc. I can jump in on some of the show discussion but most of this is just background noise that goes in one ear and out the other. I've made no secret that I'm a gamer, no one else here is but they're a cool bunch and don't judge, about all I get is some gentle ribbing once in a while if I'll ask for a day off someone will be all "what is a new videogame coming out?!" Sometimes the answer is yes!

garion333 wrote:

My gf's work fired someone for watching porn on the sales floor (seriously)

Everybody in my part of the office watches porn every day, and they get paid for it, too.

Spoiler:

I work on Google SafeSearch

I vaguely remembered that we had an article with a similar theme before. And indeed, there was "Game Faces" by DT a year ago.

Both resonated with me, which is probably why I will remember this one a year from now, too.

Thanks for sharing, C!

I'm horribly spoiled, working within the gaming industry, game based clothing and discussions are the norm. Even here though there exists the hierarchy of dress code, whereas it may not be suit versus slacks, you do get the feeling that the Blizzard aficionados in their shiny Overwatch shirts look down upon those of us foolish enough to be sporting Frontier's vector Cobras of yesteryear.

I stopped being coy about my video games playing with people I barely know - friends and family have known about my "hobby" for decades - quite some time ago. Now I'll freely admit that I play video games. Seeing as I'm a grey haired 50+ white guy, I'm usually sharing this with other 50+ couples. Most reactions are either interested - "Oh, what kind?" - or non-committal. I've never had a negative reaction.

I was judged pretty harshly for making my gamer status known at my last job - definitely keeping it a bit quieter at the new job.

Playing video games is no less childish then watching football or even TV in general in my opinion.

garion333 wrote:
SallyNasty wrote:

I liked this article. Your writing is getting a lot more confident and natural. Nice work.

Wow, that probably made his year. Artists rarely hear this sort of stuff. Props, Sally.

I definitely didn't see it coming, and it was most definitely appreciated.

NothingWitty wrote:

I vaguely remembered that we had an article with a similar theme before. And indeed, there was "Game Faces" by DT a year ago.

Both resonated with me, which is probably why I will remember this one a year from now, too.

Thanks for sharing, C!

Greg's was certainly a bit more personal and introspective than mine was, and was probably one of the best things he put together. This was just something I needed to get off my chest one day, but I'm glad to see that it remains something that people can relate with.

Maq wrote:

When you walk into Diamond City you take off your combat armour and put on your Minuteman General's Hat, Clean Black Suit, and Fashionable Glasses; because you're not battling supermutants any more

I battle supermutants in a Clean Striped Suit and Fashionable Glasses, because I'm there to stand up against barbarity in all its forms, and because it's never a bad thing to look your best.

Also, should you ever find yourself in a combat situation where you have to, say, persuade someone to get out from under the thumb of a gangster thug, then they might just take you seriously if you're not dressed like a highly magnetic bag lady.

I feel you. Admitting to colleagues that you're a gamer is risky business, especially If you're a woman. Luckily most people in my office have not been judgmental about it, at least to my face. Still, I'm definitely hesitant to mention it if I'm at some kind of a networking event, job interview, or meeting with a client. I guess I just assumed all engineers would be into games and general geekery, but that is definitely not the case.

My office is divided between:

1. People in their late 40s-50s who don't get it but mostly leave me alone.

2. 30-something parents who either play themselves or with their kids. So even if they aren't big AAA gamers we can talk about Skylanders and Disney Infinity.

3. 20-somethings who are always trying to suck me into playing time sinks like the Division or LOL.

About the only time I feel bad is when I talk with the hardcore outdoorsy people about their weekend climbing Mt Rainier or sailing their boat up to the San Juans. Sadly I don't have money or time to go do awesome outdoors adventures so I'm a little jealous.

This was a good read. Very palatable and focused. I have on and off seasons when I play my 3DS openly at the company lunch table. The most visceral thing you mentioned for me was that inescapable sensitivity to who is in the room and how they might perceive what you're doing. I think I can resonate with that, but additionally with the threat of distraction. "What's that?" A simple, unassuming two words that often tax me with not only explaining what "it" is, but also articulating "it" in a layperson-facing way.

I work at a creative agency that designs and develops apps/websites, so there's quite a fair amount of game/game-adjacent (fantasy fiction, anime) enthusiasts who know what I'm doing, but there are many who don't. Mostly the leadership. It's that strange valley of thought where I can logically conclude that there is no quantifiable value on what I recreationally enjoy versus what the populous enjoys. And that when it comes to it, more often than not, the narrative and intellectual merit of what I'm doing can totally exceed the character arc of "Dancing With The Stars." However, even if it doesn't, I noticed that I elicit a completely different response out of people when I played Hearthstone on my laptop instead of my iPhone. Or Fire Emblem on my 3DS instead of [Insert Cow-Clicker] on my iPad. Somehow iOS gaming is more normal and less questionable. I don't know what that is, but it drives me nuts when everything else gets strange attention.

Additionally, I made a new friend in the office who actually told me about this site (long time reader, first time caller here, hey guys!) and when it was just us in a room, we talked about games for a long while. But for some reason, I gravitate towards IM when non-gaming folk are around. Could just be courtesy to not make anyone feel left out.

I'm back and forth on this. Seems like other people are too. I grew up in a family that played video games together and went to a high school where eSports cyber athletes were as cool and respected as anyone else could be. Much has been normalized and much has not. I'm glad that you're feeling better in your own skin. This wall is insurmountable, so I'm just gonna enjoy a thing. And people will have to be okay with me enjoying the things because I let them enjoy things too.

So I read the username and was like "N'aww, it can't be that Satchbag". Then I checked the YouTube link in the sig and was like "Holy crap it is that Satchbag!"

In which case, firstly, thank you very much for the kind words. It has made my day.

Somehow iOS gaming is more normal and less questionable. I don't know what that is, but it drives me nuts when everything else gets strange attention.

I've thought about this as well, and I think it's similar to a stereotype of people just playing Solitaire during work. Hell, my sister used to play Solitaire on her laptop at home to kill time, and I recall sitting there scratching my head because we had plenty of perfectly fine game systems around. I think it comes down to a few key differences.

iOS games, or at least the popular ones, don't require anything more than a simple and superficial understanding of mechanics. It's a de-stresser and time killer that doesn't really require any mental energy to invest. It can be quit at any time. It is, essentially, the new Solitaire, and when you're playing on your phone, it's pretty clear that it is just a tertiary purpose.

But when you play on a laptop or a 3DS, there's a sudden impression of dedication. Even if you're doing the same thing with Hearthstone on your laptop as you would be on your phone, the laptop drives an impression of greater complexity. In addition, it suggests that these games are more than just distractions, but are a primary method of spending time.

This is largely guesswork, and since I wrote this article I actually had one co-worker telling me to talk to another because she's a gamer as well. Of course, there's a number of reasons where that feels weird, too. I know I have another co-worker that enjoys anime, but I don't really discuss it with him because being within earshot of everyone else makes me feel as if I'd be embarrassing both of us. In addition, I haven't really interacted with this co-worker before, so approaching her and saying "Yo I hear you play video games" just seems really out of nowhere and also incredibly reductionist.

Which I think is one of the more interesting aspects to my own insularity. I know there are two people I can speak with about anime and gaming, respectively, but that doesn't mean we will like the same things or be able to discuss the same things within those interests. It's like saying "Oh, you like television? Felicia and Jordan also like television. You should talk to them about television!" Or even "Oh, you like football? Well, that's a sport, right? Bradley likes Basketball, which is also a sport! The two of you should talk about it!"

Of course, there's also the acknowledgment that this is all over-thinking anyway. However, I think getting to the point where I am comfortable playing my 3DS during lunch will eventually calm me and allow me to let down my barriers. Maybe then I can stop feeling like such an outsider when I attend Happy Hour.

chixor7 wrote:

I feel you. Admitting to colleagues that you're a gamer is risky business, especially If you're a woman. Luckily most people in my office have not been judgmental about it, at least to my face. Still, I'm definitely hesitant to mention it if I'm at some kind of a networking event, job interview, or meeting with a client. I guess I just assumed all engineers would be into games and general geekery, but that is definitely not the case.

Right there with you, Chixor. I think the only person I've confessed my hobby to is the head of IT because well, we're kinda starting to fraternize.
I really think it depends on what field you're in though. My sister works at Gameloft which does mobile games, and pretty much everyone there is into games. When I visited, she let me in the studio on a Sunday afternoon and almost all the desks were decked in gaming and geeky paraphernalia, from Journey to Mass Effect.

Good article. I just left an employer of a decade and moved a thousand miles. Hopefully, there will be a few fellow gamers at my new employer. At the previous employer, I reached out to a couple co-workers that I found out played video games only to find out they played exclusively FIFA and Call of Duty games. We ended up having nothing in common. In the past couple years we hired a 23-ish year old kid that played games and we found we had a lot to discuss about comics but games still remained a taboo conversation spoken of in hushed tones when we were sure no one was around. Generally, in my post college days it has seemed the general attitude has been 'games are for kids.'

ccesarano wrote:

This is largely guesswork, and since I wrote this article I actually had one co-worker telling me to talk to another because she's a gamer as well. Of course, there's a number of reasons where that feels weird, too. I know I have another co-worker that enjoys anime, but I don't really discuss it with him because being within earshot of everyone else makes me feel as if I'd be embarrassing both of us. In addition, I haven't really interacted with this co-worker before, so approaching her and saying "Yo I hear you play video games" just seems really out of nowhere and also incredibly reductionist.

Which I think is one of the more interesting aspects to my own insularity. I know there are two people I can speak with about anime and gaming, respectively, but that doesn't mean we will like the same things or be able to discuss the same things within those interests. It's like saying "Oh, you like television? Felicia and Jordan also like television. You should talk to them about television!" Or even "Oh, you like football? Well, that's a sport, right? Bradley likes Basketball, which is also a sport! The two of you should talk about it!"

That gave me flashbacks to being a young child and my mother assuming any girl she found that played with action figures must clearly be a perfect fit for a new best friend. While that was usually awkward and made for a very uncomfortable evening, she did prove correct on one occasion.

satchbag wrote:

Additionally, I made a new friend in the office who actually told me about this site (long time reader, first time caller here, hey guys!) and when it was just us in a room, we talked about games for a long while. But for some reason, I gravitate towards IM when non-gaming folk are around. Could just be courtesy to not make anyone feel left out.

I'm back and forth on this. Seems like other people are too. I grew up in a family that played video games together and went to a high school where eSports cyber athletes were as cool and respected as anyone else could be. Much has been normalized and much has not. I'm glad that you're feeling better in your own skin. This wall is insurmountable, so I'm just gonna enjoy a thing. And people will have to be okay with me enjoying the things because I let them enjoy things too.

Worlds colliding. Strange and wonderful to stumble upon you here, Satchel. Glad you joined up.

Yeah, I'm the "new friend in the office." And from my POV having Satchel around to talk about games has helped me become comfortable here more quickly, and allowed me to not have to downplay part of my personality which I certainly would have for a time.

Although, to be honest, sometime around when I passed the 40 year-old line several years ago I realized that I don't care as much about what people think about me. I wear my LOTR t-shirts to events with other parents. I answer questions about what I like with an enthusiastic "I'm obsessed with boardgames and trying to design them. I play video games as well." At this point in my life, I'm not looking to the people I work with to be my social life, and have gotten much better about being myself while engaging with my co-workers on the terms they are comfortable with.

Still, it's nice to have a good work friend; especially Satchbag who is truly a prince among men.