Security

"Is this your bag sir?"

I smile. "Yep!" One of my secrets to travel zen is to be unrelentingly cheerful, regardless of how dour my internal mood or how depressing my plight. The TSA dude seemed on edge.

"Can we take a look inside?" he asks, as if "no" would be an acceptable answer and they'd just send me on my way.

"No problem, I'm sure you just picked up my phone or something."

He opens the bag. He looks at me. He looks in the bag again. He looks at me. One at a time, he removes objects for investigation.

He lays out the contents on the table, as if reconstructing Sumerian wedding invitations. Laptop. Spare battery. DS. PSP. iPhone. Kindle. Camera. Noise canceling headset. Mouse. Power bricks. A bottle of central nervous system depressants. Two sharpies. Eye mask. Earplugs. Plastic bag with $300.

"Is this all yours?" he asks. His face is tense. I'm not sure how the answer could be anything but "yes" but I say "yes" just the same.

He begins unfolding everything. He opens the laptop. He opens the DS. He takes the PSP out of its clear plastic case. He removes the kindle from its leather book cover. He opens the medicine bottle and looks inside, giving it a shake. He removes the $300 from the bag and puts it back in. He reaches for a plastic wand with a strip of cloth held in the end, and proceeds to wipe down the surfaces of everything. He removes the cloth, places it in a chemical sniffer.

We both sit there patiently. I smile. He doesn't. The machine makes a shallow beep.

"You're all set sir," he informs me. He starts trying to reassemble my pieces, but I step in to do it for him. He hesitates before moving back down the line.

"Can I ask what all this is for?" He's dropped the officious tone from his voice. He's just genuinely curious. Perhaps he thinks I'm some sort of gamer-McGuyver terrorist, and that I will be constructing an artificially intelligent exploding toilet seat from Lithium batteries, flash memory, epilepsy medication and and pictures of Andrew Jackson.

"Nothing really," I reply, shrugging. "Just a geek I guess." I give him my most manic grin.

How did it come to this?

Bare feet cold on the rubber floor mats, I contemplate my luggage. Six independent devices, each with battery, a screen, an input system, a wireless transceiver, memory, speakers and a processor. Two of the devices feature cameras. Four of them contain Microphones. Two contain optical drives. 4 of them can play video well enough to watch a movie. 3 of them can play games (five if you count minesweeper on the kindle or web games on the iPhone).

I fall asleep on the flight home. None of them leave the bag.

That night, sitting on the couch with my wife, eating sushi, I realize that the situation is even worse in my living room. One TV, one computer and three consoles. Each console has at least two wireless controllers. The Wii and the 360 have additional hardware stashed behind the TV: drums, racing wheels, guitars, Nunchucks, classic controllers. All but the Wii will play DVDs. Each can access our music library and the internet. And of course, my wife and I both have iPhones in our pockets and our laptops on the side tables. The cordless house phone sits on the couch between us.

How did it come to this?

The next morning, we sit at the kitchen table. The kids are at school. Coffee steams from flared tan mugs stenciled with old-school Winnie the Pooh. It's silent but for the crinkle of yellow newspaper and the hum of the refrigerator.

"Let's go skiing. I need to be outside." She brightens at the idea. It's a beautiful day, unseasonably warm. We grab our stuff and head outside. I load up my board and her skis.

She turns back towards the house as I shut the trunk of the minivan.

"Just let me grab my phone."

Comments

I was at the airport this fall when an old lady tried to get through security with an entire flat of homemade jams. Of course, they're liquid, so she had to leave them at security. As I walked by, the security guards were opening each jar and smelling it, with this look of angst and longing on their faces.

I do understand, I mean, 20 jars can carry a lot of bad things.

Yellek wrote:
boogle wrote:

I've gotten my multi-tool through checked luggage in a bible book safe.

Checked luggage isn't a problem, you can even pack a meat cleaver or your favorite sword. TSA Permitted and Prohibited Items

You can check rifles, handguns, shotguns, and ammunition. I doubt they'd bat an eye at a meat cleaver or sword.

Quintin_Stone wrote:
Yellek wrote:
boogle wrote:

I've gotten my multi-tool through checked luggage in a bible book safe.

Checked luggage isn't a problem, you can even pack a meat cleaver or your favorite sword. TSA Permitted and Prohibited Items

You can check rifles, handguns, shotguns, and ammunition. I doubt they'd bat an eye at a meat cleaver or sword.

From what I've heard, professional photographers often will travel with a starter pistol in their checked luggage. They have to declare it as a fire-arm and bags containing fire-arms are treated much more carefully than normal baggage. Apocryphal accounts say bags w/ checked fire-arms are never lost or late. Tens of thousands of dollars worth of equipment doesn't rate special handling, but weapons apparently do.

I'm gonna start packing a BFG with my luggage then.

Some of you guys make me feel alot better now. I felt bad leaving for work everyday with my cell phone, charger, bluetooth, ipod, and a magazine.

What is a bluetooth?

Jayhawker wrote:

What is a bluetooth?

It's a gum disease, I think.

wordsmythe wrote:
Jayhawker wrote:

What is a bluetooth?

It's a gum disease, I think.

I thought it was wearing down of the enamel due to too many blurpleberry slurpees.

Did we all see this fiction on BoingBoing the other day: What a world of truly "safe aviation" would be like?

When she gets to the counter, a uniformed woman takes her booklet, and compares it to her ID. She asks for a fingerprint scan. Uh oh! There's a problem. Jill can't remember what finger she used! But the lady helps her out, and within minutes, she's approved to go into the disrobing chamber. The lady gives her a neck tag, stamps Jill's forehead, and sends her on her way past the many guards down a hallway.

Jill knows what to expect. Helpful pictograph signs show her what she will be doing when she gets to the disrobing room. At the end of the hallway, she steps into a free closet, and strips down naked. Don't forget those earrings and hair bands, Jill! Jill remembered that the safety of her personal belongings could never be guaranteed, so she came wearing nothing she couldn't afford to lose. She puts her belongings in a plastic bag, and seals it nice and tight. She sees herself in the mirror. Oh my, Jill. You have been gaining a little weight, haven't we? Better lay off those desserts at the buffet when you're in Los Angeles, Jill!

Linkie straight to full story on LiveJournal

Bravo, rabbit.

Just for the record, I initially read this on my PSP.

True fact at least a single handgun is confiscated or found by TSA just about everyday of the year somewhere in the nation. Yes people for some reason still don't check their bags, purses and other locations on their body when flying. It's a hand gun for pete sakes!

Much like Yellek and the others have said.. you can put lots of stuff in checked baggage. There was a long bag with some short swords in it that went through last week, and we see guns go through constantly all throughout deer season.

The only things they confiscate from checked baggage are potentially flammable materials or things that may not react well to changes in air pressure.

I say "Shhhh!" for my pocket knife and multi-tool for a reason, but after some thought I don't think it's one I should actually let loose here.

kilroy0097 wrote:

True fact at least a single handgun is confiscated or found by TSA just about everyday of the year somewhere in the nation. Yes people for some reason still don't check their bags, purses and other locations on their body when flying. It's a hand gun for pete sakes!

If you have enough guns, you tend to forget where they all are. I know a couple people who have tons of handguns. It's just one of those things. No one would accidentally leave a rifle in their bag, but handguns, sure.

We had a similar situation happen to us in the Memphis airport while flying back from Vancouver over the holidays. Our flight was canceled the previous night so they put us up in a local hotel and we left out the next morning. Our new boarding passes printed out with "SSSS" in the lower right hand corner. This apparently flags you for a more extensive baggage search and a body scan with the wand.

They took every item out of my carry on tech bag and did the wipe down test you mentioned and then let us go. Seemed pretty routine, but was still a bit nerve wracking as we were already running somewhat late for our flight.

Nyles wrote:

It's just one of those things. No one would accidentally leave a rifle in their bag, but handguns, sure.

You have to be kidding me. How do you accidently forget you have a handgun in your bag?

Rabbit needs to change his name. I dub thee 'Consumption Man'. As always a great read and very true. I used to be an electronics pack rat as well, until one day I decided lighter is better. Now its my phone, my ipod and a paperback. For really long journeys I add another book. If my kids are with me the DS is added. But on my own I am trying to go native.

In Rabbit's case and I mean this in the best possible way, it really boils down to one of two things. Either you have way too short of an attention span or multitask way to well. In either case me still thinks that Consumption Man has way too much stuff. As a new year's resolution I think you should try to lower your ECD (electronics carried daily) by 1 every 3 weeks. Overall, that should keep you ahead of the pace of new electronics purchases.

Nyles wrote:

It's just one of those things. No one would accidentally leave a rifle in their bag, but handguns, sure.

Rabbit wrote:

You have to be kidding me. How do you accidently forget you have a handgun in your bag?

Easy enough mistake. Just like McChuck's screwdriver story....
TSA: "That gun is really a water pistol to clean your glasses right?"
In fact it happened to me the other day. I was like where did the Sig my mom gave me for Christmas go. Sure enough, sitting in my carry on bag. Wait til it happens to you. People over 50 call them senior moments

We recently went on a trip and checked several bags. We have two kids so the number of toys we brought about doubled. Our bags had a laptop, PSP, 2 cell phones (ms smartphones), 2 cameras, a leapster, 2 electronic kids toys, crayons, coloring books, matchbox cars, etcetera. When we had a 2 hour layover in Minneapolis due to Laguardia being delayed we were quite happy to have it all, too. I look at the stuff I have and I know that my kids will be even worse. They're growing up from birth with electronic gadgets, laptops, etcetera. I've only had them for the past 10 years or so.

rabbit wrote:

You have to be kidding me. How do you accidently forget you have a handgun in your bag?

I wouldn't, because I don't own any guns, but a friend of mine routinely drives around with two or more handguns (one in the glove box, one in her bag, maybe one on her person) and although she usually keeps tabs on them, occasionally one pops up in an odd place. To put it in geek terms, they're like chargers. No one (hopefully) ever needs one on the spot, but there are so many different kinds that it's easier to just have one in every bag.

There's someone I would never invite into my home. She's practically a poster child for gun control.

Nyles wrote:

To the guy in the next seat: "Look, pal, I'm trying to sleep. I'll give you $300 to shut up."
To the flight attendant: "Can you stir my ginger ale until there are no more bubbles? I'll pay you $300, cash, right now."
To the pilot: "Thanks for doing that loop-de-loop for me. Get yourself something nice."

LOL! Get yourself something nice!

cmitts wrote:

Rabbit needs to change his name. I dub thee 'Consumption Man'.

Back in Rabbit's day, that meant something entirely different.

Note that for a lot of us it comes down to over-packing more than anything. Maybe it's from the combination of the Scout Motto and the Lion King drumming "Be Prepared" into our heads, but it's nice to have just the right thing when the need, desire, or opportunity strikes.

There's someone I would never invite into my home. She's practically a poster child for gun control.

Has she murdered anyone lately? No, really. Other than the "occasionally one pops up in an odd place" moments what, exactly, is wrong with someone owning multiple firearms? It might be a tired saying but it's true: people kill, guns don't. It doesn't matter if someone owns one or a dozen.

Yep, I think it's the Scouts that did it to me. Every vacation I go on usually involves me packing up my laptop, cell-phone & charger, PSP and a bunch of games, my wife's DS and all of her games, a portable DVD player for our son with at least 5 movies for him & us to watch if we get bored (and an RF Modulator for hotel TVs with only a coax input), etc. Up until lately I hadn't been reading much, so I never carried books or magazines with me, but since I got my Blackberry I've been using it to read ebooks and surf. The difference between me and Rabbit is that I still use most of the things I bring with me, since my wife takes her time getting ready in the mornings. Sitting in a hotel room for 2 hours while your wife gets ready...you get pretty bored

Up until I got the Blackberry, I always had my PSP, Laptop, Cellphone, and chargers for all 3 with me every day going to work. Now the PSP stays at home since the Blackberry makes a decent MP3 player, mobile browser, ebook reader, etc.

I do, however, have a terminal fear of boredom on trips. I always make sure I have at least 1 book, my iPod and my DS with me. I do have to get used to not bringing a pocketknife with me when visiting the airport these days.

That has been hard for me too. The same goes for cruises. I went on a cruise (luckily we were drove to the dock by my wife's aunt), and just as we were going through the detectors I realized I had my pocketknife that my grandfather gave to me when I was 10, and he is no longer with us. They let me run all the way out to the parking garage and put it in my wife's aunt's car and get right back in line thankfully. If it had come to them taking the knife or me missing the boat, I would have missed the boat.

EDIT: Aw, heck. I can't defuse this. I'll just let the anecdote stand and shut up. Original comment whittled down to:

I love you all

SeriesParallel wrote:
There's someone I would never invite into my home. She's practically a poster child for gun control.

Has she murdered anyone lately? No, really. Other than the "occasionally one pops up in an odd place" moments what, exactly, is wrong with someone owning multiple firearms? It might be a tired saying but it's true: people kill, guns don't. It doesn't matter if someone owns one or a dozen.

Exactly. And I wouldn't want someone in my house that might or might not have a gun pop up. Maybe my kids have some friends over. Maybe they find it. I don't care if you own 300 guns. You sure as hell better know where they are, and have them locked down if they are not in use.

I really don't consider misplacing a gun a fun fact, and I sure as heck wouldn't want people that do in my house, around my kid. The issue isn't the guns, it's the lack of respect being shown them.

Flying cheap on military flights, I picked up the habit of having no carry on at all, but dual wielding a big book and a DS in my cargo pockets.

creatureparade wrote:

Flying cheap on military flights, I picked up the habit of having no carry on at all, but dual wielding a big book and a DS in my cargo pockets.

Did you take the ambi and two-weapon feats for that, or do you use them at -6/-10? If the DS in your off hand is lite, the modifiers aren't as bad (-4/-8).

Ranger gets two-weapon feats for free, don't cha know.