NFL 2015: Week 16

So, I am on vacation now, so I don't have much to say this week. All I have to say is this, regarding Allen Robinson being only an alternate for the Pro Bowl:

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Pick 'Ems

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ALL road team victories last week.

Carolina at Atlanta: Carolina is going to be a pick-em for these last two weeks regardless of opponent. This is the march to 16-0. They survived last week's incredibly close call, and they're back on the road against an Atlanta team that mustered just enough juice to survive Bortlesmania. Fortunately, Julio Jones is not the type to go headhunting even if the opponents talk crap and hold baseball bats, so the whole affair should be less dramatic, and probably not as close on the scoreboard either. Carolina survives another week undefeated.

Green Bay at Arizona: Both teams have locked up playoff spots, but are still fighting for their seeding. Green Bay has somewhat quietly rebounded of late, winning 3 straight after going 1-4 the previous 5 weeks. Davante Adams even held onto some balls thrown his way last week. Arizona has just been steamrolling ahead, their last loss dating back to week 6, and only a single game decided by a field goal or less since then. Since getting his shot 3 weeks ago, David Johnson has become a weapon for Arizona, and would seem to be wrestling away the long-term starting job from Andre Ellington. Hard to pick against Arizona at home right now.

Jacksonville at New Orleans: OK, so the game against Atlanta didn't go to plan. But New Orleans is even worse, and their 30th ranked pass defense should pose little resistance for Bortlesmania. Right? Jacksonville.

NY Giants at Minnesota: OK, we all like Teddy Bridgewater and think he's a sharp passer and all that... but are they ever going to, like, really move the ball through the air? Teddy B is near the bottom of the league in attempts, yardage, and passing TDs. Hard to argue against a 9-5 record, but still, there's going to be some sizzle here at some point... right? The G-Men took the undefeated Panthers to the brink last week, but failed to play the spoiler. Still, at 6-8, they are only one game behind division-leading Washington, and thus are very much in play for the division and playoff berth. For my upset pick of the week, I'm giving it to them. NY Giants.

Cincinnati at Denver: I tried and I tried, but Katherine Webb and I could not find each other at Levi's last Sunday. Now she rolls into Denver, with her husband having broken the losing skid of Alabama QBs starting NFL games. Cincy clings to the #2 seed in the AFC, but this is Denver's chance to take it. Denver has to pull out of their freefall, losing 2 straight after Brock Lobster had won his first 3. Which backup QB helps his team secure the #2 seed? I'm leaning Denver.

Make your Week 16 picks now!

Week 15 Results
GioClark: 5-0
Elliottx: 4-1
onewild: 4-1
PorkSmoothie89: 4-1
LeapingGnome: 3-2
jonfentyler: 3-2
tboon: 3-2
Bighoppa: 3-2
oldmanscene24: 3-2
Abu5217: 3-2
Infyrnos: 3-2
sr_malo: 3-2
EvilDead: 3-2
Top_Shelf: 3-2
Mr E.B. Slugworth: 3-2
Vector: 2-3
Bubs14: 2-3
Jayhawker: 2-3
karmajay: 2-3
Rat Boy: 2-3
garion333: 2-3
Kush15: 2-3
UpToIsomorphism: 2-3
TheGameGuru: 2-3
Stele: 2-3
Oddsmakers: 2-3
Zaque: 1-4
MilkmanDanimal: 1-4
Minase: 1-4
Certis: 1-4
*Legion*: 1-4

Peedmyself: 0-0
thejustinbot: 0-0
Gumbie: 0-0
cube: 0-0
Cobble: 0-0
Tempest Blayze: 0-0
Jowner: 0-0
Atras: 0-0
Torq: 0-0
Flintheart Glomgold: 0-0
Paleocon: 0-0
troubleshot: 0-0
kaostheory: 0-0
Nomad: 0-0
Psych: 0-0
AnimeJ: 0-0
Grumpicus: 0-0
Neozilla: 0-0
whispa: 0-0
BEPNewt: 0-0
iaintgotnopants: 0-5

Season to Date
oldmanscene24: 45-30
Infyrnos: 45-30
garion333: 45-30
LeapingGnome: 45-25
PorkSmoothie89: 44-26
Stele: 42-33
Oddsmakers: 42-33
karmajay: 41-29
jonfentyler: 41-34
tboon: 40-35
*Legion*: 40-35
Vector: 40-35
Mr E.B. Slugworth: 40-30
Elliottx: 39-36
TheGameGuru: 39-36
GioClark: 38-32
EvilDead: 38-37
MilkmanDanimal: 38-32
Rat Boy: 38-37
thejustinbot: 37-33
Zaque: 35-35
Bighoppa: 35-40
UpToIsomorphism: 35-40
onewild: 34-36
Certis: 34-36
Peedmyself: 34-31
iaintgotnopants: 33-42
Jayhawker: 32-38
Torq: 32-28
Bubs14: 32-43
Jowner: 31-19
Top_Shelf: 31-29
Abu5217: 31-39
sr_malo: 28-27
Minase: 18-22
cube: 18-17
Atras: 18-12
Cobble: 17-18
Gumbie: 17-23
BEPNewt: 10-15
Tempest Blayze: 10-5
Psych: 8-7
kaostheory: 8-7
Kush15: 7-8
Nomad: 6-9
Flintheart Glomgold: 6-4
AnimeJ: 6-9
Paleocon: 4-6
Neozilla: 4-1
whispa: 3-2
Grumpicus: 3-7
troubleshot: 0-0

Two weeks ago I forgot to make picks. Last week, I made picks, and it really didn't make much difference. I blame society.

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons: The Falcons are TURRIBLE at this point. I'm hoping the Consistent Implosion of Matt Ryan (it's like The Last Temptation of Christ, only way funnier) continues. I think Carolina might be the worst 14-0 team ever, but they're still a 14-0 team; they probably should be a very respectable 11-3 or 12-2, but things have just broken perfectly for them. Very good team, and I hope they all get eaten by a bear. Also, Josh Norman? He's a bit of a douche, but, in athletics, you get to be a bit of a douche when you're good. He's good. ODB is a moron for not just trash-talking back. ODB should have way more than a one-game suspension.

Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals: David Johnson is awesome because he went to my school, and I left little residual bits of awesome. Those bits of awesome might glow under a UV light. You know, it's probably best to just move on.

Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints: With a healthy Brees, I might go the other way, but his foot's all messed up, meaning Smurfy McBreesypants is in trouble. I don't have Bortlesmania, but I did just have a beer. Not enough beer to believe in Bortlesmania, but, well, it's a good beer.

New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings: With ODB, maybe I go another way; Minnesota is pretty torn up on defense, but ODB just makes things go. Bridgewater has been distressingly short in his passing, and Minnesota is like a crappier version of Carolina, a team where everything has been breaking right. As long as Bridgewater doesn't get killed behind Minnesota's line, everything is fine.

Cincinnati Bengals at Denver Broncos: This is a game where there's a realistic chance of more defensive TDs than offensive first downs. All it needs is a heavy snowstorm, and it could be the funniest game ever.

Thurs night Christmas Eve football? Meh.

“Hopefully I don’t have to go,” he said. “Our eyes are on the prize.”

Travis Kelce on his first Pro Bowl selection.

NFL.com voters know it.

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*Legion* wrote:

NFL.com voters know it.

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Nope. Derrick Johnson.

*Legion* wrote:

NFL.com voters know it.

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Who?

If this is the final football game at the Oakland Coliseum, the NFL Gameday folks sure are enjoying it.

Good god, I'm on a nice little run. Sorry Carolina, I guess you're losing this week because I'm going to pick you.

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons: Carolina Panthers
Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals: Arizona Cardinals
Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints: Jacksonville Jaguars
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings: Minnesota Vikings
Cincinnati Bengals at Denver Broncos: Cincinnati Bengals

*Legion* wrote:

NFL.com voters know it.

IMAGE(http://i.imgur.com/s88hbVX.jpg)

And Lavonte David, even snubbed from the snubbed list.

It sucks being an OLB in a 4-3.

Now we're doing Bunk and Daniels gifs?

*swoon*

On pro bowl: Why is Kam Chancellor in there?

Top_Shelf wrote:

Now we're doing Bunk and Daniels gifs?

*swoon*

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Endlessly rewatching The Wire is how I spend the NFL offseason.

Top_Shelf wrote:

Now we're doing Bunk and Daniels gifs?

*swoon*

On pro bowl: Why is Kam Chancellor in there?

Or DeMarcus Ware, who's missed a number of games. If anybody gets the "name recognition" to Hawaii this year, it's him.

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons: Atlanta Falcons
Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals: Green Bay Packers
Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints: New Orleans Saints
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings: New York Giants
Cincinnati Bengals at Denver Broncos: Denver Broncos

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons: Carolina Panthers
Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals: Arizona Cardinals
Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints: Jacksonville Jaguars
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings: New York Giants
Cincinnati Bengals at Denver Broncos: Cincinnati Bengals

Stele wrote:

Thurs night Christmas Eve football? Meh.

I could stand to see a little bit more.

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons: Carolina Panthers
Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals: Green Bay Packers
Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints: Jacksonville Jaguars
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings: Minnesota Vikings
Cincinnati Bengals at Denver Broncos: Cincinnati Bengals

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons: Carolina Panthers
Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals: Arizona Cardinals
Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints: New Orleans Saints
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings: Minnesota Vikings
Cincinnati Bengals at Denver Broncos: Denver Broncos

Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons: Carolina Panthers
Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals: Green Bay Packers
Jacksonville Jaguars at New Orleans Saints: Jacksonville Jaguars
New York Giants at Minnesota Vikings: Minnesota Vikings
Cincinnati Bengals at Denver Broncos: Denver Broncos

So...Al-Jazeera's about to link Peyton Manning to HGH, among others. Said others include, allegedly, Clay Matthews, James Harrison, Julius Peppers, baseball's Ryan Howard, and Mike Tyson. Get your popcorn ready.

♫ H-G-H shot in my thigh ♫

Thank you Redskins, put putting the Giants fans out of their misery, and for guaranteeing that the AFC South will be the only division with a playoff team with a losing record

Rat Boy wrote:

So...Al-Jazeera's about to link Peyton Manning to HGH, among others. Said others include, allegedly, Clay Matthews, James Harrison, Julius Peppers, baseball's Ryan Howard, and Mike Tyson. Get your popcorn ready.

Carolina Panthers
Green Bay Packers
Jacksonville Jaguars
Minnesota Vikings
Denver Broncos

Also, away from my PC for the first time all season and had to password reset of course. Oh well.

Hoping to see the Chiefs clinch a playoff birth today, although they will need a little help. Heck, they even have a chance to take over first place in the AFC West if they win and Denver loses.

Who do the Chiefs have to beat. I'm probably jinxing the holy heck out of this, but the Browns, and they lose in ways only the Browns can lose.

Suck it, Tennessee! They spotted us a fumble for a TD before I could even get over here to post some general foul wishes.

Hey, it's been a while since I posted this classic educational video about the Titans - "The Tennessee Titans Named After Inbred, Defeated Child-Eaters"

Ryan Mallett, starting QB for your Baltimore Ravens.

Brandon Weeden, starting QB for your Houston Texans.

Blaine Gabbert, starting QB for your San Francisco 49ers.

What a time to be alive.

So basically, Alex Smith is the QB the Browns were hoping Manziel would be. Right now, Smith is playing out of his mind.

Jayhawker wrote:

So basically, Alex Smith is the QB the Browns were hoping Manziel would be. Right now, Smith is playing out of his mind.

And Manziel is back to being Manziel.

iaintgotnopants wrote:

Good god, I'm on a nice little run. Sorry Carolina, I guess you're losing this week because I'm going to pick you.

Yeah...