A personal announcement, emphatic thank-you, and cheers to Fedora.

DK and krev...seriously thank you for coming out, for being part of this amazing community.

Check one more in the "aware, supportive person out there in the world" column.

Thanks everyone!

DSGamer wrote:

Good video, DK. By the way, as someone who has been married for 15 years the best things in a relationship *are* the things you talked about. Being friends, going places together, talking, spending time doing random things, experiencing life, etc.

Thanks, DS.

Amoebic wrote:

Dk, I haven't seen you in a few years I think, omg you're so growed up! :D

:D I think it has been a while since PAX or some slap&tickle game night that we last saw each other. I still get mistaken for being 18 though. That's problematic when I go to the bar and they stare at my license like they don't believe I'm 23.

I love this thread It always makes me smile when I make it back to check up on it.

Roundtable: On Coming Out In Our Applications, Interviews, and Lives (Multiple authors, Autostraddle, 2013-12-13).

Wow. There's a lot of powerful stuff in here about different people's experiences and conflicted feelings. Here's the intro:

It’s college application season, and last week some stressed out parents of a queer kid wrote in to the New York Times Civil Behavior advice column to ask a question of utmost parental concern: Should a student disclose or conceal her lesbian identity in college application essays?
Our daughter is a senior in high school and quite comfortable with her lesbian identity. We support her 100 percent, but we know the world is not always so tolerant. As she’s writing her college application essays this fall, she’s “coming out” in them — and we think that’s a bad idea. You just never know who’s reading these essays, so why risk revealing your orientation to someone who might be biased against you? We’ve strongly suggested she think over the ramifications of what she’s doing, but she doesn’t seem to have any doubt about it. Deadlines are approaching and we are at an impasse. How can we persuade her to keep some things private if they might hurt her chances of admission?

Here’s what Steven Petrow, author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners and Mr. Civil Behavior for the NYT, advised:

Clearly you’ve given your daughter a strong sense of self and the confidence to be who she is, even if the world is not as tolerant as we’d all hope. Sure, one of a parent’s jobs is to worry, but after 17 or so years you can’t be there for every important decision in life. So, please reconsider what message you are sending to her when you ask her to conceal her identity.

It’s worth noting that Civil Behavior is an etiquette column written specifically for the “boomer-age audience” and published every other Tuesday in Booming, a section in the NYT specifically for and about baby boomers — the 78 million Americans born between 1946 and 1964. As Petrow points out in his response, times have changed since the “boomers” were applying for college. But could it be that they actually have a point? While it would be perfect if we could all be out and proud at every juncture of our lives, truthfully that’s not yet always the case. After reading the column the Autostraddle team started talking about this question in our daily email, and it soon became clear that we’d all had very different experiences coming out (not always by choice) in college, at our jobs, and in our daily lives.

Is there anything to say about attending an institution who's applicant approval crew is homophobic such that you'd want to look elsewhere? There are plenty of universities and shy of Harvard et al I can't imagine prospective employers care too much.

Out otherwise, maybe coming out in the letter is her filter for the university's fitness to support her education.

muraii wrote:

Is there anything to say about attending an institution who's applicant approval crew is homophobic such that you'd want to look elsewhere? There are plenty of universities and shy of Harvard et al I can't imagine prospective employers care too much.

Out otherwise, maybe coming out in the letter is her filter for the university's fitness to support her education.

I don't consider my Alma Mater's applications folks to be somehow perfectly representative of the larger institution, though. I've seen too many obvious eff-ups and agendas. I don't think it's crazy to think that there might be one bad actor in there somewhere.

Not saying people should feel the need to conceal their identities, just responding to this one idea.

Twitter arguments are the worst and I got into one. I wrote something about it. http://www.gayatheist.net/gay-atheis...

I love the honesty and courage in that very, very much. That sincerity, as much as anything else, is a genuine moment of beauty. That is really good work.

There is a lot that also resonates with my own views on hurtful words, context, and free speech. It's something I need to vivre mindful of from both sides.

I wish more people communicated instead of assuming the other person is an enemy.

NSMike wrote:

Twitter arguments are the worst and I got into one. I wrote something about it. http://www.gayatheist.net/gay-atheis...

I so wish sensible discussion was a cure for entitled assholism.

I wish that were a lesson RuPaul and some folks who rather loudly support him would learn. *sigh*

I remarked a while back in a twitter conversation with some folks:

When we say things like "it's only words" or "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me", what those things are is how we [em]support ourselves[/em] when we are being [em]attacked with words[/em]. Words matter, a lot. Words hurt, a lot. When we get hit with them, we tell ourselves that it's OK, that we can keep going. We tell ourselves that it could be worse—being beaten up with words is better than being beaten physically, right?

But that doesn't mean that words aren't powerful. In fact, words are in many ways [em]more[/em] powerful than physical harm—because getting beaten up doesn't try to define us, but words [em]do[/em] try to define us.

Because of that, when I see someone making the "it's only words" argument [em]against[/em] people saying "Hey, this slur really offends me, please stop", it upsets me a lot. Because when people do that it's taking that affirmation, that defense, that personal mantra we use to keep going even when stuff is horrible... and using it against us. And once someone starts doing that, it's [em]harder[/em], not easier, to use those mantras to keep yourself strong. It makes you more vulnerable, not less, because someone took your shield and started hitting you with it and now you don't know whether you should carry it around at all any more.

Words... are a big deal.

MrAndrewJ wrote:

I wish more people communicated instead of assuming the other person is an enemy.

Yep. It's hard to find meaningful dialogue with honest give and take on the Internet.

Hypatian wrote:

Words... are a big deal.

I suppose nobody will be surprised that I agree.

Coming Out Simulator 2014

A visual novel game about coming out. Really, it's a conversation simulator.

Yep. I've played through it 3 times just to see what happens. It doesn't really bear much resemblance to my situation, but it's an interesting exploration of the experience.

Seems like the best place to put this. I went to my first pride today, didn't stay around for the afterparty because a)all the gay bars in Leeds sell terrible beer b) I wanted to watch the football but did take part in the march. That was an experience I won't forget in a hurry, lots of people out taking photos and supporting pride.

Hope you enjoyed yourself.

I'm not sure how Pride is in Leeds, but in Columbus, OH, where I attend Pride, it's both Friday and Saturday. Sunday has a few other events not associated with the official Pride festival, but really, Pride on Friday night is kinda slow, then moves from the festival when it closes for the night to all the gay bars on the next street over, where the first night parties get pretty crazy.

I never dance, but we always end up at a dance club, because they have decent drinks, an underwear show, drag shows, and concerts in a closed-off courtyard outside the club itself.

Saturday this year got rained out, but after the parade, it's usually concerts on two stages in Gooddale Park, the big festival park nearby, along with beer and bad, expensive festival food.

It culminates with a softball game played entirely by drag queens.

After three years of attending, I'm still trying to decide whether I like it or not. Most of the time I find myself watching all the attractive, young gays going about enjoying each others' company, while not allowing myself into it. Still too many unresolved personal hangups, regrets, and fears.

In Leeds it's just one day, the Sunday with a pre march party in one part of the city and then a post march party in the gay area of the city. I did the first 2 but wasn't really feeling the last one.
I was suprised by the the amount of people who came out (pardon the pun) to support the march. I liked these guys, I've seen pics of this sort of thing before but still hit home in person.

I did get creeped out by the giant O2 cat that was following us

Be more dog.

What in the what?

That clear it up yeah?

Our local pride parade starts with a 'remembering those we've lost' float, a solemn reminder that these fights are not over, that we still have so very far to go in respecting each other's right to exist and self-express.

It's still one of my favorite events of the year though, for a brief day seeing so many so openly in the QUILTBAG spectrum just.. makes me really happy. For as far as we have yet to go great strides have been taken and in that, if only briefly, I see hope.

That is the first time I've seen "QUILTBAG" used, and it makes me very, very happy for no reason I can figure out. Thank you!

Toddland wrote:

That is the first time I've seen "QUILTBAG" used, and it makes me very, very happy for no reason I can figure out. Thank you!

You may enjoy the header image for the gender support thread.

If more cats were more like dogs I might actually like them.

Seems it is bisexual awareness week , may the bisexuals and/or biromantics find increased tolerance and acceptance, and a little less denial.

the timing of this is ridiculous - i'm currently dealing with issues related to this with my girlfriend. Thanks for the note.

And yesterday was Bi Visibility Day so my twitter was alive with all sorts of stuff. I can't find it now but there was a funny cartoon about using our invisibility to sneak into the cinema.

On a more personal note I was on a podcast discussing Bisexuality called Do Ask Do Tell, which is on the same network as my own podcast.

Finally got around to telling my parents that I'm bi yesterday, via letter just because I struggle with face to face conversation.

They responded with nothing but love and acceptence, my mum sent me a text saying they loved me and just wanted me to be happy.

I really wish everybody could have parents' with that attitude.

Congratulations, onewild!

onewild wrote:

Finally got around to telling my parents that I'm bi yesterday, via letter just because I struggle with face to face conversation.

They responded with nothing but love and acceptence, my mum sent me a text saying they loved me and just wanted me to be happy.

I really wish everybody could have parents' with that attitude.

That's awesome. I constantly tell my kids that I don't care who they love, as long as they have that love returned respectfully.

I had a huge conversation with my 8-year-old this morning about a girl in his class who may think she's a pineapple. (At the very least, she's going out for Halloween as a pineapple.) We got into how some people might think badly of her because she's a pineapple, but how that's pretty silly, seeing as her being a pineapple doesn't affect anybody else. He agreed vehemently; he doesn't want to be a pineapple, but there's no reason other people shouldn't be. Heck, if his best friend wanted to be a pineapple, that would be fine; he'd still be the same friend, after all.

I do enjoy sneaky parenting moments.